BEATLETOT   79,432
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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Today, I worked toward making Freddie's rockin' world go 'round.

Oh, my God.

I went on the biggest carbo-binge in history today. It started with my boss. He fed us today, in a general sense. He gave us bagels today, and before I knew what happened, I ate two. TWO!!! Smothered in cream cheese, of course.

Well, after that, as you can imagine, I was LETHARGIC. And full. And ready to skip lunch, since breakfast was 11:30, and was sooooo bad!

So during my lunch break, I went on a walk with my colleague so I could buy a diet soda. One of my other colleagues gave me cash to buy her salt and vinegar chips. My favorite, too.

I don't know why I did it, but I came back with two. And I ate the bajeezus out of my chips.

How did this happen? It was like I wasn't there while I ate both times. And I ATE. Boy, did I ever.


Further musings:
I wrote a blog a little while back about how frustrated I was with my weight loss progress. After I wrote it, I noticed other people writing the same genre of blog. Except that I noticed they were saying, "I don't get it. I only went over my calorie range once. I only went out drinking twice. I only skipped one workout." And I thought, "Of course you're not losing weight fast! How can you not see that?" Then, I went back and read my blog, and it had the same stuff!!! So I gotta be better, and not have this kind of stuff happen!

NO. I do gotta be better, but "not have this kind of stuff happen"? This kind of stuff doesn't happen. I DID this.

How to make it better? I feel like exercise won't be enough in this case, but I guess it's the only way. That and eating properly in the future. And I gotta eat something else now. Because I feel like CRAP, and it's because I ate CRAP. I have to eat some nutrition. Right? Or should I just try to sleep it off? I dunno. Who knows?


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN_NY 6/15/2011 1:46PM

    emoticon I hope you feel better by now, and see that Kristen and Ruth are all over it, but I had to write to say that we had the same kind of day yesterday...except mine was triggered by having too light of a lunch, and then, when I was really hungry at 4pm, I caved to what was most available -- all of which was garbage. And I paid for it for hours of ickiness.

So I made myself record it.
And drank tea all evening, and made a breakfast & lunch today of entirely whole foods.
And even though I still didn't feel like a workout this morning, I walked the dog and will run with her tonight.

Also love the opening line of your blog! emoticon emoticon LOL!

Moving on!!

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AMYLONGHORN 6/15/2011 8:51AM

    Oh sister...don't be down on yourself! Take your plan from yesterday and use it today and you'll see a difference for sure! I hope you feel better today...get your good eats on and workout a little bit and hopefully you won't feel like CRAP. I hope that you being tired with your new job isn't negatively affecting you...I'm worried about ya, so hoping you get on track today and feel better. Love you, sis!!

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BEATLETOT 6/15/2011 2:34AM

    I wound up eating a little of both: I ate a chicken fajita with bell peppers and onions on a whole wheat tortilla. Homemade seasoning. No salt.

I have my lunch food and snacks waiting for me at the office, because I had planned properly yesterday, but then the day totally got away from me. CRAZY. And it's so...I don't know. It's not weird. It's not surprising. Interesting, I guess, the way that these things are cyclical. Like, I overate a bunch of junk, so I was too tired and yucky to go to the gym. And I might be able to take it a step further: I was tired from working weird hours, so I overate a bunch of junk, so I was too tired...

So it's 2:30am, and my stomach is still PISSED at me. I normally strength train at home on Wednesdays because I have my voice lesson, but I think I'm going to have to get cardio today to try to make this better.

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RUTHXG 6/14/2011 10:25PM

    Interesting--Kristen suggests ending the day with freggies, I was going to suggest eating some lean protein. You've undoubtedly dealt with supper long since anyway.

One other suggestion: track everything you ate today, here on SP's tracker so you can see exactly how the calories/carbs/etc. shake out. Look at the fiber too, because with those refined carbs you got almost nothing to move the food through your system. Sometimes the cold, hard details are SO helpful!

Then forgive yourself & decide ahead of time what you're going to eat tomorrow--each meal, each snack. Healthy food that is tasty, so you don't feel deprived & martyrish! We've got to keep outwitting ourselves.

Just so you know, I'm writing this to myself as much as to you. I didn't carb-binge today, but of course I've been known to do it from time to time!


