Monday, March 12, 2012
3/12/12 I am somewhat back- in -action
WELL!Happy 2012 a little late! Sadly, I ended2011 with a massive hemorragic(sp?) stroke that bled out some more! Count myself very lucky not to be a vegetable, though! It seems the you really do get what you need and no necessarily what you want! Also, myroad to recovery mayl be long! No left arm as of yet= almost 3 months past stroke but the left leg came back fairly quickly and has proven to be quite helpful with my therapy!
I've missed you guys and look forward to "Sparking" again throughout 2012! I'll let you all know of my progress, as I make it!
The good news.... aka what I needed.....My husband has jumped into his new 'caretaker' role like a veritable SUPERHERO-! HE ROCKS
IT SEEMS I will finally be forced into learning some patience for everything including myself and my whole host of new 'short comings' or challenges!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Hello, dear friends!
Man, it has been a good year overall. I really can't remember thinking that in the last decade before now. I always feel there could have been more that I could have accomplished but I have learned to be happy with what has actually transpired, too!
I started last year on 2/28/10 weighing 285 pounds; 53% body fat. Here are the starting measurements:
Upper Arm 17
Waist 49 (Yes, I am definitely an 'apple')
Also, I could not put my shoes on without using the stairs and getting a headache from not being able to breathe while doing it. My 'dress size' was 28 (or more); 4X. I switched to T's and sweats so I lost track! My arms felt like they were permanently 'sticking out' (like the Michelin Man'. My skin was sallow/dry/wrinkled, etc. I stopped dying my hair because I figured 'what on earth was the point?'. My joint pain and blood sugar were out of control largely due to a combination of poor nutrition and lack of motion. I was unemployed with zero prospects and had been for nearly 4 years....and I was having a really hard time trying to come up with reasons to 'stick around' (Thank God for my cat!).
Well, I am still overweight, probably even obese , but I am feeling so much better.....
I have no trouble putting my shoes on AND breathing at the same time and I don't need the stairs to do it anymore, either! My skin is looking much better, too. I think I now look closer to my age rather than a few decades older! My joints are not aching nearly as badly (go Omega's!!) and I have lost 75 pounds! Today I weigh in at 209.5; 39% body fat.
Also, I am having some fun with my hair and trying new bits of color and changing cuts. I never had the guts to do that before! I believe I am in the 18/20 dress size range now.....18 on the bottom (if the waist is not pinched!); more of a 20 on the top. Soon I will be able to shop in a regular store rather than having to order things online.
Svelt? Certainly not but working my way down to an 'acceptable' size for me! Here are the current measurements:
Upper Arm 13.25
Waist 39.5 (Yes, I am still definitely an 'apple')
I also finally got a job and I am really happy about that. I am not the kind of person that does very well without a 'place to be' regularly. I get so much more done when I DO have time constraints! Although it has changed things, and it is presenting a challenge to my exercise schedule and time with the cat (!! poor fellow!!) but I am working it out.
So now I begin Year2 with all of you and I am REALLY looking forward to it! By the end of the year I plan to release 80 more pounds and then, I will work on keeping it all off!! ;)
Thanks you guys!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Well, going 'off track' is always a problem. I wasn't totally off during my hiatus but it crept slowly in until I was. SOSOld..... Thankfully, I reigned myself back in. Just noticed the sallow skin, the bags under my eyes, the tired, achey, sick feeling ALL THE TIME.....
No more (for now, at least). I'd love to say NO MORE period but I am not SURE. Life knocks you around and when feel that you are floundering around on your own it is OH, SO EASY to fall back into your old ways for just a bit of 'comfort'. Although, it's not really COMFORT at all but it is FAMILIAR and that is enough to make you feel a little better for a very short time. But then, I guess because we have the 'food sickness' it rapidly gets out of hand and BAM! You are right back to abusing yourself and feeling like a worthless FAILURE....and WA-LA - hello, weight gain, self-despair, hatred, anger.....all of it!
