Monday, July 21, 2014
I really think God is trying to bless me. I'm so afraid that I'm not allowing it.
This is a love issue. My last relationship, and my most serious, was more than 3 years ago. I'm still dealing with certain aspects of it. I haven't been able to open my heart to anyone since then. Seriously, no one has held me since then until this past week. I'm so scared that I'm damaged and won't allow someone to love me. I allowed myself to go through so much damaging things because I didn't love/respect myself. Now, I have my ways of keeping others from getting close to me while still maintaining a kind disposition. I would rather be by myself and ensure that everyone around me is happy. I would sacrifice the possibility for love for myself if it means that someone else may have love with another person. It's borderline stupid sometimes because I really want God to send me someone that I can finally let my guard down with.
This past week, I met a guy. That guy is truly amazing. With him, I have felt feelings that I haven't felt in a while. I felt my spirit become calm when he held me. I laughed til my cheeks hurt. I was myself, and he didn't judge me. By myself, I mean my religion and beliefs, school, career goals... I told him all of this and he listened and shared many of my viewpoints. It was almost unreal. However, he just got out of a serious relationship a couple of months ago, and I don't think I can let myself go there with him. I'm scared. I'm SO scared. I shouldn't be, because God is working for my good whether things work with him or not. It's just hard not to be because I THOUGHT I COULDN'T FEEL. Like I was numb. I thought I was "too" different, "too" religious, "too" conservative, "too" goofy to have someone that I could mesh with, and then he came along and showed me that the possibility is very much alive and well. Anyway, I find myself pushing/convincing him to work things out with his ex (or to at least talk to her). I don't feel bad for doing it, because I'm a sucker for love. lol He's a great guy and I want him to be happy in his heart, and I want his ex to be happy also, so the least they can do is to see what the possibility is
A part of me does this because I wish this were the case with my own ex when we first broke up. He moved on so fast and it didn't sit well with me for a while. Now, my heart is so weird with him. Like, sometimes it lets him in and sometimes it blocks him out to protect me. But I wish he would have tried harder and become a man and we both grow and things work out, but it didn't happen that way. I won't dwell on it, when I did, I found myself stuck on him while he had moved on, and that's the worst place that a person can be.
Anyway, you see love is not my strong suit (at least when it comes to myself). All that I know is that this big circle I'm going in has to be broken. I don't think my ex is the one for me. It's been too long and I've been through and seen too much from him. This guy that I met has been my first hope in a while for love, reviving the sweet and tender side of me that went into hiding after emotional abuse. I missed that side and I hope that I get to love someone, more specifically, a man of God who will appreciate, love and respect me. Now, I know it's possible.... with God, it's possible.
(P.S. Please pray that my friend and his ex get closure, or work things out, whatever God has in store for them. Also, please pray that I do not allow fear and stupidity to run God's blessings away from me. Thank you in advance)
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
My 25th birthday is coming up in September. I know this is a bit early to be thinking about it, but this is a major birthday for me, so I want to make the best of it!
Right now, the only thing that I'm considering doing is sky diving. I'm definitely going to do a birthday dinner with my closest friends (as I always do).
Are there any birthday ideas that you all have? That includes outings, outfits, etc.
Thank you in advance!
Friday, July 11, 2014
When I woke up this morning, I expected today to be great!! I woke up with a purpose in mind. I would complete my morning meditation, read my Bible, fix a healthy recipe for my 60 Day Challenge group, take my alternator and battery out of my car, get a new battery and alternator for my car and relax the day away. This sounds okay, right? Pretty straight forward.
My day was NOTHING like this. I woke up late, so didn't have time to do any meditation or reading. I went straight to my car and took off the battery and alternator with no problem. Cool. Then I proceeded to walk to the automotive shop with the alternator and battery in my suitcase (and YES, you read that correctly). I got about 15 minutes from my house when I realized that I'd left the receipts that I'd need to possibly exchange the alternator if it was bad. Swallowing my frustration, I turned around to head home. It was then that I noticed that my battery was hanging out of my suitcase It had been scrubbing on the sidewalk for so long that a hole had worked its way into the bottom of the battery. A trail of liquid was behind me. I thought it to be water until it got on my leg and started burning 5 minutes later. Of course, insurance does not cover that type of damage, though I'd just gotten that battery less than a week ago. Then it started to rain!!! I dropped to my knees and bowed my head onto an opened suitcase. I began to cry very heavily. Several cars drove by, and a young man even walked around me (as I was in the middle of the sidewalk), all without asking me "are you okay" or "do you need help".
I was mad at God... Mad that He would allow the world to continue with people that cared nothing for you if they didn't see something that appeals to them. Mad that I'd have to buy another battery when this one was only a few days old. Mad that He didn't remind me that I'd left my receipts on my desk at home. Mad that I didn't have a car. etc. etc.
God felt my pain, and I mean He felt every bit of it. A lady that had driven pass asked me if I was okay. I begin to pour my heart out to her and feel sorry for myself. She told me to get in and asked me if I needed anything (Blessing #1). And that's when the blessings began to flow.
My friend called me to say that she was in town if I needed anything (Blessing #2). So I ordered a battery and was able to get 35% off (Blessing #3). Unfortunately, I made a mistake when entering my card information to purchase. So, I had to call the auto company. Not only was the guy a breathe of fresh air, but he gave me and additional $10 off. (Blessing #4) So, my friend's boyfriend took me to the auto shop. They tested the alternator and it was good (Blessing #5). I got a new battery with better warranty and quality (Blessing #6). I put my battery on my car and (drumroll).... IT HAD THE SAME PROBLEM AS BEFORE. wamp wamp wamp wamp :-(
"This is a brand new battery," I thought to myself. "If it is having the same problem, then the new battery I just got Saturday was never the problem." :-( "I should check my fuses." Lo and behold, the major fuse for my battery had popped. (If only I'd known this before lol) I call the auto place, and they have a couple of fuses left for about $3.50. My guy friend was able to take me to get the part (Blessing #7). I put the fuse on and... dum dum dum.... IT WORKED!! (Blessing #8) Full power and with an engine that was as peaceful as the waves of an ocean (clearly I'm exaggerating). I drove that bad boy around and around lol For the first time in months, I was able to drive myself to walmart (Blessing.... I've lost count)
I say all of THAT to say THIS... I woke up thinking that today would be great! Then, it wasn't. And now, I realize that it was. I've learned how to fix an alternator, battery terminal and starter. I'm more aware of the times that I live in. I've gotten closer to friends who have helped me with my car and through my stress. I've gained some trust from my mother and have inspired many women to try things. I've encouraged others. I'VE BEEN A TESTIMONY. God did this!!! HE DID! Not me! There is no way I would have known to check the fuse box. I'm not a mechanic and that wasn't in the youtube video that I watched lol
Trust God and wait on Him. He ALWAYS has your back. What happens may not always be what you expected... but with God, you will get more bang for your buck and more than you could have ever imagined!! I will definitely be driving to church tomorrow to praise Him even more!!
Goodnight SP family!!!
Tuesday, July 08, 2014
I've been working on my car for a while (the car wouldn't start). I finally fixed the starter yesterday! I am so proud and happy!
Unfortunately, the battery went completely dead (brand new battery). Some kind of parasitic draw that drained the battery overnight while the car was off.
Get An Email Alert Each Time AY_BEAUTIFUL89 Posts