Tuesday, August 09, 2011
My husband just took Sammy to the regular vet. He's not sleeping, he's not breathing quite right (which they noted at the ER, but thought was probably anxiety), and he's whimpering, which he never does. After I left this morning, husband called and said he's crying nonstop. He'll walk a little, stop, cry, then walk a little more, stop, cry... We were short with each other. I called the ER to find out what to do, and they told me we can either give him pain meds, or he can go to the vet, either them or the regular vet (preferably regular vet) to check him out. When I called my husband back, I told him I would call the regular vet to see if they can take him right away. I said this three times, and three times, his response was something to the effect of, "Well, can I go? Are they going to be able to take him?" Finally, I was like, "For the third time, I will CALL THEM AND LET YOU KNOW." Which made me feel very bad, because I could hear Sammy crying in the background, and I know he's freaked out.
Maybe he had a broken bone, but how did they not check for that at the ER? It would seem to me that a fall would SCREAM for an x-ray.
I just got some BBMs from my husband, so this is what they say:
The doc is checking sammy
He thinks he may have some fluid and that's why he can't sleep or lay down
They are taking some x-rays of his chest
I'll let you know more later
And I'm thinking back to the invoice I got from the ER, and I don't remember any x-rays. Ugh, really? I hope that whatever is in his chest is okay. This SUCKS.
What have I done?
Monday, August 08, 2011
This'll be short, but I didn't want to just comment on the other blog in case someone who cared didn't check back at it.
I spoke with the doctor, and he told me that Sammy is moving around on his own. They took him off the seizure medication, and then they went ahead and took him off the pain medications to see if any weird behavior could attributed to that.
There is a little weird behavior. He only ate a little this morning, which worries me, since he always acts like we haven't fed him in a month, but they didn't seem concerned about that. They were more concerned about the way he's walking, about which I'm completely NOT concerned. He's blind and isn't steady on his feet, tends to hug walls, and has a slight limp. What they're seeing is probably all just that, but I guess it looks weird when you're used to dogs that aren't such a mess.
I'm going after work to look at the way he walks and tell them whether it's normal. Then, I think I might go to an Irish pub nearby. If his walking is okay, and he doesn't have any more seizures, we should be able to go back and pick him up tonight.
I also need to clean up my car. It still smells of dog seizure, which smells like something else that starts with an "s." But I figure I'll be better able to do that after a few Guinnesses. Sorry, Starfish.
Monday, August 08, 2011
started really nicely. I spent the evening celebrating a friend's birthday at another friend's house. Lots of talk, lots of laughter.
I came home, put my food into the tracker (that wasn't good), and announced I was taking Sammy outside, feeding him, and reading for a little bit before I went to bed.
I woke him up and took him to the living room to wave at his dad. Then, I took him back to the bedroom to let him outside.
I don't know how what happened next happened. I don't know if my pants were too long, the groove of my shoe caught in the threshold or if I stumbled on my own two feet, but somehow, I tripped.
And I dropped him on the bricks.
And he began to breathe really funny. Then, he began to seize.
I screamed for my husband, and he came out. Later, he asked me why I didn't call him, but I did. I guess he saw us outside.
We ran to the car. I drove. My husband held him while he twitched, puked and defecated on himself. I ran a red light. I drove 55 on a city street. I'd've gone faster, but I caught up with the car in front of me. Then, we passed a cop. Thank you, car in front of me.
When we got him to the ER, he had stopped twitching and was breathing normally.
We got him inside and they took him. Once I could sit down, I started to cry and didn't stop until we left.
He's still there. They're observing him for more seizures. They let us see him before we left for the night, and he looked okay. He was on Valium, but he was snoring like he does at home. I think he liked that we were petting him.
But no one will just TELL me he'll be okay. He's doing "fairly well" this morning. "Hopefully," he'll be fine. I want to think he's okay, because they said that he hasn't had another seizure, he's lifting his head on his own, he's urinating on his own, and his blood pressure is a little high, but not too high, and that's probably because we feed him too many treats, my little butterball. And since he's blind, he's used to bumps on the head...right?
But I still can't stop crying. This is the worst thing I've ever done, and the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And I know it was an accident, and I know it could happen to anyone, but it was still all my fault, and knowing all that doesn't change anything. And I know feeling bad doesn't change anything, either, but I...I can't forgive myself till he's home with me and okay. And if he's not okay? How can I live with myself?
I am so sorry. I am so sorry.
Thursday, August 04, 2011
Since I started working my second job, I've also started working on how to balance everything that goes on in my life. To do this, I had to find a framework, and I did, in Suze Orman's motto:
"People first, then money, then things."
So before I go and take extra shifts at the new job, I have to make sure I don't have plans with anyone. And I can't buy extras with my new income--it all goes straight to my savings!
I'm a little behind on other things...cleaning, organizing things, my reading. And I'm okay with it. The thing I'm most bummed about is the reading, but I just couldn't seem to fit it in.
Then I realized something. People first.
And I'M people.
So I changed my framework a little bit. Me first. Then people, then money, then things.
Is it selfish? Nah. Me first doesn't mean I buy extras for myself instead of putting my new income into savings. Me first doesn't mean that I blow off plans with friends and family. Me first doesn't mean that I skip out on work because I'd rather sleep in.
Me first means that the "Object Me" is taken care of. My body, my mind, my spirit.
Exercise comes before people, money and things. I don't skip workouts to hang out with friends, take an extra shift or go shopping.
Sleep comes before people and things. Granted, my shifts are in the middle of the night, but I go to bed very early, and I make sure I get my eight hours every other night. Naps on weekends on the norm.
Food comes before money and things. It is still my Untergang every time, no doubt about it. But I've begun buying things that I wouldn't have in the past because they were too expensive. I started splurging on healthy foods and buying certain fruits and vegetables only organic. I'm cooking a little more on my own. I make good, informed choices when I go out. I drink less alcohol.
Reading comes before money and things. It's one of my favorite things to do, so time for it must be made. I also multi-task and do it with the exercise, which is also cool.
Me first was an important thing to add to my two-job framework, and I've felt much more in control since I added it. Suze gave me a good start, but I improved on it. Now, if only I had her financial savvy, and her financial resources, I'd be set!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
These are just rambles. Move on, nothing to see here.
I'm tired, and I'm bummed out, because I have to work AGAIN tomorrow morning from 2-4. I normally work M-W, but my supervisor keeps adding Thursday in ALL THE TIME, and I email her and tell her NO, I canNOT handle four days of not sleeping through the night...this is NOT what we agreed to, and then she fixes it, but they just had a big launch, so when I emailed her, she didn't respond, and I figure she's not going to give up a shift that's IN WRITING already, but that's crap. I MAY do it next week (because she did it AGAIN for next week), but I may not. And if it happens again, I may have to be a little more direct and a little less nice about it, because it's starting to look like an issue of competance.
So for this week, I'm doing it four days in a row.
And I have a voice lesson tonight. I GUESS. I haven't had a voice lesson in over a month. I cancelled twice, then she cancelled once, then I showed up last week and she didn't answer her door, so I emailed her when I got home (to keep a written record), and she never wrote back. What's up with that?
Maybe I should quit voice lessons and take up the banjo.
And I haven't seen the Peru/Uruguay game, so I have to stay away from the news. Not that it made big news, I'm sure, but I also try to stay away from really sad news, so sports is usually a safe (albeit mostly boring, to me) bet. I'd've liked to have watched it with my husband, since he was rooting for Peru and I was rooting for Uruguay, and that would have been kind of fun. I guess I'll see when I watch the game if it actually would have been fun for me or not!
That's it for now.
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