Thursday, January 03, 2013
Yesterday marked my 7 th year anniversary of healthy living. While I had a small blip over the past year or so, I'm proud to have reached this milestone with a renewed commitment to this lifestyle. I struggled to make sense of what had gone wrong, and until just the other day, I couldn't find an explanation. My recent worries about finances, made me realize that, contrary to my belief, I indeed did stress about things, and that stress caused me enough distress, to allow myself to seek comfort in food. Last year, while worrying about how we would pay for my daughters wedding, I did indeed look for unhealthy ways to deal with that stress. All these years, I believed I wasn't affected by stress, but now understand differently.
I now find myself in a place where I can recognize my triggers, and find other ways to deal with them. I'm going strong after six weeks of my re-start. I've been consistent with, exercise, and food, as well as tracking better, and participating more frequently on this site. I've lost 15 pounds and am beginning to see my body getting in better shape. It's a relief, and I'm proud of what I'm doing again. I still battle with my self-loathing issues, and find it difficult to forgive my slip-ups, but I'm at least able to see that for what it does to me.
I know this is an ongoing battle, but feel like I'm winning it again....even as I entEr my 7th year....
Friday, December 28, 2012
I am quickly approaching my 7 year anniversary of a healthy lifestyle.ive had a difficult year or two which saw me stumble and lose some of my focus (and ultimately creep over the 200lb mark), but I'm on a 5 week roll now and feel my momentum continuing to build. I've come to realize there are something's about me that will never be "fixed" and that I will always battle the same demons within. I'm certain I'm not the only member of the 100+ weight loss community, who has found themselves gaining weight back, but as hard as it is to admit, I do so in hopes of helping someone else avoid the same problem.
Being back on track, and in control feels good. I'm feeling like a conquerer again after navigating the holidays successfully, thus far. I am certain, I will continue to move forward and lose these regained pounds, and enjoy being fit and healthy!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
I have known since Jan 2, 2006 that only I can make a choice to be healthy. I also learned along the way that it's important for me to acknowledge my difficulty putting my needs ahead of my family's. I adore my grandsons and treasure every minute I get to spend with them. Watching them grow on a regular basis, being there to kiss their boo-boos or snuggle them when they ar sick, gives me such a sense of worth and fills my heart with love. But, giving of myself to my son, for those boys made me once again, put myself down the list of importance. I'm not making an excuse, but instead I'm recognizing a character trait--one I share with all mothers, most certainly.
Understanding, and accepting this, is necessary for me to understand what I must do to continue on my path towards my goal. It's been a very good two weeks. I'm hopeful the scale represents the steps I've taken to right the ship. I've stayed on track with my food, (gotten my night time eating under control), exercised 12 out of 14 days (taking Sunday off), increased my activity during the day and gotten better sleep. No matter what the scale says, I know I've been successful in meeting the goals I've set for myself.
I read a friend's posts concerning obese people fighting a losing battle, more or less saying we regain the weight because of some chemical imbalance, or such, but I suggest that it's more emotions and mentality that put the pounds back on us. That piece that is broken inside, the one that can never really give us permission to matter, that's possibly irrevocable and may always require constant attention and conviction. I know that personally, this is true.
Friday, January 06, 2012
I know now, more than ever, that it sometimes takes, a deep look inside to realize that it's easy to find an excuse. I thought I had learned that lesson, and could recognize the problem when it presented itself. But, I fell into that trap again. It's so easy to find whys to explain away one's mistakes. But, the truth is, you don't feel good, or whole, if you allow yourself to believe those inexcusable words of failure. 'Excuses are the tools with which persons with no purpose in view build for themselves great monuments of nothing.' ~Steven Grayhm; I seemed to have forgotten that, and gave myself permission to feel sorry for myself, and to give into bad choices. The choice to eat out of my calorie count, or skip workouts, and yes there were often mitigating circumstances, but there is always a solution to a tough problem if you want to find it badly enough.
I look deeply inside and see a person who has always prefered avoidance, as a way to solve difficult situations, I bury my true feelings in order to protect myself from disappointment or hurt, or to keep others from the same. I understand that, and know that 2011 tested me, time and time again, and I got knocked down a little bit, and yes, I faltered, but I've landed on my feet again, and have turned, once again, to SP as my safety.
I started logging-in and joined a challenge, (and as usual, I've received so much support from the many good Spark People) I've made arrangements with my sweet husband to stay with the babies, so I could get to the gym-and I made it there 4 days doing strength 3 days, spin 3 day, and a treadmill workout on Tuesday night.SP allows me to see the obstacles that other people are faced with, and how they are overcoming things that I could never imagine. So, I see that things for me, are not as bleak, as I had allowed myself to think....time to make a choice to appreciate what is good in my life, and put the rest in perspective...thank you Spark Friends.
Over the next year (and beyond) I look forward to not only achieving my own goals, but also, in helping others who are struggling to reach their own!
My W-Th-F are consumed with taking care of my grandsons, so I may not always post/track here, but be assured I will return, when time allows.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Ive had a very stressful year, and have not dealt with it wery well. I've somehow lost my voice-that inner voice that tells me I matter! That voice that gives me permission to put myself first. When I was locked-in, there was nothing that I would allow to get in the way of my gym time. There was no mindless snacking or excessive calorie intake--that voice would always stop me. But where did that voice go? How could I be so immersed in my healthy journey for so long (4 years), and then slowly watch some (thankfully, not all) healthy habits slip by the wayside? My life was very organized and simple, I was the focus; I put myself first. My time was my own, and I had no other responsibility but to workout and eat right. Then I became a grandparent...one of .the happiest days of my life! But subsequently, I became a babysitter, three days a week--and now care for two grandsons...I held on for the first year, but my gym time dwindled, until it came grinding to a halt in October. I learned very quickly how exhausting it can be to chase after a toddler(s), and I gave into that fatigue instead of fighting through.
I am hearing that voice again, it has begun as a faint whisper, and will continue to grow as I start(re-start) forming healthy habits again....I plan on making it scream at the top of its lungs forever more! I'm finding a way to fight for that voice to be heard again over those old self-doubts!
Hears to making 2012 (my 6th anniversary) mirror 2006!
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