A_RARE_BEAN   61,904
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints
A_RARE_BEAN's Recent Blog Entries


Wednesday, December 24, 2014

My hands are yellow, eep! I had a mammoth juicing session, and I used some turmeric and boy, that turmeric just does not quit! I got yellow hands, the juicer is all yellow. I soaked the juicer parts in vinegar to try get the colour off, but I'm not about to soak my hands in vinegar so that'll just have to go when it's ready. I'm happy though as I got 8 gorgeous juices in the fridge ready for my belly!

I've been working on my lists for my Jan & Feb projects, and seriously, who knew self love and self care was so hard! I have 16 things for Love Is.. so another 12 things to go and for Body Bliss I've got 17 things so 14 more things left. A week now till Body Bliss starts...I may have to have some repeats!

I'm finding whilst making these lists two things a) I'm a very simple person who doesn't need much to make me happy and I apparently already do most of the things I consider to be self loving and little joys and b) most things on my body list are 'appreciation' type things. SO it's more of a celebrate this body function/part than 'have a footspa'; which yeah is also on there but those kinda things are in the minority . I think it's kinda cool that I've unconsciously made items that should hopefully create a deeper body appreciation. That's kinda the point of the project anyway, so I'm ok with that. Still, I need to have a full list lol, so think on I must!

The whole realisation that I'm kinda low key and don't need much got me thinking about this lifestyle transition I'm currently in. I was gonna do that exercise of 'the perfect day'. You know the one where you just visualise and then write out whatever comes up, no limits, etc. I've done it before and it had super specific things (I think it's meant to) like what kind of house I was living in, my job, my working hours, my hobbies. I was thinking though, after working on the Love is & Body Bliss lists that actually, it's not about 'the perfect day' or even achieving certain goals or titles, I just need the essence of those things to be happy. Plus having such definite lines to colour in doesn't leave enough room for serendipity and the treasures of providence, dreams that are even beyond our own imagining.

It lends itself to the idea of, what foundation do you wish to build your life on, so that irregardless of what you may or may not achieve in life, or the stresses and situations that arise that are out of your control, what do you NEED to maintain a sense of self, a sense of contentment and internal stability. Foundations, the thing that you alone get to build, that lives within you and is the place you draw your stability from. How do you feed and strengthen that tiny little wellspring where undiminishable joy comes from.

I need:

Time to write

Time to make music

Time to listen to music

Time to dance

Time to laugh

Time to learn

Time to create

Time to dream

Time to imagine

Self Expression

Self Acceptance

Self Love


Nurturing Others

Time with Nature

Live Foods

Water in all it's forms

Time to look at and into the universe

Sharing Time with others

A home that is a haven


Build your house on solid ground, it'll stand you in good stead when the waters rage. I think there are some things on there that are probably universal. I've never written it out in black and white before but I've definitely noticed the difference when I'm not living it. This morning my mum asked me why I looked like such a sad puppy, I didn't have an answer, I said I dunno, I just feel kinda low, no rhyme or reason. Then I realised I'd not honoured my foundations at all for the past couple of days and was just feeling meh. A juicing session (live foods), lots of music and a nice walk later I was feeling more 'myself', didn't take much, just the foundations. Everything else, still the same.

This is a passage from my current fave book The Earth Has A Soul by Carl Jung:

"Life has grown dessicated and cramped, crying out for the rediscovery of the fountainhead. But the fountainhead can only be discovered if the conscious mind suffers itself to be led back to the 'chidren's land', there to receive guidance from the unconscious as before"

I love this passage as it has been so true for me for the past couple weeks. Setting targets, goals, trying to follow others training plans for running, and online teaching schedules has 'cramped' things and stifled the pleasure of these things. I really really don't respond well to too much structure, regardless of whether it 'improves performance', it wont improve anything if I don't do it because it is draining my free spirit and sucks, it's counterproductive. Better to just run, as slow as you like, as far as you feel, than plan a 60min 10k 12 week plan and not run at all. I just don't appear to be built that way. Getting back to the essence and living more instinctually revitalises and brings back the natural joy you had in the first place. Forget the overcomplicated overlayed structures, it blocks the vision of the fountainhead and messes with the water pressure emoticon

