Monday, November 17, 2014
A New Seed of Life
I have been thinking about things a lot lately. About the way I look, the way I feel, and what I can and cannot do anymore because of my weight holding me back. I just feel so ashamed, defeated, beaten up, and so many other words I could go one with for hours, about what I have let my life become. I didn't realize exactly how much my weight has been holding me back over the past few years. When I was in college and I met the loved of my life I was overweight, but nothing like I am now. I was 6'1 and weighing in at 220 pounds, most of that was muscle. I was very active, between sports, lifting weights, and trying to live a healthy life style I didn't have to think about it too much. That was a great time in my life. Before college I was always heavy though and had and to this date still have a lot of emotional luggage. Between criticism and being left out of things due to my weight I was emotionally distraught. Now do not get me wrong I definitely had a ton of good times in life as well. I thank GOD for them every day.
The purpose of this letter to myself is more like a commitment letter. Yes, I want to remember the past, but at the same time I want to look into the future. I'm not going to make up any excuses! I got this way by being lazy, many days and nights of emotional binge eating, unhealthy diet, and lack of motivation. Year after year I tell myself at least 1-2 times I need to do this. I come up with good reasons, then as soon as one thing goes wrong, then my life is out of control. I start doing all of my bad habits all over again. I will be the very first to admit to it. I have a horribly low will power, a low sense of urgency any more. I know I need to work on all aspects of my life if I want to be able to do this successfully.
This body transformation has to be intertwined with all aspects of my life. Past, present, and future. I need to take a good look at myself and realize that this needs to be a mind, body, and spiritual adventure. All of which need to be working cohesively with each other if I want to succeed not only in life, but on this new seed of life that I am embarking on. I need to give this my all! I cannot afford to ignore what my body is telling me anymore. I maxed out about a year ago at 460 pounds according to both my home scale and my doctors office scale. I realized then that if I keep going at my current rate that 1 of 2 things was going to happen. Either I was going to eat myself to death or I was going to die from either a heart attack or stroke. I couldn't bear that thought. So I have been slowly losing the weight. But this has only been done by doing Yo-Yo diet plans. I need to do something more productive, more healthy, more stable then these quick fix diet plans. Something that I can live with and do long term. My current weight is 425 pounds and I am 6'1. Yes, there is a lot of work ahead of me both physically and mentally. According to research that I have done my Ideal Body weight should be between 140 - 189 pounds and a healthy BMI for me is between 18.5 - 24.9 according to WebMD. Whereas my current figures are nowhere near that My current weight is 425 pounds and my current BMI is 56.1. These numbers are way to high!
I need to change my life style. I need to do this for me! Granted I do have a few things going for me as I do not drink, do drugs, or smoke, but I need to do more than that if I want to be around to see my 3 beautiful baby girls walk down the aisle one day or to be able to do things when they have kids of their own. My family should be my motivation, but to be honest it's not. I think it's because I how much of a failure I feel like. A failure for letting my life get out of control. To become this unhealthy. I feel because I have let myself down that I have let them down.
Take for example my beautiful 5 year old daughter, Chloe. The poor girl has a belly like her daddy. Some days she comes home crying from daycare or from doing sports saying that the other kids picked on her because of her belly. That breaks my heart. So I need to start eating healthy and doing exercises in front of her. To teacher her now healthy habits.
Now back to me. I need to come up with a healthy exercise plan and commit to it for life. Eating healthy, cardio 3-5 times a week, muscle strengthening 2-4 times a week, I need to count calories, plan my meals in advance, and be physically more active with my girls. I cannot just sit around and watch TV or play gaming systems. I need to get up, get out, and be more active and a better role model. I refuse to take the easy way out and have surgery or medical intervention such as that to lose the weight.
Now for my commitment part of the my letter. I, Brandon C. Bathrick, hereby commit to living a healthier life style and losing weight. I'm making this commitment to my family, my friends, myself, and anyone else that my read this commitment letter. I hereby take sole responsibility for my weight and am willing to make the permanent changes in my diet and exercise habits in order to live a healthier lifestyle. I understand that with every tear, every drop of sweat, and every pound that I will be one step closer to a healthier life. I realize that with every pound of fat that I drop it will help improve my energy, reduce my blood pressure, reduce aches and pains, improve my sleep, improve my breathing, decrease my chances of a heart attack decrease my chance of a stroke, it will help prevent diabetes, increase my life expectancy, and last of all increase my over all happiness.
