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Repost of the Blog I Wrote Earlier

Monday, June 16, 2014

I posted a blog then got all freaked out because I did it from my work computer. So I deleted it. Not that it would matter if they were monitoring it, but I don't know. Do people still do that? I figure there is too much web traffic at even the smallest offices for anyone to actually monitor any more the way they seemed to in the 90s. But still, you can never be too careful.

Since it's still valid, here it is:

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that the Scarecrow was going on the trip I went on last year instead of me. I don't actually think any of us are going. It was an expensive trip, and though I think the business I drummed up easily covered the costs, I think the new guy is looking at alternative, less expensive ways of doing things. Anyway, in my dream, they decided she was going instead of me, and I heard her talking about it, and I said, "Oh, you're going?" And she said yes, and I said, "Good. Then I quit."

This really set the tone for my day.

I was so ANGRY in my dream. They've disrespected me for the last time. But this morning, I'm sitting here thinking, "Geesh, can't she please be going on that trip? And mention it to me? So I can quit and go home and watch the Germany/Portugal game?"

Add to that that she is sending me all kinds of dumb emails asking me to do all kinds of dumb things, and just getting on my nerves. It's stuff that doesn't fall under my purview, that she's supposed to know how to do, and she doesn't, because she doesn't have a brain. I know I need to work on compartmentalizing and not letting what people do/say affect me, but if I were any good at that, I would still be at my last job, never having heard of this horrid place. So telling myself that just serves to further remind me of how dumb I feel for having come here at all, for falling for the grass being greener garbage.

I hate my job. I hate my boss. I hate myself for ever coming here. I get so angry at myself sometimes and feel so hopeless and STUPID about the whole thing. I heard that the lady that hired me was already looking for other positions when she hired me, so I feel really dumb moving out here to work for her, and then to get left alone with these people. It's just hearsay, of course, but I feel so used. And duped. And sad. And trapped.

And I want to stick a bunch of pizza and (veggie) burgers and French fries and junk into my mouth, because no one's around to give me a hug.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    ((hugs)) That pizza and all those other treats are not nearly as interesting as you are. Dreams are so fascinating, don't you think? If you could have that dream again, would you change it? If you could prolong the dream, how would you extend it?

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SEAGLASS1215 6/17/2014 5:25AM

    Yes, they do still monitor what you do on your computer at work - at least, the company I work for does, and they also limit what kind of sites you can visit. I get it, even though I don't like being 'watched' - it is their computer, their risk of viruses, they need to make sure they are paying me to work and not be on Facebook, whatever.
It does sound like you are really miserable in your job...and that's no way to spend the majority of your waking hours. Are you in a financial position to quit until you can find something else? If not, can you hunt for something else during your freetime? I don't know the whole backstory, but being stuck in something you hate is not good for your health! When I was first hired by this company I work for, I hated what I was doing and even though we had no money (hubby is self employed, had no income at the time) I actually quit the job. My friends thought I was nuts. The same company called me back a week later with a different position and I've been there for 9 years now, loving what I do.

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Blue Zones

Friday, June 13, 2014

I was reading this blog:

which linked me to this article:

which comes with a video.

And it was lovely and inspiring. It talked about what I'm hoping to achieve through this month--keeping healthy habits for their own sake, rather than for weight loss's sake.

I've noticed this week that I'm feeling more enthusiastic and happy to be going to the gym, just because I'm going to the gym, and I like it. I like the elliptical, I like listening to my tunes, I like reading my silly magazines and getting caught up on them and tossing them out when I'm done. It feels like I'm decluttering while exercising!

Speaking of tunes, I'm jamming to this one right now: Steely Dan is so good.

I went to the Blue Zones website and took their life expectancy assessment, which is mentioned in the second link. I signed up for their newsletter, too. It seems like a good resource for health for health's sake.

I spent far more than my 15 minutes daily on this. It was over an hour. But I like Dr. Deah's website, so will continue to visit it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRAINYBLONDE5 6/13/2014 8:39AM

    I will have to take a peek at these at home! thanks for the links! and thank you for continuing to post blogs to remind me the important parts of this journey! you da best! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HOPESINGH 6/13/2014 8:18AM

    I liked the Blue Zones site. Thanks!