As long as you have a solid foundation you're alright jack emoticon

Happy Christmas Eve

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUTTONPOPPER1 12/25/2014 1:19AM

    Bean, I love this blog and so agree with you! I read an eloquent quote once which I can't remember verbatim, but it expressed well a common idea: you can't control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to it. Maybe that's part of what you mean here by having a strong foundation. I've recently come to think more about and to love the word "integrity," which I take to mean "doesn't fall apart," like a very hard rock, a hard foundation from which to weather whatever comes this way.

I love the Jung quote! I can see why it appeals to you. Reading your writings and being affected by your atmosphere, I sometimes feel led back to the "children's land." I want to go there and be there forever, but the feeling is only fleeting. I am sure you know what I mean!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SETTIMIA 12/24/2014 10:26PM

    Thank you you too

Report Inappropriate Comment
JACKIEWALKS4FUN 12/24/2014 6:16PM

    I love all of this Bean. Your list of what you need, we all need time for those.
I am with you, I could never follow anyone Else's plans, good for you to make your own. Just as long as you keep moving, that is what is important.
Building your life on a solid foundation, I just love that.
Be free my friend, have a wonderful evening. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SETTIMIA 12/24/2014 3:07PM

    thanks hun, I am the tall one! wishing you a HAPPY CHRISTMAS,

Report Inappropriate Comment

Oom Pah Pah

Monday, December 22, 2014


T'other day I was going to post the status "Love me a bit of oom pah pah first thing in the morning" , then I thought wait....that could mean something entirely different! Better not...so just left a line, hmm why do I have such a gutter mind, why does everything I say sound so rude, when it's not!

Anyways I really do like a bit of oom pah pah first thing in the morning emoticon Saturday my mum was going to church (Adventist) and as I came up the stairs I noticed what she was wearing, a really long purple skirt with those sort of tier things on them at the bottom. She was fixing her tights underneath and I exclaimed "You look JUST like Nancy!" no preface, no pretext, but she knew exactly who I was talking about lol, so I said to her, ruffle your skirt and do the dance and I'll sing!!

Ahahaha, she totally did it, no questions asked, and I couldn't stop cracking up (only my mum could do the can can before going to church, totally respectable she is emoticon ) so there we were on the landing, her dancing and flinging her skirt everywhere and me singing oompahpah at the top of my lungs, then I switched to 'I'd do anything'...because once I start .. emoticon Every time I thought about it for the rest of the day I couldn't help but crack up, start the day right, it makes the rest easier emoticon

As much as my mum and I fall out at times and she drives me to distraction (I'm sure I do her too) our mornings are always such fun like that. Every morning has it's own oom pah pah.

I burst into her room, and ask if she likes my 'boom boom' and start twerking and dancing, she replies..'you don't have one, it's a pancake'..'how rude!' I reply, my summary catchphrase, then we have a twerk off and laugh non stop, because it's more of a jerk than a twerk since neither of us has rhythm.

Sometimes I sleep in and she comes down to 'my room' to say she's leaving. She takes in the usual scene, my pillow one end of the room, the duvet cover completely off, and the pump up bed solitary as I've managed to squirrel myself half way across the room with half my body under the coffee table and my back against the base of the sofa, with the duvet wrapped around my head and my body left to the elements.

"This child!" she always says "Good adventure was it?"
I laugh, as no matter how hard I try, going to sleep in a corner, on my side, I appear to create whirlwinds in my sleep, "yeah, I was fighting giant gorillas, and had to rescue a princess, from an old man in a tower, best dream ever!" "Duvets aren't gorillas..." "ahahaha, but they are in dreamland" then I get up and act out my dream, as if she couldn't tell anyway from the destruction of the front room. She's a neat freak yet she never complains, doesn't make me feel bad for something I can't seem to help, she knows I'll fix it up ready for the next night time adventure! emoticon

