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Wednesday, September 07, 2011

I figured I needed a vacation.

And I have been working a lot. But not that much, in the grand scheme of things. What with my shortened hours at my day job last month, I suppose I was only working 42 hours a week. With regular hours back on, I guess 55. Certainly doable.

And my vacation came, in the form of a proven reset button. I went camping Labor Day weekend with my childhood "second parents." I've been going with them and their daughter since I was 8, and the whole thing is so steeped in tradition. My friend couldn't come, so it was them, my husband and me, which is just as well. I love them, so it wasn't weird or anything. It was also the first time my husband had come. His having a good time was very important. He says he did.

But since we got back yesterday, I don't know what's been the matter with me (or him, or us). He just says the WRONG things all the time! And I even tell him what the right things to say are. Like, yesterday, I wanted to go to bed by 8pm for second job, and our plane landed half an hour late, giving me 72 minutes from landing to 8pm. He had decided last minute to check a bag, because he had gotten a bunch of liquid stuff from his sister. You know how when people travel back to their home countries, they always wind up taking a lot of stuff back for people and coming back with stuff for other people? That stuff. Liquid stuff that was probably worth $5, he paid $25 to get the bag checked and spent a good 20% of my 72 minutes waiting for the checked bag.

But that's not what I said. Not at first, anyway.

I complained about the plane landing late, and he said, "Oh, are we at Dulles? Did I make the pilot land the plane late?"

And it's like, "HEY! Don't be a jerk! Just say it sucks, and be done with it." When he didn't, then I brought up the 72 minutes and the $25, especially since a local friend just got back from Peru, so he could have brought the liquid stuff he wanted straight back here to DC, instead of making us schlep it all the way from Texas.

Then, tonight, while I was taking a shower, I poked my head out because I could hear some noise. Little Dog had pooped in the bathroom. I start screaming my husband's name. He doesn't come. Four, five, six times, I yell, everytime louder, till I can't yell any louder. By this point, the dog has walked through it, somehow gotten it on the bathroom door, and is leaving a trail of nast in his wake. Once I was finished with my shower, I was really annoyed.

I came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a robe, and saw that he was washing dishes, cooking, and had the TV up, so he could hear it over the running water, and I told him really exasperated-like what the dog had been up to, and come help me clean it up now. He held the bag while I cleaned, about which I didn't complain. Then, he brought it up later how I'm picking fights, and I told him, I'm not angry with you about not hearing me, but wouldn't you be irritated in that situation, if you'd been yelling for several minutes, and I never came. Even if it weren't on purpose, you would be annoyed. Then he started in on, "Why didn't you do this? Why didn't you do that? I'd've done this. Etc." And that made me so mad.

So I went crazy.

He picks at me all the time. If it isn't sarcasm like at the airport, it's critical questions like the poop. And as I get madder, he just keeps doing it. Then, he goes, "Why are you yelling? I don't understand," but he KNOWS what he's doing. You know what I mean? It's like I'm a beehive and he's a brat with a stick.

The end of this last drama was that we talked and I actually don't know that and don't even really think we solved anything, but an uneasy truce has been set. The best I could manage was a snide, "Yes, you should treat me with respect, and I will do the same." And he said, "I don't feel you're being genuine," but I was. It was snide, because I had a hard time paralleling the people we were at that moment with who we had been a few hours previous. It made me sad.

Anyway, I woke up this morning to a bunch of my soda in the fridge, the computer set up for my second job, and a love note from him. Much better.

Now, please don't think I'm glossing over my part in this. After all, I titled this blog post "Volatile," and my husband certainly is NOT the volatile one.

But I'm not quite sure why I'm acting the way I am. Is it because of the second job? And if so, should I quit? I really don't want to. I really enjoy the work and the company. And how can it be the job--or the lack of sleep due to the job--if it started at the end of the vacation, when my reset button was sufficiently pushed? Why IS he annoying me so much? And what to do about it?