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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 6/14/2011 10:11PM

    End the day with something healthy. Sometimes even after a bad day, if I eat some fresh fruit or a big salad it all just seems better. Plus I wake up less fluffy the next day.
I know what you mean about the bagels. We have a new "intern" starting tomorrow (The boss' son, ugh!) and so we'll be having "welcome bagels"... I love bagels too much to pass, but I'm going to try to go with the healthiest option. and bring my tomatoes in to put that on top. Love bagel, cream cheese and tomato!
Hope tomorrow is better for you, Brenda!

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MARTY728 6/14/2011 6:59PM

    It happened, you cannot change the past. You can only control the decisions you make in the current time. Those decisions will dictate the future. So, start over, reset the counter, get back on track, or whatever else you want to call it now so you can achieve your future goals.

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Cheeseless Fridays

Friday, June 10, 2011

I LOVE CHEESE!!! emoticon

Not all cheese, some of those smelly, lumpy ones don't suit my fancy, but in general, I love cheese! I eat string cheese for my snacks at work, I smother bagels in cream cheese, I love grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner if I have the calorie allotment, my husband cooks me macaroni and cheese on birthdays and anniversaries. I could go on. Cheese and I have a well-known and long relationship. You may have seen us walking together arm-in-arm in a recent issue of OK! magazine.

Which is why I regret to announce that I have to give up cheese on Fridays.

Why would you do this to yourself, BeatleTot?

Because, gentle reader, I have to weigh-in on Saturdays, so I've decided that I need to shrivel myself as much as possible on Fridays. So I have to aim for very. low. sodium. And cheese has lots. Surprisingly lots.

The sodium thing in general is a problem, because I've long had a love affair with salt. It shows up everywhere I go. I can't blame it. I give it mixed signals, you know. I try to push it away, but then I run up to it on the soup aisle. I hold it lovingly as I pour it on my macaroni and cheese.

So, yes. Cheeseless Fridays. Also known as the Weekly Shrivel. See you tomorrow, cheese! Because for today, I gotta replace you with asparagus.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUTHXG 6/11/2011 10:43PM

    emoticon I hate to respond to your hilarious post with this graceless emoticon, but I really did laugh out loud--your punchline was a witty surprise. Dang, you write well.

I look forward to hearing how this new strategy pays off! Just try not to salt your asparagus too heavily, heehee.

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AMYLONGHORN 6/11/2011 11:59AM

    You're silly!!! I just recently started eating string's yummo! But I like your Cheeseless Friday idea...hope it works out for ya on the scale!!

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KAREN_NY 6/10/2011 2:17PM

    This is a GREAT idea! I love cheese too, but really like the idea of having to acknowledge its role in my weight/health by setting aside a cheeseless day. Maybe I'll make mine a monday. :)

It also helped me a lot when I learned that cream cheese is so high in fat and low in protein that it is barely a real cheese, lol. Made it much easier to cut back.

Good luck!

Comment edited on: 6/10/2011 2:18:16 PM

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 6/10/2011 11:28AM

    Great idea! I always seem to treat myself on Fridays even though I know the scale is looming the next morning... you're so smart!! emoticon...and brave. I LOVE CHEESE!!!

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CARLYG8 6/10/2011 11:06AM

    Shrivel on Friday=Sizzle on Saturday!!.....I like it!!!!

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MARTY728 6/10/2011 9:59AM

    After reading your blog I now undestand why you are doing "Cheeseless Fridays". Based on the title, I thought that maybe you needed someone to cut the cheese for you. I was going to volunteer to cut the cheese for you anytime you want. That way you would have someone to and know who cut the cheese. emoticon

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MSKITYOCAT 6/10/2011 9:14AM

  You have given me a great idea on how to cut down on my cheese consumption. My cholesterol needs some help. I'll just eliminate a day of the week for a few months and then add a second day with out cheese for a bit and so on and so forth until its eating cheese several days a week instead of several times a day. Thank you for planting that idea. Blessings to you

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    LOL - I totally feel you! Cheese is good stuff...and I'm all about the Weekly Shrivel for a Saturday weigh-in!! :)

- Michelle

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JECKIE 6/10/2011 8:59AM

    awww. I love cheese, too (even the lumpy, smelly kinds!) I never really considered the sodium content in them, but it's a good point.