One day I was super grumpy, hormonal, and she said "oh you are in a mood again, your t-rex mood"
"yuppers, and you should probs run, cause t-rex's eat gentle dinosaurs, they can't help it'
"oh I'm a gentle dinasaur? That's nice, which one?"
"a Diplodocus, cause they are big and ....
" emoticon "
"NICE, big and NICE I was gonna say...umm gentle like innit emoticon , run diplodocus run!!" Then we pretended to be dinosaurs running about the house, I completely forgot my bad mood. emoticon

This morning I first saw her in the kitchen as I'd gotten up late again:

"Morning Ma"
"Hey Baby girl"
"you look like a lollipop"
" oh, because I'm sweet?"
"no because you have lollipop stick legs and a round..."
" emoticon "
LOL, bless her, I meant no malice and she took it that way thankfully, I mean she calls me Gannet and Mousy Mousy...cause I eat everything in sight. Still, she chased me out the kitchen with a tea towel.

We clash only because she likes cotton wool and I like mountains and adventure, she was an orphan and so tries to cling on, I don't know what it's like to have no parents so I just want to fly. Regardless, I love my mum, she does things like get giant blue singing candles, bakes banana bread just because it's my favourite, dances with me even though I know her arthritis kills her, never dampens or restrains my inner child when I'm being outright ridiculous or outrageous, smiles when I get excited about the arrival of epsom salt and spirulina and doesn't think I'm weird. She says things like "well, you're my child" & "you are Bean" as though they are the only explanation she ever needs for anything I do or don't do. It's ok, the love of a parent, perfect in it's imperfection. emoticon

I want to be more patient, because she IS a good mum, and our differences don't change that. I do so appreciate her and I LOVE our oom pa pa mornings, starting the day with a laugh, a joke, and some silliness sets the tone for the rest of the day 'smile a while and give yourself a rest'. When things are tough, or hard, or I feel down, it really does take only a little oom pah pah to keep going or get through, I treasure these moments, small pleasures are enough to make a fine life emoticon emoticon .

BULLSEYE!!! Ra Ra skirts at the ready! emoticon


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEXASFILLY 12/23/2014 12:24AM

    Far out! You are one Rare Bean indeed and I love how exquisite the relationship is between you and your sweet Mum~ *hugs* Keep making those precious Oom Pah Pah moments~ that's what it's all about~ *hugs* BB~

Report Inappropriate Comment
JACKIEWALKS4FUN 12/22/2014 5:23PM

    Really love this blog Bean, wish I was there with you two in the mornings before I go for my walks, would really start my day great. Thanks for the videos too. Give your Mom a big hug too she is great. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SAPHRAEL 12/22/2014 3:06PM

    Oh my gosh, this really made me miss my mom!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BUTTONPOPPER1 12/22/2014 10:01AM

    Oh Bean, what a beautiful story! And what a wonderful mother! I LIKE her! She lets you be your joyful, unusual self. and "smiles when I get excited about the arrival of epsom salt and sprirulina and doesn't think I'm weird." We are all thankful that she raised you the way she did, not restraining all that imagination of yours, so that we can share in your joys and adventures. Do you really migrate across the floor, doing battle with your pillow/gorilla in your nighttime rescue missions? All that exertion while sleeping, and you're still ready to TWERK when you wake up?!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FORZACHANDMATT 12/22/2014 9:35AM

    This is wonderful

Report Inappropriate Comment

DIY Bean

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Wow I hadn't actually noticed that 10 days had passed since my last blog.

I'll just do a quick one. I have been busy in the process of adapting to my new lifestyle, which has just gone horribly lol. I was in alot of pain for a week with TOM, so everything pretty much halted till it bailed, then after that I've basically just been not getting it quite right.

Honestly it's not even about getting it right, I've just been a disorganised mess that hasn't fully committed. That's the true issue commitment, and I've just been slooooooooooooooooooooooow. I'm procrastinating and dragging my feet. I don't need to analyse why, I just need a bitch slap, which I will give myself in short order.

