Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Well, I'm back after another bout with anxiety and depression. It's very hard to get that under control, and losing my doctor to prison for insurance fraud (!!!) certainly didn't help! Today, I finally have made it in to see a very nice PA who I think is going to do me a world of good. I'm having a complete blood work up done, plus a real psych evaluation. And in the meantime, I have Wellbutrin to pull me through. It's amazing to me how quickly I feel a change on that stuff. Today was Day One. And within a couple hours, that panicky, stressed feeling melted away, I folded the clothes I've been procrastinating (and stressing about) for a week now, and the urge to binge constantly, dimmed down. I did very well on it last time, and I'm really hoping to lose the nearly 30 pounds I've gained over the last six months. Starting tomorrow I WILL be working out and staying within a reasonable calorie range. With a little help from Wellbutrin, hopefully I'm on my way to healthy again...wish m luck! :)
Monday, November 12, 2012
Sparkpeople.com has truly changed the course of my entire life. It is unbelievable the effect having excess weight can have on a person’s life both professionally and personally. The day I discovered SparkPeople, an online weight loss and fitness community, was the beginning of a complete personal turn-around and revival.
There are so many options that it is easy to customize a program that fits a person’s unique lifestyle as well as their fitness wants and needs. Some of the tools that the site includes are trackers (food/calories, exercise, weight, etc.), message boards, educational articles, and recipes. There even is an opportunity to create your own personal “page”. The trackers are completely customizable making SP an efficient and adaptable way to gauge changing goals and fitness needs.
When I first discovered SparkPeople in the summer of 2007, I was a miserable, depressed 200 pound woman. I had decided that I really did want to change and get back to where I knew I was meant to be physically, but lacked the self-confidence and knowledge to transform desire into action. Perusing site after site online, trying several and quickly losing interest, SparkPeople was recommended by a friend. As I poked around the site soaking in the ideas and methods, I found myself getting more and more enthusiastic, thinking, “I can do this!” It was the most excited and hopeful I had been in years.
I began using the site every day, learning new things about how to take care of myself, as well as following the methods and using the tools that helped me succeed in reaching my goals effectively. With an incredulous sense of disbelief, Every week I watched the steady decline of those numbers on the previously hateful scale. Suddenly, I looked forward to getting on that scale and giving myself a personal “congratulations”. Every day I would check in with my online community, especially my favorite message board “Staying Motivated”. Having people who really understood even the most oddball or “silly” issues was so encouraging. The instant feedback was addictive. Between the emotional support and the continuously improving “black and white” numbers, my confidence was making a much welcome comeback.
After approximately 8 months, I had lost the majority of the weight I wanted to: about 60 pounds. I felt vibrant and happy, refreshed and unafraid to participate in life. Although I credit myself for the hard work and determination, I also credit SparkPeople for the support and encouragement. Those two factors working together were the right combination to help me achieve my goals and be the best version of “me” possible.
I still use SP to this day. Although I am at my original goal of 135, I now realize that I would be more comfortable at 125. Sparkpeople is now helping me with a focus more on exercise and toning, rather than calorie counting and weight loss, in this homestretch. The versatility of SP is impressive. No matter what a person’s fitness needs, this site can fill that need. I am so grateful that I learned about this right when I needed it the very most. Now, I will always be a part of the SP online community. I enjoy being in a position of experience where I can help others, like a small “pay it forward” and thank you to all those who helped me along the way, and still get advice on my new fitness challenges.
I am the happiest now that I have been in about ten years, and it gets better all the time as I attempt and conquer new challenges and experiences, unafraid to step outside of my comfort zone. Being adventurous and spontaneous is a source of enjoyment now, as opposed to a source of discomfort or embarrassment. I enjoy a quality of life I was not experiencing when I was unhealthy, largely thanks to the thoughtful design of an amazing website: sparkpeople.com.
Monday, September 12, 2011
I set some very specific goals for myself long, long ago that I wanted to accomplish by reaching 135. I'm finally there! Let's see how I did. :)
I want to:
*feel smooth (no lumps and bumps)
--Well, I still have some lumps and bumps, but not EVERYWHERE..just one or two trouble spots like every normal human lol
*be able to play for a long time with my daughters without getting winded
--not a problem! I actually raced my 9 year old this summer and (almost) won. lol I would have never dreamed of even jogging 10 ft. 4 years ago sadly enough.
