AUNTIELES53   18,571
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AUNTIELES53's Recent Blog Entries

Cant always be scared

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Thanks for all the comments on my last blog. They have helped a ton. I have come to decide i cant change the past i just have to learn from it cause dewling on it will do nothing for me. The only thing i can do is change me right now and not let that effect me so much in my life right now. There will be times where it is going to really get to me. But for my to move on and be a better person because of my past is what i feel is best for me. I'm going to be change my weight loss goal and going to start eating right on program and working out more cause I want to see that person that will not fail and if she has came through what she has then she just needs to dust her self off and try again. it is kinda like they fall down 7 times get back up 8, I will be the one standing in the end dont you worry emoticon sidenote the weather is finally starting to get nicer so i'm hoping to start walking outside more. I cant wait for other people to wanna walk with me if i'm going to walk i need to do it now and if something wants to walk with me then well thats great but i cant wait till the text/call and ask i have to do it on my own also. I have been emotional better i think it has alot to do with finally starting sorry for the tmi. I have went from 283 to 288 in the last 2 weeks i'm sure alot of it has to do with water weight. So i'm restarting with 288 i know i will get down to 283 again in no time but this time i wanna get out of the 280's and 270's i have been down to 248 in my adult life a little over 2 years ago and i wanna get there again and i will pass that. I have to keep my mind on the prize which is me being a healtier person for ME. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIFEGENESIS 3/26/2011 2:27PM

    Go Leslie! Go Leslie! Go, Go, GOOO Leslie! :D

LOVE your attitude! WOOT!

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DEELYNNE1 3/26/2011 1:04PM

    Glad to hear you're getting some spring weather and feeling better - there's nothing like spring to help raise your spirits! Just keep persevering - emoticon

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JAMIECARDER 3/26/2011 10:24AM

    Glad to hear you're starting to realize you can do this! You have a ton of SparkFriends here that you can call on whenever you need us. Good luck on your weight loss journey... and keep your head up. You will find love one day when you least expect it!

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BYEBYEFAT. 3/26/2011 9:32AM

    YOU CAN DO IT!!

ps.. all that talk about tom the other day made ME start. grrrrr haha, we will get the water weight off in no time!

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why am i so scared

Thursday, March 24, 2011

from the age of 10 and up is when i started alot of my weight gain my mom is a very bad drinker and has been for a long time. I dont know who my father is and when we did the testing it came back triple negative so i called him and he said that he is not my father he has his own family. Who in there right mind tells a 10 yr old little girl that. All i wanted was someone to love me. So i have NO clue who my father is my mom trying to keep saying it is Steve the guy that got tested. I lost my grandma when i was around 18 that packed on the weight. She was my world i loved her and still doooo so much i know she wouldnt want me to be where i'm at today. i have always been with guys that treat me like crap but still showed me some type of emotion. I'm not sure if it is cause i want that guy attention sooo bad or what. I had a miscarriage 2 years ago and i did good for a while but then i started gaining the weight back. I dont feel like i'm good enough for anyone to love and i'm scared of change I believe i'm the most scared person there is of change. I feel so bad that i cant even love my self enough to change for me. i have no clue why i'm sooo scared to change? Am i scared to find someone that will love me?? Yes i'm scared of that cause then i'm scared i will lose them. like i did my grandma and my baby. Do i feel like i'm not worth someone loving?? Yes i totally feel that way. I really dont mean for this blog to sound like i'm some depressed person there is just alot of stuff that has happened in my life and this is some of the bad stuff that has happened. Good stuff is i have amazing friends and family that love me the way i am right now. I have a niece that means the world to me. I know that i am able to get pregnant so i can try for more babies in the future.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEELYNNE1 3/24/2011 5:05PM

    Just being the child of an alcoholic is pretty traumatic to most of us (I'm one too, and I found out a number of years ago how just that all by itself had messed me up.) You might find some valuable insight looking into Adult Children of Alcoholics online - just google ACOA and you'll find lots of info. You're so worth loving, and you can start by learning to love and value yourself. You are not worthless! Never think that. Give yourself some hugs instead. One of 'em's from me - if I were there I'd give it to you in person!

emoticon emoticon

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MISSBEX24 3/24/2011 4:16PM

    I understand so much of what you're saying. I sent you a long message about this, since my comment would've been way too long! I hope that you figure out a way to not be so scared. I think that the fact that you're on here is a step in the right direction. My guess is that you're stronger than you think and that when you figure out why you're scared and learn how to work through it, you're going to fly! Having been through something similar, I can tell you that when you do, you'll be amazed at your abilities.

Hang in there, and find a way to trust that change isn't really so scary. emoticon

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PAMELA0036 3/24/2011 3:26PM

    I am sorry you never knew who your father was but I can tell you knowing and having a father are two different things. I knew my biofather and well he was/is never around. Not even sure if he knows when my birthday is. Family isn't about Mother/Father/Child its about the ones close to you and the ones you love. Your grandmother was your family. Go and make a family when you are able and give them everything you never had. Learn from the past and change the future.

Comment edited on: 3/24/2011 3:27:36 PM

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KIMJEWKES 3/24/2011 1:42PM

    I am sorry that you have had a rough upbringing but you are a beautiful loving amazing woman! You obviously know how to love! You love your late grandmother and your young niece...you love your little baby (may he/she rest in peace)...you are 100% capable of loving yourself!

Try to be accepting of your upbringing and do your best to stop 'blaming' it for you who have become. You are a great person despite your upbringing. I am sorry you do not know your father and you may never find him but you should not let it affect the love you have for yourself!

Please message me if you need to talk!

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DEVONYA27 3/24/2011 1:35PM

    You are a beautiful girl and you just haven't found the right person yet. He is out there, it just isn't the right time for you to meet him. Hang in there....things will get better. Worry about getting healthy first and then go from there. emoticon

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TRISHA2784 3/24/2011 1:21PM

    Hi Leslie,

You are worth loving, never ever doubt that.

And while fear is natural, you are not alone and emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/24/2011 1:22:34 PM

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30 Day Photo Challenge-Day 29 and 30 woot

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Kenzie and LaLa May 2006


Day 30 - A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then

2010

2011


i'm not sure how much i have changed since then it just depends on the day and what is going on that day and what have you.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SMURPH32 3/24/2011 8:49AM

    Way to go following through with the whole 30 day challenge! I fizzled out at like day 26... so close!

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30 Day Photo Challenge-Day 28

Monday, March 21, 2011

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
being alone for the rest of my life


not losing the weight. not being able to have kids.




Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then

  


30 Day Photo Challenge-Day 27

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Kenzie and I

Bestie/Cousin Anna and I

Anna's youngest Hanson and I


Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then

  


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