In other news, seriously though, I thought rebounding was meant to be gentle exercise! I first heard about it from some free book I got with my juicer an age ago called 7lbs in 7 days. It claimed that rebounding was great to do whilst juice fasting because it was gentle. I thought well everyone needs a bit of gentle even when they're not fasting, plus it's supposed to be great for the lymphatic system. So I thought I'd get one, back when it was black friday, then my mum could use it too as she has arthritis. She quit after 30 seconds as it was making her dizzy....and then I started using it, to GENTLY ease myself into exercising only to find out the author of the book LIED!!!!! emoticon There's nothing gentle about it!! I have never ached so much, my calves burn, my thighs burn, my tummy is tight and sore, my back aches, even my collar bone feels 'worked out', what the hell, this is worse than running/jogging/walking/falling all over the place. And wait for it, guess how long I rebound for....4 MINUTES, I'm not even up to 5 mins yet, I can just about jump through Uptown Funk, before collapsing on the sofa... I don't even make it to All about that Bass, pffffttt. I'm slightly masochistic though, so I'm kinda glad it's working me out more than I expected. I will prevail, 5 minutes, ha, I'll see you and raise you ten!!

Title of my blog comes from a day where I DID get something right and felt happy and proud

(my DIY lab!! the giant tub of coconut oil was out of sight since it was still melting whilst I prepped everything else)

I finally got my act together and made my 'products'. Honestly this started out as a way to reduce the amount of chemicals in my life to help with the autoimmune stuff a year or so ago now, but you know I really really enjoy doing it and just get sheer pleasure out of making up new recipes and having them work out cool. I tried making 'perfume/body spray' for the first time and I LOVE IT. It came out amazing, the scent sticks around for hours and it can be spritzed anytime to refresh, so simple yet effective, I get to wear scents again!

(et voila!)

So all in all I made, Lemongrass Salt Body Scrub, 6 Mix Hair & Body Oil, Ylang Ylang perfume, Lavendar perfume, Lavender Deodorant, Eucalyptus & Rosemary Deodorant and ACV Body Spritz.

I didn't get to make my toothpaste as I clean forgot to bring my peppermint oil, so I have the oil on order and will be making my toothpaste when it comes. There are things that I make as and when needed, such as hair conditioner, shampoo(which is actually a clay wash), face mask, and a tooth cleanser which isn't for daily use that I call 'tooth blast', that has cloves and charcoal in it for whitening and deep cleansing purposes. Anyway my bottles may not be pretty but they are fit for purpose! I need labels though since I ran out. I want to, in the near future, start to make lip balm and some of my own scented candles, since I can't seem to give up my candle addiction. Beeswax is better than paraffin so I heard.

Anyhoo I shall be back to blogging soon hopefully!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKASAURUS 12/20/2014 12:49AM

    you know, I'd properly respond to your blogs if I could get over the way you talk. I freakin' LOVE it.


"clean forgot"?

I talk like this for fun, but it's your everyday vocab!

I absolutely adore you!

Press on, I shall! I WILL respond to your blog properly!

Your concoctions sound heavenly, I'm glad that workout killed you- you killed IT! Good on you! Aunt Flo is a biyotch, and you're emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TEXASFILLY 12/19/2014 4:19PM

    ((((((HUGS)))))) O! I've missed you, sweet Bean! Love it that you've been so busy cookin' up your magical recipes for a beautiful and wise alternative to the chem-laden products on the market. Would love to try some of those you've created! May thy glorious creativity continue to flow~

Since you've read Pressfield's "War of Art"~ here're a couple of blogs from his site I'd like you to enjoy and contemplate:



And for your painful rebounding~ *hugs* do you mind if I ask what type of rebounder you used? I've been following InspiredSoul who highly recommends the Bellicon rebounder. It's pricey tho' it appears to be excellent quality and comes with great reviews. As with any exercise, warm-up and start out slow (and this coming from Li'l Miss Lightnin'~ HA!).

