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STATS AND CHECK-IN:

Monday, May 13, 2013

My stats as of May 09, 2013

Weight: 227.6 lbs

Neck: 16 inches
Rib Cage: 37 inches
Upper Arm: 16 inches
Thigh: 30 inches
Calf: 16 inches
Forearm: 11.5 inches
Hips: 50 inches
Waist: 42.5 inches

Hip to Waist Ratio: 0.84

Goal Weight: 130 lbs

Total Expected Weight Loss: 97 lbs

Wow, what a busy year; I can't believe the kids are almost out of school or the weather has yet to pick a season! The girls are doing awesome (everyone is finally well!) and keeping me busy; I'm still in counseling; doing some volunteer work; love to coupon and hope to purchase a house (before the end of the year).

My weight has continued to escalate as I've added to my list of ailments, but I'm trying Weight Watchers and slowly increasing my activities. Keep your fingers crossed!!!



emoticon Melissa

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARTAN40 5/15/2013 4:39PM

    Our weather is completely confused as well. Sounds like things are going well for you. Best of luck with the Weight Watchers.

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TRACYZABELLE 5/15/2013 1:14AM

    Keep on looking forward-- I knwo that the summer will keep you running!


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NPA4LOSS 5/14/2013 10:48AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PINKNFITCARLA 5/13/2013 11:20PM

    Glad to hear you're doing well and hanging in there! emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 5/13/2013 7:49PM

    The weather is goofy here too.

It sounds like you life is going well except for your weight. I could say the the same. Glad to see you doing something about it. Good luck with your goals!!

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NATPLUMMER 5/13/2013 7:27PM

    emoticon

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JUNEAU2010 5/13/2013 7:04PM

    Glad to "hear" from you!

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LITTLETEALOVER 5/13/2013 5:15PM

    I've been doing WW since February. I wasn't sure I'd like it, but I really do.

Glad to hear everyone is doing well!

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WIFEALF2 5/13/2013 2:59PM

    great goals together we can do it!Kids grow up fast!Right!Wow...have a good week.

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_LINDA 5/13/2013 2:53PM

    Good luck with it all! Purchase a house, wow! That is fantstic! Great to hear from you!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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There's no other love like the love for a brother. There's no other love like the love from a sist

Sunday, January 15, 2012

In Loving Memory of My Brother on His Birthday,

Don't sit in silence & weep for me,
I've moved on, my spirit is free.
I'm in every flower & bird in site,
I'm in the stars and wind and moon at night.
I'm the morning sun that greets the day,
I'm each burst of laughter when you're at play.
I'm in your happiest loving memories...
So do not cry, my spirit is free.


James D. (Jimmy) Kinnen

January 15, 1980-August 7, 2001


Dear Brother in Heaven,

I sit here and ponder how very much I'd like to talk with you today, there are so many things we didn't get to say.
I know how much you care for me and how much I care for you, and each time I think of you, I know you'll miss me too.

An angel came and took you by the hand, and said
Your place was ready in Heaven, far above...it was time to leave behind all those you dearly loved.
You had so much to live for, you had so much to do...it still seems impossible that God has taken you.

And though your life on earth is past, in Heaven it starts anew. You'll live for all eternity, just as God has promised you. Though you've walked through Heaven's gate, we are never apart, for every time I think of you, You're right here...deep within my heart.



Love Always & Forever...Your Big Sis,


Melissa

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOVESLIFE48 11/15/2012 9:11PM

    I'm so sorry about your loss. I do like your tribute. emoticon

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ALEXSGIRL1 11/15/2012 7:16PM

    so sorry for your loss I lost my brother also too soon he was only 30 and not at all happy with himself , we all loved him and told him so often but sadly he drank to much and died . I have a powerful angel in heaven just like you .

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GOLFLADY11 8/22/2012 2:50PM

    My heart goes out to you Melissa. Thanks for sharing. What wonderful memories you must have of your brother! My deepest and heartfelt sympathy. Even though time has passed it must be a very hard thing to bear. emoticon emoticon

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GSPEIRS 5/9/2012 1:16AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/9/2012 1:18:48 AM

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TRACYZABELLE 1/26/2012 8:37AM

    emoticon

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ZURDTA- 1/18/2012 8:18AM

    emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 1/17/2012 4:46PM

    I hope memories of your brother comfort you.

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60SIXTY 1/17/2012 7:45AM

    Bless you.

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ANGELSANDYBABY 1/16/2012 2:06PM

    Hi again.
Glancing at your page, we have some things in common. I, too, have 2 sisters. I am the youngest, though. My brother was the youngest of us all, that I mentioned passed away in 2007. I live in Tx., also..in the Dallas area. I want to add you as a friend on here and hope you will add me, too.
Thanks.

~Sandy

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ANGELSANDYBABY 1/16/2012 1:57PM

    Hi! I sit here in tears reading this. I'm so sorry for your loss. I, too, lost my brother. It's been 4 years now. I know the heartache you feel :(


emoticon

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NPA4LOSS 1/16/2012 10:38AM

    You are so blessed to have had a good relationship with your brother. Now he is looking down and protecting you. emoticon

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL 1/16/2012 5:47AM

   

Lovely thoughts and blog. Remember there are no goodbyes only good memories.

emoticon

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GODZDESIGN95 1/15/2012 8:19PM

    there are no good byes in heave only hello and praise God. There will be a meeting in the air one day and all the families will be gathered together.