I can only change myself and my reactions to things, and I do need to work on that. I wish he didn't know how to and didn't so frequently push my buttons, though, either. I've COACHED him in dealing with me, and he doesn't do it. I'm absolutely NOT the type to say, "You should be able to TELL how I feel," or "Why don't you ever say the right things?" or "Why didn't you get me X for Christmas? I wanted X. How could you not know I wanted X? Can't you read my mind?" I'm NOT that way. I am very explicit in my instructions, "Just say, 'it sucks the plane was late.' Period," but it's like he doesn't listen. Well, it's not like he doesn't listen. He really doesn't listen. Argh, it is so frustrating!!!

Now that I've come to a natural ending, I kind of feel like maybe this blog was a waste of time for you and for me. I don't know. I am really down on myself lately. But it just seems like this is so small compared to other people's stuff. And maybe even boring to some people. I hate when people post drivel. Ah, well.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEATLETOT 9/8/2011 3:22PM

    Y'all are all so sweet.

I'm reading a book now called "Toxic People." I started it yesterday. There was a funny example about this guy who calls his girlfriend "Thunder Thighs" that I had to show to my husband, because I said that about myself once, and he thought it was HILARIOUS (and oddly, he thought it was a compliment), so now he says it all the time. I showed it to him, then I went to a part a little later that showed "Toxic Word Triggers," like, beginnings of sentences that make people shut down, like, "You should have," "Why didn't you," "You better," "I can't believe that," etc. He said, "Uh-oh. I think I used all of these last night." And I said, "No, you said A, B, C, I said D, you said E, I said F, G, and H, and I think we both said I....honey, please stop being toxic." "Okay, you too." I think we're good now.

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BETTERJULIA 9/8/2011 3:22PM

    I love this blog - it is so me and my husband. I'm emotional - I know it but I'm passionate both ways and I KNOW that sometimes I just need simple acknowledgement and I will tell my hubby - just say yeah that sucks, or that sounds stressful, or SOMETHING that really means nothing but still makes me feeling like you care and his answer is 'whatever' 'sure'. Grrrr! I think that it is worse when there is outside stress because the little stress is worse but you can make it through!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 9/7/2011 2:02PM

    great blog - I know how both of you are feeling because I've been in this situation so many times myself - it always gets really nasty and then we have a knock down drag out fight (ok, not so much knocking down, but you know what I mean) and then we're all good again. It might not be the ideal way to solve things, but as we let this boil up and bother us, even if we "fake" resolve it in the middle, something else usually happens or is said to cause the other one to tip. Then meaner things get said and yelling happens, sometimes crying, and then all genuine, real apologies. For us, it seems, we can't totally forgive each other or ourselves until we totally have it out, then we put it completely behind us and are all smiles and kisses. I know it's really weird, but if John is pissing me off and I try to just not let it bother me and it builds up, then I fake forgive him, i know something else always happens to just piss me off all over again. So, in our case, it is almost always better to just have the fight (this weekend it was over a valet tip, what I thought was appropriate vs. what john was going to do) and then we squash it!

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RUTHXG 9/7/2011 1:00PM

    Living with another human being is just difficult, even when you are both goodhearted, as you & your husband are. As the scriptures say, "Do justice & love mercy"--I think that's a good encapsulation of what it takes. Cornel West says that justice is love enacted in public. And mercy is required toward yourself, not just toward him.

That poo being smeared all over the bathroom + your husband's not hearing you would have definitely been anxiety-producing! And also, down the road, you will find it hilarious.

I have to say, I LOVE the reason he didn't hear you: he was cooking & washing dishes (with TV on loud, yeah)! See, this is the kind of person it's WORTH having fights with. He is actually a partner in this marriage, not like my ex.

Psychologists say we need a ratio of 5 affirming statements or gestures to every criticism we receive from family. So maybe you & he could make a game out of upping the encouragement & diminishing the criticism & complaint.

Much love to you--I'm cheering you on!

