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Not Out of the Woods

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

My husband just took Sammy to the regular vet. He's not sleeping, he's not breathing quite right (which they noted at the ER, but thought was probably anxiety), and he's whimpering, which he never does. After I left this morning, husband called and said he's crying nonstop. He'll walk a little, stop, cry, then walk a little more, stop, cry... We were short with each other. I called the ER to find out what to do, and they told me we can either give him pain meds, or he can go to the vet, either them or the regular vet (preferably regular vet) to check him out. When I called my husband back, I told him I would call the regular vet to see if they can take him right away. I said this three times, and three times, his response was something to the effect of, "Well, can I go? Are they going to be able to take him?" Finally, I was like, "For the third time, I will CALL THEM AND LET YOU KNOW." Which made me feel very bad, because I could hear Sammy crying in the background, and I know he's freaked out.

Maybe he had a broken bone, but how did they not check for that at the ER? It would seem to me that a fall would SCREAM for an x-ray.

I just got some BBMs from my husband, so this is what they say:

The doc is checking sammy
He thinks he may have some fluid and that's why he can't sleep or lay down
They are taking some x-rays of his chest
I'll let you know more later

And I'm thinking back to the invoice I got from the ER, and I don't remember any x-rays. Ugh, really? I hope that whatever is in his chest is okay. This SUCKS.

What have I done?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROSES4UN4ME 8/9/2011 4:38PM

    aaaaawwww i can imagine what your going through but just hang in there the vet will fix him up and he ll be back to his own naughty self lmao....your doing everything possible but i know he is your baby and when he hurts you hurt.....

keep us informed
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NORCALCAT 8/9/2011 1:22PM

    You are such a great mommy to are doing all that you can. Taking him to your vet is a great idea and I am sure that they will find out what is wrong and will fix it!

Positive thoughts...only positive!

Hugs to you, your hubby and especially Sammy.... emoticon

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    Goodness, I definitely would think the ER Vet would have done x-rays. If not, that's pretty irresponsible. Anyway, hopefully your regular vet will find the problem, and that it's an easy fix. Please stop blaming yourself. It was an accident. I know you feel terrible, but it wasn't your fault!! ((((((HUGS)))))))

- Michelle

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RUTHXG 8/9/2011 12:07PM

    What you have done, hon, is take care of Sammy faithfully so that he knows that when he cries he will get help.

But all of our care is imperfect. We fall down & make mistakes. The ER may not have taken x-rays as they should have. It is SO hard to live with each other's suffering & not be able to fix it perfectly.

May the vet have extra wisdom examining Sammy today. And may you be kind to your loving self.


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Sammy Update

Monday, August 08, 2011

This'll be short, but I didn't want to just comment on the other blog in case someone who cared didn't check back at it.

I spoke with the doctor, and he told me that Sammy is moving around on his own. They took him off the seizure medication, and then they went ahead and took him off the pain medications to see if any weird behavior could attributed to that.

There is a little weird behavior. He only ate a little this morning, which worries me, since he always acts like we haven't fed him in a month, but they didn't seem concerned about that. They were more concerned about the way he's walking, about which I'm completely NOT concerned. He's blind and isn't steady on his feet, tends to hug walls, and has a slight limp. What they're seeing is probably all just that, but I guess it looks weird when you're used to dogs that aren't such a mess.

I'm going after work to look at the way he walks and tell them whether it's normal. Then, I think I might go to an Irish pub nearby. If his walking is okay, and he doesn't have any more seizures, we should be able to go back and pick him up tonight.

I also need to clean up my car. It still smells of dog seizure, which smells like something else that starts with an "s." But I figure I'll be better able to do that after a few Guinnesses. Sorry, Starfish.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ONESPOTLEFT 8/9/2011 1:48PM

    dogs are a part of our family so I know how you feel

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DOLLYHOLLY 8/9/2011 10:53AM

    Hope Sammy gets better soon.


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ANNASBF 8/8/2011 11:38PM

    How sweet that you know him so well... you are the best example of meeting a friend where they are... the attributes the vet described as odd... his walk, etc... you see through to the heart of your little friend... unconditional love and accepting a soul where it is, infirm but valuable. I wish you the best of luck on this... you are a great "owner"... stuff happens, that's all. Take care and let your friends good wishes ease your heart a bit.

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SASSACAIA 8/8/2011 10:15PM

    Oh dear, I'm so sorry about this trauma you're going through!! But I'm glad to hear that your beloved Sammy is all right!!

emoticon emoticon

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NORCALCAT 8/8/2011 6:49PM

    Glad to hear things are getting better - and we had a dog that used to have seizures - I remember the smell...I'd need to go to the Pub before cleaning it, too!

