Tuesday, January 04, 2011
I have to say that exercise has benefits that go far beyond physical health! It's amazing how getting myself back on track can help my mental well-being. Yes, I'm dealing on a daily basis with my mom--still hard, invades my thoughts day and night...but getting on that spin bike today, for 45 minutes, I could focus on me and what I need....it felt fantastic! I realized as I did the class, that having some time off has brought me back with a totally different attitude. Today's instructor isn't one of my favorites, but after taking her classes regularly for more than 3 years, had made me grow weary of her music, and methodology...but time away has brought me back with an open mind, and allowed me to really enjoy the class....
Other observations: I've given up diet soda over the past few days, and realize that drinking it makes me overeat. I've replaced it with green tea/water and found meself snacking less. Drinking water has helped dramatically, relieve my excessively itchy skin(due to dryness)....
Of course I knew these things before, but somehow, decided they weren't important...but it eels good to make them a habit again!
I've been writing my feelings down in a notebook, and that is very helpful with getting a grip on them. I know the days ahead will be difficult but I'm determined to keep on track with my healthy habits and thus keep my sanity!
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Sunday morning workout completed. 25 minutes of intervals on the treadmill. and an hour of strength training! I'm starting small and making sure to begin a new habit. It's frightening to me how quickly I became derailed! The long and short of it is that I've allowed too many things to take my focus off of me. One missed day leads to two missed days, which leads to feeling tired and sluggish, and the cycle begins....but now I'm forcing myself to get re-focused. With all the madness that lays ahead of me, I know this is my ticket to sanity. I will get a break from my regular babysitting days in a week or two when my second grandson is born and my DIL has her maternity leave. Though it will be hard not spending 3 days with my precious Jackson, I know it will help me to get back on track. My husband will be my new partner in this journey, which can be helpful with giving me that first step out the door in the morning. I know their are potential problems, but I must remember to make this about me! While I want to help him also succeed, but I can't put him before myself. I must do what works for me. I am very excited for him though, because I know this will help him control his diabetes.
Every day is a choice, and I'm making the choice to get healthy and fit again. After all, I have a wedding on 5/5/2012 to prepare for...my daughter's wedding day! She became engaged to a wonderful man this past Thanksgiving eve. I feel guilty because me enthusiasm for this wonderful event is somewhat dampered by the impeding loss of my mother. It's so hard knowing that she will die, sooner, rather than later. Why do we have to know this? I've never been a person who likes to face such things head-on. I'm learning that I like to evade things, however that can be done, that's what I do. It's not a healthy thing, I suppose, and perhaps is partially the reason for my recent backslide. I know that my emotions have indeed been ruling my life of late. I'm determined to take that control back. I'm not going to bury my feelings, but instead, I'm writing them down. I started this on NYE when I had another breakdown over the prospect of never having another NYE with my mother here on earth. It was a repeat performance from CE and Christmas day, and really the past 2 weeks. But just simply writing down what I felt, somehow eased that pain. My husband has been my rock and is such a wonderfully understanding man, but I find it sooo hard to put my feelings into words. I know he understands and wants to help me with this burden, but I just hold back and have been holding it all in...no more...today is the beginning of that change....
Saturday, January 01, 2011
On the eve of my five year anniversary, I find myself in a scary place. Since sept. 20th of this past year I've been in a downward slide. This was precipitated by the diagnosis of my mother's lung cancer. Due to her weakened health from other smoking related diseases, she's unable to undergo treatment and is dying right before my eyes. I've allowed this to derail me from my goal and am now looking to regain my way and lose the twenty plus pounds vie gained over this time.
Here's to that renewed effort and success!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
A great obstacle to happiness is expecting too much
- Bernard de Fontanelle, French writer
Happiness is a state of mind, not a way of life or a destination that you'll reach one day. Bumps in the road of life are to be expected, and we cannot let them ruin our days. We often think that if a combination of factors would just fall into place THEN we would finally be happy. Satisfaction can only come from within, through truly accepting yourself, your life, and your circumstances. During this life you'll have many hard days--long work days, sleepless nights, worrying about the future, etc. This week, think about the joys of your life. Find creative ways to enjoy the little bumps in the road.
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