*enjoy taking my dog, Jack for a walk
--unfortunately, I don't have Jack anymore, but I walk almost every day...and I definitely enjoy it!
*not be self-concious constantly
--this is WAY better, but something I'll probably always struggle with.
*have my rings fit
--they fit! I actually wear a size smaller
*have fun swimming (not dread it)
--I swam a TON this summer, and loved every second. I love the water!
*not have to shop in the plus-size section
--this has been over for awhile, but I definitely still remember how that felt. I love having my options open up.
*be better able to enjoy the outdoors
--no doubt about it, I'm venturing further, doing more things, not worrying about how I'll manage to walk that far or timing my next meal. It feels like freedom
*not get winded climbing stairs
--my gym has all kinds of stairs. Before I would have considered one flight of stairs part of my workout (that's kind of sad, but it's true). Now I jog on the treadmill 45 min. then use the track as a cool-down. lol
*not embarass my kids being the "fat" mom
--no danger of that anymore! My kids are very proud of me. I guess now I'm the hot mom. ;)
*look more professional
--I feel comfortable in any setting, which is a vast difference from where I started. I feel confident and in control in any professional setting
*not feel awkward eating in front of people
--ah, this one is WONDERFUL! It's very freeing to not feel criticized for something as basic as EATING. I know it was my own guilty conscience the whole time, but man, that's a relief not to feel that way.
*feel worthy of beauty treatments and not like they're a waste because I'm fat anyway
--I do! I'm able to relax and enjoy them. I appreciate the results afterwards and even feel pretty. :)
*feel proud of accomplishing weight loss
--I am SO proud of what I've done. Weight loss isn't easy. And it's no one's journey but your own. No one can take credit, and no can can take the blame except YOU. This is MY victory.
*be hot and sexy
--Yup, I am!
*get a new tattoo (and not be embarrassed about someone looking at the rolls on my sides)
--I'm ready to work on my full back piece...and excited to show it off!
*wear a size 8
--Now, I'm working on a size 6!
*be comfortable taking college classes on campus
--I won't let weight or anything else ever stand in my way of doing EVERYTHING I want to accomplish.
*be comfortable taking gym classes
--I feel at ease taking any class that strikes my interest.
*not be too embarrassed to get a bra fitting
--No problem here anymore!
I think the goals I set for myself were good, honest indicators of where I wanted to be. Reviewing them, I'd say: I've come a long way, baby!
Saturday, September 10, 2011
It's amazing how you think that with weight loss you will instantly solve the problems of your life: if I just lose x pounds I will be secure and loved and suddenly win the lotto. lol
Unfortunately, it just doesn't work like that. I'm less than 5 pounds away from the (what seemed to be unattainable) goal weight I set for myself 4 years ago...and yet I still have the same insecurity that I did back then.
Actually, that's not entirely true.
Losing this much weight has made it very clear the real internal issues I need to contend with. I can't blame it on being overweight any longer. Is my body perfect? Far from it. But it is definitely in the range of normal and acceptable even to my critical eye. It becomes glaringly obvious that there is more behind my fragile ego than some extra weight when it is so easy for others to make me question my self-worth.
I guess we tackle our issues one at a time. I chose to work from the inside out. And it was a GOOD choice. There was no way I could work on the inside when the outside was screaming from the mirror "you have even failed your own body!" Now is the time to work on my heart. Work on being secure in the "skin" I have created. Now is the time to take back my power.
Now, my goals are to continue my journey to a beautiful body, and ALSO to heal my mind. I am strong, I am smart, I am beautiful. And I'm going to make a conscience choice daily to remember and reinforce that for myself. Healthy decisions, loving decisions, wise decisions, all working towards better bettering my world for me and my loved ones. I can do this.
Monday, December 06, 2010
Well, well. After months of not being able to get motivated again, and a 4 month period of personal chaos in which I gained back 11 pounds (!), I'm finally really serious. I have jump started my weight loss with a 4 day streak at the gym and a fairly restricted calorie diet, just to get my body used to eating less and recognizing fullness and hunger again. I've lost 3 pounds. Now I'm going to start easing back into eating healthy balanced meals and keep up the working out. I have tons of energy and can feel that old addiction to working out creeping back in---what a positive addiction! Yay! I've traded smoking and binge eating for exercise and healthy eating. :) Also, I have a 3 day fast on it's way via UPS that should be here in time for the weekend. I will be blogging consistently while I fast about how it is physically and how much weight I lose/gain back!
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