Take care of yourself! emoticon

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 8/8/2011 6:40PM

    Glad to hear it - hope all is as normal can be for Sammy & you.
You should write a book about him :)

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GIRANIMAL 8/8/2011 4:37PM

    So glad to hear Sammy is improving. Listen to your gut about the majority of his behavior. You know your dog, much like a child, the best.

Don't have too many at the pub or it just might increase the ol' gag reflex! emoticon

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CARLYG8 8/8/2011 3:44PM

    Oh my gosh! I just signed on and saw your blog about poor Sammy...and I am glad to hear that he seems to be doing better. Sammy sounds like he is pretty tough!

Go easy on yourself. Everyone has accidents...we know that you would never ever do anything to put Sammy in harms way, and you know that too. : )

Good luck on the car thing. I don't now if knocking back a few would help me or not. One whiff in this heat wave we got going on, and...well, they probably don't make enough alcohol for that. Yikes!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon sending lots of healing prayers to Sammy!!

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    Oh, I hope you can bring him home tonight!!!!!!!!!!!

- Michelle

PS - I agree that the need for a pub-stop is necessary prior to cleaning the car. ;)

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RUTHXG 8/8/2011 2:23PM

    What a relief that Sammy seems to be back to normal.

And I agree, cleaning up doggy messes in a car require prior fortification with some good ale! I'm sure you won't overdo it.


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The Absolute Worst Night of My Entire Life...

Monday, August 08, 2011

started really nicely. I spent the evening celebrating a friend's birthday at another friend's house. Lots of talk, lots of laughter.

I came home, put my food into the tracker (that wasn't good), and announced I was taking Sammy outside, feeding him, and reading for a little bit before I went to bed.

I woke him up and took him to the living room to wave at his dad. Then, I took him back to the bedroom to let him outside.

I don't know how what happened next happened. I don't know if my pants were too long, the groove of my shoe caught in the threshold or if I stumbled on my own two feet, but somehow, I tripped.

And I dropped him on the bricks.

And he began to breathe really funny. Then, he began to seize.

I screamed for my husband, and he came out. Later, he asked me why I didn't call him, but I did. I guess he saw us outside.

We ran to the car. I drove. My husband held him while he twitched, puked and defecated on himself. I ran a red light. I drove 55 on a city street. I'd've gone faster, but I caught up with the car in front of me. Then, we passed a cop. Thank you, car in front of me.

When we got him to the ER, he had stopped twitching and was breathing normally.

We got him inside and they took him. Once I could sit down, I started to cry and didn't stop until we left.

He's still there. They're observing him for more seizures. They let us see him before we left for the night, and he looked okay. He was on Valium, but he was snoring like he does at home. I think he liked that we were petting him.

But no one will just TELL me he'll be okay. He's doing "fairly well" this morning. "Hopefully," he'll be fine. I want to think he's okay, because they said that he hasn't had another seizure, he's lifting his head on his own, he's urinating on his own, and his blood pressure is a little high, but not too high, and that's probably because we feed him too many treats, my little butterball. And since he's blind, he's used to bumps on the head...right?

But I still can't stop crying. This is the worst thing I've ever done, and the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And I know it was an accident, and I know it could happen to anyone, but it was still all my fault, and knowing all that doesn't change anything. And I know feeling bad doesn't change anything, either, but I...I can't forgive myself till he's home with me and okay. And if he's not okay? How can I live with myself?

I am so sorry. I am so sorry.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN_NY 8/8/2011 9:52PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Wishing you peace at heart...

See these balloons? They're for Sammy!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

They're filled with HEAL-ium. ;)

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 8/8/2011 6:39PM

    OMG.... I am just reading this now because I've been so far behind. and I do see that you have an update blog so I am going to read that in the next 2 seconds but first wanted to say that it was 100% an accident and these things happen... great parents like you love their doggies so much and would never do anything to intentionally hurt them and I am so sorry that this terrible thing happened, but it is not your fault. emoticon

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GIRANIMAL 8/8/2011 4:35PM

    Oh, my goodness. I am sooooo, so sorry. It's really not your fault, though I know that doesn't help right now, nor are you probably able to even believe it right now.

As my Killer got older and older, it was a constant learning curve surrounding what I should still allow him to do on his own. Once when I tried to let him go down the flight of stairs on his own, he slipped and just sorta bounced down them, and the only thing that stopped him was his head meeting the wall where the staircase curves with a sick "thud."

That horror came back when reading your story, and I am just sick with you on your behalf. I am just so sorry you have to endure this. I am sending my best healing energy to you and Sammy -- I have faith he will be OK. And so will you.


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NICB87 8/8/2011 4:22PM

    Animals are amazingly resilient and you got him to the doctor right away, which was the only thing you could have done. He will still love you, he will not treat you any differently, I promise!

I'll be thinking of him and you!

