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Where Do I Go?

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

I love the musical "Hair." I have for ages. For availability reasons (read: it's on DVD), I'm partial to Treat Williams's George Berger, though I obviously made a beeline to the Kennedy Center as soon as the Broadway production made its way to our nation's capital.

I don't turn on the shower radio when my housemate is home, but I'm also partial to singing in the shower. When I don't have the classic rock station telling me what's next on my set list, I sing quietly to myself whatever happens to be at the forefront of my mind at that time.

Tonight, it was "Where Do I Go?" from Hair:

Where do I go?
Follow my heartbeat.
Where do I go?
Follow my hand.

Where will they lead me
And will I ever
Discover why I live and die?

I guess this is a common theme in my blogs...I THINK I know what I'm about and what I'm doing, but I suppose I really don't. Then, I come on here and write nonsense about it.

In addition, even if I know where I am going, I don't seem to be able to stay on the path. This relates directly to my weight loss journey. I get very distracted by food, socializing, etc...and this is one of the few things I'm sure of that I want for my future.

So where do I go? Maybe I shouldn't worry too much about the other things and focus just on this. Or maybe I should do small things toward the other things and mostly focus on this. I wish there were easy answers.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4LEEFCLOVER 3/9/2012 12:40PM

    Ooooh I love "Hair" too! Haven't listened to that in awhile. How about the song "I Got Life" ?

Sometimes it is about asking good questions more than knowing the answers. Keep asking! If you "widen" your path then you can meander a bit, while still going in the same direction. Keep looking at the horizon periodically to get your balance.

We can do it!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 3/8/2012 12:49PM

    I think just focus on living your life the way you want and be the person you want to be, even if you have to fake it along the way, and you'll end up where you want to be.

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MISSLISA1973 3/8/2012 7:33AM

    I was listening to Jim Rohn's The Day That Turns Your Life Around Yesterday. He said we should ask ourselves two questions. The first is basically the same one I've heard for years: "What turns you on?" (Other ways I've heard it include what are you passionate about, what did you dream of when you were a kid, and what are you doing when you lose track of time.) It's a great question. What do you want your life to look like? I haven't fully answered this question either, but am SLOWLY making progress toward it. You are too, so be gentle and kind with yourself as you seek to answer the question. Be your own best friend.

The next question is one I don't think I've ever considered: "What turns you OFF?" If you know what you don't like, you know which direction not to go, which helps point you in a better direction. I hope these two questions help. Hang in there!

What turns you on?
What turns you off?

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HOPESINGH 3/8/2012 5:17AM

    I know what you mean... Have you read the Happiness Project? She talks there about "just being Gretchen" (that's her name), and how it's not always obvious, but still the best way to feel good with yourself, once you accept "Gretchen" as she is.

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RUTHXG 3/7/2012 11:16PM

    Have you ever taken a retreat of silence? When I was in my late 20s, I did several, self-directed (based on some wonderful books I was reading), & I gained so much clarity & focus from those times. Some of us have a deep need to have a sense of our life's purpose, & that helps us make choices day to day. Or to structure our lives so that many small decisions are already made.

Just one example for me: I have chosen not to get a converter box for my old TV, so what to watch on TV just doesn't come up. I'm not saying that's a choice YOU should make, but once you have some clarity, you can build in some boundaries that will help you keep on track with your sense of what your life's about.

Love & blessings to you, Brenda. I have no doubt that your life's meaning is deep & variegated & wonderful.

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DONNACFIT 3/7/2012 11:06PM spark friend Watermellen wrote in a blog about a free web site course at's 21 days and I've started's about being mentally far I'm enjoying it.

For the month of March I really know where I'm going..out to the corral to be with the cows...ugh... emoticon

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Bummer to Be a Downer

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I appreciate the responses to my blog post this morning. I felt bad after I wrote it, and it's a shame, because I was feeling okay before I wrote it. That is, I think writing the blog bummed me out more than the content of the blog. It became the culmination of a few rough things, but the day got better.