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HOPESINGH 9/7/2011 4:32AM

    This definitely was NOT a waste of time. First, it's good to know others have this kind of stupid fights too. Makes me feel normal... Also, I just know it sooo well. It seems even when we try to "train" them to do the right things, it takes really long. Even when I'm explicit. Also, my spouse feels I'm just not letting him be himself if I tell him what to say or how I'd like to be approached, and maybe that's why he tends to behave differently all the same.
I guess these are just some of the ups and downs of living with people...

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How Sammy Becomes SparkPeople Relevant...

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

After my last blog, my husband had to take Sammy to the cardiology department at the clinic where the ER is based, because they couldn't tell if there was fluid in his chest at the regular doctor. Sammy has a heart murmur, and I guess that made it harder. They needed a specialist.

Before he got to see the cardiologist, he saw the ER doctor who released Sammy yesterday. The doctor looked Sammy over and said that he has to find a different point of reference when it comes to Sammy, "because, to me, (pointing at Sammy waddling along the floor) THAT is abnormal." emoticon

Then he x-rayed Sammy's abdomen...and Sammy's digestive tract was COMPLETELY clogged. The stomach was full, the intestines were full, the rectum...EVERYTHING. He asked how much we fed him. Sheepishly, my husband said he may have had two breakfasts this morning, but I'm pretty sure that's a fib. I'm pretty sure that his stomach was so full because I gave him three servings of green beans, a cookie, and a heaping measuring cup for dinner.

For the record, also completely my fault. But I was just SO HAPPY that he was home, and the green beans are a low-calorie treat!

So the ER doctor said that that was probably the reason he couldn't sleep very well and why he was crying everytime he sat down on his belly. It could also explain the strange breathing.

Sammy had to stay at the doctor until the cardiologist was available to see him. All of his problems were potentially because of his tummyache, but also there could be fluid in the lungs or chest, or it could be because of heart disease from the heart murmur.

Husband got a call a little later telling him he could pick up Sammy. Oddly, the problem wasn't the full tummy, the heart murmur or fluid. It wasn't was FAT. There was FAT in the chest area, which, they told him, "is very common in overweight dogs."

So Sammy was diagnosed as having BUTTERBALL SYNDROME. emoticon

He should be about 10 pounds, but he weighs 13.7. When we got him, he was between 12.5 and 13. I got him down to 11.5 pounds at one point, but then my husband started doing weird things, like giving him a cookie EVERY TIME he pooped outside. Giving him a treat EVERY TIME he got his eyedrops. Giving a treat EVERY TIME he looked extremely cute. And apparently, I found out today, the heaping measuring cup at dinner is a staple when my husband feeds him. I normally make sure it's level or even a little lower.

It's a wonder Sammy doesn't hate me. Not only did I almost kill him, but I also am a food miser. Well, now Dad's going to have to be a food miser, too. His new treats are green beans. One at a time.

So, maybe Sammy needs his own SparkPeople account. Hey, SparkGuy! Can you start a SparkDog website? emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAICHIDANCER 8/21/2011 8:33AM

    What do Sammy and I have in common? BUTTERBALL SYNDROME! At least Sammy can't open the fridge for late night snacking on his own. emoticon

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CARLYG8 8/10/2011 4:35PM

    Glad to hear Sammy is doing well. I was going to ask you if your husband was as crazy about/over Sammy as you are...but I guess by reading this blog about his treats to Sammy..sounds like Sammy has him in the bag too! (laughs)

And, I feel for you...I have my own little "pudge" monster that needs to be put on a diet as well.

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ROSES4UN4ME 8/10/2011 2:43PM

    i am so glad Sammy is doing better and nothing is due to your accident...... but maybe it was omen that it happened or you would of never found out what was wrong with doggie loves carrots and apples green beans zucchini ....... table food is the worst unless its chicken and veggies...

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NORCALCAT 8/10/2011 2:09AM

    Now...that would be so much fun to read "The Adventures of Sammy - the Spark Doggie"!

