Friday, November 30, 2012
Many boxes are packed. We know which furniture I'm taking. I finished my last day of work. I got many presents and a severance. We know who the friends who are helping us load are.
It's been a whirlwind of a month. I've been a little sad, really excited, ready, anticipatory, happy, scared, amazed and excited (worth two mentions). As things start to wind down on this side, and I go careening to that inevitable point where I get in the truck, drive away from my house and my exchange student, then leave my husband at a bus station for I don't know how long, I am now feeling just one emotion.
I am so effing, overwhelmingly sad.
I mean, like, artistically sad. I understand why Van Gogh cut off his ear. I get why Kurt Cobain did heroin. I comprehend why George Harrison just wanted to be left alone. The profundity of my sadness is vast.
How can I do this? How can I go away?
I have dinner here in a little bit. I imagined a happy dinner with friends, food, adult beverages...a crappy weigh-in tomorrow, but general good feeling. This hit me like an oncoming car. I had no idea it would hurt like this. But it really, really hurts.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
This may be only a part 1, but this is my writing a goal blog to complement the last blog I wrote about Steve Pavlina and writing goals. Once my husband takes the bus to O'Hare after we move me to Indiana, this is what I will work for:
I am going to lose 10 pounds by February 12, 2013. To increase my accountability, I will take a photo each week and post it, and publish my measurements each week in a blog.
I think he says worry about steps until after you make the goal, but my rules/steps for this are to eat at least one salad per day (I'm going to find some cool recipes) and to exercise at least 5 minutes a day (likely more, because I'm going to join the onsite gym).
I will probably come up with more rules soon, since I'm giving myself only 7 weeks to lose 10 pounds. 8 if you count this week, and I will, but I'm not counting on being able to concentrate on this while I turn my world upside down.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Today I finally caught up on my SparkPeople emails, so I went to my Steve Pavlina emails and tried to get through them. They are article-heavy, so it takes quite a bit of time to read each one. The ones I've been reading are for his "passive income series."
Anyway, he is talking about creating passive income, which is income that you don't have to spend an inordinate amount of time on, like rental income, or royalties. I just started reading it because it was in the email he sent me; I'd never considered passive income. I'm pretty satisfied with my field and enjoy the interactions I have with people as I work for "active income."
So I started to get a little sucked in; I mean, passive income sounds like a lot of fun, like, you don't have to get up and schlep to work. Checks just, like, come in the mail. How cool is that?
So he says you must set a passive income goal, and then you have to build in consequences for not meeting your goal, so I wrote down this very tiiiiiny passive income goal, but then he wanted me to build in consequences, and I realized my heart really wasn't in it. I didn't want to be the person he referred to in this blog: www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2012/04/se
t-your-passive-income-goal/ , reading for entertainment's sake or looking for information to apply later. He didn't seem to appreciate those readers, but that's really what I am. I mean, if you look at the dates on these articles, you'll see that I wasn't exactly hanging on to his every word and waiting with bated breath for his next installment.
So I was reading this article: www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2012/05/co
mmit-to-your-passive-income-goal/ , and I don't really want to focus on passive income right now (which is OKAY). But I realized that I could use many of the things he is saying to create a skinnier BeatleTot as well. The article spoke to me in a lot of ways, like with the sticky notes in places you'll see them idea. I find this idea cheesy and didn't see how it could work, until I read, "Even if I don’t acknowledge it consciously, my subconscious mind will be exposed to this goal repeatedly."
And: "Many people lose sight of their new goals within a week after setting them. They get sucked into various distractions, and the goal doesn’t take root. To prevent your goal from fizzling out, you have to keep giving it some attention, just as you would keep watering a plant."
Two very good reasons to put my goal out there.
An argument for creating consequences: "if you’re not willing to do anything of the sort, then how committed are you really? If you’re committed to your goal, then it shouldn’t be a big deal to line up some extra sting for failure."
He also suggests "positive stress," such as, "You can do a lot with a short status update on your favorite social media site, such as by promising a negative consequence if you fail to achieve your goal by your deadline."
And finally, says, "If you decide to skip this step, my honest expectation is that you will fail to achieve your goal. If you make it easy and safe to fail, you probably will."
It's something I have to give a bit of thought. Any stings for failure you guys have to suggest, I'm open to them. I am going to set a goal for myself beginning December 3rd, after my husband leaves me alone in Indiana. I'm going to be in a new environment with the only distractions being new ones I allow in. It's like putting the toothpaste back in the tube or horses back in the barn or whatever such idiom means it's harder to improve things than to just have them be right in the first place. So be on the lookout...a goal is forming quickly in my mind, and I'm going to post it in short order!
And check him out. He's good.
Friday, November 23, 2012
I eat too much. Every single day, I eat too, too much.
I crossed 29,500 fitness minutes, but I weigh more than I ever have.
Granted, these practically 30,000 minutes are over the course of almost 6 years...but still, that's a lot of freakin' fitness.
And for what? I mean, I don't want to say nothing, but I can't really name anything amazing that I ate that made all that worth it. And I am absolutely not happy with the way I look, either.
And when I think about my blogs over the last couple years, I am embarrassed by the lack of commitment, the lack of stick-to-it-tive-ness. I feel like these people on my quitting smoking website who leave and smoke for a little bit and then come back and say, "Okay! I quit!" and then are gone a few weeks later. I was one of those for a long, long time, too. Longer than I'd like to think.
I don't really know how to not be that way, I guess. I also don't want to be "that guy," who comes on here 'fesses up to the cookie s/he ate today. I want to not feel like I have to talk about the cookie. But maybe I do.
I mean, what do I do? How do I not eat so damn much?
This may not be the timeliest of blogs, given it's the day after Thanksgiving, so there's still loads of food around, but geez.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
There was food! And I didn't track. I didn't have any seconds, though. The steak was unevenly cooked but still delicious, the green bean casserole was the best I've ever made...not at all runny, and the second round of Zaatar bread was great, too. The mac and cheese was in good form, and the salad...well, at least there was salad!
There was fitness! I got half an hour on the stationary bike, and instead of sitting around, we raked the yard.
After dinner, I took the dog we're dogsitting for for a walk, and this dog walks fast! So I got a little digestion in, too.
My sister asked what we were thankful for. I'm thankful for her. I'm going to miss her when I move. Even though she's four hours away, it's still closer than I will be, and I hate, but it's her fault. I told her that if she wanted me to say no, I would.
So now we're just watching movies. I want to play games, and maybe we will. And tomorrow maybe there is more fitness...and yardwork!
Happy Thanksgiving, all!
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