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Just...

Friday, November 30, 2012

Many boxes are packed. We know which furniture I'm taking. I finished my last day of work. I got many presents and a severance. We know who the friends who are helping us load are.

It's been a whirlwind of a month. I've been a little sad, really excited, ready, anticipatory, happy, scared, amazed and excited (worth two mentions). As things start to wind down on this side, and I go careening to that inevitable point where I get in the truck, drive away from my house and my exchange student, then leave my husband at a bus station for I don't know how long, I am now feeling just one emotion.

I am so effing, overwhelmingly sad.

I mean, like, artistically sad. I understand why Van Gogh cut off his ear. I get why Kurt Cobain did heroin. I comprehend why George Harrison just wanted to be left alone. The profundity of my sadness is vast.

How can I do this? How can I go away?

I have dinner here in a little bit. I imagined a happy dinner with friends, food, adult beverages...a crappy weigh-in tomorrow, but general good feeling. This hit me like an oncoming car. I had no idea it would hurt like this. But it really, really hurts.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMYLONGHORN 12/1/2012 6:16PM

    You're a strong lady....you will be fine! Drive safe!! Love and hugs!

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RAINBOWCHOC 12/1/2012 1:56PM

    sending love from across the pond, it might help but if not it was sent with good intention
Sandra

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DONNACFIT 12/1/2012 9:35AM

    hugs

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THOMS1 12/1/2012 9:08AM

    emoticon

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PINKNFITCARLA 11/30/2012 11:21PM

    I can totally understand your sadness at such a big change. Hang in there and try to concentrate on the good things! emoticon

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ACCEPTHECHLNGE 11/30/2012 11:02PM

    I had no idea you are about to start a new life somewhere else. I went back several blogs and couldn't find why you are going and where you are going to.
I have been out of the loop for a while after finding out that my husband had kidney cancer.
Let me just tell you, in a day or two (via SparkMail), how I felt when I left the Bay Area (near San Francisco) after living there a little bit more than 30 years. I was miserable and didn't know how I would fit into the new world we were about to embrace.
Have a safe trip and stay in touch.

Comment edited on: 11/30/2012 11:03:49 PM

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GETSTRONGRRR 11/30/2012 9:11PM

    We've moved many, many times over the years....it's tough when you're in the thick of it....always happier on the other side.

Good luck!

Comment edited on: 11/30/2012 9:11:19 PM

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CARLYG8 11/30/2012 8:48PM

    I know the next couple of days are going to be the roughest for you. When you start to feel sad, or scared, try and concentrate on all the new beginnings, the fresh start you have been given. It won't be easy, but you will be okay. ~hugs~

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KOKITTY 11/30/2012 7:02PM

    I can understand your sadness, you are leaving quite a bit behind. However, let the sadness wash away and allow yourself to feel invigorated and hopeful over the new path you're taking! It's going to be wonderful, and everything will fall into place with time. Take a deep breath and smile :)

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The Day

Sunday, November 25, 2012

This may be only a part 1, but this is my writing a goal blog to complement the last blog I wrote about Steve Pavlina and writing goals. Once my husband takes the bus to O'Hare after we move me to Indiana, this is what I will work for:

I am going to lose 10 pounds by February 12, 2013. To increase my accountability, I will take a photo each week and post it, and publish my measurements each week in a blog.

I think he says worry about steps until after you make the goal, but my rules/steps for this are to eat at least one salad per day (I'm going to find some cool recipes) and to exercise at least 5 minutes a day (likely more, because I'm going to join the onsite gym).

I will probably come up with more rules soon, since I'm giving myself only 7 weeks to lose 10 pounds. 8 if you count this week, and I will, but I'm not counting on being able to concentrate on this while I turn my world upside down.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 12/4/2012 1:39PM

    GREAT IDEA. Can I do this with you? When are you officially starting?

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MONAKIN314 11/26/2012 1:32PM

    You can DO IT!