I am glad he is doing better!

Yea! for your family!

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SHARKYSGIRL 8/9/2011 11:45PM

  Another good-for-doggies treat is baby carrots ... I got my yellow lab to lose over 30 lbs by substituting baby carrots for her cookies and switching her food to a healthy weight formula dog food. All of my dogs have loved baby carrots! They hear the bag when I get them out of the fridge to cook with or have a couple to munch on myself and come running to the kitchen for a treat. My lab/rottweiler mix that we have now also loves apple slices.

I agree, you should make Sammy a spark profile ... it would be awesome to have a spark fur-buddy! Good luck getting Sammy to his goal weight!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 8/9/2011 11:01PM

    Omg please make Sammy a spark profile... and write angsty blogs when he has a bad weigh in!
I'm glad it is something you can help him with!! I hope your week calms down now.

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KIM--POSSIBLE 8/9/2011 6:10PM

    So, really, your accident with Sammy was a blessing, in that you found out about his health problems due to his weight! This could have been much worse if it had continued! So... stop beating yourself up over it!! You know what needs to be done to help Sammy be healthier!!

So glad everything turned out ok, and that you can now get your husband on board taking care of your spark-puppy!

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ANNASBF 8/9/2011 5:34PM

    Oh snap, how cute is this? Well, around here we refer to a bit of excess belly baggage as having a "Chub Buddy".... and it sounds like Sammy has one! I was guilty of the treat reward deal the last time Zelda was here... I rewarded about a pound onto an 8 pound dog over 21 days... not good... so I decided to give her ... and my sweet Anna (who did not gain weight, being only 2 years old to Zelda's five)... a couple morsels of dog food as a "cookie" so that it wouldn't overdo her calories. They are happy to have it and don't seem to have noticed the difference. Isn't it amazing how much we love the little guys? Isn't it amazing that .... as of now.... you have scientifically documented how much you love your little guy as represented by belly chubs! I hope this means things will go along well from here on out... I think we have adopted your Sammy as a mascot!

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RUTHXG 8/9/2011 5:33PM

    Sparkdoggies! Great idea!

I'm so glad the problem is SOMETHING YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT! Yay!

And whew! What a couple of days you have had! It merits all these exclamation marks, & more!


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Not Out of the Woods

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

My husband just took Sammy to the regular vet. He's not sleeping, he's not breathing quite right (which they noted at the ER, but thought was probably anxiety), and he's whimpering, which he never does. After I left this morning, husband called and said he's crying nonstop. He'll walk a little, stop, cry, then walk a little more, stop, cry... We were short with each other. I called the ER to find out what to do, and they told me we can either give him pain meds, or he can go to the vet, either them or the regular vet (preferably regular vet) to check him out. When I called my husband back, I told him I would call the regular vet to see if they can take him right away. I said this three times, and three times, his response was something to the effect of, "Well, can I go? Are they going to be able to take him?" Finally, I was like, "For the third time, I will CALL THEM AND LET YOU KNOW." Which made me feel very bad, because I could hear Sammy crying in the background, and I know he's freaked out.

Maybe he had a broken bone, but how did they not check for that at the ER? It would seem to me that a fall would SCREAM for an x-ray.

I just got some BBMs from my husband, so this is what they say:

The doc is checking sammy
He thinks he may have some fluid and that's why he can't sleep or lay down
They are taking some x-rays of his chest
I'll let you know more later

And I'm thinking back to the invoice I got from the ER, and I don't remember any x-rays. Ugh, really? I hope that whatever is in his chest is okay. This SUCKS.

What have I done?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROSES4UN4ME 8/9/2011 4:38PM

    aaaaawwww i can imagine what your going through but just hang in there the vet will fix him up and he ll be back to his own naughty self lmao....your doing everything possible but i know he is your baby and when he hurts you hurt.....

keep us informed
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NORCALCAT 8/9/2011 1:22PM

    You are such a great mommy to are doing all that you can. Taking him to your vet is a great idea and I am sure that they will find out what is wrong and will fix it!

