BEATLETOT   79,194
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A Lost Cause?

Sunday, May 22, 2011

I went to Zumba today. I don't normally go, because I don't like it that much, but I heard some reggaeton music at a tapas place I went to this week and it made me kind of want to go.

Everytime I go, it's a bigger mistake than the time before. I'm a total clod with no sense of my center of gravity. It's always been a bit of a problem. I never got into the best show choirs in high school because my dancing was never any good. The only time I felt like a good dancer was 25 pounds ago when I belly danced. The Zumba teacher puts in a few belly dancing-inspired moves in a routine or two, and when I catch myself in the mirror, it's like I'm not even the same person, and in a sense, I guess I'm not. I'm 120% the person I used to be.

So I leave feeling like crap about myself.

I wonder if I can ever become a decent dancer, or if I'm totally screwed for life in this department because I was put in Girl Scouts instead of ballet as a child. Can I find my center of gravity? And sufficient grace? And a sense of what I look like when I twist this, shake that or flail these? How?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


I Don't Care WHAT I Look Like!
I'm Moving, having FUN!!!
Our class is pretty Big and All the girls Have FUN!
Young, Old, Heavy, Skinny Minnies, It's just a GREAT TIME!!!
Practice Makes Perfect!
emoticon emoticon ROCKS!!!

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HOPESINGH 5/23/2011 10:17AM

    I know exactly how you feel, I'm such a clod I can't even do an aerobics class without feeling awkward. I guess it can get better if you are consistent with those classes. Honestly, I personally found it was not important enough or fun enough to persevere.
regards to little Sammy emoticon

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AMYLONGHORN 5/23/2011 9:25AM

    Heyyyyy so when I pulled up your blog this morning, guess what the advertisement was for?! ZUMBA DVD SET! LOL I'm soooo sorry you feel that way about Zumba, but I am sooooo thankful that you got me hooked on it!! As I've told you before, my class is a city-sponsored class, so there's all shapes, sizes and ages in there, which I definitely appreciate. And we're in a gym, so NO MIRRORS!! Have you thought about getting the game for the Wii or Playstation Move or whatever machine you guys have? That way you can do it in the comfort of your own home, and no one will even see you! Sounds more fun than marching in place!!

emoticon emoticon

LOVE YOU! Have a good week!!!

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SEAWAVE 5/23/2011 9:03AM

    I think part of the ability comes from the repetition of doing the steps, that is going regularly to Zumba. Also, if you've had success with bellydancing, why not take that up again? It's supposed to be a very good core exercise! Bottom line, find something you enjoy and you'll do it often. Don't force yourself to be a square peg trying to fit in a round hole.

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 5/23/2011 1:00AM

    I am a terrible dancer, but I love it! I don't do it in public, except at parties or the occasional night out at karaoke bar, but I always have fun. I think the hard thing for me with zumba or other dance classes would be having to stare in the mirror at myself. I like doing it for fun and if I have to stare at myself (150% of the person I was when I used to go to the 80s clubs in college), I would get depressed. I would keep at it but don't stress it if you're not enjoying it. emoticon

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GRYPHON55 5/23/2011 12:25AM

    I hear you, I used to skip out of any aerobics because they all had dance type steps. But now I think that just showing up and moving is the point of it all, not being perfect.

Try to see that there is a lot of room between "total crap" and "perfect dancer" and your'e somewhere in there. And probably no one else in the room is looking at you, so it's just you and your head having this little argument. Don't let your head win! Your body loves to move, no matter how awkward your brain judges it to be. Tell your brain to let go and just let the body have some fun!

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RUTHXG 5/22/2011 11:32PM

    As for me, people usually say I'm graceful or dignified when I'm just walking about, but no one has EVER said I'm a graceful dancer--because I'm not! I too could have benefited from lessons in childhood or the teen years. Therefore if I ever take up zumba it's going to be with a video at home.

In your case, I would guess that private dance lessons would be fruitful--maybe you could do a swap with a friend who is a good dancer? I think we do all have dancing potential, even if we tend toward clumsiness, because the heart-drumbeat is primal for us all, & therefore so is rhythm.

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BEATLETOT 5/22/2011 11:20PM

    Thanks, BFF of that ridiculously cute dog. But oh, dear! I hope that it doesn't look like I harbor some sort of deep-seated angst against my parents or GSUSA or my high school choir teacher or anything like that from this blog. I made those references to show that I've always been a clod, and if I had learned grace as a young child, maybe I wouldn't be.

After I wrote this, I realized I should also have mentioned that because of me, my parents started the creative curfew of "If you're not home by 1, you can't come home till 6," because, apparently even at 4'10 and barely breaking 100 pounds, my tiptoeing around upstairs was akin to a stampede of elephants. So it's just me. But can I change? That's the question.