Love your writing~ you make me laugh, smile, and sometimes cry~ all at the same time. What a gift the good Lord has given you, dear Bean~ *hugs* BB~

Report Inappropriate Comment
CALENSARIEL 12/19/2014 10:37AM

    You are so ambitious you wear me out. With doing so much of that prep stuff, how in the world do you have time to just kick back and enjoy yourself? I would be so wound up in knots. You're a more disciplined person than I am by far. Hugs, Calen~

Report Inappropriate Comment
PETALIA 12/17/2014 9:05PM

    You are like an astronaut! They jump on rebounders when they come back from space. Rebounders build bone density: http://www.irebounder.com/blog/2010
der-increase-bone-density/. Jumping rope, walking barefoot, and probably jumping on a trampoline, too, use calf muscles big time. Build up time slowly like you're doing. Do lots of calf strengthening and stretching exercises, too.

Your DIY creations sound impressive.

I wouldn't worry much about slowness and procrastination. You've just made a big transition and been through a lot of stuff.

Jumping rope makes me laugh. Maybe jumping will do the same for you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JACKIEWALKS4FUN 12/17/2014 8:35PM

    Took me some time to blog too. But I was still walking and exercising. Today my elliptical, just too cold day after day for me , was quite a workout too, Always works different muscles when we do something new. I know you know that!! But I do need to remember to change things up. So rebounding really was very different for you, so you were achy, so am I today.
I use to make all kinds of things so I really love what you have done there, especially the lavender stuff, I do make sachet with all the lavender I have, but not what you have done. Pretty neat. Your bottles do so look cute emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BUTTONPOPPER1 12/17/2014 8:18PM

    You made me laugh out loud with your "I'm procrastinating and dragging my feet. I don't need to analyse why, I just need a bitch slap, which I will give myself in short order"!!! Thanks for PERFECTLY expressing the way I often feel!

I love your description of rebounding. So funny that even your collar bone feels worked out! Onward to a 5-minute rebounding session! I think I would have reacted just as your mom did! Ha ha!

And those are beautiful products you created, Bean. You are so artistic, with clearly a great eye for design and beauty (as evidenced also by your page design).

Thanks for making me laugh this morning!

Report Inappropriate Comment

I don't want to feel pressured

Sunday, December 07, 2014

My sister is annoyed with me....and I'm kinda annoyed that she's annoyed and am feeling pressured.

I've been in the country for what 3 weeks almost I think and I haven't seen my sister or my nephews yet. Which is not something I'm really happy with either and I had planned to go round twice now but never actually made it.

I obviously haven't been round there because I'm STILL decompressing from the journey here, I get panic attacks if I leave the house for longer than my walk time, and have been needing alot of alone time, as I still have quite bad sensory overload and find it impossible to follow conversations with more than 1 person (my main sensory problems are with sound and visuals). I've been slowly extending my limits, by extending my walking time and going further out from the house and just trying to get back to where I was stamina wise and mentally.

Every time, ie the TWO times I've cancelled, I have gotten ready to leave and my panic attack was so bad I just came back home (y'all know I can't take public transport right now as that makes my panic attacks worse, and the walk there and back is about 45mins each way...which is a long ass time to panic and hyperventilate). Plus I need the energy to actually hang out with them as they don't really accept or know what to do with the depressed version of me so if I'm there I have to have 'happy face' or be 'energy Bean' and I just don't have the stuffing right now to deal with it. They KNOW I'm agoraphobic, they KNOW I have ocd, they KNOW I have clinical depression, they also know that I do love spending time with them, so it's not laziness why I haven't seen them yet. Still they are annoyed with me and my sister just sent me a text berating me for not a) apologising sooner for not coming over (I already apologised, she just wanted another one) and b) being so inconsiderate as to not turn up.

I literally just wanna cry right now, I don't choose to be this way, don't you think I'd just leave the damn house if it were that easy. I just support myself, the end, everyone else just gets annoyed with me that I can't fulfill what it is they want from me. They want the happy me...everything else is just annoyance. Don't people want to be accepted totally, or at the very least just understand that sometimes people need space and time....