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GRACEISENUF 1/15/2012 6:12PM

    What a beautiful birthday letter.

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JUNEAU2010 1/15/2012 5:37PM

    My brother will celebrate a birthday in heaven at the end of the month. He was my big brother in every great sense of the phrase. I am sorry that you understand that unending emptiness that a brother's absence represents.
emoticon

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HOPEFULSNAIL204 1/15/2012 4:24PM

  Such a heartfelt and heart touching blog! Thank you, it is beautiful. I am SO sorry that your brother has passed on. I believe that he IS with you still and that he knows how much you love and miss him. Blessings emoticon

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100LBLIGHTER 1/15/2012 4:13PM

    Melissa,

I read your sweet blog. I just had a friend who's Sister passed this week. The poem was so beautiful that I copied and pasted it to her Facebook page. I wanted you to know. Your Brother knows he is not nearly as far away as you think....love is eternal...yours for him and his for you. Blessings, Gracie

Comment edited on: 1/15/2012 4:15:59 PM

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CAROLYNINJOY1 1/15/2012 3:20PM

    A beautiful tribute to a greatly loved brother. I can't believe my brother has been gone 2 years. emoticon

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BARBARAROSE54 1/15/2012 3:08PM

    emoticon

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GLAMNGLOWDIVA 1/15/2012 2:57PM

    That is beautiful. A wonderful way to remember your brother.
emoticon

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MTNGRL 1/15/2012 10:46AM

    emoticon emoticon

Such a beautiful letter and poem.

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MAGGIE805 1/15/2012 10:38AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 1/15/2012 10:28AM

    emoticon

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JIBBIE49 1/15/2012 9:32AM

    emoticonSorry you lost your brother. Remember, there is some lonely little boy today who would be happy to have you spend time with him. I saw an article on the internet where a college girl volunteered to tutor after school at a poor neighborhood elementary school and she'd befriended a nine year old boy, whose brother had been shot during a drug deal. She wanted to help this boy since her brother had been killed in a car accident.

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 1/15/2012 9:15AM

    emoticon

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MSLZZY 1/15/2012 8:50AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MY STATS AND A QUICK UPDATE

Thursday, August 11, 2011

My stats as of August 11, 2011:

Weight: 199.4 lbs

Neck: 14.5 inches
Bust: 35 inches
(R) Upper Arm: 14 inches
(R) Thigh: 26 inches
(R) Calf: 16 inches
(R) Forearm: 10.5 inches
(R) Wrist: 6.5 inches
Hips: 45 inches
Waist: 39 inches

Hip to Waist Ratio: 0.87 (High health risk)

Goal Weight: 130 lbs

Total Expected Weight Loss: 70 lbs


Where to begin? Well it's obvious I haven't been active on SP for quite some time and I've gained over 13 lbs...sigh. I'm still attending counseling and experiencing difficulty getting my medical issues under control; my doctor has finally diagnosed me with fibromyalgia and I'm also seeing a chiropractor three times a week. Patience is something I often lack and I'm beginning to feel like a guinea pig; it seems my list of medical issues is growing at the same rate as my bum; (

As my estranged husband didn't bother to respond (to court documents concerning child support & divorce), I'll be presenting my "requests" to the judge on the 18th of this month. Although my appearance is a mire formality, I'm feeling a bit anxious and beyond ready for this to be over (the final decree will be issued after 90 days). Keep your fingers crossed that he actually pays his support!!!

The girls begin school on the 22nd; I can't believe my oldest is a 7th grader AND my baby is starting kindergarten! This summer has been a whirlwind and went by much too quickly. We weren't able to do all I'd planned, but I'm thankful we traveled to San Antonio (with friends); lots of fun was had by all, but boy, was it hot (117 degrees throughout our trip)! *I'll be sure to post pics soon!*

God bless and I hope to hear from y'all soon: )


HUGS,

Melissa

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOLFLADY11 8/21/2012 2:53PM

    It's more important now than ever for you to stay focused on your goals. you have a lot on your plate but what a blessing are your two beautiful girls. Stay strong and things will get brighter!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ENUFF81020 10/12/2011 12:36AM

    Hi there, Melissa...
I kept thinking it had been a long time since I heard from you--you've been such a faithful Spark Friend and do so much better than I do in keeping in touch. I hadn't read this blog and I am sorry for that. You were needing my help to keep you going and I kind of let you down.

Yet today, there wass a message from you--and I love your warrior pledge! You can do this, and so can I--I have fibro and people don't always get that. I know what it means to have your hair hurt or to feel like you are going to die because there is a sheet on your calves and they are in that screaming, burning flare. I hope that your doc finds a solution for you. I seem to get something and then arghhhhh, there is a new problem. It seems as if all of these surgeries keeps me in a flare.

Anyway, you've been missed and I am glad that you are back, posting wisdom and kindness on my page.

