Thursday, July 18, 2013
It really hurt, but I gained this past week, so I put that in my weight tracker. I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to know about it.
I keep telling myself that I'm better about this whole 2 steps forward 1 step back thing, but the fact is I'm terrified. Always in the past that step back has been followed by another one and another one, and so on. I can't do that this time. Whatever it takes to jump out of the downward spiral, I need to do it.
Or I just need to have a little patience with myself. I've stopped running temporarily until I have bathing facilities in my home again. I find when I run every other day I don't have the food cravings, and I have more patience with my sedentary job at the computer every day. I know that right now I'm doing a lot of overtime at said sedentary job to pay for the repairs to my bathroom. These things are temporary, and should end soon.
But still I'm scared. I'm afraid of the food, and I'm afraid of myself. Counseling is out of the question. Even with insurance, I still owe money to my counselor for help overcoming a spending binge, which I find humorous in a morbid sort of way.