This pressure to put on a smiley face and pretend like I don't struggle as much as I do or the pressure to only give the good side of yourself otherwise people get a rage attack. When I was here in the summer, I was doing the juice fast, and there were some seriously difficult days, and yup on those days they got annoyed with me again. Because I couldn't laugh jump and play... they were annoyed that I had chosen to do something for my health which meant I couldn't just eat cake and be merry. I was mainly berated then for being 'insane' and 'disgusting', regardless of the continuing health improvements I saw they just weren't supportive in anyway shape or form. I didn't say much, just carried on or stayed home when the vibe was too negative.

I get that they just want to hang out and have a good time and enjoy my company, but I don't like feeling pressured into pretending, or pushing my limits further than they want to go right now to please others. I used to do that...then landed in hospital, where those people I was trying to please didn't visit once....was it worth it?

My nephews said that if I'm still not feeling that great they will come over here to spend some time and hang out.....my sister is refusing to, her reason, my mum said, was as follows 'well, if she can't be bothered to come here, why should I go there' .......

The final message I got sent via txt before I just stopped responding with apologies was 'I don't care how sick or hormonal you are, you need to have more respect for us' Being restricted by mental health problems is apparently a sign that you don't respect people, since the only thing I'm guilty of here is not going to their house, I txted every time I wasn't going to make it and explained why. I always suspected that they didn't understand or care....but to see it in black and white! After that *I* stopped caring, I had and was continuing to apologise before that final text, but I don't think I'm sorry anymore....disappointments happen, gtfo, everyone else does, I'm not interested in the drama attack, after being told such a thing.


I just want to be alone right now, unfortunately this has made me not want to spend ANY time with them or anyone actually. Are they going to talk about how selfish I am if I don't smile enough on the visit, or how inconsiderate I am if I don't spend enough time there. My mum thinks I'll change my mind when I calm down.... but what about the next time.

I can, I will, I must. I will take care of myself as I always do. I will put my health first as I always do. I will continue to work on myself and my problems as I always do. I will respect myself first and foremost, I don't have space or time for pressure from external sources. I am not going to take on the responsibility of teaching others compassion, I have enough to deal with.

I have plans, I have a place I'm headed to, I will always be by my side, I will love and support myself, I will never judge me for having mental health problems. I will always have my own back. It's ok, I have me. I'll make it eventually, Self hug emoticon emoticon

No man is an island.....except when they are.

Keep calm and carry on.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Wow, i had no idea. !! The only communication I've had with you has been with you keeping me positive while the BF has been down from his wreck. You have this awesome inspiring Sparkpage and when I am feeling BLue, i come over here and immediately feel better.

I have a sister and she treats me a lot like yours does you. CALENSARIEL said it best that children(your nephews) don't know how to use others as mirrors... And keep that in mind, that your nephews are in a hard place also cause they don't hold that animosity towards others like their mom does... So, I believe you are doing the right thing by taking care of you. The sister needs to just grow up and be more understanding.

Aaargh, there is so much i want to say, but i can't wrap my head around each piece. It seems like you said you have arrived into their country or you have just rearrived into your own. My point is, that if you have this much stress with just leavin the house and you've been traveling, the sister should just come over and hangout or let the boys hangout with you and she can go elsewhere.

BottomLine here is that you can only take care of you and you are the only one who knows exactly what it takes to take care of you... So, keep doing that. I am feeling for you cause you want family-time and can't get it. I am in the same boat with my family. It is really about acceptance. You and I, have accepted our fate of who we are and how we function with all that has been dealt us... We, also have family members who just do NOT Understand us and most importantly, they do NOT understand themselves. You, being: A RARE BEAN, i believe fully understands what i just said!!! (the last part anyway) emoticon emoticon emoticon

Keep us posted on how YOU are doing! emoticon ~ Naomi

Report Inappropriate Comment
SETTIMIA 12/11/2014 1:07AM

    hiya hun, how are you doing today, hope ok

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKED2BFIT 12/10/2014 9:47PM

    We were meant to fly on our own terms and in our own time and we can't allow the external to dampen or diminish that beautiful part of us that knows inner happiness. All we can be is true to ourselves, regardless of what others think or do or say.. or what would be the point?

