BEATLETOT   76,013
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Call it sabotage, call it psyching myself out, call it subconscious planning...

Friday, November 18, 2011 it whatever you want. I'm not buying a present for myself tomorrow. I made today an epic fail. And I knew I was doing it, and I didn't give a damn.

It was a really bad day. And I shouldn't have let it railroad me, but I did, and it did. With gusto.

I found out today via Facebook that my "best friend" got married. Today.

We live on opposite coasts, and even though we don't talk *that* often due to the time difference, I still consider(ed) her my best friend. And it's not like we haven't talked in months...I talked to her less than three weeks ago on the phone. She said nothing about her pending nuptials.

I knew she was engaged, but she never told me a date. Ever. Apparently, this was the date.

I guess we aren't really best friends anymore. I can't be sure we're even friends at all anymore. How can we be friends, let alone best friends, if she didn't even tell me this?

If I hadn't gone on Facebook today, which I guess I hadn't in the last several days (since I'd miss all the little status updates before), I still wouldn't know my bestie was married. I wish I didn't know. I guess I don't use social media enough to be her friend anymore. My heart is broken.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 12/9/2011 9:34PM

    Wow, I am just reading this blog now. Weird that I missed this. Anyway, wow. That is definitely weird. Espesh since you just talked on the phone. Have you since confronted her or addressed this? I need to go back and re-read other blogs to make sure I didn't miss this.

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ANNASBF 11/24/2011 11:39PM

    I found this slight to be very hurtful indeed. I have no wonderful cheering up message to bring. This is a totally lame way to treat a friend let alone one who has been in the BF position. I'm sorry. That's it... I'm sorry. Geez.

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HAKAPES 11/22/2011 3:13PM

    That really sounds strange!

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TRACEYROCK 11/19/2011 1:37PM

    Ok- you dont forgot to tell your brest friend the date of your wedding. At least, I assume that your best friend would be invited to spend the day with you, unless its just the happy couple. Wow- I'm so sorry for you. I would be hurt too. Maybe you should buy the present, just so you do retail therapy instead of food therapy!

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HOPESINGH 11/19/2011 5:00AM

    that is such a disappointment! I'm so sorry. It does sound like she's not a best friend anymore. I'd get just as hurt and angry as you do. When my best friend got married, I flew from Belgium to Israel, just to be there.
emoticon emoticon

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RUTHXG 11/19/2011 12:42AM

    That is TOTALLY weird, & I'm so sorry. emoticon emoticon emoticon

People disappoint us, & sometimes in huge ways. You know that I know. Love & solidarity to you.

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COLLINSCJ2009 11/19/2011 12:40AM

    So sorry that she did that to you.

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BEATLETOT 11/18/2011 11:58PM

    No. She forgot. I posted on her Facebook status, underneath all the greats and congratulationses, "Are you serious? I have to find out like this?" And an hour later I got a text that said, "I was sure I'd told you..." How do you forget telling your "best friend" that? Maybe she knew a lot less recently that we weren't best friends anymore. God, I feel so childish, talking about best friends and getting bent out of shape over weddings and such, but it SUCKS.

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COLLINSCJ2009 11/18/2011 10:12PM

    It may have been a spur of the moment thing. Don't beat yourself up over it and don't make assumtions until you are able to talk to her. emoticon You still need to buy yourself that present you deserve it.

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SASSACAIA 11/18/2011 9:55PM

    Oh man, that sucks. Sometimes I hate Facebook.

I'm sorry.

emoticon emoticon

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NORCALCAT 11/18/2011 9:37PM

    Oh...I am so sorry about this...I wish I could just hug you! emoticon

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Picking a Fast Break

Friday, November 18, 2011

I'm trying to decide what my next Fast Break goal will be. The ones that look most enticing and helpful to me are the nutrition ones, but you only get one from each category (nutrition, fitness, motivation), and "tracking my food each day" is one of my current ones. I don't think that one has become a habit yet, so I'm loath to change it already.

The two I keep looking at are "Don't snack mindlessly in the evening," and "Don't eat in front of the TV and computer."

I really should just pick one from the Motivation category, but many of them are silly to me and I'm afraid of failing at the ones that aren't, because you have less control over them. Take "sleep for 8 hours each night" for example. Sometimes, you just CAN'T sleep. You don't know why, but try as you may, you can't.

And I fear that if I don't follow through with one of my goals, and I lose my weekly reward because of it, I'll wind up sitting on the couch, smoking, and staying up late while eating salt and vinegar chips until the following Sunday. Maybe past the following Sunday. The success of this goal system I created is at least partly contingent on my being successful on it, because there's at least one addiction involved. How can I make failure less likely?

Maybe instead of making the precarious Fast Break goal required for my weekly reward, I can add an amount to my present budget every time I follow through with it. It feels a little like a cop-out.

I dunno. Any insight?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 11/18/2011 1:12PM

    I think some of those goals are weird - I had the eight hours sleep one but its like you don't just track it with a checkbox so it got confusing for me! I think just do what you want and make yourself accountable and only reward yourself when you truly know you did what you set out to do :) I think its good to just be aware of your daily goals and not obsess over them,... but i guess it depends on the girl!

