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One week down - The rest of my life to go...

Friday, October 21, 2011

It is amazing what difference a week can make. I made all the right decisions this week and I got the reward yesterday when I stepped on the scale and lost 4 lbs. Now to just keep it going. That's the hardest part.

I set myself a goal last week to get back under control and I got my eating in check. I need some more work at exercise. Went to the gym on Monday - YAY! But never made it back. I skipped this morning because I knew last night I was worn out and I know that exercise gives you energy but I just didn't want to push not feeling 100% and risk getting hurt or sick. Sounds like an excuse doesn't it? It is and I know it, but I made the decision and I move on. I did pack my gym back to go tonight. It's not the bootcamp class I was suppose to be in at 5:45 but it's a few miles on a treadmill and some of my own strength exercises and that's a step in the right direction.

So here I sit, Friday morning, just had my breakfast - egg I made in the microwave at work with a little bit of cheese on a wrap. I feel content - sort of. The weekend is here and although I do have to work all weekend I'm looking forward to it. My husband is going away on a mountain bike trip with the guys so I have time to myself. I can focus on eating right, get some exercise in and just relax and spend some quality "me time." Give me time to refocus on what the next steps are for me to make sure that I keep putting myself and my health first as the holiday season begins to approach.

Ok I know I'm jumping around a bit, but wow can you believe the holidays are approaching? This is my favorite time of the year but I'm not as "jolly" as I thought I would be or usually am. Is it the weight gain? The low self esteem and/or self worth I have been feeling? Why do I still feel so lost.

I'm going to celebrate my 1st week accomplishment and regroup for week two. I am the only one with the power to do everything I need to do to make sure that this time next week I'm celebrating another small victory. Happy Friday again to anyone reading... And as always "Just keep swimming... Just keep swimming..."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FCARMICH 10/21/2011 10:11AM

  Yeah! One day at a time is the only way to go.

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ASHLEYROXX 10/21/2011 9:35AM

    Keep up the great work! One week of positive changes is a great accomplishment! I wouldn't be too down on yourself for not making it to the gym as much as you may have wanted to. That just gives you more reason to squeeze it in this weekend.

Congrats on a great first week! :)

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Day 1 - Of my last time on this journey!!!

Friday, October 14, 2011

It has been a long couple of months. A year ago I was 3 weeks away from my wedding and I wasn't nearly as "skinny" as I wanted to be for a bride (far away from goal weight) but I knew I felt good in my dress and felt beautiful. A year later I feel FAT! Almost gross. I've gained everything I lost and more back and I'm heavier than I have ever been. I look in the mirror and most days I want to cry. But today as i looked down and the scale and was about to do my usually "I don't even want to know" something in my head said no FACE IT! And I did. The number was bad, I mean real back, but for some reason I looked down at it and said it could be worse. And from this point on it will never get worse because I ended my downward spiral by facing that horrible number.

When I got off the scale I looked into the mirror and had my first of what I'm sure will be many pep talks along this final journey. I told myself to things. 1. YOU ARE WORTH THIS FIGHT. and 2. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN FIX THIS PROBLEM. No tears were shed just a determination that took over in my heart. It's a determination that at this point is going to have to work on controlling my actions one day, probably one decision at a time, but I am doing my best to be focused on the prize.

I know what the final prize is - be about 35 lbs lighter and fit in clothes that have been in boxes for years but didn't part with yet. But that prize is way to big to not feel overwhelmed so my first prize is to feel in control. I have a week to get myself back under control. I know how good I feel when I'm eating the right things and exercising. I want that to be my first reward. That extra energy you feel from eating healthy foods and the thrill of empowerment after a good workout. Next Friday morning no matter what the scale says (and trust me I hope that number is even slightly smaller than today's) I want to feel like yes you took control of your life and I am on my way.

Not sure if anyone is going to read this but for me it was saying out loud to a forum of people that understand what I'm going through and are living the same struggles or have overcome what I am working on and can support me a long the way. This is by far the hardest battle that some people fight but I'm in it to win it this time.

Happy Friday to any followers I may gain and to all my fellow solders in the weight loss battle of our lives - Good luck, keep your chin up and my new slogan to my path thanks to Dory in Finding Nemo "Just keep Swimming, Just keep Swimming..." emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAREANNIE 10/16/2011 2:47PM

    I read it. emoticon

Good luck to you as you continue your journey. Keep focused, keep smiling, keep positive and keep swimming.

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The light at the end of the tunnel - or is that just the sun?