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AMBERLEIGHM1 8/8/2011 3:48PM

    I am so sorry that you are suffering right now, I have prayed for you and I have prayed for Sammy to heal quickly and to return home safely and quickly.

You are a loving mom and did nothing wrong, it was an accident and he knows in his heart it was an accident and he will not treat you an different if you could ask he would act genuinely perplexed as my son always did because he wouldn't have ever considered holding it against you.

Please do your best to put your energy into sending Sammy healing thoughts instead of using your energy punishing yourself, it's difficult to do both at the same time.

I"m sure you have the very best care for Sammy and will hear something soon.

Best Wishes,

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AMYLONGHORN 8/8/2011 1:31PM

    *hugs* sister...keep us posted on when Sammy gets to come home!

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ANNASBF 8/8/2011 12:43PM

    Oh dear. You poor thing. I am so sorry this accident happened. So many times we almost have something happen like this and we go whew and get to have a moment of fear of what could have been and you get to move on. This is so sad when such a loving and kind person has such an accident. My heart goes out to you and I can only say you are the same good person you were before this and will still be going forward... life hands us such difficult things to accept at times. I am thinking of you today, take care and I hope pup does well.

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RUTHXG 8/8/2011 12:14PM

    Poor little Sammy--& poor Brenda. I'm so sorry for this trauma you have both been through. Sometimes life hurts SO much.

emoticon & healing prayers/blessings.

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NORCALCAT 8/8/2011 11:42AM

    I am very sorry this has happened. Lots of healing prayers for Sammy...and for you!

It is not your fault this happened and I know Sammy feels the same way. They are resilient, and this will be behind you both soon.

emoticon to you both!

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NIKKICOLE83 8/8/2011 11:06AM

    I know its hard to do but ease up on yourself. No one would ever assume you did this intentionally. You love your puppy. He loves you. It was an accident and I know that doesn't make it any better. I really hope he is ok. The whole thing just sounds heart breaking.

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    Oh my goodness - I am soooo sorry! It's not your fault, it was an accident, but I can totally understand your feelings, regardless. There's nothing I can say that will make things better, but know that I'm saying a prayer for the little guy...and for you. Put your energy into sending positive vibes out there for Sammy instead of negative ones (towards yourself). He'll be okay. Stay positive. ((((HUGS))))

- Michelle

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KIM--POSSIBLE 8/8/2011 10:37AM

    I am so sorry to hear that happened. Hope everything turns out ok. Accidents happen, and it wasn't your fault! emoticon

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ASHL_84 8/8/2011 10:32AM

    No one blames you for what happened except you. I hope your dog will be okay and that you'll be able to let go of the guilt. emoticon and prayers for you and Sammy.

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ROSES4UN4ME 8/8/2011 10:25AM

    omg i am so sorry for you i am a klux 2 an sounds like something i'd do but if its going to happen it will i know that don't make you feel better but hang in there and we are here if u need 2 talk.... at least he didnt have another seizure thats good but ARE U ALRIGHT???? emoticon emoticon NO MORE TEARS ONLY HAPPY ONES..... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FITJANE6 8/8/2011 10:22AM

    Oh, I feel so awful for you right now!
My kitten is at the vet right now because he had a bad reaction to the flea medicine I gave him this weekend, so I TOTALLY know how you feel! It's horrible knowing that your little fuzzy is hurting and you had something to do with it!

But, you didn't do it on purpose, and neither did I. They know that we love them! Your little Sammy will be back home with you soon! emoticon

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ALR516 8/8/2011 10:09AM

    This could have happened to anyone. It isn't your fault and accidents happen unfortunately. Take it easy and hang in there. Good luck to you!

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CORKY982 8/8/2011 10:06AM

  I'm so sorry to herar about all of this. All you can do is pray, and remind yourself that it was not your fault. I repeat - NOT your fault. It could have happened to anyone! I hope everything works out ok for you.

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Channeling Suze

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Since I started working my second job, I've also started working on how to balance everything that goes on in my life. To do this, I had to find a framework, and I did, in Suze Orman's motto:

"People first, then money, then things."

So before I go and take extra shifts at the new job, I have to make sure I don't have plans with anyone. And I can't buy extras with my new income--it all goes straight to my savings!

I'm a little behind on other, organizing things, my reading. And I'm okay with it. The thing I'm most bummed about is the reading, but I just couldn't seem to fit it in.

Then I realized something. People first.

And I'M people.

So I changed my framework a little bit. Me first. Then people, then money, then things.

Is it selfish? Nah. Me first doesn't mean I buy extras for myself instead of putting my new income into savings. Me first doesn't mean that I blow off plans with friends and family. Me first doesn't mean that I skip out on work because I'd rather sleep in.