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ANNASBF 5/22/2011 9:56PM

    I think you are being too hard on yourself. Zumba is light years less important than how you feel. I hear a lot of people do not keep up with that sort of musical/dancing exercise and leave feeling defeated. I really hope you choose something more motivating instead of revisiting a past hurt. I'm sure you were a great girl scout and there is great merit to that! I am also sure that you are being very hard on yourself. Please don't treat yourself like this!!!! Boo on that! I am sorry you had that experience in high school, honestly, but I am extremely certain that you have brought many other wonderful things to life. I hope you remember those as well..... they count!!!!

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SWEETNSKINNY 5/22/2011 2:39PM

    I cannot dance for the life of me. I feel ridiculous, and am sure I look even worse! But, I made the decision to just not care, and have fun! And now, I love it. I did zumba and the first time I was so critical of myself. I went again telling myself it didnt matter how I looked and to just have fun..and i did! Try again, and just HAVE FUN!

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Probably Just Cheaper to Learn to Love Myself...

Thursday, May 19, 2011


I have a large chest.

I always have. It's the one part of me that has not gotten bigger over the course of time. Since it's so nicely-proportioned now, it's clear that I was very voluptuous back in the day.

Nope, it hasn't gotten bigger.

It's gotten longer!

I knew this would happen someday. I didn't quite think it would happen pre-children, pre-thirty, but I knew it would happen.

So aware was I that at the age of 20, I looked into what could be done in such a situation. Enter the breast lift!

Yesterday, I was washing my hands and looked in the mirror and saw 2 inches of cleavage. Not lovely cleavage. LONG cleavage, and I thought, omigod, it's time.

Then I thought about my mortgage, my student loans, my retirement, doggie outfits, make-up, massages, and the rest, and that's when I realized

it's probably just cheaper to learn to love myself and my boobs.

How do you do that?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JECKIE 5/21/2011 8:29AM

    Hah! Learn to love good bras! They will literally change everything.

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BEATLETOT 5/21/2011 8:04AM

    Oh, when he said "roundness," I heard "promise," so now I kind of get it....but who's nos?

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BEATLETOT 5/21/2011 7:59AM


I asked my husband what that meant, and it doesn't make sense to either of us! What's the rest of the poem?

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RUTHXG 5/21/2011 12:15AM


"y hasta la redondez de una fruta nos hace estremecer."

I just had a funny flashback to learning that poem when I was in high school. I was highly amused by that line.

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RUTHXG 5/21/2011 12:14AM

    You know, this is the best blog title I've seen for quite a while.

I do not have the problem of "length"--quite the opposite. But I can testify that we CAN learn to love our various bodily parts just as they are, even as we age. Because we really are wonderfully made--it's amazing how our bodies are continually working to stay alive & healthy. So be kind to your body!

Also, remember that leaning over a sink will lengthen anyone's cleavage--it's probably not as long as it looked at that moment.


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JMCADE 5/20/2011 7:29PM

    Just be glad they are 'healthy' boobs. Clothes can cover a multitide of issues. I think we need to learn to love ourselves the way we are before we even begin to think of change.

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 5/20/2011 12:03PM

    Ugh, i hate and am learning to love my boobs. They're large, long, and unproportioned. (My right boobs is at least a cup size bigger than the left.) They have faded but visible stretch markies all over! I've dreamed about getting a reduction (or at least a one boob reduction), but I'm just trying to learn to love them... with a good bra, it's a little easier.

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BOBBIEED 5/20/2011 8:00AM

    Oh hon I am so sorry. My grandmother used to joke she was just going to toss her over her sholder to get them out of the way. Now I am the grandmother and I understand. *LOL*

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HOPESINGH 5/20/2011 6:26AM

    Well, look at the positive side - you've had a perfect breast for a while. Some of us, on the other hand, hardly ever had any... emoticon (An A cup is usually a little too big for me...)
But seriously - yeah, love yourself. It's not exactly an easy solution, but much better on the long run

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MELLIL 5/19/2011 9:49PM

    ROFL! I don't KNOW!!! I'm 53 and what was once merely long is now loooooong! I still haven't learned to LOVE them... but I've probably accepted that they are mine... til death do us part! emoticon

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GRYPHON55 5/19/2011 9:11PM

    Go to Macys and ask for the bra fitting. It's free, non-invasive (they measure you over your current bra, and will not go into the room with you, or even look at you if that's how you want it) and I got the best bra fit ever. The woman brought in literally 30 different bras over 45 minutes, until I found the one that worked for me. It hikes the girls up but doesn't gouge my shoulders, and it was very affordable.

And waaaay cheaper and less painful than a boob job, I'm sure!

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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

...measly calories OVER today. Broke my streak, which, granted, was only three days (today would have been four), but still...darn!

At least I know I was 16 calories over, because I measured and tracked EVERYTHING today!

