Saturday, October 19, 2013
The non-stop feasting is coming. I love baking and cooking for these holidays, I love hosting meals for people. I love drinking and laughing and tasting. But I have other goals in mind, too.
I joined a fitness group that will meet regularly on Google Plus to weigh-in and swap information with a personal trainer. It cost me $60 and I was very reluctant to throw that money in. But the support and the personalized nutrition/fitness look promising.
We officially start on November 1, the week before is just for information-collecting and setting up our personal plans. Until then, I'm going to regularize myself at the gym with lifting basics (squats, deadlifts, benches). I'm going to keep tracking my food. I'm going to aim for my numbers. This will be my baseline for a recharge. I've lost weight during the holidays before, I know I can do it again.
Sunday, October 06, 2013
It could be any number of things. It could be that I'm still overeating, choosing high-sugar foods, simple carbs, etc. It could be that things are getting stressful around here. It could be that I've amped up my exercise and my body is responsively clinging harder to fat to stave off starvation.
But when I started this weightloss journey I was sad to have been at the bottom 190s. Now I'm a solid 195 (I've weighed myself throughout the day and it isn't fluctuating).
It's so disheartening. It feels like, now I've said aloud that I want to lose weight and confessed that I am unhappy with my current situation, I seem like a failure if I haven't at least lost the water weight. Those first five pounds should come right off as a pity-gift for my mental efforts.
This is just how it is. If you are taking the slow route, like I am, then you are going to have to get used to disappointment and figure out how to move past it. If you are jump-starting your weightloss with P90X and a paleo lifestyle (complete with parkour hunting skillz) then you'll probably see those pity pounds fall away faster. But I don't want that. I've made my decision, and I want to spend my time on yoga, cycling, weight lifting. I want to share my meals and bake through the autumn and pick up sales at the grocery store. So I have to make amends with my slowness.
Yes, this is the wrong direction of energy. I don't want to gain I want to lose. But it won't stay that way. If I keep going to the gym, keep eating big salads, hearty soups, snacking on vegetables, using yogurt "sundaes" to quell my dessert desires and a warm, sweet tea to settle me at night--all these methods will yield eventual results. I just have to be patient and let my body do what it is doing. I have to keep at it, build up strong habits, set myself up for winning.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
The truth is, it's in your head.
The truth is, you *should* be paranoid. Because They *are* trying to brainwash you.
That image should be a Fitspo because Cheryl Haworth is an Olympic athlete. She is a healthy, strong, ambitious woman; what we all claim we want to be.
The truth is I know a 200-lb woman doing an uphill bike race this weekend and she's ready to smoke the competition. The truth is my friend who does crossfit 3-4 times a week, lifts weights and can fold her legs behind her head like a gummy-creature is also considered medically obese.
The truth is "fat" is a word we made up to shame ourselves, no matter our size.
I'm not fat. But sometimes I feel that claustrophobic crush, I feel my pants tighten and my belly slide over. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, bloated, off-balance, ugly. I *feel* fat.
The truth is, no one is fat. We are so much more than adipose tissue. We are human beings with stories and ambitions and fears.
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