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The Pity party is SO OVER

Monday, June 23, 2008

So, I have been off track for almost a month now. I had friends visiting me the end of May, and let myself get out of my routine. And I have just not tried hard enough to get back in it. I have not been losing the weight I want and even worse, I can feel the loss in stamina and energy. That just sucks. I have been feeling sorry for myself for the last week that I feel bloated and gross and tired and just plain ugly. Well d@mmit, I'm done feeling sorry for myself. It's my own stinkin' fault. No more excuses, no more whining, just get back on that d@mn stubborn mule (I don't even deserve a horse to get back on right now) and MAKE IT WORK!

So I went to see my trainer on Saturday (ouch my butt is killing me from the glute exercises), and I booked a weekly session with her for the next month. Also, I signed up for more classes (Zumba and Pilates Reformer) and I am getting together a workout schedule for myself. I HAVE to do this. I am not getting any younger and being fat is no longer an option. I want to be skinny, of course, but more so than ever I just want to feel better. I was feeling better until I get off track.

I think it's funny (well, maybe just to me) that I have avoided logging on to SP while I was having my pity party for one. I just didn't want to face anyone when I knew I was so far off track. How narcissitic is that?!?! No more of that, I'm owning up to everything from now on, and hopefully I only have good things to report!


Zumba...AKA shakin' my groove thang

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I did my normal Monday night Pilates Reformer class last night. After class, my instructor asked if I was staying for Zumba. (Did you NOT just put me through ENOUGH torture?!?) I have been hearing about it though and was curious, so I stayed. WOW. Talk about sweating your, um, bootie off. I was shakin' and shimmyin', and generally looking like an idiot. But it was a pretty cool way to sweat and burn some calories.

I think I'll go back. It's a change of pace from Pilates and Turbo Jam.


Do you know anyone like this?!?

Monday, May 12, 2008

I love my sister, don't get me wrong. But seriously, if it was dependant on her to be on time somewhere or the world would end, well I'd bend over and kiss my fat @ss goodbye... I just don't get it. HOW is it you are late to EVERYTHING???

My parents live about 30 minutes from my house, my sister another 20 the other way, hence I'm in the middle. I offered to have her and the kids ride with my in the big Expedition to my folks house for Mother's Day yesterday. My sister is basically poor, and with gas prices as they are, it is harder for her than me to spend the money to drive down there. So I tell her on Saturday to please please PLEASE be at my house no later than noon on Sunday. That gives us time to load everyone into the party bus and get to Mom's by 1. I reiterate that that means she needs to leave HER house by 11:45. Did I need to call and wake her up? She laughs and says no, she can manage noon.

So it's noon on Sunday. I have everything bagged, prepped, loaded into the car. It's now 12:10, but I'm not too concerned yet. It's 12:20 and I'm starting to get irritated. I call my niece's cell phone, as she is the most likely to answer. She does, in a sleep voice. I calmly ask, where are you guys? She says, in bed. I EXPLODE. I start yelling at my poor niece, b/c she was the one who was one on the phone. She wakes up her mother and then tells me they will get moving.

I ask you, how hard is it to get your lazy @ss out of bed by 11 on a freakin' Sunday, when you KNOW you have to be somewhere. I start to cry, just b/c I am so mad that I have to let it out somewhere. I call my mom to tell her we are going to be late and unload on her. Poor woman...

I just don't get it. I just feel it is such a form of disrespect that she acts like this. And she barely even apologized for being late, just made excuses. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. If just once she would be contrite I might not get so mad. But she doesn't. She just doesn't care.

Ok, that's my rant. I just don't understand people who have no respect, especially for someone who does so much for her.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEUCE119 5/13/2008 9:55PM

    You really should have told her straight up, "If you aren't here by noon I am leaving" You don't have to pussyfoot around her. If it bothers you this bad , the only way to change it is to address it. You don't have to do it in an angry way. if she gets pissed off , she'll get over it. if you do what you say for her kids, she won't stay mad. It isn't in her best interest. She knows you will forgive and she gets things her way. I know it is easy to tell you what to do and another thing to do it. If you allow her to always do things the way she does , you'll always be angry and nothing will ever change. You need to have a talk with your MOM and let her know you aren't going to take it anymore. If she knows how your sister is I can't believe she wouldn't understand. I'm not saying to leave your sister out of things just give her boundaries and rules.

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AUNTSUSIE5 5/13/2008 10:23AM

    Blue - I agree that pulling Mom into my drama on her day was not the best way to deal with my issues. I profusely apologized, but honestly she knows where I am coming from b/c she deals with it from my sister as well. I know that I am very much a person that does things for people to make them happy even if I dont' want to. Case in point, I knew that if I left her, she may not have even gone. That would have hurt Mom's feelings very much, so I waited on her to make sure she showed up. For Mom. That is what I do with her ALL THE TIME. I baby her (sis, not mom), and I know it. But again, it's mostly b/c I don't want others to be hurt. I KNOW that I am not responsible for her actions, but after 30+ years of doing it, it's a hard habit to break. My sister is 30, but emotionally stunted at 18, IMO. She started having kids very very young, and never got out in the world until the last few years. She lives in my parent's house (they now live at the lake in a little house they bought for retirement). She doesn't pay rent, barely pays utilities. She supports her 3 kids on her own, the ex is a putz. I provide more support to them then he ever has.

I guess my resentment stems from the fact that if you added up all the money I spend on the kids, the time I invest, it's probably a 60/40 split between her and me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE these children probably as much as if they were mine. I just feel like my sister takes me granted. She rarely apologizes for things like what happened Sunday. And I know it's out of guilt; guilt that she needs me as much as she does. She has told me this years ago. I guess I would just like her to appreciate me more. Sheesh, how selfish does THAT sound?