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

    You are doing the best you can - I'm sorry they don't see that

Report Inappropriate Comment
SETTIMIA 12/9/2014 12:17AM

    Oh dear, sorry I did not realise that this is the case with you getting out of the house, so really the fact you get out for a walk is a great achievement. WELL DONE HUN. I hope that your sister will begin to understand. take care, you know I am just a message away emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKASAURUS 12/8/2014 7:21PM

    Take care of you. That's really all you CAN do. There's no set list of how things should work, and there's no way you're being disrespectful- I see it as the other way around.


Report Inappropriate Comment
CALENSARIEL 12/8/2014 1:05AM

    My dear, their problem isn't anything they're actually whining about. Their problem is inside they feel like they should or would like to help you but they don't know how. So when they see you this way, their response has to be to try and blow you out of the water because otherwise THEY feel way too vulnerable and inadequate. It's their own vulnerability they're dealing with. You just get caught in the crossfire. So when they see you it's like looking in a mirror at a bad image of themselves. Then they feel guilty. We behave that way as adults. I notice you never said your nephews behaved that way. Children don't generally know how to use others as mirrors. Takes a while to learn that.

Plus some people just don't want to be inconvenienced by having to take the time to help someone else, and it makes them mad.

Of course none of that helps you know how to deal with your sister's behavior. Really all you can do is take care of yourself as best you can. Let her whine till the cows come home. It's her problem, not yours. Be nice to her but don't take any of her crap. Tell her if she cared about you she'd ask you what the hell she can do to help.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JACKIEWALKS4FUN 12/7/2014 7:08PM

    emoticon You do what you need to do for yourself, we all need to do that from time to time. I do see a positive, your Nephew, sounds like he is a sweetie.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TEXASFILLY 12/7/2014 6:42PM

    *hugs* Hold to the maxim, "to thy own self be true," dear Bean. Your sister sounds like a real @ss, so I don't blame you at all for wanting to stay home and care for yourself. You will know when the time is right to reach out, and you will because you are a compassionate, loving gal~ Take extra care of your sweet self~ *hugs* BB~

Report Inappropriate Comment
BUTTONPOPPER1 12/7/2014 5:27PM

    Oh Bean, I'm so sorry you've had to endure this lack of understanding. I have a lot of expereince with depression, and I remember once when I was taking a leave of absence from university because of severe depression, I was staying at my parents' house and someone asked my mother if I wouldn't play the organ for the church service on Sunday, as the regular orgainist was sick. (I had played for the church all through high school but someone else had taken over after I left home). Well, I knew that there was no way I could undertake that task in the condition I was in. I was out of practice and extremely averse to meeting others, much less being pleasant, as such a job requires. I asked my mother to please decline the request for me. The answer came back "Well, I wish Carolyn would show a little RESPECT for US!" Now, THAT did not help my mental state at ALL! Thinking back on it, I feel very angry at that insensitive, hostile response to my very real depression.

So yeah, Bean, I know where you're coming from, and you just keep on taking care of yourself until you are well enough to offer the world real, not fake or panicked, smiles!

Report Inappropriate Comment
_BABE_ 12/7/2014 1:54PM

    emoticon I empathize with your struggles and since no one else has to walk in your shoes....they should bud out.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Made in 1980

Thursday, December 04, 2014

Toot Toot!! Party time!!


You know I heard a rumour that everyone in this video is over 40, if true I just LOVE this, not only is it my current jam on constant replay but, you know, what better birthday song than one that promotes beauty and vitality for us pre internet generation emoticon . SO friends join me in a glass of (virtual) champers as we toast to growing older disgracefully, rambunctiously and continuing to go get it at any age!! (and by it, I mean life....such gutter minds emoticon)

I've had a grand day! I just had to fistpump this morning as I finally got my act together and have my morning routine back. No rolling over and starting the day on the wrong foot.

At 7 I crept (loudly, because I'm a drama queen and do a Panto creep) into my mums room, and as I'd pretty much, every morning, since the 1st of December greeted in her room by singing Celebration and dancing she basically beat me to the punch before I could even say morning, and started singing and dancing emoticon Who doesn't wanna wake up this way, lol, it was alot of fun, the two of us singing and dancing in our jammys!