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Body Image Boot Camp Day 11 - Just Links, Really

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

I liked this blog post quite a lot. Some of her stuff is a little woo woo, but this one struck me.

This one was good, too, because it's something I have thought about. I remember a friend saying how magazines were bad for frugality, because they make you think you need things that you really don't. I stopped my subscription to Health magazine, because I was about two years behind on the issues. I won't throw them out, like Anne-Sophie suggests, but I actually do like looking at them and noticing the fact that the women are poreless and thinking of all the other things done to them. They don't bother me this way--they give me the same feeling a cartoon would, and they're about as realistic.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I'm impressed with the work you did to find all these resources. Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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I Am In Love With Myself

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

and with a lot of other people, really. Tommy Shaw, for one. He is so hot. For reals.

But especially with myself. Today, within a span of 20 minutes, I had--no kidding!--five jobs fall into my lap, or my inbox, as it were. The first was from a guy I emailed just to say hi 9 months ago when I was deliriously happy here, telling me that they have an opening, and to please let him know if I'm interested, he'll email me when it posts. Then, the other four were from a friend who told me a mutual friend is hiring, and here are the positions.

Being "folksy" and "down home" isn't such a bad thing, as it happens. People remember you when you're nice to them.

I won't be applying for any of these, because the locations aren't right. But I am seriously overcome by how awesome I am that this happened to me. My friend also says it's a "sign," and "I told you so."

And I am completely smitten with Awesome Me. Tommy is super-hot, like, really super-hot. But I'm competent and intelligent and friendly and likable. Darn it, I'm even lovable sometimes. =)

I don't need to be thin or well-dressed or good at the guitar (though I sure am glad Tommy is). I can just be me, and that's not just enough. It's more than enough.

I didn't expect this when I started my month of Body Image Boot Camp. I certainly didn't expect anything resembling it so soon. I also would have expected it to come directly from what I've been reading, not as an extension of it, but I'm really happy it did.

Which emoticon looks most like "blissed out"?

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Woo-hoo! Those job offers are about you!

And thank you for your reply to my firefly status update. It's nice to hear from other people who look out for the same little big things that I look out for. emoticon

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 6/10/2014 2:31PM

    Great blog! LOL I love how you kept bringing it back to Tommy, but actually about YOU. Also, I need a new job. I hope 5 fall into my lap today!

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BRAINYBLONDE5 6/10/2014 2:18PM

    woohooo you are rockin some powerful mojo! keep it up you AWESOME lady! emoticon

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JES_VARNER 6/10/2014 2:07PM

    Very happy for you!

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HOPESINGH 6/10/2014 1:59PM

    Yay, good for you! emoticon emoticon

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CARINEVE 6/10/2014 1:58PM

    Good for you, you are awesome!

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Body Image Boot Camp Day 7

Saturday, June 07, 2014

This was written by a very thin girl. It's a great read about men who want skinny women, and a skinny woman. She talks about what all she has to do to remain a size 0. It's a very refreshing read after articles describing what celebrities claim to do to maintain their physiques. It was also sad, clever and interesting. Definitely worth the read.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 6/9/2014 4:41PM

    haha omg I just found that instagram account the other day and love it! BUT this blog is good and I'm glad you shared it. Thank you!

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HOPESINGH 6/8/2014 12:23PM

    A very sad post. I wish women didn't have to feel that way.

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    Worth the read, indeed! A window into another world. I rather pat myself on the back for thinking of the fertility issue - as was brought up in some of the comments. Anyway, what does it say about a man whose choices of women runs to the potentially infertile? Is it that the thinness accentuates the length of the arms and legs, and that signals that she has had a good long puberty and will be more fertile? Or, is it a power thing, as suggested that such women are described as "tiny" and "little" during sex? Or, is it the polygamous idea of "you're my fun wife, while my son-bearing wife is not available.?"

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