Sunday, May 08, 2011
It started with a mug.
Maybe it didn't actually start with the mug, but the mug was the first tangible part. If the mug wasn't the beginning, the pre-mug era was made of only thoughts, dreams, memories and longing.
About this mug. It's a black mug. It has a picture of Karl Marx on it, and it said "Karl-Marx Universitaet Trier." It was a gift from a friend from Uni-Trier that came to visit almost four years ago. He brought me lots of Trier presents, but the mug is the only one I used regularly. I put my tea in it at work. I brought it home to wash on Friday.
Somewhere between my cubicle and the kitchen sink, it broke. That made me sad, but my first thought was probably the first thought of most people under forty and maybe the second or third thought for most people older than that: I'll go online and try to find another one.
I couldn't FIND another one. I found a ton of Karl Marx mugs, mostly ones making fun of our president (note: I'm not actually a big fan of Karl Marx, but he was born in Trier, so he's kind of a big deal around those parts). I didn't WANT one with Barack Obama on it. I wanted a black mug, with Karl Marx's face on it, that said, "Karl-Marx Universitaet Trier." But I couldn't find one.
I was really sad, and I felt really stupid for feeling so sad over a mug, but it wasn't just the mug.
In my search, I saw pictures of Uni-Trier, and Trier. Porta Nigra. Tarforst. Kleeburger Weg. I saw the vineyards. I read about the different Fachbereiche (subject areas) at the Uni. I went on Facebook and told my friend he had to come back and bring me another mug, and I saw HIS mug on his Facebook profile, and by the time I was done, I still didn't have a mug. I had a giant, crushing dose of Heimweh.
Last week, I also went to a luncheon for my German exchange student's program. All the talk about German education hit me a little, too. Then, today, I was watching soccer. Spanish soccer, but it took me back. But not literally, and that's what I want. I want to literally go back.
But I don't know how. I don't know how to navigate finding a job or a life over there. I don't know what my non-German-speaking husband would do there. I don't know what I'd do with my house, or if I could buy a house there. It's something I've mentioned to my husband before, but it's too overwhelming to contemplate. But right now--today, at least--it's kind of all I want.
Saturday, May 07, 2011
I'm working with streaks right now. I'm on Day 5 of both of my streaks.
The first streak is staying within my calorie range. It's been all right. Today, I thought I went over by 15 calories, but then it turned out that I had had a half serving of something I put in as one serving, so that was good.
On Cinco de Mayo, even though I didn't originally plan on doing anything, all the talk of Cinco de Mayo made me really cravey for Mexican food. I had a bit over 700 calories left for the day, so I thought, well, I can't hit a Mexican restaurant. I could have done a Chipotle salad, hold the guacamole and sour cream, but I didn't want to spend the money on fast food. It's a bit pricey, you know?
So I went to the store and bought the ingredients for a Mexican feast at home! Ready-to-expire steaks, whole wheat tortillas, taco and fajita seasonings, and so on.
After dinner, I put my food in, and I was within two calories of my limit! Hooray!
The only problem was that one of the purchases was tortilla chips. I should have bought baked, but I skipped the part of the story where my husband had just happened to be at that same grocery store and had already put most of the stuff, including the tortilla chips, in a basket when I joined him (after going to the gym!). So it's day one of the 5% Challenge, and I'm already eating chips. But I'm within my calorie range for the last five days, and that's a good thing.
My second streak has been following the daily challenges from The Knees group. So far, I've flossed, burned 300 calories, done arm exercises, and eaten protein. I love the leader of this group! She comes up with challenges every weekday, and I've noticed in the past that often no one will post on the challenge threads, so she couldn't see if people were doing the challenges or even seeing them! But she's kept on posting them, and now I'm going to make sure I post that I've done them. I've noticed that when one of us posts on it, others do, too, so that's cool. I don't want her to think that we take her for granted. L*I*T*A, we love you!!!
So cover your eyes, folks! I'm streaking by! It ain't so pretty right now, but if I keep streaking, it will look better and better!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
List ALL your trigger foods.
2. French Fries
Snack food or part of a meal? 1-2 are part of a meal, 3 is both, 4-5 are snacks.
Are they sweet or salty? 1-3 are salty, 4-5 are sweet.
Hot, cold or room temperature? 1-2 are hot, 3-5 are room temperature.
Carbs, comfort foods? I think they're all pretty carby. 1 is also a comfort food. And it is also awesome.
What are the sources of the Triggers Foods?
1. Pizza: Delivery, my freezer, the grocery store deli
2. French Fries: Silver Diner, IHOP, fast food restaurants, Whitlow's
3. Chips: The grocery store, my cupboard, and the bag
4. Cookies: My coworkers, Giant
5. Minis: My boss keeps them out in the reception area and his office!
Describe the most common foods and or situations where you reach for the trigger foods or snacks. I reach for trigger foods usually because I'm craving them. Or I'm craving the feeling of being out and in a restaurant: the comraderie, the atmosphere, the conversation, and the FOOD. I really grab the minis whenever I get the candy bowl within my sights, which is probably anywhere from one to five times a day. This is new. I used to have them off-limits in my head, but once I grabbed one and saw that no one blamed me, judged me or said, "Those are for guests!" it was ALL OVER.
Sometimes I emotionally eat. That's usually chips, and I'm normally at home. I am getting better about knowing I'm doing it. I'll announce out loud, "I am going to go emotionally eat now." But I haven't gone the next step of saying, "Okay, I recognize what I'm doing, so I won't do that."
