Friday, November 18, 2011
...call it whatever you want. I'm not buying a present for myself tomorrow. I made today an epic fail. And I knew I was doing it, and I didn't give a damn.
It was a really bad day. And I shouldn't have let it railroad me, but I did, and it did. With gusto.
I found out today via Facebook that my "best friend" got married. Today.
We live on opposite coasts, and even though we don't talk *that* often due to the time difference, I still consider(ed) her my best friend. And it's not like we haven't talked in months...I talked to her less than three weeks ago on the phone. She said nothing about her pending nuptials.
I knew she was engaged, but she never told me a date. Ever. Apparently, this was the date.
I guess we aren't really best friends anymore. I can't be sure we're even friends at all anymore. How can we be friends, let alone best friends, if she didn't even tell me this?
If I hadn't gone on Facebook today, which I guess I hadn't in the last several days (since I'd miss all the little status updates before), I still wouldn't know my bestie was married. I wish I didn't know. I guess I don't use social media enough to be her friend anymore. My heart is broken.
Friday, November 18, 2011
I'm trying to decide what my next Fast Break goal will be. The ones that look most enticing and helpful to me are the nutrition ones, but you only get one from each category (nutrition, fitness, motivation), and "tracking my food each day" is one of my current ones. I don't think that one has become a habit yet, so I'm loath to change it already.
The two I keep looking at are "Don't snack mindlessly in the evening," and "Don't eat in front of the TV and computer."
I really should just pick one from the Motivation category, but many of them are silly to me and I'm afraid of failing at the ones that aren't, because you have less control over them. Take "sleep for 8 hours each night" for example. Sometimes, you just CAN'T sleep. You don't know why, but try as you may, you can't.
And I fear that if I don't follow through with one of my goals, and I lose my weekly reward because of it, I'll wind up sitting on the couch, smoking, and staying up late while eating salt and vinegar chips until the following Sunday. Maybe past the following Sunday. The success of this goal system I created is at least partly contingent on my being successful on it, because there's at least one addiction involved. How can I make failure less likely?
Maybe instead of making the precarious Fast Break goal required for my weekly reward, I can add an amount to my present budget every time I follow through with it. It feels a little like a cop-out.
I dunno. Any insight?
Saturday, November 12, 2011
So I've been saying I wanted to reward actions, not results. I've been saying that I will be proud of my accomplishments and my discipline with my FastBreak goals. I've been saying that the scale doesn't matter to me.
Um, I lied.
My weight shot up since starting my new plan. Like, a lot. Like, an embarrassing a lot.
I have been so focused on the other things, I haven't been tracking my food as religiously as I should have. That must be why, right? I've been going to BodyPump. That must be why, right? I've been eating salty foods. That must be why, right?
I am totally buggin' about this! Not focusing on the scale SUCKS when you're so focused on the scale!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Yesterday, I was reflecting on the fact that I would not be going to my two hours of classes on Wednesdays but for Mary Ann. I really enjoy them, and I'm still going, even though my "deadline" has passed. Now Mary Ann doesn't make me go. I go because I WANT to, because they are SUPER-FUN. Anyway, I decided I owe Mary Ann some token of my gratitude, and this is how my inner monologue went:
"I owe Mary Ann a token of my gratitude (yes, I do talk to myself like this). Hmm, let's see, how can I thank her? A jump rope? A fruit salad? Wait...those are SparkGoodies."
I totally wanted to give my IRL friend a SparkGoodie. I guess SparkPeople has rewired my brain. =)
Side note: Some of the SparkGoodies may not be a half-bad idea IRL...pedicure? Massage? Yes, please!
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
Yesterday's Knees Challenge was to make a To-Do list for things to be done by Friday. I did it, but figured instead of shoving the scrap paper in my purse to be lost until Christmas when I'm pulling out receipts, I should post it here for myself and the SparkWorld to see.
1. Scrub the kitchen floor.
2. Return my library book and get a new book-on-tape.
3. Job-related one I don't want to post in public
4. Work on my filing.
5. Go to my two classes.
I'm still working on my FastBreak of eating a healthy breakfast. I'm doing well on it. I've also decided on rewards on Saturdays for doing all the things I'm supposed to do for the week. They are:
1. FastBreak goal(s)
2. Not smoking
4. Only drinking a diet soda after (x+1) cups of water. This week, x is 5.
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