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CBSPECIAL 11/26/2012 7:52AM

    emoticon

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MISSLISA1973 11/25/2012 11:49PM

    You're coming to Indiana! emoticon

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THOMS1 11/25/2012 8:31PM

    emoticon

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Inspiration Day

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Today I finally caught up on my SparkPeople emails, so I went to my Steve Pavlina emails and tried to get through them. They are article-heavy, so it takes quite a bit of time to read each one. The ones I've been reading are for his "passive income series."

Anyway, he is talking about creating passive income, which is income that you don't have to spend an inordinate amount of time on, like rental income, or royalties. I just started reading it because it was in the email he sent me; I'd never considered passive income. I'm pretty satisfied with my field and enjoy the interactions I have with people as I work for "active income."

So I started to get a little sucked in; I mean, passive income sounds like a lot of fun, like, you don't have to get up and schlep to work. Checks just, like, come in the mail. How cool is that?

So he says you must set a passive income goal, and then you have to build in consequences for not meeting your goal, so I wrote down this very tiiiiiny passive income goal, but then he wanted me to build in consequences, and I realized my heart really wasn't in it. I didn't want to be the person he referred to in this blog: www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2012/04/se
t-your-passive-income-goal/
, reading for entertainment's sake or looking for information to apply later. He didn't seem to appreciate those readers, but that's really what I am. I mean, if you look at the dates on these articles, you'll see that I wasn't exactly hanging on to his every word and waiting with bated breath for his next installment.

So I was reading this article: www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2012/05/co
mmit-to-your-passive-income-goal/
, and I don't really want to focus on passive income right now (which is OKAY). But I realized that I could use many of the things he is saying to create a skinnier BeatleTot as well. The article spoke to me in a lot of ways, like with the sticky notes in places you'll see them idea. I find this idea cheesy and didn't see how it could work, until I read, "Even if I don’t acknowledge it consciously, my subconscious mind will be exposed to this goal repeatedly."

And: "Many people lose sight of their new goals within a week after setting them. They get sucked into various distractions, and the goal doesn’t take root. To prevent your goal from fizzling out, you have to keep giving it some attention, just as you would keep watering a plant."

Two very good reasons to put my goal out there.

An argument for creating consequences: "if you’re not willing to do anything of the sort, then how committed are you really? If you’re committed to your goal, then it shouldn’t be a big deal to line up some extra sting for failure."

He also suggests "positive stress," such as, "You can do a lot with a short status update on your favorite social media site, such as by promising a negative consequence if you fail to achieve your goal by your deadline."

And finally, says, "If you decide to skip this step, my honest expectation is that you will fail to achieve your goal. If you make it easy and safe to fail, you probably will."

It's something I have to give a bit of thought. Any stings for failure you guys have to suggest, I'm open to them. I am going to set a goal for myself beginning December 3rd, after my husband leaves me alone in Indiana. I'm going to be in a new environment with the only distractions being new ones I allow in. It's like putting the toothpaste back in the tube or horses back in the barn or whatever such idiom means it's harder to improve things than to just have them be right in the first place. So be on the lookout...a goal is forming quickly in my mind, and I'm going to post it in short order!

And check him out. He's good.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIWOLFF 11/25/2012 10:11AM

    Thanks for sharing... loved the perspective, particularly if you make it to easy and comfortable for yourself to fail. I need to remember that!

Mary

emoticon

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DONNACFIT 11/24/2012 5:53PM

    Thanks for sharing..good luck on all your new ventures...when it comes to the sting of not meeting a goal..my scale really "bites"

I'll have to check out the link..lots of great inspiration in your blog!

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Theme Day

Friday, November 23, 2012

I eat too much. Every single day, I eat too, too much.

I crossed 29,500 fitness minutes, but I weigh more than I ever have.

Granted, these practically 30,000 minutes are over the course of almost 6 years...but still, that's a lot of freakin' fitness.

