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I am trying

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I think this week just got the better of me. SO much to do with no money to do it. Loads of changes to make to the house and a lot of physical work to do it. But we are accomplishing it. My entire daycare is up and fully functional, and looks great. All the paperwork is complete and ready for mailing. Last step is zoning and inspection so I am hoping everything can be completed by Nov 19th. This has just been a long battle but I'll be glad when it's over.

We are still seesawing with the idea of cyber-school I told my son we need to make a final decision by the end of the week. So we'll see, part of his issues are just him being young and immature. He doesn't have a diagnosis per the dr, but I am sure something just isn't fully normal with him in his daily functions/reactions to things. But he is my heart, honestly the sweetest kid. Which almost makes it worse cause he is so sensitive to the attacks. Ugh!!

I will get through it, I always do. Just keep plugging away the best I can and hope in the end no one suffers too badly for it. I am what keeps my family going and they need me to keep moving even when I don't want to anymore.

Thanks for all the support yesterday, it was a REALLY bad day for me, I even went to bed at 8pm emoticon So let's hope that with each day I can see a brighter line!

Have a wonderful day everyone!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOURNEYOF3 10/28/2010 12:36AM

    Sounds like things are better.

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Not doing well

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

On so many levels right now. The fact that this is my PMS week is not helping matters any either. But I just want to throw in the towel, crawl under a rock and die! I am feeling so alone anymore, feeling so stacked with seemingly unreachable tasks. I'm tired. I want to be able to just be for awhile. Not to have to constantly battle, worry, struggle. I hate this time of year too. Having no family makes things rough. I think I may just skip Thanksgiving all together, I don' t have the strength in me to do it. I am soooo tired!! Every little thing is making me cry anymore.

I am tired of "explaining" to "friends" why I am pulling my 10 year old son out of public school to cyber school him because he has been dealing with 3 years of physical and mental bullying. My "friends" are all telling me all I am teaching him is to cop out!! WTH?!? You deal with the most loving, kind hearted kid you'll ever know that is constantly ostracized, picked on and beat up and the tell me different. I am so tired.

I need help right now, I don't know what but I feel like I am drowning in all that's around me. I want my mommy so badly right now. Oh God, it just hurts so bad. I am just praying that by the end of the week I am more normal. Because I can' t go on like this!

Hope everyone else is having a good day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SSDCQUINCY 10/26/2010 4:20PM

    OMG hang in there. I am so sorry to hear you are going through so much. I don't want to pry (since I don't know you), but have you talked to a professional about any of this? I am taking something for PMDD (antidepressant)and it seems to be helping. I hate to see ANYONE feeling like this. Anytime you want to vent please feel free to drop me a note. Hang in there and I know you are doing the best thing for your child, so don't listen to the so called "friends"!!

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 10/26/2010 4:08PM

    I am so sorry for your son. I think the bullying has just gotten so out of hand. Maybe its me but it just seems like the mean guys end up with their foot on top of the sweet people. You almost have to be a mean guy to get ahead. Sad but true. I suppose I understand what your friends are saying, but I am totally with you. I would not allow my kids to be bullied. That is exactly why the never told me about it until they graduated. They know I would have stepped up for them. Good for you for stepping up for your son.

Have you considered a homeschooling spark team? that might be the thing to do. I know from speaking with my friends, there are all sorts of programs and resources for homeschoolers. Goodluck with it all! I feel your pain just from reading your post.

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BAKERICLISA 10/26/2010 3:31PM

    It seems as if you have a plan, so put it in place. It may help both you AND your son if you were to speak with his teacher and find out why they feel things have gotten to this point. Realize that he will face the same criticism as an adult if he is not coached or guided in how to handle those difficult situations.

I'm sure not everyone of your friends can travel to their families, have spouses or a significant other in their life right now . . . have a non traditional pot luck Thanksgiving with friends.

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MOMOFTHREESHA 10/26/2010 3:26PM

    Sending huge hugs! Sounds like you need a night out! Lets do it, you let me know when and we will go out! I think you are doing the right thing for you and your son! You are an awsome person, friend and most importantly mom. You have fought this for so long and not just in one place, I think you have made the right descision. I am a bit jealous of you being able to do this for your son, there are so many fantastic opportunities out there for the cyber and home schooled kids. Sorry everything sucks right now, keep fighting, you will win! emoticon

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STARRYGRRL 10/26/2010 3:05PM

  i'm sending you a hug as well! just know that you aren't alone. thanksgiving is whatever you make it, even if you and your son celebrate each other over a bowl of cereal.


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WORLANDWORM 10/26/2010 2:54PM

    I am so very sorry you are having such a awful time. I agree you do have family, your son and he loves you ! I raised 4 kids by myself so I kind of know how you feel! Just remember we are here for you and it WILL get better!