Me first means that the "Object Me" is taken care of. My body, my mind, my spirit.

Exercise comes before people, money and things. I don't skip workouts to hang out with friends, take an extra shift or go shopping.

Sleep comes before people and things. Granted, my shifts are in the middle of the night, but I go to bed very early, and I make sure I get my eight hours every other night. Naps on weekends on the norm.

Food comes before money and things. It is still my Untergang every time, no doubt about it. But I've begun buying things that I wouldn't have in the past because they were too expensive. I started splurging on healthy foods and buying certain fruits and vegetables only organic. I'm cooking a little more on my own. I make good, informed choices when I go out. I drink less alcohol.

Reading comes before money and things. It's one of my favorite things to do, so time for it must be made. I also multi-task and do it with the exercise, which is also cool.

Me first was an important thing to add to my two-job framework, and I've felt much more in control since I added it. Suze gave me a good start, but I improved on it. Now, if only I had her financial savvy, and her financial resources, I'd be set!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMREITE 8/16/2011 12:42AM

    i like watching suze's show. she has a lot of good advice, but she also has the logic to back it up. i think when we focus on "People first" we tend to think about what needs to be bought, instead of what we we can do (quality time, learning about ourselves)

spending more on fresh produce still costs less then going out to eat,

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 8/8/2011 6:35PM

    Good for you! I love Suze too!! What a great blog.

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AMYLONGHORN 8/5/2011 9:29AM

    I love Suze Orman! This sounds like a good plan...maybe I can implement something similar in my life...I feel like I need it!!

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RUTHXG 8/4/2011 11:44PM

    You have thought this out really well--& you're doing it! I'm so proud of you!


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KAREN_NY 8/4/2011 9:29PM

    Sounds pretty savvy to me... remember that's how she got there. :)

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Just Felt Like Writing a Little...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

These are just rambles. Move on, nothing to see here.

I'm tired, and I'm bummed out, because I have to work AGAIN tomorrow morning from 2-4. I normally work M-W, but my supervisor keeps adding Thursday in ALL THE TIME, and I email her and tell her NO, I canNOT handle four days of not sleeping through the night...this is NOT what we agreed to, and then she fixes it, but they just had a big launch, so when I emailed her, she didn't respond, and I figure she's not going to give up a shift that's IN WRITING already, but that's crap. I MAY do it next week (because she did it AGAIN for next week), but I may not. And if it happens again, I may have to be a little more direct and a little less nice about it, because it's starting to look like an issue of competance.

So for this week, I'm doing it four days in a row.

And I have a voice lesson tonight. I GUESS. I haven't had a voice lesson in over a month. I cancelled twice, then she cancelled once, then I showed up last week and she didn't answer her door, so I emailed her when I got home (to keep a written record), and she never wrote back. What's up with that?

Maybe I should quit voice lessons and take up the banjo.

And I haven't seen the Peru/Uruguay game, so I have to stay away from the news. Not that it made big news, I'm sure, but I also try to stay away from really sad news, so sports is usually a safe (albeit mostly boring, to me) bet. I'd've liked to have watched it with my husband, since he was rooting for Peru and I was rooting for Uruguay, and that would have been kind of fun. I guess I'll see when I watch the game if it actually would have been fun for me or not!

That's it for now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROCKPORT9 7/22/2011 3:35PM

    I am so sorry that you are being treated so poorly at work. You deserve better and it is worth it to put yourself forward and make a stand! I hope you start getting more support and respect at work soon. - hugs, Laurel emoticon

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ANNASBF 7/21/2011 1:34AM

    Liked the banjo part... randomly cool. The other stuff, ugh. If I tried to do what you describe my brain would be fried. I hope you get some sleep soon although it does produce some interesting blog entries when you are on half sleep mode.... :)

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AMYLONGHORN 7/20/2011 12:22PM

    LOVE the idea, Kristen! BRENDA! You, me and Anna should do a TRIO for the Starfish team! Go all old school church youth choir on SparkPeople! LOLOL!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 7/20/2011 11:48AM

    ouch I don't know how you do that! 2-4 are like my BEST sleeping hours I think! hope that your voice lesson happens tonight. you should record a little song for the starfish... haha.... pretty please?

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RUTHXG 7/20/2011 10:43AM

    People's inconsistencies that cause hardship for the rest of us are VERY frustrating. I hope you have some encouraging moments today--& I hope you stick to your guns about the middle-of-the-night work gigs!

Peace & refreshment to you . . .

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AMYLONGHORN 7/20/2011 10:29AM

    That's not cool about Thursdays...I'd start getting frustrated with that, too. And your voice lesson situation is funky...I hope you're not having to pay for these things when you're not actually going!! Weird that she didn't answer the door last week. I hope you are able to watch that game to get a sound like you need it! HUGS!!!

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