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The Sum of Y'all's Experience

Monday, June 06, 2011

I started a cool new job. Part time. 6 hours a week. From home.

The problem is that the 6 hours are from 2am to 4am. And what I'm wondering is, if I normally need 7-8 hours of sleep a night, and now I have to break it into 2 periods, how much more sleep per night should I aim for? An extra half hour? An extra hour? An extra 90 minutes? More?

I tried the Google, but when I typed in "how to break up sleep," I got a bunch of results about post-breakup insomnia. So I dunno.

In other news, I'm having a hard time feeling up to working out so far this week. Today was just kind of a blah day. I had fun with the part time job (which is running 4-6 this week), but there are so many irritants at my day job! Pretty unique, huh? Ha ha. And I suppose my problem is that I tell myself that I can let all the stress out at the gym, but I don't feel like that actually happens. The workout doesn't change my frustration or make me feel better about it, so there's always a little disappointment. I guess it's not so bad, it's only Monday, but with the 5% Challenge weeks starting on Saturdays, that's practically half over!!! I'm off work tomorrow for an exceptionally cool reason, which I'll tell you about tomorrow, so I can and definitely should go to the gym tomorrow.

And in case you're wondering, it's not phone sex!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUTHXG 6/8/2011 1:00AM

    Congrats on this fun new job! I have absolutely no advice about the sleep issues--I can't imagine breaking up my sleep on a regular basis. Well, my son interrupted my sleep each night years ago in his first year of life--& of course I survived, but not by making any clever decisions about making up for the interruption. I'm sure you'll figure it out, especially since you enjoy the work so much.

I get stress relief from any exercise that works up a sweat--bummer that you don't!


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KAREN_NY 6/7/2011 4:46PM

    So if you ever take the phone sex job, you can do it in different languages - cool. :) JUST KIDDING!! :)

I don't think I could break up my sleep on a regular basis, and would probably try to create a new biorhythm based on a 2am-7pm "day." Not ideal either... sorry, no good ideas in this corner!

Good luck with the new job though - it does seriously sound fun!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 6/7/2011 4:17PM

    That is a cool job!! Congrats! I hope you can get the schedule figured out! emoticon

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MARTY728 6/7/2011 12:35PM

    Congratulations on the new job. I was not wondering! LOL

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 6/6/2011 10:53PM

    I'm not sure about the sleep - I definitely don't think I'd be able to do that. How long on average does it take you to fall asleep? Maybe figure that out in order to add more sleep to your first half?
I agree about the stress relieving. I do feel some, but never like I used to when I was kickboxing three times a week. I think workouts where you actually simulate getting aggression out (like boxing) might be best for that. emoticon emoticon

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CARLYG8 6/6/2011 9:37PM

    I have had insomnia since my hysterectomy, and naturally wake up around 2, and can't fall back to sleep until after 4. Whatever the job is, it sounds perfect for me! But I know that I struggle sometimes with going back to sleep at 4, and then getting up at 5:15ish, I feel horrible. But if I don't go back to sleep, I feel better, not so sluggish. Maybe move your going to bed time way up, and then get up at 2???? work your ummm, night job (laughs) and then work out or something . (stop laughing....its just a suggestion...but I think that I would have to start my day at 2 am, and adjust the rest accordingly.) I am not sure what time you start your day job??

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AMYLONGHORN 6/6/2011 8:50PM

    I seriously LOL'ed about the phone sex thing! HA HA! You're silly! Unfortunately, I have no idea what to tell you about the sleep stuff, though....all I know is that whatever you figure out, it will take some getting used to!!

P.S. I saw you called, but I don't really want to talk about "the situation" anymore tonight...we've calmed down A LOT, but I will fill you in tomorrow....that is, of course, if you have TIME for me, you big balla!! emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/6/2011 8:50:54 PM

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AMBERZADE 6/6/2011 7:33PM

    LOL I was wondering!! I used to work overnight and the thing is you never quite get rested. I don't know how much extra you need exactly but half an hour is a good start.

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I Won!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Today, there was a knock at the door, and there was a packet lying there when my husband opened the door.

"Did you order something?" he asked.

"No," I said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Maybe it's from my boss, you know? My new job?"

"Me? I'm your boss."

"NO. My new boss."

Then I looked at the package. It was addressed to Brenda MyHusband'sLastName.

