Wednesday, November 10, 2010
For no other reason than I went for a run. I started a blog this morning titled "Confession" where I wrote about not exercising for 2 weeks. I decided not to post it because I didn't have much to say about it. I have no reason, excuses, etc. I just didn't exercise. I only started feeling bad about it in the last 2 days. And that was only slightly bad about it
I left work late, it's getting dark earlier, had to make dinner etc and I really just was going to sit and wait to see someone responded to a work email that was urgent (well urgent for them - still no reply )
I went with my new mantra - 30 minutes is nothing - go do something. I did and I found myself clapping in the streets (side street no one noticed) at how happy I was that I was exercising. Happy that my body still was OK enough to run the whole time. Happy that I probably could have gone another mile. Happy that the notion of - you don't have to be perfect, just consistent proved itself right, yet again.
I am happy to type that my breathing was fine throughout the run. In fact, I was singing Bad Romance on my last stretch of my run. My legs are going to be sore tomorrow since they were achy as I ran but that's OK. It will be a good reminder that a day, week or two weeks don't define who I am - I define who I am.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
We had a Halloween party last night. I don't like the holiday because I hate the pressure of finding a costume. I figure if I'm going to dress up, I need a good costume. So, I realize it's a self-induce pressure but then again, most pressures usually are.
Anyway, Bonnie had a 50s work party a few weeks ago and they had Pink Ladies outfits. So we went the easy way and used them. She borrowed a jacket and poodle skirt (cheap costume one made of felt) from her co-worker for me. I realized that 3 years ago, I wouldn't have been able to borrow something, I would accept the offer from the person fully knowing that I wouldn't fit into it. The skirt and jacket fit - felt isn't flattering but I'll survive.
My friends who were hosting the party have a fire pit so around 11 most people were outside. I had a poodle skirt on so I figured there was no way I was going out in the cold. Well, my friend went and got me sweat pants. Without a second thought I put them on. Three years ago I would have left the party, went outside and froze or something - there would be no way I would even say OK when she offered me the sweats. I would be embarrassed when they didn't fit.
I'm sure those of us who have been overweight know that sinking feeling we'd get when someone is trying to be kind and offers to go get a sweatshirt, jacket, something while you're thinking - there is no way that something is going to fit. It's a crappy feeling.
I don't have to worry about that any more. I can borrow things. Well most things - there's still smaller people than me but since I'm about average right now, it's nice.
I also found a sweater at The Limited today. I need a L and they only had a M. I found out the next closest store is an hour away. I may call my SIL in Cleveland and see if she's shopping any time soon if she could buy it for me. 3 years ago, I wouldn't be able to shop in The Limited because I was wearing a 1X or XXL - I would be too embarrassed to ask my SIL (size XS and 4) to pick something up for me. I have no problem asking her to pick it up a L/M for me now.
Walking around the mall today I had my hands in my jeans pockets - I can feel my hip bones. I know that I still have weight and inches to lose to be in a healthy range - but walking around feeling hip bones and feeling "small" really boosts my confidence.
Tomorrow I'm headed to a work conference for a few days. I'll be seeing people who I haven't seen in a year. I'm excited for them to see me!
Monday, October 25, 2010
I put my 61st paperclip on my strain the other day. I looked back at when I put together the 54 as a reminder of how far I've come. It was July27th. That is 14 weeks ago - so I'm averaging 1/2 pound a week. At this rate, it's going to take another 40 weeks to get where I hope to be.
A big part of me thinks "well, it's no big deal, I'll be living those 40 weeks anyway, so I might as well lose weight while I'm doing it".
A small part of me thinks - really, another 10 months!
I've made a lot of progress, I can run farther and faster than I ever imagined. I know all of those things.
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
Every once in awhile it hits me, this just isn't that hard. Today is one of those days. I'm sure many people who are on the same journey as I would whole heartedly disagree with me but for me - itís just not that hard. I apologize in advance if what I write offends anyone, I don't mean to sound flippant or demean anyone's feelings. This is just my thoughts on it all.
I often have pictures in my head when people say/write certain things. When I read "this is so hard" I envision someone pushing a huge boulder up a hill or someone pushing a wall that they think will move but doesn't. To me these are really harsh visuals. Therefore, I choose not to think of my journey in that way. I can't live my days thinking I'm pushing a huge boulder. I really think that if I continually say/think it's HARD - it's going to be. Self-fulfilling prophecy, I guess.
When I read 'whereís my motivation?" I envision someone standing there in a movie where the heavens open up and light shines down - that person waiting for a huge tidal wave to come over them so they feel like choosing to exercise or eat well. It may be an extreme mental picture to have but, again, it helps me realize that motivation doesn't come in tidal waves. It's the small choices I make daily that helps me continue on the path (well some times Iím in the grassy parts - but I'm close to the path )
So much of the journey is about choices. Most days, the healthy choices aren't THAT much harder to make than the not-so-healthy ones.
Grocery shopping - I don'tt find it that hard not to go down the chip aisle or pick Edy's slow churn over Hagen Daaz.
Portion control - I don't find it that hard to weigh my food. It's also not that hard to only have 3-4 ounces of meat instead of 6-8.
Dining out - choosing a nice chicken dish is just as easy as choosing a hamburger and fries and for the whole 15-20 minutes it takes to eat it I can be happy with my choice.
No lunch and need something quick - I donít find it that hard to go Taco Bell (fresca menu), Subway, or Wendy's ((baked potato and small chili) instead of McDonald's
Working out - sure sleeping an extra hour would be nice but the benefits of exercising are great so I make the choice not to sleep in.
Sure there are days that the same two alternatives seem a lot harder to choose between than they did the week before. In the big scheme of things, though, our healthy choice is generally a pretty satisfying and fulfilling one if we let it be.
When I read "fall off the waon" I envision someone on a Conestoga wagon literally falling off. I'm not sure who started that phrase but I don't like it because it sounds painful and way too harsh. I choose to use the image of hills and valleys. Life is full of them - so is this journey of health/weight loss that I'm on. This really helps me roll with the punches and realize that I may choose the not-so-great alternative at times but that's not the end all and be all to who I am or where I'm going. It's a lot easier/gentler for me to visualize being in a valley heading back up the hill than it is for me to visualize myself dusting myself off and checking for broken bones while trying to hop back on a wagon. (By the way my mind's eye's hills and valley are plush and green with some pretty wildflowers )
I readily admit that I live a pretty stress free life. Some of that is by circumstance like I have no kids, I work for a company that has won awards on being a great place to work, I have a supportive partner, and my extended family brings me little to no drama. Some of that is also by my choice to not to let things in my life stress me out. I say this because I do go to work, I do have social events, I do have a partner and extended family and with these things come situations that may not be ideal. How I choose to deal with them, think about them, etc is totally my choice. I choose to make things as easy as possible and quite often it's just a shift in my thinking.
My 60 pound weight-loss didn't come without some work, though. I have a lot of fitness minutes to show for it (although many people have a lot more than I do.) It takes some discipline to lose weight - in my mind that doesn't mean that it's hard work - I am just working hard. To me, there's a huge difference.
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