Gentle hugs,
Sylvia

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GODZDESIGN95 8/24/2011 11:13PM

    You are not aloe in gaining! Me too. I am sorry about all the drama in your life. We all got it on some form of another. Praying things will get better. emoticon

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1BEACHWALKER 8/24/2011 2:11PM

    Sorry to hear about all your troubles. I have fibromyalgia too and know what you are going through in that respect. Plus, I go to the chiropractor like you do too. It really helps me! Hope that it all works out with the courts. Good luck! Take care.
Stick with SP and the friends you have here-they have really helped me through tough times! emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/24/2011 2:11:36 PM

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NANASAMM 8/22/2011 8:30PM

    This too shall pass then you'll be on your way to a healthier you. Stress really does a number on our body. Hope things work out soon so you can move forward and start living again. Hate when things are in limbo. emoticon

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SHERR513 8/18/2011 12:35PM

    God bless you stay strong! emoticon

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PURPLESPEDCOW 8/16/2011 8:11PM

    you are doing what you can right now.

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MSLZZY 8/16/2011 7:34PM

    School starts here the same day and my youngest will be a senior!
Yikes, where did the time go?
Take care of yourself and do the best you can-hugs!

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PRAYINGSUZIE 8/13/2011 2:35PM

    Thank you for your update! I am so sorry about the ex and the medical issues! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Melissa. You are doing a wonderful job with your girls!!! Please give them emoticon for me! I am so glad that you are back!

Suzie

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MTNGRL 8/12/2011 7:54PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
You are doing a great job with your girls and getting your life back on track. You are so strong. Don't fret too much about the pounds, I know it is only temporary.

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WHENDERFUL 8/11/2011 10:54PM

    Everything you are trying to do is making you stronger...you will come out on top! Keep doing something everyday that makes YOU feel good. Control what you can, and roll with what you can't. emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 8/11/2011 9:48PM

    You have had a lot of stress and it negatively affects one's health. I hope your health improves soon. I hope your ex does the right thing as well. I hope the kids have a great school year.

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JUNEAU2010 8/11/2011 9:37PM

    Prayers, Melissa! I have a couple of friends with fibromyalgia and my ex brother in law is flaking on his child support. I will hope for good news soon from you!

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GOOZLEBEAR 8/11/2011 8:59PM

    Sorry about your health issues and then on top of that your ex is not cooperating. Hopefully things will get better and he will give you the support that you need. Hang in there, we are cheering for you. emoticon

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MS_SWEETHEART 8/11/2011 6:02PM

    Health issues can interfere with our goals and progress, but we can do it. Hope your meds and the chiropractor helps. Hope things work out for you, and you receive your child support. Good luck, and have a great day. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AWOOD1973 8/11/2011 5:59PM

    Patience is virtue...blah, blah, blah! I'm just like you and the lack there of! :) On a positive note, at least you were diagnosed with something. I hate not having a name to put to the pain that is suffered. I will be praying that all goes well with your court appearance. Sorry you are having to go through soooo much. Here's to it getting better. Take care of yourself! :) emoticon emoticon

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THEWINNER33 8/11/2011 1:55PM

    I MISSED you. So glad you have reconnected. Blessings to you as you fight on so many fronts. Good luck in court. If he doesn't pay, have them garnish his wages. God will be with you through all your trials. Hugs, Marcia

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~INDYGIRL 8/11/2011 1:49PM

    Hang in there. Start fresh. Reset your goal like it's brand new and go from there. I've been going through a personal hell too, so I really understand... complete with temporary weight gain of around 13 pounds. It is gone now, but that just shows you that it does go away. It goes away faster once you get back in the swing. I;m here for ya!

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KAMAPERRY 8/11/2011 1:27PM

    emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 8/11/2011 10:24AM

    emoticon

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NATESMOM1910 8/11/2011 9:30AM

    emoticon

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DISNEYPARIS 8/11/2011 9:20AM

    Hang in there, you are dealing with such a lot just now, but are doing really well. I've gained back some weight too and need to get back on track.
Take care. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LAURELSPARK 8/11/2011 8:16AM

    I'll bet you'll be glad when the whole court thing is finished. Don't even give a thought to the weight issues.....concentrate on getting/staying healthy. Sending you lots of positive vibes and skinny vibes!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/11/2011 8:17:22 AM

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MIMIKK7 8/11/2011 8:14AM

    Struggling with significant health issues and a divorce are huge issues in your life so 13 pounds isn't bad for all that you are dealing with. I have to agree that the summer flew by and fall will soon be upon us. Sending positive energy for a good outcome for your court date. Wishing you the best that this week has to offer! Welcome back! You are so worth it! emoticon emoticon

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SUPERGIRL1000 8/11/2011 8:08AM

    sending some emoticon to you!! emoticon

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MYTURN11 8/11/2011 7:59AM

    emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 8/11/2011 7:54AM

    emoticon

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MARPET44 8/11/2011 7:50AM

    Hopefully when your personal issues have been properly addressed your stress levels will come down and then your weight will also come down again. It is too hard to fight the battles on so many fronts. Your emoticon are here for you!

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LITTLETEALOVER 8/11/2011 7:17AM

    Glad to see you back! I don't think a gain of 13 pounds is too bad considering how much you are dealing with. We're all here for ya!

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PUDLECRAZY 8/11/2011 6:50AM

    Welcome back! Stay here, if you can and soak up all of the support you can. This is a great place to get positive feedback, support, and nurturing.

I hope things go well in court.

emoticon

And I hope the chiropractic starts kicking in. If you haven't tried acupuncture, it might be worth a try. I have had a lot of success with pain management with that that I was unable to get elsewhere.