First, the Peru thing. Peru turns me into an insecure 21-year-old. I guess the thought of it does, too. When I'm there, I feel out of place, sticking out in a bad way. I go back to the times we were both just kids, and he would ignore me or not translate for me in front of his family. He is a lot of fun in Peru, and then I feel like he saves the best of himself for his friends and his family and leaves me with the boring leftovers back here. I'm old enough now to know better, but when I go there, I regress.

Second, I was super-good yesterday, but my weight was up this morning. I just wanted .1 down on the scale, and I didn't think it was too much to ask. So when I was up, I was a little irritated, especially since I have a new sense of urgency.

Third, when I got to work, the gofer guy asked me if I had a dog (which was dumb, because he knows I do--he asks me almost daily how my dog is). I said yes. He asked me if he is old (also dumb, because he knows he is). I said yes. And that he's blind. And deaf. And he told me I should "throw" Sammy "away" because he is "useless." WTF???

On a cognitive level, I get it. Gofer guy has limited English, so his harsh words may not be meant to be harsh. Also, gofer guy comes from a culture where dogs aren't pets, they are work animals. A lady at work once compared keeping a dog in the house in her culture as similar to keeping a cow in the living room. So okay, different strokes. And it's not sooo farfetched from American culture--think "Of Mice and Men." That poor dog. And that poor man.

But still. I love Sammy so much. How can someone say something like that about him? I tried to not be bothered by it, but I was kind of upset that someone would call my little guy useless and disposable. Even though, okay, yes, he pretty much is. He is an eating, sleeping, pooping, suspicious growth-growing machine that costs me thousands of dollars in vet bills. And he's my favorite thing in the world.

And he serves his purpose. So does gofer guy. Gofer guy brings me signed documents and tea. He answers questions and gives paperwork to security. That's his purpose. Sammy brings me joy. That's his purpose. They're both important, but in my own personal opinion, Sammy serves a higher purpose.

After I realized that, I wasn't mad at gofer guy anymore. He can't help being jealous of Sammy's purpose, after all.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMYLONGHORN 3/6/2012 1:20PM

    I HEART SAMMY!!! Oh yeah, and you and Aldo, too!!! emoticon

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MISSLISA1973 3/2/2012 11:54PM

    I kept my "worthless" doggie until she was over 17 years old, even though she'd been blind for the last third of her life. She brought me great joy, and I still feel her absence after all these years. Her memory is a thing of beauty in my mind. Poor gofer guy. It's too bad he doesn't understand.

I understand about the Peru thing. It's funny how certain things take us back to our old insecurities. I hope as you work on reducing weight/inches, you are also able to reduce some of those insecurities so you can enjoy your trip more (not that it's a trip to enjoy, but I think you know what I'm getting at). emoticon

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BUSYMOM911 3/1/2012 4:25PM

    This blog is beautiful, and you are, too. Sammy is lucky to have you.

emoticon emoticon

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 3/1/2012 12:09PM

    I'm going to post my thoughts on both blogs here - sorry, I'm behind. Anyway, I think it is a GOOD thing you went ahead and posted that blog. It's good to get those feelings/fears out there. I don't think it's irrational, however, maybe just a bit silly. (Silly like how we all have certain aspect or goals to our weight loss that are totally vain and silly). And I think the part about your hubs being his best in Peru is totally normal. Everyone is always "on" with the people they don't see as much. With John and me, I've heard all his stories a million times, and I don't need him to "perform" for me anymore... we're just comfortable. And I'm fine with that. But I cant see how it would be frustrating. & sorry your day was crappy and now you're feeling down. I hope by the time you read this your mood has improved. it already seemed better by the end of this blog!
Gofer guy is just one of those people - you'll never agree because you're just fundamentally different, but that doesn't make him bad or you wrong or anything - it just means you don't agree. And you brought up good points about his culture and the language differences, and I think that is very common and at least you can see it from both sides (but still know that you're right about Sammy, lol).

