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And Here We GoFriday, December 21, 2012
Seemingly overnight, we have delved into the angst of teenaged love life. Always expecting that it would be my daughter, I have been blindsided by my son. He is 15 and "in love". I cannot believe that everything we've talked about went flying out the window when a 14 year young lady who is sexually active comes into the picture. Today we are just doing our best to keep our child - who still plays with legos occasionally - from becoming the next teenage parent. How on earth did this happen? We are not detached parents. We eat supper together, have family movie nights, etc. Within three months, this little lady has turned our silly boy upside down
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PIXIE-LICIOUS
12/22/2012 9:50AM
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Kids grow up too fast nowadays and there is so much peer pressure. I'm glad my boys are grown now!
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TECAVINESS
12/21/2012 7:32PM
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Being a teenager is hard. My grandson came along when my son was 18. I know this is a little older than you son, but it is never easy to accept. It is even harder to try to talk to them because they know everything, have done everything and we know nothing. Good luck. I hope all works out well. < BR> Report Inappropriate Comment |
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MRLDCTYGRL
12/21/2012 2:01PM
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Wow, this is where that "nailing jello to a tree" metaphor kicks in... how to manage it without damaging your relationship?! We dodged this one barely when my eldest daughter was 15... she had a huge crush on a friend and he finally announced that he felt the same way, and next thing you know, we're on the rollercoaster... Here's what worked for us: We believe that kids still need boundaries even as they individuate. Show them that there's new territory for them to be independent in, like music choices, style of clothes, who their friends are, more freedom with their time... and highlighting how these things are different from when they were younger. It helps them see you as reasonable, even if it's been more organic and natural, having stuff pointed out to them really helps. Then we communicated that the whole POINT to dating is to find a spouse. (For us this is true, so whatever is true for you, set that standard and communicate it. But, returning to our logic for a moment...) If you're not ready to FIND a spouse, then you're not ready for dating. Anyone still in high school isn't ready to deal with finding a spouse. So this broke down into two simple rules: #1, our kids weren't allowed to date. #2 (equally if not more important!) TALK TO THE PARENTS when you're really tempted to BREAK RULE NUMBER ONE. When she came to talk to us about "breaking rule number one" we bought ourselves some time by saying we couldn't give her our blessing to date someone we didn't know, so they needed to NOT act like a COUPLE until we got to know him (and his family!) and made a decision about whether or not to be supportive of the relationship. She talked to him about it, he agreed, we talked to his parents (who were equally concerned about the intensity and direction of things, which was comforting!) and then we encouraged/invited him to join us for her volleyball games, mother's day brunch at the school, stuff like that. Eventually, it became obvious that he was less interested in being serious about getting our blessing than she was, and she was more in love with the IDEA of a boyfriend than she was in HIM SPECIFICALLY (especially since he was pushing her boundaries and not respecting her family's expectations) and she cut him loose with only a small amount of encouragement from us. NOW, she's 22, a virgin, and just got engaged LAST NIGHT to a WONDERFUL young man who already feels like family. Our families already love each other, we celebrate holidays together, and we all hold similar values about what's important to us all. What a relief to be cheerfully planning a wedding we can be really THRILLED about! Regardless, I'm adding your son to my prayer list. God knows the details, and I'm going to pray for you that God gives you the words to say and the discernment for timing and "reading" where he's at and when he'll be receptive to what so that you guys can work this out as a family. Hang in there! Report Inappropriate Comment |
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STELLASMYBEBE
12/21/2012 10:16AM
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Oh man... Teenage years are the hardest. Can't tell them anything because they already know everything. I have a 16 yo girl.. Who is boy crazy.. Good luck! Report Inappropriate Comment |
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