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NPA4LOSS 8/11/2011 6:18AM

    Sending (((Skinny Vibes))) and lots of emoticon emoticon and positive thoughts your way. I am glad that you were able to get away for a while. I hope that the health issues calm as you get past this hurdle. Love to you and the girls, Nola

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ZURDTA- 8/11/2011 6:15AM

    You have so much going on - and I wish I could offer more support. It is good to know you have had a nice summer break with friends - I guess you know how much you need the fun and relaxation. Fingers crossed your ex pays up - but it seems you might have a fight on your hands with everything connected to him. What a shame.

Your lovely girls back to school and another page turning in their young lives - its all very exciting!

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100LBLIGHTER 8/11/2011 5:37AM

    I went through this many years ago...I fought it mentally for a long time....but the strange thing is after the "D" was over.....it was like a big weight was lifted from my shoulders. I can honestly say it was followed by years where my DD and I was..happy and content. Uncomplicated.

Stress causes lots of medical problems. When this is over...you may find some of them will get better. I hope so...only want the best for you and your girls. emoticon

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TRACYZABELLE 8/11/2011 5:08AM

    I am sure the court will find in your favor.. How fast was that summer that school is less than 2 weeks away! I am sure they are so excited to see their friends again!!

Just keep on hanging in there, use your positive affirmations and remember that YOU are worth the EFFORT

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TASHALNZ 8/11/2011 5:05AM

    Welcome back hun!

You're in the right place :)
Surround yourself with happy positive people and life will be cherrier.

God bless.
Rose

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UPDATE: 05/23/11

Monday, May 23, 2011

It's been a while since my last blog and I'd like to think the girls & I are doing well; although I still have my BLAH days, I think I've finally started to heal. I attend counseling biweekly, blocked my soon-to-be ex (and his fiancť) from Facebook, have begun doing things with friends (again) and taken charge of my health. Finances continue to be a struggle (still no child support), but I've paid a few things off and continue to pray for the best.

The girls are almost finished for the school year: Cheyenne will be in the 7th grade and Madilyn will enter kindergarten in mid-August. I look forward to spending quality time with them (they're growing so fast!) and hopefully, we can take a mini-vacation: ) I'd love to visit my sisters in Ohio (I haven't been there since 2005), but air fare is so expensive and so is gasoline (not to mention the 20+ hours of driving involved)! Perhaps next year?

My divorce papers have been filed (waiting on a court date) and I attended my first child support hearing earlier this month; although my estranged husband has been served twice, the proper documentation wasn't returned to the state of Texas (hence it "didn't happen"). He didn't attend the hearing and has refused to comply with the OAG, BUT I did find out I'm eligible to receive inrears child support (once the order is established)!I'm prepared to hire a process server (to insure it be done properly) and pray court dates for both will be set asap.

I've had numerous health concerns and doctor drama within the last few months: between medication issues and dealing with several different doctors, my patience is at a minimum. Since December, I've been under the care of a dietician, who prescribed several vitamins and a "metabolism booster." Shortly after beginning this new medication, my blood pressure and pulse rate soared; the doctor tweaked the meds several times (without any improvement) and exercise was forbidden.

An appointment was made with my primary care provider, BUT it's been rescheduled (by the clinic) SIX times! After much complaining, I was seen by a nurse & an EKG and blood work were ordered: the EKG results were normal, but my thyroid levels (I have HYPOthyroidism) were off the charts. It seems the prescribed "metabolism booster" contains medication commonly used to treat those with thyroid problems; this caused my thyroid to go into a HYPERthyroidism state. Needless to say, my body feels like it's been on one LONG roller coaster ride: (

I'd like to apologize for my lack of activity on SP and promise to improve; I truly appreciate the love and support of my SP family: I don't know what I'd do without you all! God bless: )



emoticon

Melissa

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORTICIAADDAMS 6/24/2011 3:14PM

    It was nice to get an update n you and other than your health concerns it sounds like you have life well in hand and are on your way to a great life.

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1BEACHWALKER 6/24/2011 1:41AM

    emoticon Hoping all will work out for you soon! Take care!

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CHRYS13 6/4/2011 9:02AM

    emoticon

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TRACYZABELLE 6/3/2011 6:07AM

    I hope your summer brings you happiness and sunshine!!

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MOLGRA2 6/1/2011 6:26PM

    Best of luck to you and your girls! I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

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MYRTLEBEACHWINS 5/31/2011 3:57PM

    emoticon Wanted to send my prayers and support. emoticon

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PROMISE2DESIGN 5/27/2011 10:43AM

    Thank you for the update! God bless you and comfort you! I will pray for your medical issues and ask the Lord for healing. Your Sparkfriends are here to love and support you! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 5/26/2011 10:04AM

    Thank you for taking the time to up date us. It sounds like you are a very busy person with a lot of personal issues to deal with. Don't feel guity with not being here, we understand that your girls come first and you you need to sort out your health issues. emoticon

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ITSTHENEWLAUREN 5/25/2011 11:14AM

  emoticon I'm glad you updated as I have been thinking about you and wondering how you have been doing. Take care of yourself and your girls! You are an amazingly strong woman!

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NPA4LOSS 5/25/2011 10:32AM

    emoticon and emoticon. I have been on this road and my heart goes out to you. Try to remain strong and know you have us to lean on. You are in my thoughts so often.

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PURPLESPEDCOW 5/24/2011 9:53PM

    You have been dealing with a lot. Hopefully you can get your ex to pay child support and your doctors will solve your medication problems.

