Friday, May 30, 2014
I was looking through some of my old posts and pictures today for inspiration and started feeling a little nostalgic. When I first got on here I stumbled across a group of like minded people that was about to embark upon a journey known as the 8 week battle and together this group would cheer each other on and support each exchange ideas and recipes and the list goes on and on. I loved this group and enjoyed the camaraderie that came with knowing there was people out there going through the exact same peaks valleys and trials that I was.
Since then that challenge as far as I know has fallen to the wayside. I wish I could say that challenge was the one that changed everything...it changed a lot about me mind you. But for me I find that my weight has never really been a priority. It was a way for me to hide, it was my protection I am painfully shy and withdrawn at times and being overweight simply helped me to be able to be part of the background rather than in the spotlight.
But now as I go through my day to day and I find that I actually have difficulty in doing things that used to come so easily to me before I realize that the thing that once protected me is now quickly becoming my enemy. I also find that now I am actually missing out on so much. I can't run with my nieces and nephews and I can't wear sexy sassy heels like I want to because it hurts. All day shopping sprees with my girlfriends leave me zapped. Then the reality hits that i cannot shop in any of the same stores that they do, and the stores that I can shop in they all swim in those clothes.
Then came the most devastating realization of all, if I do not lose some of this weight then the doctors say I will never have kids, so now I'm feeling a bit nostalgic missing what once inspired me what once drove me, and wishing that I had not been so hard on the girl that was 35 pounds overweight because she turned into a woman who is 150 pounds overweight and is struggling to make herself eat healthy.
At age 30 I am learning what it is to eat for health and not for something to do. i am learning to trade in television time for exercise time. I am learning to push myself harder and expect more from myself. I am having to learn to quit hiding and just simply let myself be myself and whomever does not like it can get over it, and those that love me for who I am well they will still be there for me :)