*I just wanted to add that I would do anything for these kids, including whatever I have to deal with coming from my sister. I don't confront her b/c when she gets mad, she withdraws. That is her way of dealing with things. And if she w/draws, it's harder for me to spend time with the kids. She doesn't necessarily keep them from me, it just makes it more awkward. So I bite my tongue more often than not, b/c I would never do anything to jeapordize my relationship with them. See, I sound like the divorced parent who shares custody...and that is how I feel a lot of the time. My sister isn't an ogre, she is just self-centered. If she has the time/money/energy to make herself happy and those around her, she is generous to a fault. But if she has limited resources, short on time, whatever, then the effort goes to her and the kids, and everyone else just takes a backseat.

Comment edited on: 5/13/2008 1:37:21 PM

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ALYTEA 5/12/2008 8:00PM

    I too would of just left!! You need to sit her down and tell her how absolutely disrespectful she is and how it affects you! She completely disregards anyone but herself, maybe if she starts missing out on important events she might get the picture!

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-SHAWN- 5/12/2008 2:15PM

  Whoa, I think this is deeper then your sister being late. Seriously, maybe it's a boundary issue, an anger issue, I can't know on such little info.

If that would have been me, when I called and found them in bed, I would have just said, well I'm leaving for mom's now, hope to see you there, click. Heck you even knew it was a distinct possibility, yet you weren't prepared for it?

Then you unloaded on your mom too, on Mothers Day no less? I'm sorry you're putting yourself through this agony. But I think you need to look deeper at your feelings, maybe journal them, figure out what's going on with you.

Comment edited on: 5/12/2008 2:17:03 PM

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Hey, who turned out the lights?!?!

Thursday, May 08, 2008

So I woke up this morning to no electricity. Being that I live in the belly of Tornado Alley, I guess it shouldn't surprise me that last nights wind and storms took out something important in my area. Do you know how bad it sucks to get ready in the dark?!? Well, let me just tell you. Hubby and I went for our morning walk, then when we got home we lit every candle in the house. Had to shower by candlelight. And anyone that knows me will tell you that the state of my closet is, well, a bit disastrous. So finding clean jeans by candlelight, digging through the laundry basket (yes, my clean clothes are still in the laundry basket b/c I haven't put them away), was quite fun. Finally found enough clothing items to suffice, and headed out to the car to go to work. So I'm sitting in my car in the driveway, heater on high, with my head in front of the vents to dry my big head o' hair. I'm sure the neighbors got a good chuckle out of that...or else they were wishing they thought of it first. I don't think my hair style today will be featured anytime soon in the issues of Glamour or Vogue, but with the creative use of headbands it could be worse.

How funny is it that the first thing I thought when I woke up and realized we had reverted back to the dark ages was 'D@mmit, now I can't do my Turbo Jam!'. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

*PBJMOMMY* 5/8/2008 10:56PM

    sweeeeett!! I can't wait to get my TurboJam!!

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CLASSICSHELL 5/8/2008 11:11AM

    Yayyyy tornado alley! I live in Oklahoma. There was a tornado in Edmond, I think I heard, and my lights blinked, but nothing major.

IT SUCKS TO HAVE POWER OUT. Last year, there was a huge icestorm and I was out of power for a week and a half! Ohman, and in the middle of winter - my family and I were freezing. We all piled into my fiance's tiny one bedroom apartment for the heat (since he had electricity). LOL

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Traveling and diets

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

So, I have to go to Chicago next week for work. I guess it says something about my attitude (in a good way) that this worries me. Anytime in the past something has come up out of the ordinary, my attitude is, well, it's just for X days, you can get back on the horse after that. But I really don't want to do that this time. I have done so good, in my eyes at least, with not splurging, not going overboard. I don't want a business trip to ruin it.

I plan to pack some fiber bars, kashi cereal and dried fruit, so at least I have breakfast covered. You just KNOW that they'll have donuts and bagels and stuff like that for those salespeople! So I'm trying to at least avoid that pitfall. Lunch I'll have to suck it up, but I'm hoping they do sandwiches, wraps, etc. I can handle that. Dinner will be tough. I know for sure one night we are going to Carlucci's, upscale Italian restaurant. Luckily they have a menu online, so I can do some research, although my prospects are somewhat dim for eating on the healthy side. I'll just pick the best I can, and be sure and watch portions. And be careful of the evil demon that will be sure to be present...I'm talking about the wine. AAAAAAAHHHH, wine.... I did mention it's a bunch of salespeople?!? Of COURSE there will be wine at dinner. I'll do my best to avoid, or have one and sip.

I'm trying to stay focused, I even plan on taking my portable DVD player and my Turbo Jam DVD's so that I can workout in my room in the mornings. I'm sure they have a gym, but if I rely on that I just know I'll back out. Walking treadmill or riding the bike isn't as fun to me as TJ, so it would be harder to stay motivated. -sigh- Anyone reading this please think happy thoughts for me! I'm trying to make this a Way Of Life and not something that I do til I reach a certain goal and quit. So that means thinking through bumps in the road, doing some research, planning ahead.

Until next time...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELTNSUE 5/7/2008 8:48PM

    Good for you preparing in advance for your trip. I went on 2 conventions in April and March and gain 3 pounds both times. Being conscious is half the battle. You can do it emoticon

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TMROTH 5/7/2008 2:53PM

  Yes, watch the portions. I would skip the wine where possible. You could always leave it and maybe noone will notice that it's still there. I drink the water and leave the wine.
Also, put some healthy snacks in your purse or bag and have one before meal time- it will make you eat less during the meal as your stomach will get full sooner.

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