She got me an Angel bookmark with my birthstone in it, turquoise, it's so pretty! And bless her she got some stickers for my card, and put 34 in gold on it, lol, it was awesome.

Almost all of the presents I got myself came so I got to wear my new boots and my "I AM OTHER" jumper. I didn't even know it was a Pharell jumper, I liked it cause it was on sale, and promotes being 'different' but since I'm a little bit in love with him it makes it even cooler lol.

I'll use the nike+ watch, tomorrow on my, run/jog/walk/topple...eeeeeek! Honestly, I didn't even do much today, and wait for it...... I even took a damn nap LOL. Dude, I had a major sugar crash. My mum had baked THREE cakes, and then she made muffins, and there were brownies AND I allowed myself some..ok lots... of that fancy organic soda that is made with agave instead of aspartame, but sugar is still sugar. Then there was just lots of food. Yup, your girl needed to nap that stuff off. I am happy though emoticon

Tomorrow I begin my lifestyle change (so she says) so I'm really looking forward to some green juice, fresh air, and exercise. One thing I do want to continue for the rest of the month though, is the deep happy happy joy joy that comes from choosing to appreciate what you have and be grateful for simply being alive. It's enough for me.

I wished on my candle (Oh yeah my mum got me a giant blue singing candle too!!) to make 34 better than 33. I can, I will, I must!!!

Thanks for stopping by! And remember fabulous at every age! emoticon

I leave you with Ms Turner, 70, and still getting it, I'll have some of that thank you!! emoticon


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKED2BFIT 12/10/2014 10:12PM

    A belated HAPPY HAPPY emoticon emoticon .................. and may all your emoticon wishes come true.... cheers!!! emoticon

Sounds like you had a wonderful day! emoticon Here's to a mahhhh vah lus... new year of all things beautiful and joyful and of course..... getting it...................... at any age! emoticon

ps... my mind did not go "gutter" ...except for a tad second or four! emoticon

emoticon emoticon emoticon HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TEXASFILLY 12/7/2014 1:15AM

    O!~ Happy, happy, HAPPY Birthday, sweet Bean! Sounds like you had a FAB~ulous day even with all the sugar! HA! Well, as one of my dear SP friends posted on her page the other day~ You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it. So here's to living life to the fullest, dear Bean~ and best wishes for many, many more~ Love you, gal~ *hugs* BB~

Report Inappropriate Comment
JAZZII4 12/6/2014 2:26PM

    Happy, Belated Birthday!! It sounds like it started off wonderfully! Lots of hugs, and well wishes!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BUTTONPOPPER1 12/5/2014 1:57AM

    Happy Birthday, Bean! Couldn't spark yesterday, so I'm a little late, but it sounds like you had just the most wonderful celebration! I am so happy to hear all this JOY in your voice! And the songs here--so celebratory! Can you BELIEVE that Tina Turner can move like that at her age? I've always really liked and admired her. What an inspiration to me, who will be 58 at the end of this month! You're only 34! That's so young, my dear, but the best thing about you is that even at 34 you still have such a childlike wonder about the world, and I mean that in the best possible sense, for so many people lose that as they get older. Your ebullience is contagious! Thanks for the shot of joy today!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKASAURUS 12/4/2014 6:24PM

    Ahh! I LOVE THAT SONG!! I had to get up and dance myself!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Li'l Bean!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JACKIEWALKS4FUN 12/4/2014 5:38PM

    So glad you had a great day, I can picture you and your Mom dancing, just love that emoticon emoticon
So I came by to do a little dancing emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon The last one is more me now, but I still love dancing around, woohoo, love Tina. even the first video, but I can't dance like that. emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Jackie.
My computer is on delay for some reason, alerts are like 5 hours late.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CALENSARIEL 12/4/2014 4:25PM

    Gotta love that Proud Mary! Have you ever seen the movie about Tina's life with Ike, What's Love Got To Do With It? GREAT movie.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY girl!!! May it be filled with just a little bit of magic!


Report Inappropriate Comment

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 Last Page