Wednesday, August 06, 2014
In an effort to get on track, I've decided to start using Spark Coach. One of my first community tasks is to list 3 things I've done well in the last week. Today is really only the second day of my renewed effort, but even so I've done some great things. I was able to get some healthy farmers market produce and set up my kitchen for an easier time cooking. I've started walking in the park, and have set up a plan to follow.
Tuesday, August 05, 2014
This reason, that reason. Doesn't really matter, the end result is the same = nothing
Picking myself up again, gathering the strength to go after the things I enjoy in life. Hard to do, and honestly don't much feel like it. But I know I need to if I want change to be positive. Change has/is definitely happening, but it is ultimately my choice on the kind.
I just feel like I'm wiped out. My mom passed away in June after getting a "YAY" you're in remission May 19th. A month later she was a shell of the woman she was, 6 weeks later gone and in the ground. I am grateful she is not suffering. I wish things were different, but all the wishing in the world doesn't change anything past or present. Action changes the future. I've always been independent, not much of a family connection, so at this point, siblings are awkward at best.
So this summer's stress has facilitated a return of MANY bad habits and indulgences. Which in turn has made me miserable and moody. I "know" none of these things are improving my happiness level, coping skills, or general disposition. So even though I still feel like I don't care, I am making myself DO things as if I care, hoping eventually I'll snap out of it. (I kinda suspect I'm toeing the depression line, and that is incentive enough to get my but in gear...)
So first thing in the morning I am facing my first set of Measurements and scale. I am VERY afraid of what that is going to show. I KNOW I am much larger than I have been in a long time.. Clothes aren't fitting right and my generally crappy disposition point to too much sugar and fast food. Imagine that? Indulging in "treats" that result in ick. SMH...
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Ugh, I HATE being a travel agent on bad weather days! To start off, yesterday was Day 2 of training and I didn't do it. There are several ways to rationalize it, but ultimately it didn't get done. I was doing pretty good staying on track food wise. UNTIL the boyfriend and I went to the store and stopped to get him some fried chicken. At the store I got some more fresh veggies for my salads and for this sort of pan seared veggie melody I like. On Tuesdays Popeye's has a 99 cent special for 2 pieces. I am pretty good at abstaining from ordering some for myself. It's become a weekly treat for him and we were having a very wet chaotic day. He decided he wanted 3 orders for himself. I talked him out of a soda. HA! Well the Popeye's gods know how much I actually love fried chicken. They gave us the wrong order at the window. We ended up with 15 pieces of chicken instead of his 6. Yup I ate some ://and really enjoyed it.
Now I know this is NOT healthy, but at the end of the day I was below my calorie mark. I do have issues with emotional eating EXCEPT when I am angry. About midway through my shift I got a call from a stranded traveler to make any travel agent look at the wrists and consider ending it. Poor guy had been in route for over 12 hours, had multiple flights cancelled on him. The airline was being less than helpful and passing the buck. Then my system crashes. I get back online, call the guy back and get to work on his problem. Then my supervisor starts blitzing me with IM's. Ummm Lady, trying to work here! These are just a couple of the drawbacks to working at home. System issues, and coworkers/bosses not being able to SEE that you are working on a very unpleasant problem. Well drawback number three walked into my home office. My normally thoughtful boyfriend came in and was pantomiming that he wanted something on my desk. I finally figure out he wants my laptop speakers.... ARE YOU SERIOUS? I AM WORKING HERE!!! I think to myself. I angrily motion for him to leave my office. I eventually get the exhausted unpleasant traveler situated and satiate my supervisor. I then disconnect my speakers from the maze of wires on my desk and go down to seek out the clueless boyfriend. I find him, hand him the speakers and tell him, "Do not try to get me to do something when I am with a client. I am WORKING! I do not go to your work place and interrupt what you are doing with your clients for my own personal needs! This is a HARD RULE!!"
I was so angry and stressed. The blessing in that mess is that I will not eat when I am angry. My lunch break had been pushed back by the work load, so by the time it came along all I wanted was a glass of water and some zen time on the patio. By the end of my shift I got myself to a decent place mentally. Boyfriend had made some food for a late dinner and I wasn't at all hungry. Even though I hadn't eaten for about 10 hours. So YAY! I had fast food and still came in below my calorie mark.
And I am still miffed at the boyfriend. I know I can be unapproachable when I get upset, but I still haven't gotten an apology for this or even a "Hey Babe what happened?"
So starts my day off. So glad today is belly dance day. I need my girls and some sweating!
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