Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Today, there was a knock at the door, and there was a packet lying there when my husband opened the door.
"Did you order something?" he asked.
"No," I said.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Maybe it's from my boss, you know? My new job?"
"Me? I'm your boss."
"NO. My new boss."
Then I looked at the package. It was addressed to Brenda MyHusband'sLastName.
"Brenda MyHusband'sLastName?" I don't normally go by that. I did the Latin American thing with my name when we got married, so my name is Brenda MyLastName de MyHusband'sLastName, but I don't like that much, so I usually go by Brenda MyLastName. My new job would have used my full legal name. I don't know who would call me Brenda MyHusband'sLastName. I only use it alone when it's better to not be so findable, or if it behooves me to appear Hispanic.
So I opened the package to find out.
Inside was a book. "Carrots 'n' Cake." You may remember it as the DailySpark Giveaway from May 6. www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=win
I didn't know they didn't notify you, that you just got a bangin' surprise at your doorstep!
And...when I just went looking for that link, I saw that they post the winners' names on the blog post. There were 5 of us. I know one of the other winners! Geez, SparkPeople is a small place.
But I digress.
Monday, May 23, 2011
In the past, I focused on my weight, or my calories, and, judging by the fact that I've lost basically nothing in the last several years, that obviously wasn't right.
This time, it was going to be different. I decided that I was going to focus on following streaks. Then, it was going to work. Instead of rewarding weight loss, I was going to reward behavior.
But the last two weeks, I'm up. Really up. Like, just quit smoking up.
So what the hell?
Am I defeating the purpose by complaining about this? Does this blog mean I'm still focused on weight loss, so of course it's not going to work?
And what am I going to do?
I already decided that I have to go back to being a food racist. No more whites. But this is frustrating. When am I going to lose weight?
I read a blog today--I wish I remembered who'd written it--about not going through the motions. I guess they were like me, not losing weight on SP for YEARS. Then, they stopped going through the motions. Is that what I'm doing? And if so, I obviously don't know how to NOT do that, so how do I NOT do that? What's the difference between just going through the motions and not with regard to diet, exercise, motivation, and health?
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I went to Zumba today. I don't normally go, because I don't like it that much, but I heard some reggaeton music at a tapas place I went to this week and it made me kind of want to go.
Everytime I go, it's a bigger mistake than the time before. I'm a total clod with no sense of my center of gravity. It's always been a bit of a problem. I never got into the best show choirs in high school because my dancing was never any good. The only time I felt like a good dancer was 25 pounds ago when I belly danced. The Zumba teacher puts in a few belly dancing-inspired moves in a routine or two, and when I catch myself in the mirror, it's like I'm not even the same person, and in a sense, I guess I'm not. I'm 120% the person I used to be.
So I leave feeling like crap about myself.
I wonder if I can ever become a decent dancer, or if I'm totally screwed for life in this department because I was put in Girl Scouts instead of ballet as a child. Can I find my center of gravity? And sufficient grace? And a sense of what I look like when I twist this, shake that or flail these? How?
Thursday, May 19, 2011
I have a large chest.
I always have. It's the one part of me that has not gotten bigger over the course of time. Since it's so nicely-proportioned now, it's clear that I was very voluptuous back in the day.
Nope, it hasn't gotten bigger.
It's gotten longer!
I knew this would happen someday. I didn't quite think it would happen pre-children, pre-thirty, but I knew it would happen.
So aware was I that at the age of 20, I looked into what could be done in such a situation. Enter the breast lift!
Yesterday, I was washing my hands and looked in the mirror and saw 2 inches of cleavage. Not lovely cleavage. LONG cleavage, and I thought, omigod, it's time.
Then I thought about my mortgage, my student loans, my retirement, doggie outfits, make-up, massages, and the rest, and that's when I realized
it's probably just cheaper to learn to love myself and my boobs.
How do you do that?
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
...measly calories OVER today. Broke my streak, which, granted, was only three days (today would have been four), but still...darn!
At least I know I was 16 calories over, because I measured and tracked EVERYTHING today!
On the other hand, I can't fudge any of the numbers, because I measured and tracked EVERYTHING today!
Today was kind of an icky day, in general. Nothing happened really, but I was just crabby. A little strength training is planned for the evening, followed by a little vocal training after that.
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