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SEATTLESIMS 3/1/2012 12:07PM

    yes, it is all about personal perspective! sounds like you have yours figured out! ;)
It is helpful to vent in the blog before.. who knows how it would have turned inward if you hadn't! can't sort through those things without thinking about them and sometimes getting them out on paper helps.. I often start a blog and then delete it because the process was all I needed to do to work through it!

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HOPESINGH 3/1/2012 6:22AM

    What you said about your partner saving the best for Peru and you feeling insecure - sounds so familiar to me. I can totally identify. I wonder if, like me, you feel that way because you don't love yourself very much? Or maybe there is something in the way he behaves that makes you feel that way? Just wondering. My bet is the first option is the right one, but it's just a guess.

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ACCEPTHECHLNGE 2/29/2012 11:59PM

    You will make it. Stick to your guns. I am glad Sammy and you are such good friends. Maybe 'Gofer' had a bad day and just wanted to bug you.
Hand in there, my friend.

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TAICHIDANCER 2/29/2012 10:44PM

    Hang in there, friend.

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GETSTRONGRRR 2/29/2012 10:43PM

    No's all good!

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RUTHXG 2/29/2012 10:42PM

    You know, I can well imagine how the prospect of another family trip to Peru makes you anxious. To a different degree, it would be similar for me if I were still married & going with X to a family gathering in Colombia. Don't know if it's like this in Peru, but in Colombian cities the upper-middle & upper classes are just obsessed with weight & appearance. It's to the point of abuse & tragedy: some girls are given boob-enhancement surgery as a gift from their parents FOR THEIR QUINCEA√ĎERA. My daughter was an assistant PE teacher for a year at a private girls' school in the capital, & many of her students had eating disorders.

So I'm not saying your hubby's family is like that--but if there's even a bit of that pressure, on top of your not being an insider & not being an expert in the language, it has to be complicated. You have my empathy.

I like your breakdown of the functions in your life of gofer guy & Sammy. Some beings we love just because we & they belong to each other.

And the weight WILL come down.


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LINDABENEDICT 2/29/2012 9:21PM


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KALISWALKER 2/29/2012 9:05PM

    Sammy makes you happy and Kali makes me happy. Dogs are wonderful!

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A New Sense of Urgency

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

My husband's from Peru. emoticon

I've been there three times with him, I think. The first time, I was pretty peak and garnered a lot of positive attention, which was totally fun.

Second and third times, well, my blonde hair still got me attention, in the form of a shoe shiner dumping crap on my shoes so he could clean them.

And having to hide down the block from when the boys were negotiating taxi rides, as I got charged a fair person's premium.

I told my husband the next time I was going, I was going to be 20 pounds lighter. It feels awful being around all the other guys' girlfriends and wives. Last time, there was a wedding on my birthday. My husband set up a spa day for me that day instead of going to the wedding. I had a lot of fun--way more fun than I would have at the wedding, I'm sure--but I didn't ask him to or complain about having to go. This is stupid. I know he's not ashamed of me, but...I guess, it was better for me anyway, because I would've felt self-conscious.

And to be fair, he wants to be 20 pounds lighter, too. He's also a twin, and the brother is much, much lighter, so he's dealing with an anchor, which must be really hard.

Anyway, the point is, that last night, he told me that his grandfather isn't doing so well. I asked if we needed to go, and he said he would talk to him mom about it more when she's here. That's not for three more months, so I guess the situation isn't DIRE, but it's not great.

So I need to get on the ball. I mean, OF COURSE, if circumstances required it, I would go without having achieved any weight loss, but I would also probably hide in a spa all the times that I wouldn't be with the family. On the other hand, why subject those poor ladies at the spa to that?


I feel dumb posting this. Part of me wants to just X out and forget about it.

