Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Today marked the two year anniversary of my Mother's passing. It's still such a huge loss and life will really never be the same again. I was so lucky to have had the mother I did, she was my biggest fan, my friend, and she always loved me, unconditionally. I think of her very day in some way. It was eerie today to have realized the exact day and then have Miranda Lambert's song, "Over You" come on the radio at a that precise time. All too often, I just feel at a loss, it seems so wrong that she is gone. My family will never be the same again. My father is planning on re-marrying this June, at age 82 years old to someone he met at his support group. I just can't get past the disloyalty to my mother, it's wrong, I can't accept it, even though I want him to be happy, he feels like a stranger now.
I have to work all this through, I know, and I thought putting it in writing might somehow make it better, but it doesn't seem to help.
One foot in front of the other....
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Friday I got the stomach bug, it started to hit me as I finished my lifting at the gym-so glad I got it in before hand! So my eating was all over the map eating mostly soup and not really tracking anything makes me unsure of how the weigh in will go tomorrow...but, whatever happens I know I'm succeeding. I decided to get out all the umpire pants and try them on...I couldn't wear three of the four pair I have most of last year. I'm so happy that all but a pair of size 8's (which i havent worn in 3 years) fit...I was not sure I had made that much progress, so it was a spirit lifter.
While I was recovering on Saturday, I spent a lot of time surfing the Internet. I looked up the past contestants from the Biggest Loser to see where they are now. Surprisingly, the majority have all gained weight back. Some have kept most of their weight off, but only a few are within 20 pounds of where they were at the final. That made me realize, once again, just how hard maintaining is, after the loss. In my heart I know this, but in my head, I still won't give myself a break on being in that same boat. I still fight that inner self-loathing that got me back here. I see people post quotes stating "we are not the number on the scale" or our weight doesn't dictate our self-esteem", etc. of course any sensible person knows this to be a healthy view....but apparently it's just not what my head believes...I know that I'm on top of the world, when I'm at my healthy weight, I've been there, it's true...but every pound I gain, moves me farther away from that feeling...I don't know if I'll ever get past that....but I can get back to that weight...and I will...that is in my control!
So, some ups and some downs, but my alarm is set and I'm ready to start the second part of my 8 week workout tomorrow morning...
Sunday, February 10, 2013
When you are consistent in your healthy habits, magic is happening in your body and mind, even if the scale isn't moving. - Coach Jen
I recently blogged about my disappointment on my weight loss progress, and after receiving a very nice comment reminding me that "a loss is a loss" and reading this quote by coach Nicole, I see things with a different eye.
I have had a really consistent 12 weeks! I have been to the gym at least 5 days a week, I'm tracking my food, making healthy choices, and checking in here on SP daily. I'm feeling more energetic, and most definitely better about myself, and my general moods are much brighter. Those are 180 degree turn arounds from November. I felt "helpless" to stop my downward spiral, and wouldn't take the first step to make the changes I needed. But for the past 12 weeks (84 days) I have made the choice to take back the power I had given away. I've chosen everyday to eat well, and get moving, and I know that nothing but good will come from those choices.
I still have much work to do, but, I'm capable, and I'm able, so I will do the work!
Saturday, February 09, 2013
I recently read this quote from one of our SP coaches. "Success depends more on how much you eat than what you eat. Moderation is the key to success." on the surface this seems like very sound advice. For some folks it might just be the one missing link they've needed. But, I look at this and say, hmmmm. How can this be so? We have all gotten to this point by eating unhealthy foods, in large quantities, of course. By refusing to change this behavior, we are kidding ourselves about having a healthy lifestyle. I mean thimk about it, switching from a Big Mac to say a kids hamburger saves you calories, yes, but it's still a food that has little nutritional value. Besides, which, it's unlikely to make you feel full, and satisfied for very long. There are such better choices one can make that would allow you to eat a larger amount of food for less calories, and better nutritional values, and would truly be changing an old bad habit. Additionally, I doubt I'm alone with this, but for me eating certain foods just makes me want to have more of that food, and it is better to steer clear altogether, than try to eat it in moderation. Over these last 8 years, I've learned I am capable of change. I can learn to enjoy healthy food, and exercise, and I've tried so many new things because of opening myself up to change. Had I simply kept my old ways but moderated them, think how unenlightened my life would have remained.....hmmmm
Friday, February 08, 2013
It's been 12 weeks since I got back on track. My strength and endurance are definitely much improved. My weight loss is at 18 pounds...not as good as I would like, but I need to up my cardio, and protein intake. I am certainly back to healthy habits and good routines. I'm concerned about what lies around the corner with my umpiring season beginning. I must make sure that I keep my gym schedule in place, while doing my games each weekday, and of course while figuring out my schedul of babysitting the boys. I know I'll find a way, because I must, in order to get back to where I was.
In the meantime I am enjoying lifting weights again. I'm back up to 175 lbs on the leg press and 75 of squats. I keep adding weight every lift to each exercise, and my old body is tolerating most of it, well.
It will be nice to get outside and move more during the day, once this abominable weather gets nicer! So for now, I'll stick to the gym and keep my healthy habits going strong!
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