Monday, February 04, 2013
I went to a conference last week with my boss. It was fun and the conference was very motivating and informative, and I got an appointment to go visit my old job, which was awesome. I guess it wasn't a big deal (getting an appointment with people you know really, really well), but I was pretty proud of it anyhow, since my new job really couldn't have done it without me and was so happy to see them, and they were happy to see me, so she saw how missed I was.
Today started out fine. I ate the same breakfast I read a Success Story person eats. I took a portion-controlled meal to work. I had an apple for a snack. I was productive, was getting tons done, and was all-around satisfied.
Then, my boss came into my office. She'd been saying there was something she wanted to talk to me about for a few days, but kept forgetting what it was. She remembered, finally!
She closed the door.
She told me that for this next trip this week, please make sure I pack more blazers this time, because some of the conferences are more fancy than others, so sweaters are fine for work, because it's work, but for the type-places where I used to work, it's better to be more formal. And what I wore the day we came back to work was good, "with the heels."
She was kind, but not sneaky enough. After she left, I wanted to cry. So I closed my door again and did.
I did wear blazers to the conference. To my old job (which is one of those "DC-type" jobs--people hear where you work and go ooooh!, but it's really not that big of a deal), I did wear a sweater or something (I think). I thought about it. I considered what other visitors had worn when I hosted them. There may have even been a passing thought or two about what my boss would think. But in the end, I made my decision based on what I wore there every day for FOUR YEARS. I wouldn't have worn such a thing to a different type-place, but for this one, I mean, com'on. I KNOW how to dress for that place, way better than she ever would.
And, well, yeah, I wore a nice suit the day we returned to the office, because my blazers were at the dry-cleaners, and because it was one thing.
One thing, because when I was packing, I looked at all my nice suits, and I knew that, before I packed them, I'd have to try them on. I've gained 15-20 pounds depending on the day since I accepted this job offer, and I'm not even 5 feet tall. I just couldn't take all that rejection from my suits. When I got back, I was able to put one on and wear it, so long as I left it unbuttoned.
So I really feel like this was unfair. I left everything for this job, for this chance to work with her. I left my husband, and my house, and even my only overweight-bordering-on-obese body and upgraded to the next larger model. Now I feel like she took my pride, too. And I just feel like I suck. My biggest fear in life is getting in trouble for something I didn't know what wrong or didn't do...I know this doesn't qualify as trouble, but criticism from an authority figure counts.
I didn't tell her all this. Maybe I should have, but I was so gobsmacked by this, that I just agreed. But maybe she should know I'm not an idiot, and that I KNOW HOW TO DRESS FOR THAT PLACE, because I did it EVERY STINKIN' DAY, but I wouldn't have worn the same thing for strangers. She's struggling with weight; maybe she should know that I'm limited by the wardrobe I bought for who I planned to be the heaviest me ever, and that a teeny-tiny portion of the blame for my extra-voluptuousness belongs on her for being dumb enough to hire someone who doesn't know how to dress themselves appropriately in business settings.
And that she really hurt my feelings.
I should take this as a challenge, or put a positive spin on it. And I will. But first I need to get all my crying out. And maybe drink a (light) beer. Or two.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
I checked in with Kristen, ate a salad, ate an apple, exercised for half an hour, and I'll have 10 cups of water shortly (I have 9 currently and still have medicine to take!).
And I'm freezing.
My heater's been broken. It's touchy; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Lately, it doesn't more than it does, which SUCKS, because lately, it's been colder than a witch's teat out here. This morning, when I woke up, it was 58 degrees inside. By the time I met maintenance here on my lunch break, it was 52. Poor Sammy is a popsicle!!!
He said he wasn't leaving till it was fixed, and when I got home, it was nearing 70 (I keep it at 72). An hour and a half later, it was 66. I don't know what the temperature is now, but I'm freezing.
I HATE THIS!!!
So I'm going to go take a shower and bundle up under the covers. And call the leasing office tomorrow. Again.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
I finally went out and bought a tape measure like I should have back at the beginning of mine and Kristen's personal challenge. I measured my body in the places under the measurements on Spark. The last time I recorded these were 2/16/12. My waist is up 4", my hips 2", my neck, upper arm and calf .5" each, and my thigh 1". How sad!!!!
So far, I've lost 2.4 pounds in my challenge. I need to recommit. So to recap, my rules:
1. 30 minutes of exercise (up from 5 minutes...I don't have time to play around anymore.
2. A salad everyday
3. A piece of produce
4. 10 cups of water
5. Check in with Kristen.
All that's left today is the exercise. I'm going to let you guys know how I fare each day, too, so I can be held more accountable. Here's the photo I took this morning. I started photographing from the side, because it's when I can really see how fat I am.
Now, off to exercise...then bed! I have to get up early.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Not because I'm losing weight, because I'm so not.
As it were, here are my pictures.
Those are the last two. Sorry I haven't posted them, but I haven't posted anything in awhile.
Anyway, I was looking in the mirror last night, and without even thinking about it, I was talking to myself...and it was nice!
I told myself that I was smart...way smart. And kind and caring. I adopted my blind, deaf nightmare-dog because I'm so kind and nice. And I'm brave.
It makes me feel a little uncomfortable to be telling y'all this. It was much easier to tell myself, but maybe that's the problem. Maybe we shouldn't be uncomfortable saying nice things about ourselves out loud and in public. =)
Monday, December 24, 2012
This isn't weight-loss related. Just saying that upfront. And it's a little gross. Not super-gross, but a little.
Little Dog is turning into a monster. He's got these lesions on his head, and they keep changing size, based on the antibiotics we give him and the helmets we are making him wear, so that in all his infinite blindness, he doesn't traumatize them by hitting them with the wall. We have to get rid of them, or they'll have to be surgically removed.
We created a helmet with pantyhose, an old sock for padding, and those ouchless pads that are like the white part of a Band-Aid.
We've been dealing with this for months and months and months. I think what has had the most effect on them is the helmet. When he wears it, it gets better. When he doesn't, it gets worse.
But he HATES the helmet, and I'm worried about an Elizabethan collar around his neck. I don't want to HURT him, but I'm so mad at him for not letting me help him get better. So...I have a new idea.
He spends most of his time not snuggling in the kitchen. He has his bed and his heating pad and his bowls and stuff in there. It's his dog cave. After my move, I realized I had toooooo many sheets and linens. So, I'm thinking I'll just helmet the entire kitchen. I'm going to go get liquid starch to spray on the wall and stick the linens on. And fabric adhesive to fold the sheets up into maybe 12" strips. I considered buying baby bumpers, but even Walmart's are $20 a pop.
Any other ideas? Tips? Do you think this is dumb? I'm at my wit's end.
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