But I won't. I don't know why not. I probably should.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSLISA1973 3/2/2012 11:47PM


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ACCEPTHECHLNGE 2/29/2012 11:55PM

    Brenda, don't feel bad about blogging. Most of us know who you are and with another challenge coming up, you will try to do your best. Maybe, you need a partner (in crime) getting there. A one to one challenge and support to get there. I agree, with your husband also wanting to lose weight, you should be helping each other. It helps so much to have someone else on your side. My husband certainly doesn't have to lose weight, but he has always supported me when I was trying to stick to a diet. We are here for you. If you want help and/or support, let us know. You will get it.

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LINDABENEDICT 2/29/2012 9:19PM

    It's your life, your blog, and YOU are just plain ole AWESOME....please don't forget that !

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GETSTRONGRRR 2/29/2012 8:33PM

    No problem at all....we need the confidence on Spark people to blog out there in public, laying out our concerns and seeing them for what they are. Our worst fears are most often never realized.

So having put this out there, it seems totally realistic and achievable. Now use that motivation to map out a credible schedule....use that sense of urgency to get where you want to be!!

Buena Suerte! We're with you 150%!!!

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RUTHXG 2/29/2012 11:50AM

    Your health goals will come a LOT more easily if your husband is on board with his own similar goals! I hope the upcoming trip (or trip possibility) will give you some good momentum.

And prayers for his grandfather's health. emoticon Much love to you.

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JOSIEISHEALTHY 2/29/2012 11:08AM

    Blogging usually helps me, or writing in general. It's nice to just vent and let out all the thoughts and ideas in your head that you would normally just ignore. 3 months is def enough time to loose those 20 pounds. You can do this. Just focus and set up a plan. Start today, now.
I know how you feel, I have hated attending weddings/gatherings for the same reason as you. Heck when I stood up in my sisters wedding I felt terrible and I do regret not loosing weight but that's in the past and we can't do anything about it, what we can do is work on today.

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ROXIT22222 2/29/2012 9:09AM

    emoticon I think it helps to write these kinds of blogs. I've written many and then X out of them. I find that when I X out of the blog it makes it not a real and 'cheapens' my own thought.

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A Survey of My Eating and Conclusions Thereof

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Today I tallied most of my tracked meals from the last year or so to figure out what I eat overall. I got this idea from a link that Oliver (HAKAPES) posted on someone else's blog about meeting goals.

What got me thinking about this was this part:

"The rationale behind this advice is that people want as much variety as possible - otherwise why would restrictive diets be difficult to follow?

"Iíve found a different answer. People donít want variety. In fact, Iíd wager that the top 10 meals of the average person constitute 90% of what they end up eating."

So I wanted to create my Top 10, figure out what they were and how I could tweak them to make them better.

A tweaking wouldn't touch what I found.

Several times, I was putting two tallies for one meal time! TWO!!! No wonder!

But wait...there's more!!!

Here's my top 10:

10. Pizza (25) emoticon
9. Chicken Salad (34) emoticon
8. Egg Sandwich (36) emoticon
8. Chili (36) emoticon
6. Bagels (45) emoticon
5. Healthy Choice meals (46)
4. Mexican At Home (burritos, tacos, fajitas prepared at home) (49) emoticon
3. Sandwiches (67) emoticon
2. Cereal (68) emoticon
1.....with 69 tally marks...wait for it.....

JUNK (cupcakes, chips, jerky, candy, cookies) emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

NO EFFING WONDER I haven't lost NOTHIN' the last year. And let's be real, I haven't lost anything in the 4 years I've been on Spark.

Pizza? Bagels? Cereal? JUNK??? How OLD am I? SEVEN???

I'm appalled and ashamed. It's hard to write about, but I think I owe it to myself and to you guys to put it out there. How could I not see this? I mean, I thought I was doing this occasionally--not AT ALL with the frequency that this indicates.