I may never get off this roller-coaster ride but I WILL manage into a kiddie-coaster size so it is not so EXTREME! No one can do it but me. I have been reading this bit and it is helpful:
'Be a grownup. Remember that what you put in your mouth is your responsibility. While others may tempt you(by hurting your feelings, making you feel guilty, badgering, bullying, etc.), ultimately you’re in charge of your own life. Look at difficult situations as opportunities to flex your newfound control muscles-- and reinforce the idea that you’re not adopting a healthier lifestyle for someone else, but for yourself.'
I believe it came from a Spark article but I can't remember which one. I notice it is hitting me on a different level now. I have come a long way and I have grown a LOT. I am not a failure, I am just not moving forward as fast as I would like but changing lifelong habits is not so easy, as we all well know. One day at a time. I always have to go back to my mantra - slow and steady wins the race.... I have the slow part down, I just didn't really register until now how crucial the steady part actually is!
I really appreciate you all being there. It is so horrible to always feel so alone. I am not sure why the first thing I do is cut off my lifeline to try to 'protect' myself....ALWAYS backfires, really ALWAYS. This time maybe that lesson will finally sink in and when I start going off track again, and I know I will at some point, I will reach out for help from you guys instead of hiding myself away.
Take care and happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
I like astrology. I find it interesting to correlate things with the planets. Here is what I read this morning about the new moon:
On September 8, we have a New Moon in Virgo at 10:31 am UTC. (6:30 am EDT, 3:30 am PDT). This New Moon is about BALANCE -- the balance between what we want to do and what we need to do -- the energies of the cosmos want us to analyze elements of our present behavior that may be out of balance and set them right. This New Moon helps us recognize truths about ourselves and wants us to focus on our particular path in this lifetime.
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Man! I have been OOC! The scale registers 10 pounds of 'found' weight. I know it is partly water from all the salty foods but still I am guessing I put at least 5 pounds back on.....I could not really identify the cause until last night. It has been a solid week of deliberately making the wrong decisions. I stopped myself and asked all the right questions and DELIBERATELY contiinued on my path of self-destruction. I suprised even myself. I thought I had gotten past that nonsense!
The stimulus for this unfortunate downturn? I watched that Kirstie Alley (sp?) show....something about her 'fat life'. I was watching it and thinking 'what a shame'. She is a beautiful, and very troubled woman. I couldn't help thinking she looks awful. .... Then she stepped on the scale and was totally devastated because she weighed 230 poounds.
Well, I figure she is at least 4 inches taller than I am and I was celebrating getting DOWN to 230! It took all the wind out of my sails. I couldn't help but think that I look even worse than she does so what is the point? WHAT IS THE POINT?! Hence, 10 days of bulldozing through all the crap I usually avoid with no problem, and washing it down with alcohol because, why the hell not?
Well, AGAIN, how silly! Yes, she is quite large, very unhealthy, and very troubled. But she is not trying to fix it. I AM! Yes, I am huge right now but I used to be even larger! I am down 50 solid pounds. Soon it will be more. I promise this to all of you and more importantly to myself. I will not be the sad, troubled, unhealthy, fat woman forever. I will not be a Kirstie Alley (sp?).
I am healthy. I eat very healthy foods. I drink plenty of water. I exercise. I work on fixing my mind. I AM NOTHING LIKE HER. It is apples and oranges. At the moment, we may seem to look alike but I am on a MUCH DIFFERENT LIFE PATH.
I am glad I churned through this issue and I am glad it only took 10 days! This is clearly an improvement. In the past I might never have figured out what the hell happened! I plan on sticking with HGTVin the future! It is much healthier for my soul and my psyche!
So, today I am newly back on track with a very good lesson learned under my belt. I can't be comparing myself to anyone else. We are all different. I will succeed at my own pace and in my own way. I will never be a beauty queen but I won't feel like such a freak, either. It will just take more time and I will be fine.
Now I have to wash all those toxins out of my poor body! Ugh! :)
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