Positive thoughts...only positive!

Hugs to you, your hubby and especially Sammy.... emoticon

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    Goodness, I definitely would think the ER Vet would have done x-rays. If not, that's pretty irresponsible. Anyway, hopefully your regular vet will find the problem, and that it's an easy fix. Please stop blaming yourself. It was an accident. I know you feel terrible, but it wasn't your fault!! ((((((HUGS)))))))

- Michelle

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RUTHXG 8/9/2011 12:07PM

    What you have done, hon, is take care of Sammy faithfully so that he knows that when he cries he will get help.

But all of our care is imperfect. We fall down & make mistakes. The ER may not have taken x-rays as they should have. It is SO hard to live with each other's suffering & not be able to fix it perfectly.

May the vet have extra wisdom examining Sammy today. And may you be kind to your loving self.


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Sammy Update

Monday, August 08, 2011

This'll be short, but I didn't want to just comment on the other blog in case someone who cared didn't check back at it.

I spoke with the doctor, and he told me that Sammy is moving around on his own. They took him off the seizure medication, and then they went ahead and took him off the pain medications to see if any weird behavior could attributed to that.

There is a little weird behavior. He only ate a little this morning, which worries me, since he always acts like we haven't fed him in a month, but they didn't seem concerned about that. They were more concerned about the way he's walking, about which I'm completely NOT concerned. He's blind and isn't steady on his feet, tends to hug walls, and has a slight limp. What they're seeing is probably all just that, but I guess it looks weird when you're used to dogs that aren't such a mess.

I'm going after work to look at the way he walks and tell them whether it's normal. Then, I think I might go to an Irish pub nearby. If his walking is okay, and he doesn't have any more seizures, we should be able to go back and pick him up tonight.

I also need to clean up my car. It still smells of dog seizure, which smells like something else that starts with an "s." But I figure I'll be better able to do that after a few Guinnesses. Sorry, Starfish.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ONESPOTLEFT 8/9/2011 1:48PM

    dogs are a part of our family so I know how you feel

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DOLLYHOLLY 8/9/2011 10:53AM

    Hope Sammy gets better soon.


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ANNASBF 8/8/2011 11:38PM

    How sweet that you know him so well... you are the best example of meeting a friend where they are... the attributes the vet described as odd... his walk, etc... you see through to the heart of your little friend... unconditional love and accepting a soul where it is, infirm but valuable. I wish you the best of luck on this... you are a great "owner"... stuff happens, that's all. Take care and let your friends good wishes ease your heart a bit.

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SASSACAIA 8/8/2011 10:15PM

    Oh dear, I'm so sorry about this trauma you're going through!! But I'm glad to hear that your beloved Sammy is all right!!

emoticon emoticon

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NORCALCAT 8/8/2011 6:49PM

    Glad to hear things are getting better - and we had a dog that used to have seizures - I remember the smell...I'd need to go to the Pub before cleaning it, too!

Take care of yourself! emoticon

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 8/8/2011 6:40PM

    Glad to hear it - hope all is as normal can be for Sammy & you.
You should write a book about him :)

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GIRANIMAL 8/8/2011 4:37PM

    So glad to hear Sammy is improving. Listen to your gut about the majority of his behavior. You know your dog, much like a child, the best.

Don't have too many at the pub or it just might increase the ol' gag reflex! emoticon

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CARLYG8 8/8/2011 3:44PM

    Oh my gosh! I just signed on and saw your blog about poor Sammy...and I am glad to hear that he seems to be doing better. Sammy sounds like he is pretty tough!

Go easy on yourself. Everyone has accidents...we know that you would never ever do anything to put Sammy in harms way, and you know that too. : )

Good luck on the car thing. I don't now if knocking back a few would help me or not. One whiff in this heat wave we got going on, and...well, they probably don't make enough alcohol for that. Yikes!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon sending lots of healing prayers to Sammy!!

