Wednesday, September 28, 2011
I'm behind on the Punxatawny Phil Pforty Challenge, but I'm going to catch up!
Right now, I'm saving the "I'm All Right" groundhog dance for another time, but I want to go ahead and blog the Pfive Reasons I'm Pfabulous now.
1. I'm generous and caring. I take in exchange students and currently have a pfriend pfrom college living with me pfor token rent (and at the rate her job search is going, pretty soon no rent). She just got her Masters pfrom one of the top schools in the country (Ivy League) and still hasn't pfound a job after pfour months! The thing is, I kinda don't want her to. I'd like her to stay here pforever. She's part of my pfamily now.
2. My dog is super-pfabulous, and that makes me pfabulous by extension. Sammy is truly the greatest, even though he's got some problems that other people wouldn't overlook. When I saw him, it was love at pfirst sight.
3. I value honesty, integrity, beauty, respect, responsibility, manners, intelligence, kindness, consideration and leadership. I probably value other things as well, but it's 3:40am, so that's all I got.
4. I can speak three languages.
5. I know what I ultimately want to do...though I'm still a little unsure how to get there.
Thanks, JENNSWIMS, pfor this challenge!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
As I went to bed last night (tonight? It's 3:45am...and I'm going back to bed in 15 minutes), I was thinking, and I was actually really happy.
I didn't have to be. My interim/new boss made a ridiculous request of us and gave us an impossible deadline, but actually, you know, it was so ridiculous and impossible that I didn't even get mad about it. I just laughed and laughed and laughed. I'd show people the second email with the deadline and start laughing again. Really, it was that good.
But I'll do my best to get it done, so much less Sparking at work, I'm afraid.
And for some reason, I've lately been having terrible flashbacks to when I dropped Sammy. I see him on the ground, seizing, A LOT. It's awful.
And we had to throw out some chili that smelled questionable. I hate wasting food.
But none of that has to do with the fact that I'm really happy.
Why am I so happy?
1. I stayed within my calorie range yesterday, on the low end, as planned. And I even got to eat a few Fritos.
2. I had good sessions with my part-time job last night.
3. Traffic wasn't that bad either coming or going yesterday.
4. I went to the gym.
5. I got a lot of my "stories" watched.
6. My dog is super-cute.
7. I ate a delicious Red Pepper and Tomato Soup from SparkRecipes for lunch, and it was so awesome that my friend wanted the recipe.
8. I got a decent amount of work done (although did not start on the ridiculous, impossible assignment).
And it's strange how all of this has so much to do with perspective and whatever mood you just happen to be in. I could have gotten really angry about the ridiculous and impossible. I could be devastated at the images that play in my brain. I could be really annoyed about the chili. I'm just not. But it's not inconceivable to me at all that I could be.
And that's something to strive for everyday. I could be negative, but I can strive to "just not be."
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
My high school reunion is in five weeks. And I'm really kind of making a big deal about it, which is weird, because I didn't make a big deal of high school when I was there. It was like the time I was spending preparing for college. I did a lot of activities, clubs, AP and TAG classes, but I wasn't popular and that was okay with me. So I don't really see why I'm making such a big fuss over one weekend, but I am, so I've got to accept that.
Anyway, my friend Mary Ann told me today, "You have 5 weeks! You can do this!" She told me to go to BodyPump classes at least twice a week. She also mentioned hair, but that's a little nerve-wracking. Then she came over to my desk and demanded to look at my gym schedule, so I showed her, and she found classes she wants me to take. She says she is not accepting excuses, which is fine with me but for one thing.
Half an hour before this conversation occurred, I made plans to meet with a friend I haven't seen in months tomorrow. And tomorrow, Mary Ann has scheduled me for two hours of classes, for which she isn't accepting excuses.
I emailed the friend and asked to switch to Thursday, but she didn't get back to me. She's probably annoyed. I mean, she and I emailed no fewer than three times each in the span of 45 minutes, and now she's not responding?