Are you eating it to feel better? Sure.
Are you rewarding yourself? Sometimes...I mean, that's if we go out. I have a hard time thinking of anything that would make a better reward or celebration than going out to dinner. Lots of the things people suggest don't interest me.
Soothing yourself? Yes.
Are you bored? Frequently.
By getting the food how does it make what you are doing better? No. But I do feel better. I mean, it doesn't solve the problem, but it tickles the pleasure centers in my brain and makes me happy. There's something to the whole comfort food notion, indeed.
What should you be doing at that time? Jeepers, who knows? I don't. I made a list of things that I need to get done that I never think of when I'm bored, but when I look at it, they all look boring, too. I could nap, or go to bed. I suppose I could read. Maybe do some strength training.
Write out your strategy to avoid the Triggers.
1. Pizza: I just can't have it. Fortunately, that is easy. I can just not order it and not buy it. If I crave it, I can put some string cheese on one of those sandwich thins. 10 seconds in the microwave, and it's lovely! Maybe I can buy a little jar of pizza sauce to add to it.
2. French fries: I anticipate one trip to Whitlow's during the Challenge, because I have a Groupon. And they have the best effing French fries in the history of life, so I will eat those. Knowing that I can have those will make it easier to get the house salad at Silver Diner, and at IHOP, I'll get the healthier 2x2x2.
3. Chips: This is a toughie, too, because I'm not sure I can eat chili without corn chips, and I love having chili as a filling, hearty, not-too-many-calories, protein-ful meal. But I'm just going to have to. I used to not need them. I can be that way again.
4. Cookies: Tell my friend not to be "food pusher" (thanks, Sassacaia!). She'll understand. Keep them out of my house! Even though, I can't believe how good they are--and for only 99 cents!
5. Minis: This is probably the hardest of all, not because I like them best--I actually like them least--but because of their AVAILABILITY! I'm going to allow myself one of the Milky Way Midnights per day. If I make that the "rule," instead of "one everytime I drop off a document for signature," then I'll follow it. Because that's what I do. Make rules to follow.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
My Knees Wednesday challenge is to write a blog. So I'm writing a blog.
The questions to answer for the blog were:
How has your year been so far?
Have you made progress in the areas you wanted to address?
To answer those questions, my year has been all right. I've really enjoyed the 5% challenges, I'm having fun, and though I'm not seeing much progress in my weight, I'm learning some things. I mean, this weight isn't a weight I haven't seen frequently over the last several years. I'd be sooo jazzed if I saw 134, which is only 3 pounds away. God, it takes so much to lose a pound at 4'10".
Have I made progress? Not really, from the weight perspective. But I've got a better workout routine that I like doing, and I'm doing cool things for me, like my voice lessons. So that's all good.
Saturday, April 09, 2011
I think a recurring theme in my blogs has been how depressed I get on weekends. It happened again today. I have such a routine on weekends that it seems to me that feeling depressed is part of that routine! So I read the paper and clipped some coupons. I got up during commercials for "It's Me or the Dog!" and washed some dishes. I eyed the pile of mail on the kitchen table and the hall table and fantasized about picking up the coffee table, too. When there was nothing left on TV, I had the feeling that I should do something productive, but didn't have it in me to pick something and execute it. So I took a shower and lied down with the little dog, who, light and fancy-free, fell asleep immediately, while I looked on jealously.
I tried to figure out what makes me so DOWN on weekends. I mean, they are WEEKENDS! Like billions of other people, I spend the whole week waiting for them. Then, when they come, I can't wait for Monday. How dissatisfying, to want to be at work when I'm at home, and at home when I'm at work.
Then, I started thinking about closure. I'm reading this book, "Watercooler Wisdom," and it talks about getting closure on tasks. The argument is that a lot of the stress in our lives is caused by things that would take very little to complete, but we just don't. So, for example, you should make sure that your voicemail is checked before you go home on Friday, or it will gnaw at you over the weekend. Make sense?
And I SUCK at getting closure.
I kind of do it on purpose. I make rules for things, because I feel that the less control I have over what I do, the better. Which seems kind of silly, but let me explain. Say I am going to go to the gym. I might make a rule that says how long I have to stay...if there are two slow songs on my iPod in a row, I can go home, for example. Or until I finish my book. Or until I burn x number of calories. This keeps me at the gym longer than if I DECIDE, "10 minutes" or whatever. It's better for me to not have control, to not have to decide.
But I do it in other realms, too. Like, I get up to do the dishes just on commercials. I read the paper in the order it falls out of the newspaper bag. I clip coupons only as long as there's something on TV. And this habit has the capacity to leave a lot of things undone.
By then, Sammy was snoring, so I couldn't wake him up, but I promised myself when we got out of bed, I was going to get closure on the things I was working on when I lied down. I fell asleep and had two dreams, both of which involved getting closure and Sammy. I don't remember the shorter one, but the first one was that I had a calendar of all his health problems, and we went through them one-by-one and fixed them. When the calendar had been completely flipped-through, we were done. It felt good.
Then, I woke up and washed the dishes, and finished the coupons. That felt good, too. I read the mail. I didn't clean up like I should, but that's okay. In the book, it doesn't say you have to get everything done, but to finish what you started.
To get closure.
Get An Email Alert Each Time BEATLETOT Posts