I recognize the many benefits of committing to a healthier life style as listed above. In order to achieve this I need to burn at least 3500 calories a week for a safe weight loss of 1-2 pounds a week. 1 pound of fat equals 3500 calories. In order to do this I commit to cardiovascular exercises 3-5 times a week at 45-60 minutes a day. I commit to Strength exercise 2-4 times a week for 40-60 minutes a day. I commit to making better food choices by increasing my fruits, vegetables, and by reducing my intake of unhealthy processed foods. In order to do this I commit to maintaining a food and exercise diary and committing to portion control. I commit to visualizing myself at my ideal weight. I commit to removing all junk food, foods high in sugar content, and addictive foods. I commit to eating 3 meals a day and 2-3 snacks, and no longer eating complex carbohydrates after 8pm. I commit to saying to myself every day, " I forgive myself, accept myself, and love myself, " even if I cheat or fall. I understand that failure to comply may sabotage my weight loss goals. I agree to adhere to all of the above commitments in order to achieve weight loss.
By signing below I am committed to starting today and moving forward, I will no longer be denied the success that I deserve. This is an important day in my life, the day I make the final commitment to do what needs to be done, to consistently focus on my goal and eat healthy, every hour, every day, every week moving forward. I will no longer make excuses or justify my current unhealthy diet and lifestyle.
Monday, November 17, 2014
This is my story a new chapter, a new day, a new chance, in my life. A chance to make a difference into who I am a chance to make me healthier, happier, and more active with my family. Iím missing out on so much right now, because of my weight. It holds me back in so many ways. I canít run, jog, play, or even ride bike with out getting SOB. Speaking of biking, Iím afraid that I will break my bike with all of this excess ďweightĒ. I want to get my life back, get back to the person whom I used to be. A person that was fun, out going, loved to go running, camping, playing sports, doing things outside. Now I can barely bend over to tie my shoes. Matter of fact I canít even see my feet, the belly gets in the wayÖ. This disturbs me! Granted I have been ďover weightĒ most of my life, but at least I could do things back thenÖ like see me toes!
Iíve tried so many diets out there. Iíve fallen pray to the hype of this diet and that diet. Now itís time for me to go old school and just do the basics. Eat healthy, exercise, and enjoy life. For get taking that ďmagic pillĒ or doing this ďmiracle dietĒ. The fact is they either doesnít work or they are for short term results. Granted Iíve done diets that worked really well. But as soon as I stopped or switched something on them it all came crashing back. Take for example in college I weighed around 400 pounds. Then I went on the Atkins diet; which isnít meant to be long term. I got my weight down to 220-230 pounds. I felt great, I looked great, I had more confidence, and I met the love of my life; Robbyn. I was also in sports to at the time. So all of that helped me lose the weight. But then my junior year I had to move to a subdivision of my college; which was 1.5 hours away from main campus. The classes were stressful, I had to work full time, go to school full time, and find time to spend with my beautiful newly married wife; Robbyn. There were no sports to play at this subdivision of campus, nor was there time to really exercise. So my diet went kaput, because I just started to feel low on energy, my hair was falling out, and I was just down right cranky. My doctor said it was from lack of proper nutrition and suggested to go off the Atkins diet. I did, but with no real plan. I pretty much did what all college students would do eat unhealthy foods, be up late studying, and so forth.
Before I knew it the pounds were back on.
Iím not going to make up excuses. It was from lack of will power, an unhealthy diet of lots of fast food or junk food, and lack of exercise. Iíll be the first to admit. I love to play video games in my free time. Matter of fact right now Iím a high ranking officer in the clan that I play with on Xbox. To a lot of people they donít under stand. They are like so stop playing the video games, get off your but, and start exercising. See the clan is like my on line family. They are there to help me out with many of lifeís issues and believe me right now there are tons of issues and stress in my life; ranging from getting a new job to worrying about my wife, as she is very, very ill. I will be honest Iím worried about losing her. See she has gastroparesis and canít eat; which is affecting her, her relationship with me and the kids, life in general. The girls are too young to realize whatís going on with mommy besides that mommyís belly ďhurtsĒ. Coming from a medical stand point I know the seriousness of her situation.
