Wednesday, February 17, 2010
It's me again.... and this time I'm reaching out and asking for help.
What happens when you know what to do and you work so hard at it and for whatever excuse/reason you want to use, you just can't do it anymore. Or don't have what it takes to do it.
I have struggled with personal problems for over a year, with most of it solved which included placing my mom in a nursing home to keep her out of harms reach from my brother who is destroying his life with drugs. It's been a very hard thing to deal with but first and for most was to get her to safety. This whole lifestyle my brother has succumbed to has taken a big toll on my mom. And at 75 years young she needs a walker to get around. We know she has a serious heart problem but the stress she has been under with him just pushed her over the edge and of course she dealt with it on her own as she would only hide the situation from her other children until financially she couldn't help him anymore.
I have not liked to talk about it, but I feel it is now the time to put it on paper and get it out there so I can move forward with getting me healthy.
So mom goes into the nursing home in December and now I have another big issue to deal with, how to let go of my husband's livelihood. He is a lobster fisherman, but the past few years its been very hard to make a go of it, and it keeps putting us further and further behind the eight ball. I know I'm not alone as so many others are dealing with financial ruins. I am not at that point as long as we have a buyer for everything.
So this has weighed heavily on my shoulders as I didn't know how to deal with telling him it was time to let it go. But now that we've discussed it he is fine with it and actually looking forward to letting alot of the mental stress of owning your own boat and making a living at it go. He can still go lobstering with someone else, but let them deal with the stress of it all. And it takes a lot of stress off my shoulders as it's a conflict of interest for me with my job.
So having dealt with all of these things now I need to look after me and I'm having such a hard time getting back at it. I put so much effort into eating healthy and working out and then the scale is not my friend. I know it's not about the numbers on that scale and I constantly tell myself that and everyone else, but for some reason when you see it go up, stay the same or drop 1/2 pound it's not what you want for your effort. So back to my only way I know how, medicate myself with food again.
I've been staying away from the computer as I was putting alot of my spare time into being on Sparks and helping others with their weight loss but my own has been struggling. Over the holidays I gained 20 lbs and it's been the hardest 20 to get off and it's just not happening.
So if anyone is wondering where I've been, what is going on etc. here's my story.
And now it's time for me ......