And "they" said it was okay!!! Occasionally. Persistence, not perfection. Two steps forward....


I can't be doing this anymore.

So, now I have my top 10. I need to make them healthier. And, well, get rid of the top one altogether. I mean, not altogether altogether, but I cannot classify my meals as JUNK anymore; that is, I cannot have the majority of my calories in any meal come from junk.

Any healthy "tweaks" to the salvageable items on my list (i.e., chili) you want to mention, please do. This has been a wild eye-opener.

And thanks, Oliver!!! I think I'm on to something real.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEATTLESIMS 2/28/2012 6:01PM

    what a great idea! I need to take a look at my own top 10!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 2/28/2012 11:56AM

    Wow, you are amazing/crazy for doing this! I don't even wanna knowwww how mine come out...I know Pizza and hamburgers would be high on the list!!
Here's my healthy chili:
1-1.25 lb ground turkey (whatever the package is)
1 cup no salt added tomato sauce (can) ...sometimes I add two cans
1 cup fresh salsa mild or medium or hot if you can handle
1 can rinsed well & drained kidney beans
chili powder, red pepper flakes

Brown the turkey in a big pot and then drain off any fat. Add in the remaining ingredients and stir to combine. Boil, reduce heat to low and cover for 30 mintues or more. It might not be super traditional but it hits the spot and all my nutrition ranges really well. Makes like 4 servings.

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4LEEFCLOVER 2/26/2012 5:14PM

    Well - that's amazing that you did track all of this food and then figured out how to review it! It looks like most of these choices are tweakable toward healthy choices, and portion size is important too. I'm always working on this too. Some of the things I do include:

My breakfast cereal must have at least 5 grams of fiber, and I add .25 oz walnuts, fresh berries if I have them. I like Silk soy milk on my cereal. I alternate with long cooking oatmeal with raisins and walnuts and a little agave nectar to sweeten..

Love pizza - only vegetarian, thin crust, as many veggies as possible, ask for half the cheese on top. Extra fresh garlic - yum!

I try to have protein, fiber, healthy fats in my snacks; helps to not want to keep eating more. Trade some sweets for fresh fruit - oranges in winter (peel and section this, put in plastic box to take to work), Honeycrisp apples are the best! Occasional 1/2 banana, berries. Dark chocolate, 1 serving, most days.

For sandwiches - check out Orowheat sandwich thins - 100 calories, 4 grams fiber, perfect size sandwich (fits veggie burgers perfectly).

Half a bagel is one serving!

Love Mexican - try ground chicken breast (season with fresh onion, garlic, oregano, cumin, a dash of olive oil) for taco meat on a salad with a few corn chips on the side, your favorite salsa for dressing. Veggies are easy to vary with this. Works well for Asian style stir frys too.

I find it helps to look at the things I love, and find ways to make them healthier. Don't get overwhelmed by the big picture. One thing at a time, then another, then another.

emoticon blog! emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/26/2012 5:17:50 PM

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MISSLISA1973 2/25/2012 12:35AM

    This is awesome. Another reason to track our meals. One day, I will. But I know junk is very high on my list as well. It's just everywhere, goes down easily, and seems so harmless. A few chips? Oh, they won't hurt. It's only a couple hundred calories, no big deal. But it adds up (on my waistline) quick! Thakns for this awesome blog!!!!

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KIM--POSSIBLE 2/24/2012 10:45PM

    Interesting! I know for myself, I eat pretty much the same foods a lot of the time. When I hit on something new, it might replace something old for a while, but the general meals don't really change much.
Breakfast: eggs with veggies, fruit with yogurt
Lunch: spinach salad with lots of veggies, lean meat with veggies
Dinner: lean meat with veggies
Snacks: protein bars, nuts, fruit
it would be interesting to add up the totals like you did

Hmm, so pizza was about once every 2 weeks. bagels and mexican were each about once per week. You have to decide if that constitutes "occasional" or not. Some of what you listed may be healthy, depending on how it is prepared. Look for ways to reduce sodium and unhealthy fats and to add veggies and healthy fats. Look at the averages for protein, carbs, and fats as well as sodium, fiber, calcium, and other nutrients and see if you are usually getting what you need. This top ten alone doesn't say a lot about what you are taking in.