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GETFIT2LIVE 5/24/2011 3:50PM

    I have been thinking of you and your girls and am glad to have an update. Do what you need to for yourself and your girls; this has been a rough road, but hopefully things will be getting better for you.

emoticon

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ZURDTA- 5/24/2011 7:20AM

    Gosh what a lot to deal with - you must be pretty fed up. My ex never paid any child support, ever and now my children are grown up. I trust you will get what is rightfully owed and you and your girls can have some security!

Hugs xx

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MOMFAN 5/23/2011 10:50PM

    Thanks for checking in and letting us know how things are going. Still praying for you my dear friend, that God would meet all your needs. Recently we have come across a book, "The 7 Fat Burning Principles". Might be worth seeing if the library has a copy you can read.

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LILPAT3 5/23/2011 9:51PM

    I am so sorry that you are being put through the wringer. Hang in there and know that there are lots of us praying for all to work out for you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LINDA! 5/23/2011 9:24PM

    You are going through so much right now. I am praying for you. Take care of yourself and your girls! I hope the child support is given to you very soon.

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DREENAMT 5/23/2011 8:25PM

    I am delighted to see you back and am so sorry to hear about your health struggles. Oh, dear! You must have felt exhausted!! Anyway, glad you are back on track and so happy to hear from you.

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JUNEAU2010 5/23/2011 7:45PM

    I am so glad to read that things are improving. My sister is going through the same *_&*&*) with her ex, so I can relate.

Here's hoping your situation begins to improve in all ways soon!

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MTNGRL 5/23/2011 6:19PM

    It is really good to hear from you. Although I am sorry you continue to have Blah days, I am happy you are beginning to heal. You have had lots to deal with but you are coming out on the bright side now after a very dark period.Your strength is amazing and your girls are really lucky to have such a wonderful role model.
Sometimes life does get in the way of Sparking, but one thing for sure, your Spark friends are always here for you! Hugs!!

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MSLZZY 5/23/2011 4:45PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NEVERORNOW 5/23/2011 3:27PM

    You and your girls are in my prayers. Just take good care of yourself and the girls...SP and your friends will be here when time allows you to be more active. emoticon

And emoticonon being DGOTD!!

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MSLZZY 5/23/2011 3:05PM

    Many things are beyond your control, thus the stress and
medical issues abound. Take care of yourself and your
little girls and when life settles down, there will be
time for SP! HUGS!

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BJWESTON70 5/23/2011 1:27PM

    Stay strong and take care of yourself, not to mention those 2 beautiful little girls of yours! Enjoy your summer with them. Take life one day at a time and everything will work out fine.

Love and hugs to you
~Billie

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POLK-A-DOTS 5/23/2011 1:20PM

    Enjoy your time with your girls! This summer is going to be awesome for all three of you .... I just know it! emoticon

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CHANGE_4_ME 5/23/2011 12:16PM

    You continue to be in my prayers. Take care of yourself and the girls. Know that we are here when you need us. Good luck!

emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 5/23/2011 11:20AM

    emoticon

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NLS2013 5/23/2011 10:48AM

    Keep taking care of yourself! emoticon

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GLAMNGLOWDIVA 5/23/2011 8:31AM

    The most important thing is your girls and taking care of yourself. Keep your head up and things will get better for you.
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RUFFIT 5/23/2011 8:21AM

    Take care of yourself. Moni emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DISNEYPARIS 5/23/2011 8:01AM

    emoticon emoticon

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KARBIE18 5/23/2011 7:50AM

    So sorry to hear about all that you've been dealing with. Keep your chin up, and take it one day at a time. I have no doubt that you'll get it all figured out, and come out in a much better place.

Hugs,
Karen

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LAURELSPARK 5/23/2011 7:47AM

    Take care of yourself! You are a strong and capable woman and it sounds like you are dealing with things. I'm crossing my fingers for you.

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ANDREWS_MOM 5/23/2011 7:43AM

    emoticon and emoticon
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are so strong & positive that you and your girls will come out just fine.
You are in my thoughts & prayers. Hope you have a great week!
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BARBARAROSE54 5/23/2011 6:55AM

    emoticon

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HOPE2011 5/23/2011 5:54AM

    While it sounds like there are difficulties, you are hanging in there and you are making your life better for you and your girls.

Hang in there - we're here to support you!! emoticon

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FIREFLY_MEDIC 5/23/2011 5:09AM

    Change is not always easy but it is always worth it.

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Why do you hurt me so?

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

I don't know how to explain how I feel right now (so I apologize in advance if this blog doesn't make much sense); so many emotions going through my mind right now...I wish I were numb.

Most of my SP family is aware that my husband & I are separated (I've filed for divorce) and things are complicated (I've too little energy to re-tell the story; please refer to blogs dated October 2010-present). About two and a half weeks ago, he started calling the girls and even sent them a card each; we even "talked" and I was pleased (yet cautious) he was making an effort.

As of yesterday, we hadn't called heard from him in a few days, but I hadn't really given it much thought. It was early morning and I was wide awake (insomnia); I was messing around on Facebook, looking through "friends you might know"...my usual I'm bored routine. Needless to say, I was shocked and devastated by what I found:

My husband has fathered another child with the "girlfriend that didn't exist." They recently had a little girl and not only is she 10 years younger than either of us, she already has a two year old son.