So what do I do? I read somewhere you're only allowed to cancel plans that you've already made if the new plans are less fun. Like, you can cancel going to a wedding if you have to go to a funeral, but not vice-versa. I think this qualifies.
Still, am I being a jerk? And if my friend doesn't get back to me, should I show up at the place or the gym? My husband says go to the gym, it's for you (and anyway, it's not my fault that we haven't talked in months...she disappears then reappears for one meal then disappears again for more months since her last disappearance. Of course, that said, I'm probably not going to hear from her for another year). I guess I show up at the place, and an hour later, say, "I gotta go." But I did want to get a haircut before the classes. That probably doesn't qualify. Well, it does, actually. Hanging out with friends is way more fun than getting a haircut, but it doesn't have the same urgency, unless you've made an appointment with someone important. But I don't do that. I just go to Hair Cuttery and say, "Cut it as short as you can without making my face look fat."
But other than that, I'm pretty excited and flattered that someone is taking this much of an interest in me getting hotter. And, I wonder what else my Mary Ann Makeover Challenge could entail. Mary Ann is a whiz at makeup and fashion. She might turn me into a hot chick like her. That would be cool.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
You know that feeling when you KNOW you've forgotten something, but you have no idea what? Like in "Home Alone"?
I've had that feeling for, like, a WEEK. And I've been wanting to blog about it for kind of awhile, but I didn't know what to say.
It's not a fun one. It's on par with how I felt when my Karl-Marx-Universitaet mug broke.
I could go on. But I won't. It's more than enough, and I can't really touch on all of them as it is.
Now, I'm not walking around mopey or bothering my co-workers with endless blather about how (insecure, scared, jittery, etc.) I feel, and I probably don't look any different than usual, but these feelings are always back there, and have been for awhile. Maybe even longer than a week.
I don't know how to fix it. My very first instinct was to make lists. That was when I made my list "Lists to Make." But I couldn't get the energy to sit down and think about any of the lists. I haven't made any of them.
And here's one thing. One of my lists was supposed to be about my values and my priorities, and how my life reflects those. I'm not sure which is more telling: that I want to make such a list or that I've been unable to do so.
Part of me wants to just sit down Indian-style on the floor and yell at all of my wisest SparkFriends, "Fix it, fix it, fix it!!!" Another part wants to take those moods I just listed (Hey! I did get a list done!) and tackle each of them in a separate blog. But I don't know if I'd wind up getting to, I don't know, "jittery," and then only being able to manage, "I am jittery. It's not caffeine." Those blogs would not be fun to read or write. But all of me just wants this feeling of...
That's the feeling I have. If you put all the above feelings in a box, taped it shut, and put it in an attic, you'd label the box "Unsettled."
Ah, blogging helps!
But I digress.
I want the feeling of being unsettled to go away. Any suggestions on how to make it so? (This is a more mature way of yelling, "Fix it, fix it, fix it!!!")
Friday, September 09, 2011
The man who fails to plan really plans to fail. I don't know who said the original version of this, but that one came from the great philosopher/rapper Chali 2Na.
It takes awhile for that to sink in. And even when it does, sometimes my mind spits it out again as I say, "Eff this," and stick my head in a bag of salt and vinegar chips.
But really, I do best when I plan. When I was planning my dinners after my lunches, I managed to stay not only in my calorie range, but on the LOW END of the calorie range for 12 days straight. I also have a tendency to say "Eff this" when I mess up once. Oh, I try to get back on the wagon immediately, but then it's like, for two days, then it's for no days...for a month or something.
So I gotta plan. And I will. I have the tools. I just gotta use them. SIMPLELIFE4REAL (aka My HERO) has posted a link on her blog to her ingenious 8-week meal plan that never recycles a dinner. It would make a good template OR even a whole meal plan for me. ELLEYKAT kept it simple, just by logging first, then eating. Very smart.
Hmm, what other plans can I make?
And I welcome anyone to point me back to this blog when I post another one about salt and vinegar chips, stuffed crust pizza and multiple bowls of Frosted Mini Wheats. I can certainly have those...if I plan for them.
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