Data alone doesn't do anything, it is what we do with that data that makes the difference! Look forward to seeing how this helps you improve on your efforts!

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SHARON10002 2/23/2012 8:02PM

    Wow, I'm impressed that you actually did this!!!!

I have shared a couple of my favorite chili recipes here on Spark.

Here's the first link:
This is my new go to favorite. I've made it 5 times already this winter. It's spicy (not hot spicy) and hearty. For the ground beef, I use nothing LESS THAN 90% lean ground beef. This last time, I used 96% lean ground beef. I feel it's important to put the meat in as it really pumps up the protein.

Here's my former favorite, and one I used for years until I found the one above.
Again same thing for the ground beef, and very flavorful.

I no longer eat bagels, or cereal, not even oatmeal. I make myself a protein shake to start my day.

I've made homemade pizza using Smart Wrap Tortillas. It make a really thin, crispy crust pizza, but cuts way down on the calories as the wrap is only 100 calories. I usually do veggie pizzas and use some good rich goat cheese and it is yummy.

I use Kraft Olive Oil mayo which is very tasty and low in fat and calories, but good in heart healthy fats because of the olive oil. My family loves it, and it tastes better than real mayo in our opinion.

For the Mexican, again I substitute the Smart Wraps. I use Cabot 75% Reduced Fat Sharp Cheese for the cheese. I usually do chicken, and plenty of lettuce, tomato salsa, fat free sour cream, and guacamole for heart healthy fat and flavor.

I've found adding more protein to my diet has curbed my appetite. I do one protein bar a day. for a snack. Find one you like. I'm a chocoholic and so I love the Zone Perfect Double Dark Chocolate. The coating is real dark Chocolate, and it totally satisfies my chocolate and sweet cravings. If You're a Snickers lover, Detour Lower Sugar Caramel Peanut bar is the ticket.

When I eat eggs, I do a 3 egg omelet, using 1 whole egg, and 2 whites. I add whatever else I want to that, usually veggies, and some sort of cheese, and maybe some canadain bacon if I am wanting meat.

I hope you'll try some of these suggestions. If you try the chilies, I'd love your feedback, too!

Best of luck!

Comment edited on: 2/23/2012 8:08:05 PM

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SAVVYSAVANNAH 2/23/2012 5:54PM

    Don't worry now you know what you were doing wrong and you can fix it. That's what's so great you can fix it and make it all better. I know you can do it.

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AMYLONGHORN 2/23/2012 4:00PM

    Sometimes you NEED that eye opener, huh?! Since getting back on Spark last year after seeing you on it while we were in Orlando, I too have lost NOTHING! I feel like my eating has been better than before, but I don't track my eating, so that's Issue #1 for me. Issue #2? Getting my butt moving!! Now that I recognize my issues, AND the fact that there are 198 days til Robin's wedding in September (gulp), there's my eye-opener!! Let's have our eyes open together and DO THIS! Love you, sister!!

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CCASKEY37 2/23/2012 7:30AM

    Spark recipes (and a sense of adventure) is helping me a lot. I found a tuna salad recipe with salsa instead of mayo. Sounds gross but it turned out very tasty.

Also, when I feel it spiriling out of control, I ban all junk for a week or two. Just to get me back on track. I replace the chips and sweets with almonds, cashews, apples, oranges, bananas, etc...

Last, I find it helpful to plan my whole day's eating ahead sometimes. Althought it is a pain to go back and change it on the tracker if I change my mind.

So anyway... What's done is done and there is not need to be ashamed or discouraged. Just use that information to move ahead.


