Monday, December 07, 2009
Okay, so I was going strong, lost 20 pounds back in April. Continued to work like crazy, fell off the sparkpeople website radar, and all of a sudden lost myself in the black hole of crappy food, no gym, and just shear laziness. To make matters worse, I took a personal vacation to CT the end of August for a week and low and behold I lost ALL motivation. Now, I sit around on the couch, after eating a large, delicious Arby's shredded chicken sandwich, compelete with fries and that mouth watering, calling my name Dr. Pepper, felling like a hepher and disgusted with myself. On too many occassions I have told my hubby that I have to get moving and stop eating so much food. A couple of days during the week I can adhere to at least my want to not eat every meal as crap. Today for instance I had a spinach salad with grilled steak and chicke, a roma tomato and about a teaspoon of feta cheese sprinkled with lime juice. AND IT WAS YUMMY!
But, I battle depression, and it seems for the last year I have been in a constant downward spiral to what would seem the eternal black hole. I have lost more of myself than I have in the prior 15 years. I have a wonderful family, complete with 4 kids and a husband. I am so bad off that I am hoping that I get some type of co-morbidity to go along with my weight so I will qualify for the lap band and just have help losing this weight.
But, what type of person would that make me? A QUITER!!!! Am I a quiter? Yes, at times. Can I afford to quit? NO! So, can I do it? Can I come back from the dead, and reenter the world of the living and wanting to be healthy? I have to. Do I want some nasty disease just so I can get a surgery? Heck no!
So, I have to put my goals into perspective:
1. My current weight is about 217 (aside from 8 days during the month) I am 5'9, so I should lose around 50 pounds to get to an ideal weight.
2. I can do this. I have to start small again.
3. Kick the sodas, and start enjoying that smooth cool taste of water again. It gets rid of free radicals in the body which cause cancer.
4. Cut back on Carbs. I can only allow myself bread/pasta products at 3 servings a day. A 1/2 a bagel/wheat bread in the morning or lunch. For dinner, a serving of pasta or corn or mashed potatos and that is it.
5. Try full bars. They are supposed to imitate the lap band in that you eat them 30 minutes before your meal with a glass of water and they fill up the bottom portion of your stomach so you only eat a small amount of food at a time.
So, 5 very long and very distinctive goals. But goals that are of the essence. Once I become comfortable with one of them (which will probably be the decrease of sodas) I will then begin to add in cardio/weight training 3-5 days a week. Heck, if my motivation comes back I will do it sooner!
So, I CAN DO THIS!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Okay, so when I first started working out, I had very little problems. My breathing was labored but I would recover quickly. My heartrate nnever really got too high. All of a sudden, I can't even complete a program on the treadmill without feeling exhausted, winded, and my heartrate feels out of control. I sometimes can't even get a deep breath in. So wash I healthier before I started working out?
I will keep on working out, but no doubt will have to tone it down a bit, AND I will bring this up to my doc and get her take on it.
Monday, March 23, 2009
It is definitely difficult times right now. I have been working like crazy. 13 hours on Friday, 13 hours on Saturday, and although I had gotten Sunday off because someone forgot to relieve me and I had to work part of a graveyard, I had to go into work on Sunday from 7-11. I am back at work this morning and am so exhausted. But, I am viewing this as me proving myself in the way that if my boss needs something she knows she can depend on me. My place of work is very very competitive, so I hope that this will stand out.
On another note, I am having difficulty with getting to the gym. I was upset this morning and told my husband that I have to find time for me, and I just can't without sacrificing time with the family. So I am torn because I am angry that I don't get to go to the gym as often as I would like and the fact that I feel guilty because when I do make time for myself I feel like I am snubbing my kids.
I know how very difficult it is to find balance, and I know that I deserve this, BUT my kids don't deserve me taking time away from them. One can say that I can go at night, but with my job I have to be up early to drive an hour to work, after I get off work if I work days then I get home around 5 and have to cook dinner and get the kids ready for the next day.
What is a girl to do?
Also because I have been working so much, my husband just got into town again and everything else, I haven't been eating very healthy at all. It has been whatever I can have someone go get me. I did get to the store and I did get some more fruit and veggies. So today I am going to eat much better than I have the past couple of days.
So plan of action:
Get back on the wagon and take food with me to work so I don't have to eat whatever, I will have more control over it.
Find a balance between the family and the gym.
Till next time!
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