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    Oh, I hope you can bring him home tonight!!!!!!!!!!!

- Michelle

PS - I agree that the need for a pub-stop is necessary prior to cleaning the car. ;)

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RUTHXG 8/8/2011 2:23PM

    What a relief that Sammy seems to be back to normal.

And I agree, cleaning up doggy messes in a car require prior fortification with some good ale! I'm sure you won't overdo it.


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The Absolute Worst Night of My Entire Life...

Monday, August 08, 2011

started really nicely. I spent the evening celebrating a friend's birthday at another friend's house. Lots of talk, lots of laughter.

I came home, put my food into the tracker (that wasn't good), and announced I was taking Sammy outside, feeding him, and reading for a little bit before I went to bed.

I woke him up and took him to the living room to wave at his dad. Then, I took him back to the bedroom to let him outside.

I don't know how what happened next happened. I don't know if my pants were too long, the groove of my shoe caught in the threshold or if I stumbled on my own two feet, but somehow, I tripped.

And I dropped him on the bricks.

And he began to breathe really funny. Then, he began to seize.

I screamed for my husband, and he came out. Later, he asked me why I didn't call him, but I did. I guess he saw us outside.

We ran to the car. I drove. My husband held him while he twitched, puked and defecated on himself. I ran a red light. I drove 55 on a city street. I'd've gone faster, but I caught up with the car in front of me. Then, we passed a cop. Thank you, car in front of me.

When we got him to the ER, he had stopped twitching and was breathing normally.

We got him inside and they took him. Once I could sit down, I started to cry and didn't stop until we left.

He's still there. They're observing him for more seizures. They let us see him before we left for the night, and he looked okay. He was on Valium, but he was snoring like he does at home. I think he liked that we were petting him.

But no one will just TELL me he'll be okay. He's doing "fairly well" this morning. "Hopefully," he'll be fine. I want to think he's okay, because they said that he hasn't had another seizure, he's lifting his head on his own, he's urinating on his own, and his blood pressure is a little high, but not too high, and that's probably because we feed him too many treats, my little butterball. And since he's blind, he's used to bumps on the head...right?

But I still can't stop crying. This is the worst thing I've ever done, and the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And I know it was an accident, and I know it could happen to anyone, but it was still all my fault, and knowing all that doesn't change anything. And I know feeling bad doesn't change anything, either, but I...I can't forgive myself till he's home with me and okay. And if he's not okay? How can I live with myself?

I am so sorry. I am so sorry.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN_NY 8/8/2011 9:52PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Wishing you peace at heart...

See these balloons? They're for Sammy!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

They're filled with HEAL-ium. ;)

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 8/8/2011 6:39PM

    OMG.... I am just reading this now because I've been so far behind. and I do see that you have an update blog so I am going to read that in the next 2 seconds but first wanted to say that it was 100% an accident and these things happen... great parents like you love their doggies so much and would never do anything to intentionally hurt them and I am so sorry that this terrible thing happened, but it is not your fault. emoticon

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GIRANIMAL 8/8/2011 4:35PM

    Oh, my goodness. I am sooooo, so sorry. It's really not your fault, though I know that doesn't help right now, nor are you probably able to even believe it right now.

As my Killer got older and older, it was a constant learning curve surrounding what I should still allow him to do on his own. Once when I tried to let him go down the flight of stairs on his own, he slipped and just sorta bounced down them, and the only thing that stopped him was his head meeting the wall where the staircase curves with a sick "thud."

That horror came back when reading your story, and I am just sick with you on your behalf. I am just so sorry you have to endure this. I am sending my best healing energy to you and Sammy -- I have faith he will be OK. And so will you.


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NICB87 8/8/2011 4:22PM

    Animals are amazingly resilient and you got him to the doctor right away, which was the only thing you could have done. He will still love you, he will not treat you any differently, I promise!