But lifeís ďfunnyĒ like that. My wife canít eat. Then there is me where I know I need to change. But Iím addicted, yes I said addicted, to food and video games. Donít get me wrong I donít play the video games and ignore my family. I usually wait till they go to bed around 830 pm or so then I get on. I can be on there anywhere from 2-8 hours. My average time though if I had to guess would be 3.5 hours. During that time frame I know I mindlessly eat and drink. So I know that if I want my life to change and get healthy I have to get rid of or limit my game playing time. Then there is food itís my other addiction. People laugh when I say Iím addicted to food, but little do they understand I am. It can be a complete addiction. It gives me comfort, it gives me pleasure, it makes my body release chemicals in the body that say this is good and life is good. People look at smoking, drinking, and drugs as the only addictions/diseases out there. Thatís so not true. My self and I know the thousands of people out there can attest to that.
This ďdiseaseĒ is more powerful than what people can understand.
Itís a powerful addiction. One that makes me feel good on one hand, but makes me feels like a complete and utter failure on the other hand. Every time I start off dieting I do great for the 1st couple of weeks then all of the sudden something just switch in my brain. Before I know it Iím binge eating, not just 1 or 2 times, but for days. Saying and making excuses to myself like ďwell there is a holiday or a special day coming up so it wouldnít have mattered. I might as well try after that day.Ē This is pitiful and makes me feel like crap; which in return makes me make more unhealthy choices. One thing leads to another so one and so forth. Before I know it, it hurts to move because my body just gained 5-15 pounds in a short time. Doing that over and over adds the weight on quickly.
This is where it all ends! Iím reaching out to friends, family, healthcare professionals, health gurus, and most of all myself. I need to change my ways of life before itís too late. I just turned 34, Iím 6í1, weigh 423 pounds, and have severe sleep apnea. If the sleep apnea doesnít kill me, as it causes all sorts of health issues, then the weight will. I also have a history of high blood pressure, asthma, and Henoch-SchŲnlein purpura. My BMI is approximately 55.9. What does all of this mean? It means Iím a medical disaster just waiting to happen. Iím at risk for so many thing, such as heart attack, stroke, diabetes, coronary artery disease, cancer, are just a few that pop into my head right off hand. Here I am a medical professional, someone that people are suppose to be able to look up to for advice and I canít even help myself. Donít get me wrong I can tell them how to do what they need to do, but seriously are they going to listen to some 400 + pound man giving them advice on weight loss or how to stop smoking? I know I wouldnít!
Donít get me wrong I have even tried talking to my healthcare provider. Unfortunately his answer was not what I wanted to hear. He said that my only option is to have gastric by pass. Granted this may be a procedure that thousands of people have had done. But itís not for me. I do not want to have surgery to lose weight. I want to do this the right way! I have my mind set this time round. I need to do this for me! Granted in the long run it will be for my family and friends as well. But I need to do this so I can live to see my girlsí graduate high school and then college. I want to be there to walk my girls down the aisle when they get married. I want to be able to be healthy enough to play with my grandchildren. When they come about; which wonít be for a long time! Thankfully! Since my girls are only 5years old, 4 years old, and 18months old.
See I have to change my thinking of life and how it correlates with my weight. Iíve always been the heavy kid. It was just a way of life with my family. My whole family has always been over weight. So it was just natural for me to follow along growing up. That thinking is what got me where I am today though. Iíve had self confidence issues, Iím shy, I prefer to keep my life to myself and no one else, I donít ask for help (especially when I need it), I rather look to food or video games for comfort, all of this and more has gotten me where I am today: Over weight, unhealthy, and on my way to digging an early grave. I know I need to change my life and that needs to start now!