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RUTHXG 11/18/2011 11:22AM

    You certainly COULD take on a "sleep x hours/night" goal--& check it off whenever you get to bed in time to allow that amount of sleep! You're not in control of your body's wiring, but you're in control of your bedtime & waking time. Well, most of the time you are, as long as you're not a parent of small children! Reward yourself for doing something right, regardless of results, yeah?

Also, you could make it incremental or give yourself a sleep range, just as you have a calorie/nutrient range: it could be 7-9 hours of sleep, for instance. Even then, you would get a check every time you parked your body where it should be for the requisite number of hours--NOT just when it was able to slide into instantaneous grateful slumber & stay there till wake-up time.

If the Fast Break goals are preset & you can't tweak them, you could just mentally (or in writing) redefine them as needed.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HOPESINGH 11/18/2011 9:52AM

    Couldn't agree more with Betterjulia. You're kinda saying "if I don't achieve the goal perfectly, I just give up". Doesn't sound like the best, most encouraging attitude. any progress is a progress, even if it's not a success of a 100%.
Have a nice weekend!

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BETTERJULIA 11/18/2011 9:33AM

    I think that you have to do what works for you and not completely think of it as an all or nothing - 8 hours of sleep is a great thing to aim for and that's what those goals are so that you work hard towards them so that you improve even if you don't completely succeed. Keep it up and keep ROCKING It!

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Not focusing on the scale...

Saturday, November 12, 2011

So I've been saying I wanted to reward actions, not results. I've been saying that I will be proud of my accomplishments and my discipline with my FastBreak goals. I've been saying that the scale doesn't matter to me.

Um, I lied.

My weight shot up since starting my new plan. Like, a lot. Like, an embarrassing a lot.

I have been so focused on the other things, I haven't been tracking my food as religiously as I should have. That must be why, right? I've been going to BodyPump. That must be why, right? I've been eating salty foods. That must be why, right?


I am totally buggin' about this! Not focusing on the scale SUCKS when you're so focused on the scale!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STILLOUT2LUNCH 11/14/2011 12:18PM

    "Step away from the scale" said the diet police woman. Can you go for a whole week? If possible, can you go for a whole month? Take your scale to a friend's so you have to go there to weigh. The only way to take control away from that Digital Monster is to forcibly Take it Back. You are in control of your life, your decisions, your attitude. Journal for a week about your food and exercise choices. Write a positive motivational quote to memorize and focus on all week. Record your high's and low's, but focus on the small achievements. AFTER seven days of doing that, Then go weigh. After that, walk away and start all over again.

Just like you tell me, you CAN DO THIS,

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RUTHXG 11/14/2011 12:10PM

    Brenda, if you're doing a lot of strength training (BodyPump), you're building up muscle & that means you won't lose much weight in the beginning. But it's increasing your metabolism, so soon you should start seeing results, especially if you're making sure to include plenty of cardio. (Or does BodyPump also constitute cardio work, because of the speed?)

If you've just recently started doing these classes, give it a little time.

Also, it's probably wise to reduce your salty foods & track your eating.

The scale IS a useful measure, but make sure to include other measures in the mix. Have you measured yourself (waist, hips, etc.) lately? Are any of your clothes fitting differently? If they're tighter, you do have a problem; if they're getting a bit looser, rejoice & know that the scale will show results soon too.


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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 11/14/2011 11:24AM

    Agreed! Mine is still flip flopping all over the place- I think to not focus on the scale you have to really focus on every other aspect and then you can be like "see not focusing on the scale but still I lost a lb!" but that is so hard and never seems to work for me. So i'm not going to focus on the scale for validating me, but I am going to focus on all the habits that go into getting a good result from the scale...? make sense? I think that's what we're doing but we need to be a little stricter on ourselves. I know I do at least!

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LULUTU 11/13/2011 11:01AM

    I know exactly what you mean. I keep telling myself that the scale isn't the best way to measure health or fitness -- weight is just the easiest, least common denominator by which we can compare ourselves with others. And frankly, comparing myself with others isn't really part of my plan.

That said, I do still care about the scale -- I can't seem to give it up! So keep in mind, you're not alone.

Go Starfish!

Comment edited on: 11/13/2011 11:02:18 AM

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HAKAPES 11/13/2011 1:23AM

    Body fluctuates, weight goes on and off. My strategy is to keep with the process! And my No. 1. priority is to track food. All the time, even if I over eat, or have no time to exercise, or we are under water, I track my food. At least, in my paper diary, and enter it later. And it works!

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BECCIE0524 11/12/2011 5:04PM

    Grrrr! I can relate. Your body can fluctuate so much. Don't beat yourself up. Focus on how you feel because of the exercising. You know that you need to track your feed so get back on the plan and you will see results. emoticon

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HINCTYBEAT 11/12/2011 12:59PM

    Aargh! Me too :) I have a pile of try-on pants that I'm working my way (weigh) through as I get smaller. This week I could wear some new pair, but I"m up 2 pounds? And, there's really no logical reason for the gain.