Some may not understand why I care, so let me explain. My husband and I had decided to add to our family, but were very surprised when I found out I was pregnant early last year. My method of birth control had previously taken a year before we conceived our youngest daughter; I'd also just underwent surgery on my breast and been told my pregnancy test was negative. I was concerned and delighted all at once, while my husband remained quiet.

I automatically assumed he was concerned for my health, but didn't have much time to dwell on it; something just didn't feel "right" with the pregnancy and I was trying to find an OB/GYN. A day or two before my first baby appointment, my husband came clean: he just wasn't ready for another baby right now. As it was obvious I was having problems and had probably been pregnant when I had surgery, he wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. And when I went to my appointment, the doctor confirmed the pregnancy wasn't viable; a d&c was performed.

If I had carried the baby to term, the children would have been less than three months apart. I've had a difficult time dealing with the loss of this past year, but I'm in counseling and trying to heal. Being a single mother of two isn't easy and the transition has been hard on the girls. Until now, I thought I'd been doing a good job of creating a stable, loving home.

Now I'm a mess and can't seem to get hold of my emotions. I know I'll eventually be okay (I have an appointment with my counselor later today), but I'm so tired of being the "better" person. I want to rant and rave...to hurt him emotionally, the way he's hurt my girls and myself. But it's impossible to hurt someone incapable of feeling.

I know it's only a matter of time before he leaves this girlfriend (and child) in the same manner he left me; he's already complaining about being unhappy. Is it weird that I actually feel sorry for her? And even more for the children involved? It's obvious he needs to get emotional help.

So please say a prayer for me as I continue to struggle. Your love and support means more to me than you'll ever know.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IAMAHOTMAMA 4/21/2011 1:38AM

    You are in my prayers. I can understand completely how you feel and anytime you need to rant, rave, hollar, scream or whatever just give me a call. I am here whenever you need me.

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JIBBIE49 4/20/2011 11:44AM

    emoticonMen will lie.

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JUNEAU2010 4/14/2011 11:46PM

    Prayers and cyberhugs freely given now and in the future. I hope you can feel them. This resonates for me in ways I cannot explain.... emoticon

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SRVFREAK176 4/14/2011 12:34PM

    emoticon! You deserve to rant and rave! You are the better person! Time to love yourself and those beautiful girls! Wish I could hug you! emoticon

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MYRTLEBEACHWINS 4/12/2011 5:16PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ACIMPEGGY 4/10/2011 3:07PM

    Sweet friend, I wish I would have read this a couple weeks ago!

How awful for you all! I won't lecture you ala A Course in Miracles and say that you ALLOW people to hurt you and to feel like a victim.

Cuz I KNOW that when one is going through such a situation, it is extremely difficult. It will make you even stronger than you are when all is settled.

I was divorced after almost 30 years of marriage. Thank goodness the kids were mostly grown.

Do know that I'm praying for you, sending you light and love!

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ADNAW_YOTS 3/24/2011 8:05AM

    you did good writing this blog and cleansing your soul with it. I am so there for you. And I hope you take the time to properly mourn your loss as well. (been there more ways than one) I am always here for you and never hesitate to reach out emoticon

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JUSTBIRDY 3/21/2011 11:29PM

    emoticon

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1BEACHWALKER 3/20/2011 12:52AM

    So sorry for the loss of your baby. Please take care and I hope all goes well for you. Sounds like the divorce is the best thing for all involved, but I know it is still hard to do, especially with kids being involved.
Hang in there.... We are here for you! emoticon emoticon

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FLORABEL 3/19/2011 11:35AM

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NPA4LOSS 3/19/2011 6:31AM

    I'm sorry I missed this blog. Please know that you are in my prayers and thoughts daily. Marriage and divorce are filled with pain and hurt. Some can work it out for others of us it is not attainable because of the person who is so determined to hurt all they can. emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 3/14/2011 4:55PM

    I have to be honest. The man is a dirtbag, He doesn't deserve any children or a family of any kind. My heart goes out to you. Scream it out. Love your children. Forget the creep.

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PUGRAD1995 3/12/2011 11:17PM

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. But know that you will make it through it and have happier times ahead.

A friend of mine's husband left her when their second boy was months old twenty-some years ago. He is now on his fourth divorce. I remember her asking me at one point how much to tell the boys about their dad. And I told her just answer any questions they had, but they would figure it out themselves. It was hard for her to not say anything bad in front of the boys but she didn't.

We both loved it when we heard he was marrying #4 who was 20 years younger than him. Both of the boys called her "Trixie". I turned around and smiled at her and we both said - they have figured it out! Her oldest boy's fiance did ask me about his mom and his dad before their wedding. She said Jason remembered very little (he was about 3 when they divorced). I told her a little.

You will make it through-I also remember the nights I listened to Joy cry. She remarried the love of her life a few years later and they are still happily married. The boys are doing okay also. I hope you have a friend you can rely on also. Just know that you are strong!

PRayers on the way. Diana

Comment edited on: 3/12/2011 11:18:42 PM

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SBW1027 3/10/2011 12:14PM

    I'm so sorry you are going thru this. You and your girls will be stronger in the end and happier. emoticon emoticon

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GETFIT2LIVE 3/10/2011 11:56AM

    I'm so, so sorry. Know that you and your girls are in my thoughts and prayers; you will make it through this, I know, because that's who you are, but I can only imagine the pain this man has caused you. You can't help but feel sorry for the other people he has hurt and will continue to hurt until he gets straightened out. Give your girls an extra hug and know that you are giving them the love they need and deserve.