I need to become more active again. I need to exercise daily. I need to eat healthy. The key word there is health, which means not some yoyo diet or gimmick out there. I know there is no ďmagic pillĒ or ďmiracle dietĒ out there. That it is going to take good old fashion hard work and dedication. I need to find and make time for me. I donít want that to sound selfish, but I truly need to find me time. Time to go for walks and runs again. Then play and exercise with the girls. Teach them to be healthy. Break any bad habits that they have now so they donít go through what I went through growing up. I got picked on a lot for being the ďfat oneĒ in my grade. I donít want that for them. Right now they are healthy and love to do sports. That is something that I am proud of. Even though my middle one takes after her daddy a little more then I would want. She might have some of these issues when she gets into school, as she does have a belly right now. Hopefully that will change when she seeís daddy exercising. Both her and her older sister tell daddy every day that they want to help me lose my belly.
They see e watching all of these weight loss shows, but then ask why canít I do that. Thatís heart breaking to me as I should be able to if not for me then for them. Thatís why I am getting ready to write a new chapter in my life. A chapter that will make me a happier, healthier, and a more lovable person in life. Someone that will not give up! Someone in this for the long haul! I want to be able to do this and then pay it forward. This is going to sound silly; but here it goes. I want to be able to become a personal coach, a nutritionist, and open up my own gym. There isnít a gym where I live unless I go to a hotel or over to the next town where there is a YMCA. I want to either open a gym up in the town where I live and be able to help people, to help them transform their bodies, their lives, their hopes and dreams. I want to be there every step of the way just like a couple of my personal heroís ďDr. Joel Fuhrman, Chris Powell, Bob Harper, Jillian Michaels, Dr.Oz, Tony Horton, and Tom VenutoĒ whom have all transformed so many people lives. They gave them that extra chance in life when no one else would! For that I admire them. I want to be like that as well. Granted I am a nurse and I have touched thousands of lives over the years of being a nurse, but this is something I truly want to do! Become a fitness instructor or even a physical therapist along with a nutrition degree and open a gym. I know these are big goals. But maybe they are just the motivation that I need to get on track and lose this excess weight that has been holding me back my whole entire life. I want to be the person that I was meant to be. This may sound silly, but I used to dress up in a wool uniform in 90 degree weather for fun. I was a die hard civil war re-enactor. I went everywhere re-enacting and doing living histories. I would love to do that again, but cant in my current physical condition. That would truly be a heat stroke waiting to happen!
All of these things are starting to add up in my head. I want this for me and hopefully I can the support I need for this journey. The little things in life that can help keep me motivated. I know it will be a long, hard, endeavor, but it will all be worth it in the long run. I need to come up with a plan of attack. Let everyone in my life know about it and how they can help (this will be a big accomplishment for me, as itís very hard for me to ask for help). Then go from there. I guess for now I need to do the basics and figure out my BMR, TDEE, calories in vs calories out, goals, things like that. My current weight is 423 pounds and my goal weight is 175 pounds. My resting metabolic rate requires 3408 per day. TDEE is 4260.0 per day. Maximum calories/day 3760. This will help me lose approximately 1 Ė 1.5 pounds a week, which is healthy. BMI 55.9. The above figures came from http://www.globalrph.com/ . I need to do this. Scratch that ďNo I will do this!Ē This is just the 1st step of many to become healthy and to do what makes me happy. My goals are simple but yet very satisfying: Weight Goal: 175 pound, BMI Goal: 18-23%, these are my long term goals for now. My long term goal rewards: Happier healthier life, skin surgery (to get rid of the excess skin), and a special treat which is undetermined at this time. Iíve been thinking about a complete body make over or a crotch rocket or something like that.
Now how to accomplish this? As I said I will not do any yoyo dieting. I will eat healthy. Iím thinking about carbohydrate cycling to start off; which is a simple and effective way to lose weight used by many doctors and body builders. Itís tons of fruits and vegetables along with wholesome lean proteins. You keep your body guessing the calories/carbs for the day. You alternate every other day with high versus low. The key words here are lean meats and unlimited fruits and veggies. Avoiding or limiting fats along the way. At least this is my plan I will have to see how things work outÖ.with finances for groceries and such!
I will also be taking advantage of sprakpeople.com to track my food intake, exercise and such. To follow me on there my info is as follows: user name: bathricb
Friday, June 06, 2014
Please refer to my blog titled: Day 1....Week 1.....Chapter 1..... Page 1..... for more in-depth information about me and my journey!
Friday, June 06, 2014
Please refer to my blog titled: Day 1....Week 1.....Chapter 1..... Page 1..... for more in-depth information about me and my journey!
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