"Brenda MyHusband'sLastName?" I don't normally go by that. I did the Latin American thing with my name when we got married, so my name is Brenda MyLastName de MyHusband'sLastName, but I don't like that much, so I usually go by Brenda MyLastName. My new job would have used my full legal name. I don't know who would call me Brenda MyHusband'sLastName. I only use it alone when it's better to not be so findable, or if it behooves me to appear Hispanic.

So I opened the package to find out.

Inside was a book. "Carrots 'n' Cake." You may remember it as the DailySpark Giveaway from May 6.


I didn't know they didn't notify you, that you just got a bangin' surprise at your doorstep!

And...when I just went looking for that link, I saw that they post the winners' names on the blog post. There were 5 of us. I know one of the other winners! Geez, SparkPeople is a small place.

But I digress.

Thanks, SP! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNASBF 6/2/2011 11:50PM

    I am so glad you won but the part I really enjoyed about this blog is how pleased you were to get your prize! So many people are so jaded and all these days... reading your marvelous appreciation felt so good... well done, you! And congrats on being a winner in more ways than one!

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JMCADE 5/25/2011 8:41PM

    How great for you!

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KAREN_NY 5/25/2011 1:14PM


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AMYLONGHORN 5/25/2011 11:26AM

    LUCKY!!!!!!!!!!! Enjoy!!!


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HOPESINGH 5/25/2011 3:18AM

    emoticon Very nice surprise

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SWEETNSKINNY 5/24/2011 10:58PM

    What a fun suprise!!!! Congrats!

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KJNLDE 5/24/2011 9:43PM

    Wow! That's fantastic! Surprises are so motivating!!

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SEAWAVE 5/24/2011 9:31PM

    What a great morale booster! I wish we Canadians could win Spark contests!

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KARENE10 5/24/2011 8:45PM

    I love winning stuff:)

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 5/24/2011 7:43PM

    Awesome! But how did they get you as Brenda YourHusband'sLastName? Oh Bc maybe you wanted to not be so findable on Spark? Got it. I want to win a costest!

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 5/24/2011 7:15PM


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MARTY728 5/24/2011 6:45PM

    Way to go!

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RUTHXG 5/24/2011 6:32PM

    Hey, that's fabulous! Looks like a very fun book, maybe motivating too!

It's always so much fun to win something. emoticon emoticon

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DAV128 5/24/2011 6:32PM

    Excellent. I'm still waiting for my first such surprise.


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Not Enough!

Monday, May 23, 2011

In the past, I focused on my weight, or my calories, and, judging by the fact that I've lost basically nothing in the last several years, that obviously wasn't right.

This time, it was going to be different. I decided that I was going to focus on following streaks. Then, it was going to work. Instead of rewarding weight loss, I was going to reward behavior.

But the last two weeks, I'm up. Really up. Like, just quit smoking up.

So what the hell?

Am I defeating the purpose by complaining about this? Does this blog mean I'm still focused on weight loss, so of course it's not going to work?

And what am I going to do?

I already decided that I have to go back to being a food racist. No more whites. But this is frustrating. When am I going to lose weight?

I read a blog today--I wish I remembered who'd written it--about not going through the motions. I guess they were like me, not losing weight on SP for YEARS. Then, they stopped going through the motions. Is that what I'm doing? And if so, I obviously don't know how to NOT do that, so how do I NOT do that? What's the difference between just going through the motions and not with regard to diet, exercise, motivation, and health?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEATLETOT 5/24/2011 1:30PM

    Maybe it's not that interesting nor that odd. Maybe I really am just not doing enough.

Because, really, I mean, I don't defy science, and if I had the choice to, I'd at least want to be able to fly.

So it isn't enough to reward behavior. It isn't enough to stay within my calorie range. I simply have to work harder, to be on the LOW END of the calorie range (which is 1200-1550). And eat more protein. I actually get a ton of fruits and veggies, but I usually struggle to get enough of that.

For exercise, I dunno. I do a lot, and I keep an eye on my heart rate to make sure I'm in the right range, and I do very well at making sure the incline, resistance, and speed are all different everytime. I don't know what to do differently, beyond using 10 pounds instead of 5 for my weight training.