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TRACYZABELLE 3/10/2011 5:40AM

    emoticon I am sorry you are in pain right now. Please just be there for your girls.

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DREENAMT 3/9/2011 7:24PM

    So sorry. Lots of love and understanding coming your way. Keep the faith -- one day you will heal.

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JEN_BACK2BASICS 3/9/2011 1:45PM

    emoticon

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BARBARAROSE54 3/9/2011 1:08PM

    emoticon

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CHANGE_4_ME 3/9/2011 10:56AM

    I think those who have commented before me have said it very well. I'm so sorry. I wish I could reach through and hug you so I am sending you virtual hugs. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Counseling is great and I feel you are going to have to let go of some angst ( I think that's the right word) toward him before you can heal yourself. The best way to show up someone that's hurt you is to show them how well you can do on your own. Continue to move forward.

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NUTTYSNOOPYFAN 3/9/2011 10:33AM

    Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with so much. I'm glad you are able to see a therapist and I hope that is helping. I will pray for you and your girls. No, it's not weird to feel sorry for the girlfriend and especially the kids. Hang in there and try to do as much as you can for yourself. Lean on us, know that we're praying for you, and yes, you will eventually get through it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less now, and that's ok. Do what you need to do emotionally, knowing that there is no right or wrong about how you feel and how you're coping. Keep us posted as you are able and feeling up to it. emoticon emoticon Christine

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GLAMNGLOWDIVA 3/9/2011 2:37AM

    I'm so sorry that you're going through this. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your girls!
(((((( BIG HUGS ))))))

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KAMAPERRY 3/9/2011 12:40AM

    I am so sorry. That has got to be devastating. Take some time to heal, ok? We are here for you. emoticon

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WVROSE1 3/8/2011 11:33PM

    sending hugs and prayers!

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JHADZHIA 3/8/2011 11:09PM

    So very sorry to hear this :(( Hold your head up high! You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are a compassionate, caring mother.. I feel sorry for the trail of people this man has no doubt hurt or will hurt.. Love can be truly blind sometimes.. Focus all your love and energy on your precious girls, they are what the most important people in your life..
My thoughts are with you..
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MOMFAN 3/8/2011 9:02PM

    Hugs and prayers, I know it's hard to let it go, but in the end you are only hurting yourself! Praying for God to give you comfort and wisdom.

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SUNFLOWERGAL40 3/8/2011 8:53PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PURPLESPEDCOW 3/8/2011 5:45PM

    I have never even walked a step in your shoes, so I will just offer my friendship and virtual ear when you need one. emoticon

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ZURDTA- 3/8/2011 4:46PM

    I went through something similar with my ex-husband. It hurts - regardless of the fact that the relationship has broken down. I feel for you so much. All I can say is that you will get over it... I did. Those words may not help right now... but you have your own future and the future of those lovely daughters to look forward to.

The pain won't last forever.

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DISNEYPARIS 3/8/2011 4:40PM

    You continue to be in my prayers. emoticon

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PUDLECRAZY 3/8/2011 3:18PM

    I am so sorry you are having to go through this. One day at a time and only handle as much as necessary. I am glad to hear that you are in therapy and hope you find relief there and with your friends. Find special ways to take care of yourself.

Prayers and hugs to you,
Chris

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OLDERDANDRT 3/8/2011 3:10PM

    Sending you strength amd healing vibes, gf... I am so sorry this has come down upon you and the girls. And I think you are right. He has a big problem. Don't let it be yours. You gotta take care of you and your girls. Big hugs, my friend. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MTNGRL 3/8/2011 2:28PM

    Sending you big emoticon emoticon. You have been thru so much and still are the kind sweet woman we love despite being hurt so much. You are a blessing to your girls and they will appreciate the way you are raising them when they get older.
Healing thoughts are coming your way.

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BJWESTON70 3/8/2011 1:41PM

    I feel your pain with the loss of your pregnancy as I have been there. And to deal with everything else ~ my heart goes out to you. Just focus on those 2 beautiful little girls and giving yourself time to heal. Hang in there!

Sending lots of hugs your way! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
~Billie

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LIBBYFITZ 3/8/2011 1:26PM

    emoticonYou are right to have feelings for the other people involved in your estranged husbands life. They are human and he appears to not have grown up! He does need help, but that is something only he can do!

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RONIE11 3/8/2011 12:17PM

    I'm so sorry you lost the baby... That is the tragedy here.. its hard to see right now because its all new and fresh but you are better off with someone like your ex .. I know you love him and he is the father to your children but you have a very long life ahead of you and to spend any amount of energy on him is really not worth it.. you deserve someone who will cherish you and your children.. there are lots of wonderful people around that will lift your spirits and make you feel wonderful about yourself...I have been divorce for a long time now and my only regret is the months and years even getting over him...once I moved on I was so much happier and so was my daughter... I pray you can move on quickly and find the love you deserve....Ronie

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LINDA! 3/8/2011 12:05PM

    My youngest daughter has gone through experiences of her husband leaving her for another woman on a few occasions (no children involved). I know how devastated she has been. I certainly can understand why you are feeling the way you do. Although painful now, I think it will be a good thing in the long run that you know the truth now. Please know that I am praying for you. I hope that your counseling session helps. I am very sorry for all you are going through. You are a valuable person. You deserve so much better than what you have been given. emoticon

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PROMISE2DESIGN 3/8/2011 11:58AM

    Praying for you and your girls. emoticon

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JELLI-LEAN 3/8/2011 11:50AM

    emoticon and emoticon

As I recall your emotions can run the gambit for several years even after the divorce! Keep your chin up sweetie, YOU are a VERY SPECIAL person!