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Ok when I say I can see the light at the end of the tunnel I don't mean my end goal is near, I am talking about the sun and the spring and leaving all the winter depression behind. I always knew that I had a mild form of seasonal depression. It started about mid January and lasted until sometime in March (usually St. Patrick's day even if the weather was not cooperating because that was my sign and start to spring). This year though it took on a whole new spin. When the crazy snow started in the February I was excited. Just like a 6 year old praying for no school there I was wearing my pajamas inside out and hoping for lots of the white stuff. Low and behold we got it. 18 plus inches, then 3 days later we got another foot, then a few weeks later another foot. UGH!!! The white pretty flakes were no longer a happy sign coming out of an otherwise blah gray sky. I was tired of it, I was cold, and for some reason I was ALWAYS HUNGRY. With snow brings the need for comfort food. Every time I felt like I was motivated on the right track the snow would come and my ability to live in moderation and "be good" went out the window and all I wanted to do was eat. The motivation I once had (my Fitness February) turned into me in comfy clothes bundled up under a blanket watching movies as the snow came down outside. My weight went up and down all through February and here I am March 9th no different from where I was the beginning of February. I guess the good news is I didn't completely ruin the progress I made and in the end I'm still down 6 lbs from the beginning of the year which is awesome right?

I'm hoping the sights, sounds, feels, and smells of spring in the air is my ticket to getting back to where I need to be. The ability to refocus on what is important to me and working towards that better version of me.

This past weekend marked 8 months till my wedding day and the end of this month marks 3 months till I'm a bridesmaid for one of my good friends. I refuse to be a fat bridesmaid and more importantly I want to be a skinny - HEALTHY bride.

I guess all I can say is the snow has melted and I see a fresh start for the grass to come alive again - guess it's my turn too.

  


February is my "Fitness" month...

Monday, February 08, 2010

I had an amazing first week of February, well that is until yesterday. I went Monday through Saturday staying completely on track. Stayed in the calorie range, got at least 10 minutes of cardio in a day (was my commitement to myself to get started with a real exercise plan), started my wii active 30 day challenge and completed 4 days of the challenge and am headed for day 5 today, and did 50 crunches a night for the week (increasing that to 75 today for this week). I felt so good. I even survived through the snow storm. Then Sunday came... In the morning I taped my first Group Groove class for my certification as an instructor. I felt great and so relieved that it was over. I went back to my (soon to be) in-laws to meet my fiance there, shower, and hang out till we headed off to a small little Superbowl gathering. We decided to go out and get a quick lunch and then go to a home show while we waited for the game to start with the in-laws. We ended up at Wendy's. As I stood in line waiting I debated with myself to "be good," "be kind of good," or "just enjoy." The longer we stood there the more I rationalized the decision to "just enjoy" so I did. I got the smallest size of the value meal for the spicy chicken sandwich (my favorite) no mayo - don't like the stuff unless it's mixed in tuna so I always save calories there. I was excited. But when I sat down to eat it I found the strangest thing. I didn't enjoy it. HUH? I love that sandwich, but after it was all said and done I was unsatisfied and kind of mad at myself for giving myself the break to enjoy and finding out I didn't enjoy it. Still trying to figure out if I'm getting old and fast food just doesn't taste as good as it use to, or maybe I've been in my new lifestyle and eating better that it's just not what I crave anymore.

Moving on we headed over to friends for the Superbowl. They made all the usually frozen appetizers, pizza bagels, cheese sticks, pizza rolls, and mini hot dogs. I picked all night. I enjoyed the snack food so much better than Wendy's so I guess in the end I wish I just splurged there.

Pay back came this morning though when I got on the scale for my "Motivation Monday" weigh in and realized I gained about 3 lbs. How did that happen in one day? Really Wendy's and Superbowl snacks - you had that much of an effect? UGH!

But like I said it's motivation monday and I packed my breakfast and lunch that is low in calories and jumped back into my healthy lifestyle. I'm drinking water and flushing the system. Hoping that "Turn around" Tuesday's weigh in (that's the one that gets recorded) does just that turns around the damage done on Sunday.

The lesson learned splurging is not longer what i use to think it was. Go figure! The direction I'm headed becoming the healthest version of me is so much more important and tastes so much better than the spicy chicken sandwich at Wendy's. emoticon

  


A new month begins...

Monday, February 01, 2010

Here we are February 1st. I am about 7 lbs down since the original motivation Monday - which is awesome. I've yo-yo'd a bit through the last 2 weeks but feel great and feel accomplished. My goals for February include of course making it to my first small goal of 5% by March 1st and trying to stop the yo yo cycle. My problem is weekends. I feel like this is the first weekend where I was prepared and in control. I gave myself a little "freedom" for one meal, but staying in control and aware the rest of the time. If I give myself a break from time to time, yet stay structure and keep up the motivation I think I'll do great. I bought The Spark over the weekend and am enjoying it. It's sort of a constant visual reminder (as I see the bright orange book in my house) of what I want and what I need to do to get there. Here's to another motivation Monday... Time to keep the ball rolling.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUHRUH1979 2/1/2010 8:44AM

    emoticon Keep up the great work! You can do this! :)

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MYBULLDOGS 2/1/2010 8:24AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon on loosing the 7 pounds

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DIETDIVA245 2/1/2010 8:22AM

    Keep up the good work! emoticon

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