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JEANUT 10/26/2010 2:48PM

    Hey sweetie, I'm sending you a hug. emoticon
Schools are getting worse every year and I can't blame you for pulling your son out.
You do have family.... your children. You don't have to go all out on Thanksgiving, it's not about food. It was about being alive and being together. Have fun with your kids that day. We use to have fried fish that we caught that morning with my grandfather. And if we didn't catch anything we'd roast weenies on an open fire.
Sure beat any turkey I ever ate.

Comment edited on: 10/26/2010 2:51:32 PM

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Loosing touch

Monday, October 25, 2010

Things are seemingly becoming more and more difficult to achieve. I have not made it to the gym in over a week. I have kickboxing tonight but not so sure I want to go tonight. I think I may go run at the gym and get some strength in.

Things are just so chaotic here right now, so much to do to prepare for my zoning hearing and inspection. We rearranged the entire first floor yesterday and made the layout much more daycare friendly. Flows nicely, I am glad we did it. Just a few more corrections, safety precautions to take but all in all we are finally very close!! I honestly just can't wait for it to be done.

I have not been eating well, not bad, just not much. I don't eat much when I am stressed and I am definitely stressed. Money is tight this month now after having to spend so much on fees for this. So new winter clothes for 5 kids is on the back burner. Did manage to get my oldest 2 pairs of sweats he's been begging for. The of course comes the dreaded Christmas time. Ugh 5 kids and Christmas equals $$$, though they are realistic in their wishes, which is nice. Oldest wants clothes, I thought that was only girls. LOL

I am still losing weight thankfully, down to 167 this morning. So at least that's being kind to me!

Well I hope everyone has a great day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOURNEYOF3 10/25/2010 11:38PM

    I am going to say good for you and hang in there I know it is hard when things get chaotic.

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CLWALDRO 10/25/2010 1:51PM

    I am glad you are still loosing weight. emoticon. I understand the whole christmas being expensive so I wish you luck on getting all that under control.
I also hope you get what you need from the zoning meeting.
Get back to the gym as soon as you can because it is hard once you loose this habit to get back on board.

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Bull by the horns!

Friday, October 22, 2010

I am back on game again. Getting that news on Wednesday was so deflating but I settled and got myself together. Paid my $500 and now I just have to go to the Zoning hearing meeting on Nov 17th and pray that no one comes to protest. I highly doubt anyone will, I mean I've been doing daycare out of my home for years, I just now need my license to watch a new baby from an existing client. So I am getting all the little things taken care of for my inspection so that once I get that there should be no issues to keep me from getting approved. So the ball is moving again. And I will succeed in this, because in the end I am a good person. I work hard to do the right thing and to do right by others. That needs to come back to me someday right?!? emoticon

I have had a rough exercise week. Been so busy with all kinds of stuff. Tonight is the Harvest Fair that I run so I'll be at the school moving from 3pm to 9pm. Then tomorrow is another baseball tourney, Go Outlaws!!! Can't wait for that. I am going to try to get some walking in at least while the team does pregame.

Hope everyone has a good day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POOKAQUEEN 10/22/2010 12:13PM

    Bureaucratic hoops are the worst! You need more patience than a saint to get through all that! I know you can do it, you are doing it all the right way, and that's what counts!

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MOMOFTHREESHA 10/22/2010 8:00AM

    You will succeed, you are an awsome person! emoticon
Have fun tonight!

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Yesterday=Good, Today=Awful

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I feel broken right now, defeated and run down. It seems that everything in my like is like climbing Mt Everest! I know life isn't always easy but I'd like a small break every now and again. I thought I was close to finishing my licensing but the code enforcer I met with this summer gave me the wrong information. So now it's going to cost me $500 that I have to pay by tomorrow just to get a slot in the November Zoning meeting. Then it could take another month before they decide and I get my inspection. Then after all my paperwork is done and sent, it will still be up to 6 weeks until I am ready to go! I really hate this and would love nothing more than to quit my job right now. All this headache for one more child that I will only make $75 a week on! So not worth it!!!

Sorry for my rant, I already cried, but I can't scream at the little kids! emoticon

Hope everyone else has a better day than me! Mine is a complete mess!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOURNEYOF3 10/21/2010 11:04PM

    Hang in there. Some days are challenging!

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NANA5KIDS 10/21/2010 7:55PM

    I am sooo sorry you are having such a troublesome day. I will say an extra prayer for you emoticon

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GINGERBEME1 10/20/2010 12:08PM

    emoticon Been where you are near the end of my rope. Reminder God only gives you only what you can handle. Things will get better. I consider myself a survivor of life.

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JMVLOST45 10/20/2010 10:39AM

  I hope as your day goes on it gets better. And its better to rant then keep it bottled in.

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