Comment edited on: 3/8/2011 11:51:37 AM

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 3/8/2011 11:42AM

    emoticon Praying

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JOSIECL 3/8/2011 11:41AM

    emoticon

Well, my friend, you have certainly shown that you have a beautiful soul, inside and out. I can only imagine the pain, as I have not gone through this experience before.

The only thing you can do, my love, is take care of your beautiful girls. And don't forget to smile for them, even if it is forced right now, soon you may find that the smile comes easier and easier.

Take heart, dear one, that you are never given more than you can truly handle, it may feel like the weight of the world, but I have confidence, and faith in you, that you can do this ... that you can get through this and come out so much stronger than what you thought you were in the beginning.

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MIMIBELLE 3/8/2011 11:17AM

  Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've been through. I hope that you have a good support system IRL to help you. We're here for you, too!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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100LBLIGHTER 3/8/2011 11:08AM

    Your blinders have been lifted.....and that is not easy to see someone as they really are. Believe it or not it is a blessing. It is no reflection on you or the kids. You loved him true. My advice is for you to get your life together. enjoy your children.

I have been there. Some of my Best years with DD (Beth) were the year after my marriage failed. I worked and took care of my home...and had fun with her. A few years later, after the hurt had healed...I met my husband...so different than the first.
All things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. Believe me you will be surprised...trust Him. Blessings, Grace

Comment edited on: 3/8/2011 11:09:39 AM

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GROOVYCHICK9 3/8/2011 11:05AM

    My thoughts and prayers are flying your way. Hang in there. You have a safe place to rant and rave...your therapy. That is the place you unload and let it all go. God doesn't give you a situation you can't handle. No it isn't fair but focus on your girls and you can do anything.



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THINIWILLBE21 3/8/2011 10:57AM

    Oh, BEARGURL, I hurt with you and for you emoticon.

You are such an extremely unselfish and loving person. You have shown that side of yourself once again as you write about caring for the other woman and for her children. WOW!!!

I was in a very similar situation years ago and found out my ex husband had fathered two sons. I received a letter from the mother of the two boys asking me if that was all right. I felt so sorry for her! My ex husband and I were already separated when I received the letter. I'm not sure if we were together when he fathered the two boys or not, the letter was so unexpected and strange, I couldn't figure out the math as to when he and I split and when the children were conceived.

BEARGURL, I now have a truly wonderful husband abd I wish the same for you!!! You deserve a great marriage!!!

emoticon emoticon,
Barbara

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NATPLUMMER 3/8/2011 10:15AM

    emoticon

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ITSTHENEWLAUREN 3/8/2011 9:53AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon
I have no words of advice since I haven't been in your shoes. I am hurt and angry for you and I think you have every right to feel the way you do. Please take care of yourself and you precious littel girls. I know you are strong and will make it through but that liekly isn't a very comforting thought while in the midst of everything. emoticon


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PRAYINGSUZIE 3/8/2011 9:42AM

    I am praying for you and your girls. I wish could come hug you! You really need one or two, maybe a dozen! I am so sorry you are going thru this.

Suzie

P.S. I just heard this song from Sidewalk Prophets and thought of you. It is called "The Words I Would Say" (You could google it and listen to it. It made me cry!)

Three in the morning, and Iím still awake
So I picked up a pen and a page
And I started writing just what Iíd say
If we were face to face

Iíd tell you just what you mean to me
Tell you these simple truths

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
Youíre gonna do great things
I already know
Godís got His hand on You
So donít live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But donít forget why youíre here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say

Last time we spoke you said you were hurting
And I felt your pain in my heart
I want to tell you that I keep on praying
That love will find you where you are

I know cause Iíve already been there
So please hear these simple truths

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
Youíre going to do great things
I already know
Godís got His hand on You
So donít live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But donít forget why youíre here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would

SayÖ from one simple life to another
I will sayÖ come find peace in the Father

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
Youíre gonna do great things
I already know
Godís got His hand on You
So donít live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But donít forget why youíre here

Take your time and pray
And thank God for each day
His love will find a way
These are the words I would say

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 3/8/2011 9:30AM

    Your husband sounds a lot like my first husband. My heart aches for you because even though my situation was different, I was married to the same kind of guy and I know how much it can hurt.

Don't strike back at him, and don't worry about the other woman. Focus on you and your kids. Be happy. I know that sounds hard but it is possible, you'll have to work at it though. Forget about him. Don't let him take up any more of your heart, your mind or your emotions. I hope you don't mind me being so blunt, but to be honest I wish someone had said things like this to me back when I was with my first husband.

Move on...you and your kids deserve happiness. You can't make him be a good husband or father, but you can be the best mom in the world and you can be happy without him.

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MARTY728 3/8/2011 9:17AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Through experience I know that while time does not heal all wounds, with time the pain fades to nothing but a distant memory.

Comment edited on: 3/8/2011 9:35:52 AM

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