Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Seem to bring out all that is good in people! On Saturday, my mother passed away after years of fighting and struggling for every breath she took due to COPD emphysema and a host of other smoking related illnesses, including recently diagnosed lung cancer. He decline over the past five and a half months has been beyond difficult to watch and she's finally at peace and pain free for the first time in a very long, long time. While there is a measure of comfort in knowing she's finally comfortable, it doesn't relieve the overwhelming emptiness that is left behind. I have, been able to find the positives in this situation in that people have been beyond kind and overly generous in this troubling time.
I've also found that the lessons I've learned over the past five years that are helping me deal with and get through this tragic loss. Saturday was such an emotional day, and my grief and sadness were overwhelming me. After fitfully sleeping throughout the night, I awoke to a bright, sunny day, and made me think of those lessons. I realized at that moment, that I could choose to dwell on my loss, or I could choose to celebrate all the good of my mother's life. Knowing that was what she wanted me to do, and realizing she was ready to go, are what is keeping me going. I don't think I would have come to this decision nor been able to hold to it, without having spent so much time self-evaluating during my weight loss experience.
So tomorrow as I bury my mother I will bravely stand and smile in my heart as I relive the many wonderful things my mother has meant to me and our family. And I will remember with pride how happy it made her when I finally lost this weight and I'll keep doing the things that will keep me fit to honor myself and her memory!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
It has occurred tome that there is no such thing as can't! What I mean whn I say can't is, I don't want to or I won't. For months I kept saying "I can't get motivated to exercise right", "I can't stop eating at night"' what I really should have said is I don't feel like exercising so I choose not to, or I choose eating too many pretzels over having only a proper serving. Because once I decided feeling fit and keeping the weight off were more important than mindless eating or sitting around, I got my motivation back and I got my self control and portion management back!
All it takes is one step in the right direction, one baby step that you build upon, until its a big step that leads you down the right path. There's no light that goes off, you don't suddenly find the right key, you just ease your way back a little at a time. Once you feel r
The satisfaction in saying "I can", "I will", "I am", then you are on your way to unlimited possibilities!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
physically, and most importantly, mentally! I realized when talking today to someone about my diet, that I'm as focused on eating clean and within my calorie range now as when I started back in 2006. I made a few tweaks to my diet today and yesterday, by making sure to eat in the higher end of my calorie range and increase my healthy fats (nuts/fish) so that I eat at least 30% good fat. This is in hope that I'm exercising outside my calorie intake, and the fat will help my digestive system(recently been an issue).
Secondly, I added some more running; 10 minute sprint on treadmill before spin class, and then at 4:00 I went for a run/walk ran 15 minutes out and power walked 15 minutes back...it felt great to get outside-all in the hopes of increasing my metabolism.
I'm so ecstatic to have my focus and determination back. It's a relief to know I could get back here. I thought somehow it was gone for good, I didn't understand how, or why, but it didn't seem possible to find it again. Slowly, I built the momentum back up, and of course what that means is that I found reason to make the choice to do whatever I'm supposed to do in order to get healthy and fit again. I'm talking the talk and walking the walk again. I know my family finds it annoying when I get this singularly focused, but they should be happy that I'm so much happier with myself now that I'm back on track. I feel so much better, and enjoy everything more. The self-deprecating attitude is gradually disappearing. With every rep or pedal stroke I get stronger and my self-image grows more positive. It is amazing how much besides strength and conditioning one gets from exercise.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Only lost 0.2 lbs today, very confused as to why it's so slow/hard. I'm going to try and cross train a little bit more this week. Tomorrow instead of my usual spin class, I'm planning to so the treadmill and elliptical, then spin Wednesday and Friday. I'll lift Tues/Thursday and maybe get outside a few days for a run. The other thing I'm confused about is that maybe I'm not consuming enough calories and I've definitely been under my 30 fat calories almost everyday. I have many other positive measurements to encourage my efforts (not that there is any other option--no quitting allowed), my body looks better, less fat around my hips/thighs/middle, my arms are smaller and my back and shoulders look cut again. Additionally, my cardiovascular fitness is most definitely improved. I've almost doubled my speed on the treadmill, I've doubled my duration on the bike in spin class, and even the strength in my quads is better, as indicated by the ease in which I'm climbing the stairs(due to chronic knee injury). So all of those indicators are encouraging. I'm not discouraged, really, just confused that the tried and true isn't working for me right now...I'll figure it out--and get it right!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Sunday mornings are my favorite gym days--my middle daughter Caitlyn goes to the gym with me, as my guest (she belongs to another gym) and we work out together. Today I had a new program that I'm starting that goes for the next 4 weeks, it incorporates low reps, heavy weight, and high reps low weight and it was awesome! First of all, it's great to have a spotter for the heavy lifts, and also fun to have someone working out with you, and most of all, my DD has the best personality and I just love being with her! Needless to say it started my day off great!
After that it was a bridal show with all my daughters and the future bride's mother in law and ending with dinner at my parents with the entire family, including my two grandsons!
My diet was a bit hinky today as far as complete nutrition goes, since there were only finger foods at the venue-none healthy of course-so I quickly ate a hard boiled egg when I got back from the gym and brought some Kashi GoLean Crisp cereal in a bag in my purse so I had something to eat. I'm a few calories under so I'll have a little sweet potato shrimp chowder a little later and that should bring it into range.
I'm hoping to see a loss at the weigh-in tomorrow.....
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