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MADAMES 2/23/2012 4:40AM

    Brenda, I love this idea..I also need to face my diet and analyze it the way you did. Very inspirational!


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ACCEPTHECHLNGE 2/22/2012 11:27PM

    Brenda, what an eye-opener, and great comments from Ruth. For salads, like chicken or egg, I always use half low-fat mayo and half low-fat (or Greek) yogurt. Cuts down on calories.
Yes, I, too, am curious what you plan on changing to reach your goal. Maybe, we should encourage the 'Starfishies' during the Spring Challenge to recommend some low-calorie, heart-healthy recipes for you and all of us to try. It doesn't mean we will all like what others suggests, but you would be surprised what new recipes you could pick up.
I just tried a new salad, with red and yellow beets, blood oranges, Cara, Cara oranges, finely sliced fennel and thinly sliced red onions, topped with the juices of the oranges and olive oil. Healthy, delicious and low in calories.
So, you never know. Become a little more adventurous.
You had the courage to analyze your eating habits, so, now go and do something about it.

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GETSTRONGRRR 2/22/2012 10:50PM

    What a great idea!! Congrats on cracking a pretty nifty code and having the strength 7 courage to put it down on paper (or LCD or whatever medium we want to call this).

Looking forward to hearing what your Top 10 is this time next year!

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RUTHXG 2/22/2012 10:43PM

    Oh yeah, that sounds real! What an AWESOME exercise you have done here.


e bagels. They really aren't that good for you, & tons of calories.

Minimize the meat in homemade chili. Make it mostly vegetarian, mostly beans & veggies. Spice it up good so it's very mouth-satisfying.

Try to get legume dishes into your top 10, besides chili. Lentils, how do I love thee. Curry, I genuflect before thy goodness.

Make pizza an occasional treat (as in once every couple of months or so). I do love pizza myself--but it doesn't provide much fiber, vitamins, or protein, just lots of simple carbs & saturated fats. So only the best pizza, & only occasionally, & enjoyed thoroughly.

Make chicken salad & egg salad substituting fat-free sour cream for part or all of the mayo. Use plenty of mustard for flavor. Chop up fresh parsley & celery to add. Oh, so good the thought makes my mouth water--but not laden with empty calories.

Keep making Mexican at home--but use smaller tortillas; those suckers are BIG calorie sinks! Minimize the cheese too; use just a touch of fresh parmesan or sharp cheddar--more flavor per gram. Load up the veggies--fajitas, yum!

Those are my thoughts! Now I'm off to pack for my Big Trip to L.A. emoticon to you, smart woman!

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Better Than Ice Cream

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

So, yesterday, I think someone replaced my morning wrap with a hormone.

I was a mess, and I am not to the point in my cycle where I have a convenient reason waiting for me to pick up on it.

I don't know why. And it wasn't big stuff that made sense to cry over. I was listening to some music that I listened to in the past. Spanish stuff, so I was hearing many of the lyrics for the first time, so I started weeping over that. Weeping over the beautiful lyrics, weeping over lost youth, weeping over the memories the songs brought. (I just rolled my eyes as I typed that last period.)

Then, my husband came home with a couple groceries. When I hugged him, I started weeping again because I just LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH. (I just rolled my eyes again. Now I just chuckled.)

Then, he went back out to the car and brought in 2 dozen roses. (I just shook my head.)

Then, we watched "House." OMG, did you see last night's episode? It was deep, profound, beautiful. But only maybe a notch more these things than it normally is. By the end, I was sniffling and wiping my eyes. Okay, I probably would have done this regardless.

So I went to take a shower and get ready for bed. I'm full-blown crying now, quietly, so as not to disturb my housemate--in two senses of the word. Then, I got to thinking about emotional eating, and what would I eat in this situation if I were to emotionally eat?