On the other hand, I can't fudge any of the numbers, because I measured and tracked EVERYTHING today! emoticon

Go, emoticon!

Today was kind of an icky day, in general. Nothing happened really, but I was just crabby. A little strength training is planned for the evening, followed by a little vocal training after that.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ONESPOTLEFT 5/19/2011 1:56PM

    16 calories is nothing really to worry about. Drink more water, lots of water, and walk more even if it is only during your breaks. I find the water does make me walk more (back and forth to the ladies room)

There will always be someone that is thinner than I, or prettier than I so I stopped comparing myself to others and compare myself to earlier versions of me when I was less on the scale and felt better health wise...

Since I stopped comparing myself to everyone else I love myself more and I am happier within

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AMYLONGHORN 5/19/2011 7:27AM

    That's IT? 16 calories over and you get a red dot? Good grief! Great job measuring and tracking everything!!! Hope today is crabbiness and getting a blue dot! Do it to it sister!!!

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MAGGIE805 5/18/2011 10:38PM

    Tomorrow is a new day!!!

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JMCADE 5/18/2011 8:29PM

    Think of those points you get for measuring!! and only 16 points not bad at all.

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ANNASBF 5/18/2011 8:04PM

    Ahhh leave it to diligent tracking and honest entries to reach back and give you a wedgie! I'm more concerned that you are crabby because all the good work you are doing otherwise will pay for itself just fine.... even if it messes with your streak jones. A 4 day streak is a good start so a bit of a darn is understandable.... I hope your vocalizing or your strength stuff helps you un-crab!!
! emoticon (a crab pretending he's a spider.... closest I could get....)

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KAREN_NY 5/18/2011 6:39PM

    The "down side" to tracking everything, lol! :) You're doin' fine, and you're gonna feel great by the end of the day!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 5/18/2011 6:01PM

    Darn! BUT... I think the fact that you measured every single thing is a huge victory!

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The Official Announcement

Friday, May 13, 2011

Well, I'll have to let the other parties involved comment on their own, but I guess it's time I said something.

Yes. It's true. The innuendo, the rumors, all of it.

I have two sisters on SparkPeople with me. Yes, that's right. AMYLONGHORN and CASAM1985 and I are sisters. We all rented the same womb, though at different times.

And not only on SparkPeople! They're doing the 5% Challenge with me!

And not only on the 5% Challenge! They're also Starfish with me!

I know what you're thinking. How could this happen? How DID this happen?

Well, I'll tell you. When I joined the site in 2007, I got super-excited and told the two girls about it. They joined shortly after and then promptly dropped it. During my first 5% Challenge, I went to Orlando with Amy, and I was talking about my Challenge all the time, and it sounded like fun to her, so next time around, I emailed her and said, hey, sign up for the challenge and be a Starfish so we can hang out on the site. So she did.

Right after we started, we mentioned it to Anna. At this point, it was late signups, so she had, like, negative 18 hours to think about it and decide. Because her schedule is already merciless, she declined with such short notice, but said to ask her again for the next one. So we did. And she signed up, too.

Let's see. What else might you want to know? There's 35 months distributed amongst the three of us. That means for one month a year, we're stairsteps, but right now, I'm 28, Amy's 27 and Anna's 25.

I sometimes call Anna Bananas, but I don't think Amy does. Not that I blame her, since it's a little silly. Truthfully, I only did it a couple times, my husband thought it was hilarious, so now he sort of keeps me doing it. And even though it is silly, I also think it's cute.

In spite of this, it should be known that Anna does NOT like bananas. But she does like the banana-shaped Runts.

We heart each other very much!!! And I LOVE having the two of them on the Challenge with me, and I'm super-proud of them!

Any other questions, please ask one of us. =)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 5/16/2011 1:07PM

    Ooh, i'm 26 and fit right in with your stair steps! Can I be your sister? lol!
I'm so jealous! I have three brothers and always wanted a sister. I have a sister-in-law now, but she lives in Philadelphia so it's not the same. plus she has a real sister so doesn't seem to go for my "sis" talk! I guess i'm too eager!

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ELLENSUN 5/16/2011 11:00AM

    Ha Ha. I have an older (by 4 1/2 years) sister named Anna and we (five siblings in our family) used to call her "Anna Banana".

I used to eat jelly out of the jar with a spoon and my childhood nickname, which I *hated* was Ellie, so my jingle became, "Ellie's belly's full of smelly jelly", which I always thought was hilarious! I was also called "cafeteria line" because I was always nibbling. But I was always a skinny-mini as a kid, so I never cared.

Glad you're enjoying having your sisters on the site!!

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KAREN_NY 5/13/2011 9:07PM


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ROCKPORT9 5/13/2011 3:15PM

    You are a great inspiration and motivator for your sisters! Good for all of you!