Thanks for all the advice, everyone, and especially Jeckie, thank you for chiming in! Your suggestions were really helpful, especially since your blog sort of inspired my thought process.

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RUTHXG 5/24/2011 12:36PM

    Are you getting frequent enough exercise, with some good variety & appropriate intensity?

What is your SP-recommended calorie range? Might it be a little higher than you really need, given your height?

This is an interesting situation--I'm eager to see how it works out!


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HOPESINGH 5/24/2011 2:57AM

    How about consulting a dietitian? It's the kind of cases where I turn to a professional
Good luck, you're determined enough to do this! emoticon

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4LEEFCLOVER 5/24/2011 12:44AM

    Remember - you're developing a "lifestyle". You're already dealing with becoming a "nonsmoker". This may take awhile for you to "own" it. Meanwhile, you are getting good at regular exercise, drinking enough water, trying some healthier foods. So, listen to everyone else's suggestions, and maybe try some rewards for some small goals - behavior goals, and keep it up. You WILL be better off for it in the long run. Let the weigh-ins be as feedback on your lifestyle progress, but not the only valued goal. You could weigh less and feel miserable. So far so good!

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L*I*T*A* 5/23/2011 11:27PM

    you only fail if you stop trying. That goes for EVERYTHING in life. If you don't find success after 349 tries, maybe the 350th try will do it. In other words, if you fall, you get up again, no matter how many times it takes.
blessings and hugs...............lita

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 5/23/2011 10:47PM

    For me, it's not enough to just work out or just focus on my nutrition, I HAVE to do both and I HAVE to push hard to even get the pidley results I get. For you, I imagine it might be even harder considering you're already at a significantly lower weight. Have you figured out what body type thing you are? I will send you a link if I can find it, but it was an article describing the three types of bodies and I figured out only recently that I'm an endomorph and that my body needs constant fuel to keep my metabolism going or else I'm going to store more fat, or something. I can't remember it all, but it is helping me change my attitude towards food and how much I should be eating, and when. Also what types of exercise are better for my body.
Also I'm glad you mentioned this so now I can be sure to go back and read JECKIE's blog.
Oh man, I really hope I'm not just going through the motions... I don't feel like I am, but I'm not getting results either. It's so hard.

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JECKIE 5/23/2011 10:09PM

    Yeah, that was me.

So here's the deal. When I say I was going through the motions - I was eating in my 1400 to 1800 calorie range, but I was eating bread and pasta and maybe 2 servings of veggies per day and NO fruit. I was focused on that calorie number, and none of the others (protein, fiber, etc.)

On the exercise front, I'd go to the gym and hop on the elliptical for a half hour. I'd move, but I wasn't pushing myself. I'd maybe do 4mph for a half hour. Yeah, that might be great for someone, but not me.

So now? I'm focused on fruit and veggies, on quality protein, etc. On water. At the gym I kick my own ass daily. I SWEAT. I push my limits. I do intervals and make my muscles burn. It's hard for me to say what the switch was that changed how I approached this, but it's working.

I used to think my 30 minute elliptical "walk" was enough to make a difference, but I wasn't seeing the difference I wanted. Now I'm putting everything I have into making that difference real.

You can do this too! Challenge yourself to beat your best time/speed/whatever in your workouts, make sure you plan 5-7 freggies into your daily plan BEFORE anything else. Drown yourself in water (not literally, please! We'd miss you!). Get serious about how much of yourself you're putting into this. Only you know if you're doing absolutely the most you can to make this happen.


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BEATLETOT 5/23/2011 9:35PM

    Ah, you caught me, Ruth! I wasn't good about staying within my calorie range! I guess I mentioned that in my blue dot blog, that my reports had measles...

But now I AM being good! And I was pretty good on all 3 challenges to no avail! I've gone over a few times, but nothing terrible! So I'm actually doing both...watching my calories and rewarding behavior. So NOW what the hell?

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RUTHXG 5/23/2011 9:12PM

    OK, analysis question: When you focused on calories, did it not work in that even when you stayed within your calorie range faithfully for weeks on end you didn't lose weight? Or did it not work in that you couldn't make yourself stay faithfully within your calorie range?

That's an important difference!

I see from your main page that you are aiming for "blue dots" during this spring challenge. How is that going?

The answers to these questions will help us guess where the problem might lie.

Your fellow sleuth

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