I'll be thinking of him and you!

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AMBERLEIGHM1 8/8/2011 3:48PM

    I am so sorry that you are suffering right now, I have prayed for you and I have prayed for Sammy to heal quickly and to return home safely and quickly.

You are a loving mom and did nothing wrong, it was an accident and he knows in his heart it was an accident and he will not treat you an different if you could ask he would act genuinely perplexed as my son always did because he wouldn't have ever considered holding it against you.

Please do your best to put your energy into sending Sammy healing thoughts instead of using your energy punishing yourself, it's difficult to do both at the same time.

I"m sure you have the very best care for Sammy and will hear something soon.

Best Wishes,

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AMYLONGHORN 8/8/2011 1:31PM

    *hugs* sister...keep us posted on when Sammy gets to come home!

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ANNASBF 8/8/2011 12:43PM

    Oh dear. You poor thing. I am so sorry this accident happened. So many times we almost have something happen like this and we go whew and get to have a moment of fear of what could have been and you get to move on. This is so sad when such a loving and kind person has such an accident. My heart goes out to you and I can only say you are the same good person you were before this and will still be going forward... life hands us such difficult things to accept at times. I am thinking of you today, take care and I hope pup does well.

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RUTHXG 8/8/2011 12:14PM

    Poor little Sammy--& poor Brenda. I'm so sorry for this trauma you have both been through. Sometimes life hurts SO much.

emoticon & healing prayers/blessings.

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NORCALCAT 8/8/2011 11:42AM

    I am very sorry this has happened. Lots of healing prayers for Sammy...and for you!

It is not your fault this happened and I know Sammy feels the same way. They are resilient, and this will be behind you both soon.

emoticon to you both!

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NIKKICOLE83 8/8/2011 11:06AM

    I know its hard to do but ease up on yourself. No one would ever assume you did this intentionally. You love your puppy. He loves you. It was an accident and I know that doesn't make it any better. I really hope he is ok. The whole thing just sounds heart breaking.

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    Oh my goodness - I am soooo sorry! It's not your fault, it was an accident, but I can totally understand your feelings, regardless. There's nothing I can say that will make things better, but know that I'm saying a prayer for the little guy...and for you. Put your energy into sending positive vibes out there for Sammy instead of negative ones (towards yourself). He'll be okay. Stay positive. ((((HUGS))))

- Michelle

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KIM--POSSIBLE 8/8/2011 10:37AM

    I am so sorry to hear that happened. Hope everything turns out ok. Accidents happen, and it wasn't your fault! emoticon

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ASHL_84 8/8/2011 10:32AM

    No one blames you for what happened except you. I hope your dog will be okay and that you'll be able to let go of the guilt. emoticon and prayers for you and Sammy.

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ROSES4UN4ME 8/8/2011 10:25AM

    omg i am so sorry for you i am a klux 2 an sounds like something i'd do but if its going to happen it will i know that don't make you feel better but hang in there and we are here if u need 2 talk.... at least he didnt have another seizure thats good but ARE U ALRIGHT???? emoticon emoticon NO MORE TEARS ONLY HAPPY ONES..... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FITJANE6 8/8/2011 10:22AM

    Oh, I feel so awful for you right now!
My kitten is at the vet right now because he had a bad reaction to the flea medicine I gave him this weekend, so I TOTALLY know how you feel! It's horrible knowing that your little fuzzy is hurting and you had something to do with it!

But, you didn't do it on purpose, and neither did I. They know that we love them! Your little Sammy will be back home with you soon! emoticon

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ALR516 8/8/2011 10:09AM

    This could have happened to anyone. It isn't your fault and accidents happen unfortunately. Take it easy and hang in there. Good luck to you!

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CORKY982 8/8/2011 10:06AM

  I'm so sorry to herar about all of this. All you can do is pray, and remind yourself that it was not your fault. I repeat - NOT your fault. It could have happened to anyone! I hope everything works out ok for you.

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