I LOVE the challenge, but do better with monthly weigh-ins.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GETSTRONGRRR 11/12/2011 10:54AM

    Ouch, that's a tough one. One of the things that has helped me a lot through the upticks on the scale is to remind myself that I'm not in a race to get well by a certain date (even if we are part of an 8 week weight loss challenge!)

Start over doing all the basics that worked in the beginning; track food, log aerobic points, stay within calorie limits....all that simple stuff that helped on those first few days on Sparkpeople to show results.

Keep at it, you can do it!!

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I've Been Spending Too Much Time on Spark...

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Yesterday, I was reflecting on the fact that I would not be going to my two hours of classes on Wednesdays but for Mary Ann. I really enjoy them, and I'm still going, even though my "deadline" has passed. Now Mary Ann doesn't make me go. I go because I WANT to, because they are SUPER-FUN. Anyway, I decided I owe Mary Ann some token of my gratitude, and this is how my inner monologue went:

"I owe Mary Ann a token of my gratitude (yes, I do talk to myself like this). Hmm, let's see, how can I thank her? A jump rope? A fruit salad? Wait...those are SparkGoodies."

I totally wanted to give my IRL friend a SparkGoodie. I guess SparkPeople has rewired my brain. =)


Side note: Some of the SparkGoodies may not be a half-bad idea IRL...pedicure? Massage? Yes, please!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STILLOUT2LUNCH 11/14/2011 12:10PM

    I'm with you on the real life goodies. That would be so FAB.

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PINKNFITCARLA 11/10/2011 11:29PM


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GETSTRONGRRR 11/10/2011 8:43PM

    Yeah, you may want to invite her over and let her spin the Spark wheel for you...

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FLGIRL1234 11/10/2011 7:44PM

    lol, thanks for the laugh!

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GIRL*IN*MOTION 11/10/2011 2:46PM

  haha too funny! I love it when we think in "spark-terms" lol

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SHRINKINGLULU 11/10/2011 1:25PM


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SEATTLESIMS 11/10/2011 12:38PM

    yeah a little special note of thanks is always appreciated!
Way to go on the 2 hours of classes! you should be training for an event or something, with that endurance!
Keep up the hard work!

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AMYLONGHORN 11/10/2011 11:56AM

    You're silly!!!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 11/10/2011 11:32AM

    I know but I think we need MORE sparkgoodies - or we should be allowed to upload our own pics and send them as goodies :) just a thought!

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LOVEBYRD 11/10/2011 10:58AM

    Too cute!!

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RUTHXG 11/10/2011 10:56AM

    Heehee--when I read the title, I thought you were going to be letting us know that you'll need to scale back your Spark time. Glad that's not it!

Yay for Mary Ann & all motivating friends!


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MMNICKS 11/10/2011 9:48AM


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REBECCAMA 11/10/2011 9:46AM

  LOL! It is fun isn't it? Glad you are enjoying the Spark goodies.

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HOPESINGH 11/10/2011 9:17AM

    That's a great idea, giving such a gift to somebody who helped me be a better me.
Good you enjoy these classes emoticon

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DONNABRIGHT 11/10/2011 9:02AM

    I know - I am addicted to collecting points!

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Knees 5 Things

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Yesterday's Knees Challenge was to make a To-Do list for things to be done by Friday. I did it, but figured instead of shoving the scrap paper in my purse to be lost until Christmas when I'm pulling out receipts, I should post it here for myself and the SparkWorld to see.

1. Scrub the kitchen floor.
2. Return my library book and get a new book-on-tape.
3. Job-related one I don't want to post in public
4. Work on my filing.
5. Go to my two classes.

I'm still working on my FastBreak of eating a healthy breakfast. I'm doing well on it. I've also decided on rewards on Saturdays for doing all the things I'm supposed to do for the week. They are:

1. FastBreak goal(s)
2. Not smoking
3. Flossing
4. Only drinking a diet soda after (x+1) cups of water. This week, x is 5.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEATTLESIMS 11/9/2011 11:40AM

    hope you are doing well on these goals a week later!

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ANNASBF 11/5/2011 2:31PM

    Ahhh... I read a book recently... as recently as yesterday... that insisted that weekly goals make more sense than a string of to-do things for a day because it includes a little sumpin came up time.... and you can still complete the list by Friday... which it looks like you are doing which is my way of giving you a compliment in my usual verbose way! In other words, you are as smart as the PhD dude who wrote the book... so, back pat to yourself on my behalf in order pulease... well done you!

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GETSTRONGRRR 11/2/2011 1:24AM

    Good goals.....keep plugging away!


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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 11/1/2011 12:20PM

    great goals - i'm with you on the messy purse - perhaps I should make that a goal?

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RUTHXG 11/1/2011 11:47AM

    Great goals (though I have no idea what the "Knees" is about--& I hope you have lots of fun with the Saturday rewards!

emoticon to you!

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BETTERJULIA 11/1/2011 11:18AM

    Great goals! You can do this!

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