And for what? I mean, I don't want to say nothing, but I can't really name anything amazing that I ate that made all that worth it. And I am absolutely not happy with the way I look, either.

And when I think about my blogs over the last couple years, I am embarrassed by the lack of commitment, the lack of stick-to-it-tive-ness. I feel like these people on my quitting smoking website who leave and smoke for a little bit and then come back and say, "Okay! I quit!" and then are gone a few weeks later. I was one of those for a long, long time, too. Longer than I'd like to think.

I don't really know how to not be that way, I guess. I also don't want to be "that guy," who comes on here 'fesses up to the cookie s/he ate today. I want to not feel like I have to talk about the cookie. But maybe I do.

I mean, what do I do? How do I not eat so damn much?

This may not be the timeliest of blogs, given it's the day after Thanksgiving, so there's still loads of food around, but geez.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEACHY_KEEN 11/27/2012 1:17PM

    OMG. We could so be twins. I'm the same way. I work out every fricking day but I've yet to get my calories under control consistenly.


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MONAKIN314 11/26/2012 1:30PM

    Fall down seven times, but get up eight.

Hang in there. I know they smokers typically make several serious attempts to quit before they finally quit. I wonder if anyone has ever studies how many attempts it takes to change from an unhealthy lifestyle to a healthy lifestyle. I am pretty sure it is even more than quitting smoking.

Take it one day at a time! and remember you can't fix the past you can only change the future.

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PINKNFITCARLA 11/24/2012 12:03PM

    Just keep at it, taking one day at a time!

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HOPESINGH 11/24/2012 6:39AM

    I don't know what to tell you, except for - I know how it feels. And - just don't quit the fight! If you get up more times than you fell, you still win.

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LHLADY517 11/24/2012 12:47AM

    No words of wisdom here, except to say, Keep at it.

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SAXYSAI 11/23/2012 11:40PM

    This has been a pretty big struggle for me, too. Can I tell you what helped me? Being open and honest with my husband and my parents about my addition to eating too much. I admitted to my husband that after he went to bed that I would eat, and that sometimes I had a secret stash of food so he wouldn't see how much I was eating. I have found that, as embarrassing as it is, the fact that the people that love me most KNOW I struggle with this helps hold me accountable.

Another thing I do is when I want to eat, I picture how I will feel AFTER I eat it--the feeling of guilt, embarrassment, and frustration. Usually if I picture it clearly enough it keeps me from wanting to eat more.

I hope some of this helps. I know how hard it is. emoticon

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Thanksgiving Day

Thursday, November 22, 2012

There was food! And I didn't track. I didn't have any seconds, though. The steak was unevenly cooked but still delicious, the green bean casserole was the best I've ever made...not at all runny, and the second round of Zaatar bread was great, too. The mac and cheese was in good form, and the salad...well, at least there was salad!

There was fitness! I got half an hour on the stationary bike, and instead of sitting around, we raked the yard.

After dinner, I took the dog we're dogsitting for for a walk, and this dog walks fast! So I got a little digestion in, too.

My sister asked what we were thankful for. I'm thankful for her. I'm going to miss her when I move. Even though she's four hours away, it's still closer than I will be, and I hate, but it's her fault. I told her that if she wanted me to say no, I would.

So now we're just watching movies. I want to play games, and maybe we will. And tomorrow maybe there is more fitness...and yardwork!

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PINKNFITCARLA 11/23/2012 7:00PM

    Sounds like an awesome day!

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HOPESINGH 11/23/2012 4:30PM

    What a great Thanksgiving! Keep enjoying her company as long as you can...

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AMYLONGHORN 11/23/2012 1:47PM

    What about me?! Aren't you thankful for ME?!?!?! GOSH!

LOL Just kidding! Sounds like you guys had a nice day! I just got back from a walk myself...we walked Dexter and then I decided I was going to go around again! Yay for dogs to walk, otherwise, I might never get off the couch...yikes...!!

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LHLADY517 11/22/2012 9:52PM

    Sounds like a great dayl.

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