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HAKAPES 5/13/2011 2:25PM

    You rally SPARK to have them here with you!
Super great, all of you! :-)
Rented the same womb - :-D
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOLA_98CHIC 5/13/2011 2:21PM

    Yay emoticon! emoticon

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ANNASBF 5/13/2011 2:00PM

    AHHHHHH..... hanging with Anna Bananas!!! Excellent... I would so rather do that than run for sure.... especially since you can feel the closeness you sisters share!!! Excellent!

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MARTY728 5/13/2011 1:57PM


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10K in NYC

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Today is like Friday for me, because I don't have to work tomorrow. I am going to New York this weekend to walk the UAE 10K in Central Park this weekend. It benefits the National Kidney Foundation. My husband is going to RUN it, but my sister and I are walking it.

It's my first "race." I wish I liked running. I tried. I really did! But I just couldn't enjoy it! My husband really enjoys it and has done the Marine Corps Marathon along with many smaller races. It seems like a waste though, that I'm going to this race and I can't run it, but I found out I was going a week ago, so I didn't exactly have time to train. Maybe being in the thick of it, instead of holding the camera, will inspire me to RUN it next year!

And apart from the race, the trip is going to be SO MUCH FUN. Hanging with Bananas emoticon and also introducing her to some of my colleagues is going to be a BLAST!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4LEEFCLOVER 5/13/2011 10:14PM

    How fun to share your adventure with some of your family! I hope you all do well and enjoy yourselves. Maybe you'll burn enough calories to enjoy a special restaurant meal somewhere great! Sounds exhilarating. Drink plenty of water before the race!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BEATLETOT 5/13/2011 1:49PM

    Hi, AnnasBF! Bananas is my most recent pet name for my sister. Sorry for the confusion!

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ANNASBF 5/13/2011 1:28PM

    Is Hanging with Bananas code for something? Someone? Is that something I should do? Am I making a fool of myself here somehow? Won't be the first time.... how did the pizza thing work out from your intro... I'm behind the curve right now so I need some remediation on your Tot-ness exploits..... good luck on the run day which also has probably passed as well..... but my heart is in the right place... counts? Hmmm?

You have a fun way of expressing yourself, love it!

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AMYLONGHORN 5/13/2011 12:07PM

riously, yall have fun, take pictures, and be sure your goofy husband takes pictures with Anna and not just with her cat! LOL

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SASSACAIA 5/13/2011 11:07AM

    Yay! Have fun! It sounds awesome!

Don't beat yourself up too badly about not liking running. I'm not a runner either. It's so much more important to find something you enjoy!

Have a great weekend! emoticon

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HAKAPES 5/13/2011 10:56AM

    Sounds great to me to walk along! That is also a lot of calories burned in 10K! I've never been to Central Park or NYC - I would love if you take some pictures and post it here!

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SWEETNSKINNY 5/12/2011 11:19PM

    Have a GREAT time!!!! I definitely think the race will inspire always does that for me!

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LINDEE6 5/12/2011 9:23PM

    It sounds like you have a wonderful weekend ahead of you! I'll be cheering you on from afar!

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CASAM1985 5/12/2011 8:59PM

    I'm SOOOO excited to see you and the BIL. Stabler is excited to see him too! I don't like running either, I get shin splints and am miserable for days when I try, but I'm willing to jog some to beat your colleagues!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 5/12/2011 7:19PM

    whoops - had your page open and apparently it took me like 20 minutes to actually post a i'm not sure which sentence you deleted or if my comment now makes no sense?

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 5/12/2011 7:17PM

    Awesome! Which sister is walking with you? I see below that Ruth noted you have ANOTHER sis on here. I'm so jeal!

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BEATLETOT 5/12/2011 6:48PM

    Oh, I deleted that sentence! Leave it to my editor friend to pick up on the inconsistent information!

My organization is generously sponsoring any of its employees who participate in the race. That's how I wound up agreeing to do it in the first place! Usually I'm the one at the finish line with the camera!

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RUTHXG 5/12/2011 6:45PM

    Hey, I didn't know you had ANOTHER sister among the Starfish! That is SO cool--I wish my sisters would join me here too.

I think just walking a 10K will be a really excellent achievement--6.2+ miles is nothing to sneeze at!

Have a super-fun time in NYC! How is it that your work colleagues will be part of the mix?


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MARTY728 5/12/2011 6:44PM

    Have a wonderful weekend. emoticon emoticon

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GRYPHON55 5/12/2011 6:44PM

    Have fun in NYC and Central Park will be so pretty this time of year!

Don't feel bad if you don't like running, really! Find a sport or exercise that you do love, there are so many choices. If you are thinking about running, realize you don't ever have to race or go fast. You can just chug along at your own pace, enjoy the flowers, and the fresh air. That's what I do!

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