And because I was so INTO my emotions, and because I was so messed up on hormones, I realized that the deep pain I was feeling (roll your eyes now) was so much more PROFOUND than potato chips, than most ice cream, than most chocolate. By the end of my shower, my list of emotional eating foods that were WORTHY of my hormone-induced sadness were hot fudge hardened over amazing vanilla ice cream, chocolate-covered strawberries....and that's pretty much it. Things I never eat when I'm overeating.

Anyway, the point is, that I got to thinking about if we paid attention to what we were eating while we were emotionally eating, we'd realize that we're better than a pint of cheap ice cream, better than a Kit Kat Bar, better than Pringles. And if we carefully selected our emotional eating foods based on how amazing and deep and important our feelings--even our silliest and most ridiculous emotions--were, we wouldn't eat so much garbage. We'd choose homemade mac and cheese instead of boxed, for example.

And if we had to go through that process each time, picking out the food most worthy of our emotions, then making it or going out and purchasing it, that could be really healing, I think. Plus, knowing that what you were eating was really decadent and worthy might make you feel decadent and worthy. I know that it does me, anyway.

I myself wasn't hungry at the time, so I had no intention of emotionally eating. None of the food I was thinking of was really appealing to me. I was thinking only from the standpoint of worthiness. That may have helped. In a hungry moment, maybe this much thinking doesn't go into it. But it does further demonstrate that


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARLYG8 2/22/2012 6:45PM

    Okay, so as I read the title of this blog..."Better than Ice Cream", I was reminded of a funny conversation with my mom...(yes my mom!). So anyway, my former fat self used to love ice cream, and I had found Edy's Cherry Chocolate Chip ice cream (which they don't make anymore...I think...and thank God they don't). I couldn't get enough of this ice cream. My folks had come down to visit us, and I told my mom that she needed to try some of this ice cream. She said..."hmmm...maybe later." (Who does that with ice cream??) So I proceed to tell her that she has got to try it now, that it is better than sex...(I know right??...remember I am talking to my mom). She looks me straight in the face, and laughs. I am like being totally serious. If I had to choose, (at least back then), I think the ice cream might have won. So she asks for a "taste". I give her a scoop in a bowl, and as she takes the first bite, she is going, "MMMMMMmmmm...". So I look her straight in the face and asked her, "so when was the last time you said that in bed"!!! **we still giggle about that one 15 years later. Better than ice cream??? Hmmmm.... (laughs)
emoticon emoticon ??

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 2/17/2012 6:26PM

    Great blog, Brenda! I can really relate to this because I feel like an emotional mess more often than not!

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MISSLISA1973 2/16/2012 6:16AM

    What a great blog. Excellent!

When I first read the title of the blog, I thought of something else better than ice cream. It feels so good to have so much control now that I have had ice cream in the freezer since Saturday and not even eaten a single bite. Self-control is also better than ice cream.

ROCK ON! emoticon

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GETSTRONGRRR 2/14/2012 8:34PM

    Well damn is too short to eat crappy food!!

If you're diving in to the well, make it worth the effort, stand up proudly and declare, "Yes, I had a $20 bar of Godiva chocolate!!"

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SHRINKINGLULU 2/14/2012 2:19PM

    Very true! Great job working through and feeling those emotions!

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HELLODANAE 2/14/2012 11:45AM

    It so wonderful to be a girl, isn't it?!!!!!!!!! emoticon my husband now hugs me when I have does moments no questions ask so I learned from him, sometimes I just enjoy the moment (crying) and you are so right WE ARE WORTH IT!!!


the past such a thing too, I do that once in a while too!!

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RUTHXG 2/14/2012 11:27AM

    Have I told you lately that you're exTREMEly lovable? Well, I am now, & not because it's Valentine's Day. This was such an unexpected, sweet reflection! And I totally agree that we should honor our emotions by refusing to settle for paltry emotional eating. Only the most exquisite delicacies can live up to our deep emotional lives!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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