Thursday, July 11, 2013
Today's Sparkcoach lesson was on moderation; somthing I'm thinking a lot about this morning. With all the frustrations in my house right now, the tub is not useable, which led us to rip up the bathroom floor, which turned the main bathroom into a construction site, insurance is making noises like they're going to try to find a way to sleaze their way out of covering the damage...anyway, a less than ideal home situation this summer.
That last paragraph meandered away from my point...as I was starting to say, with all this going on I needed a little release. I signed up for an evening bike ride with a local adventurers' club (so far so good). They were meeting at 6:30 pm, so I put in some extra overtime at the office (total workday 10 hours) and rode out to meet them. The route they took brought me to the right side of town, South Anchorage, but much farther away from home than I had expected to be, and pretty much exhausted.
I got home at 9:45 badly in need of a shower. Remember the tub is unusable, so I gave my parents a call to see if they would mind my stinky sweaty self in their home for a shower. Mom likes to talk, so once I was done with my shower it took me a while to escape their house. It was almost 11:00 by the time I got home, and I hadn't eaten yet.
I got 3 hours of sleep, and I'm back at work for another long day. You would think I would learn my lesson, after all, I'm not 20 anymore, but for some reason my brain keeps going on about how to handle the ride next week.
Is this moderation? Probably not. Did I learn from it? I'm reminded of the time my brother broke both of his heals in a skiing accident in which he came off a cliff and landed on a flat cattrack instead of more slope; when I asked him if he had learned anything from this experience his response was "Yeah. I should have been goin' much faster. If I'd been goin' fast enough I would have flown right over that sucker." I guess it's a family trait.
Monday, July 08, 2013
Spark Coach asked me today to visualize all the positive response I would get once I had reached my goal weight. I do look forward to those ego boosts.
But is it wrong that one of the things I want is revenge? And I want it oh, so badly.
Thursday, July 04, 2013
Is anyone willing to admit they're old enough to be familiar with this award? I think I won it yesterday.
I was all happy with my new yarn, and had curled up on the couch with my fur baby to watch a couple of episodes of Buffy, and start working out what needle size I was going to need for my socks (playing with the new yarn).
Feeling nice and relaxed, knowing it would still be another 1/2 hour before my grown son finished getting showered and dressed, and made his presence known.
"Plop!" That was an odd sound. "Plop!" Okay, so I should have put the tarp away, wasn't using it anymore. "Plop!" That had better not be water dripping from upstairs. "Plop!"
"@#$$& *&%@ #@(*$, @#&$*# @(*#$&!" I learned to talk like that when I was an Air Force spouse. I pulled the comforter off my legs, scooted the dog onto the floor, dragged my legs around the ottoman, and sure enough there was a little hairline crack in the ceiling right below where the bathtub would be, with a new drip forming as I watched.
To make a long story a little less long, the caulking around the tub did not form a good seal with the floor, and hadn't for some time. I had a couple of workmen over yesterday who cut a hole in my ceiling and now there are 2 giant fans blowing dry air into the flooring above. Insurance won't pay because it wasn't "sudden and accidental". DS and I stripped away some of the linoleum from the bathroom to discover that the floor boards are wet and mildewed.
All I wanted to do last night was go out to a nice restaurant and eat comfort food. But I'm on the Fuhrman plan since the beginning of the week, and have really been on a roll. So I took myself firmly but gently by the hand, and gave myself a little pep talk. I came to a compromise; I would fix a good healthy Fuhrman plan dinner, and I would hide out in bed and read instead of taking my run.
I still don't want to run today, but I've already discovered the hard way that hiding out from negative realities doesn't make them go away. Today I will figure out what percent of the repair work DS and I can do, and what percent I'm going to have to pay to have done, I will take my run, and then I will find a nice quiet seat in a restaurant somewhere, sip on herb tea and play with my new yarn.
Wednesday, July 03, 2013
For my first 10 pound weight loss, I promised myself new sock yarn and a music lesson. I bought the yarn yesterday. I may have to move the music lesson down to another goal, I can't really afford it yet. Besides, if I swing things right, I can get a couple of free lessons from my sister over the winter holidays. Free is my favorite price.
I know blog entries are supposed to involve some heavy thinking about health and the like, but I'm on vacation this week, and refuse to do any heavy thinking of any kind.
Thank you all for having my back. Now I'm off to do some more laundry, cook some more high nutrient value food, and watch a couple of episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer with my dog.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
At my last meeting with my dietitian we talked a lot about my successes, and a few of the things I still felt needed work. Sheís an interesting woman, my dietitian, and her choice of extreme pointed toed stilettos seems totally at odds with her hyper, slightly geeky personality (okay, so she hangs out here sometimes, and I probably shouldnít say that, but, well, sorry!)
After a bit of talking about my plans and goals, she finally stopped, and very carefully worded a question to me: ďDo you believe you can do this?Ē
I was totally taken aback. I have worked so hard for so many years on my Iron Maiden mask, I didnít think anyone could possibly see through it. I had no idea what to say. I hedged for a bit, but finally had to admit that I didnít really.
I have no concerns about meeting my next athletic goal. Iíve been meeting massive athletic goals for my entire life. Itís my weight that scares me. I started yo-yoing in high school, when I discovered that the skinny girls weighed 15 pounds less than me. I was probably carrying 15 extra pounds of muscle mass at the time, but in high school you donít know that. By the time I was 30 I was struggling to stay below 200 pounds, and still yo-yoing. I would get down to within 20 pounds of my goal, and then head right back up, and over my last maximum weight.
By the time I found myself a divorced single mom, back in college, with a toddler to take care of, I had reached almost 260. Once again I fought and clawed my way down, this time to 210. And then I got cancer. By the time I was done with treatments you would have thought I would be losing weight like crazy; the inside of my mouth was so messed up I had to smear this nasty viscous gunk in it just to be able to eat pudding. But no, the steroids saw to that. By the time I was paying attention to my weight again I was 267. Iím sure at one point I hit 270.
What basis do I have for belief that I can do this? If you're expecting a firm, self-confident answer to this question, you've reached the wrong blog. So sorry, but I just started working on this one 2 days ago. I'm going to have to rely on baby steps. So this is my first baby step:
This is my beautiful baby sister, she's an internationally known singer/instrumentalist. She believes in me. There has to be something to that.
I suppose I should mention that my dietitian also believes in me.
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