Friday, January 27, 2012
I was thinking this morning as I was I was reading articles and blog while I got ready for work, how awesome is Sparkpeople? I have become a Spark junkie, I swear. I spend more time here than I do on Facebook, and that is saying something y'all. From articles to read, blog to write, forums to interact on, tracking tools, etc, there is so much info and support here that it is hard not to find a successful path to achieving goals. What I love, love, LOVE, about Spark though, is all of these fabulous people that are here. We are all here, providing support, being a cheerleading team for one another, providing tough love sometimes. It is great. I think joining Spark is a NSV in itself.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Well folks, I have always heard that sleep is important for weight loss and maintenance. I never thought about it much, but as I have been unable to sleep well for the last few days I am beginning to see why they say it is so important. Because, y'all, me not sleeping well is becoming detrimental to my plan. When I am this tired I want to eat junk all the time, ALL THE TIME, because the little sugar rush gets me going for a minuscule amount of time. I also crave sodas like crazy, for the caffeine. It also strips away my desire to work out. Then, when my exhausted self tries to go to sleep I can't, because all the sugar and caffeine are keeping me up. So, I know, I need to get more sleep because it definitely helps me keep moving in the right direction.
An embarrassing wardrobe malfunction happened to me today. I have a favorite pair of jeans that I got about six weeks ago. I wear them frequently, but mostly at the office or at church, so they aren't experiencing any excessive wear and tear. Well, this morning the material split, not on the seam, but right in the middle of my inner thigh, where the dreaded "chub rub" caused by my over weight state occurs. In my opinion, I bought these jeans for more money than I would normally spend on jeans at a store that sells clothes specifically for fluffy girls like myself. Clothes for fluffy girls ought to be designed to withstand the effects of chub rub for more then six to eight weeks. Especially when these jeans cost a goodly amount more than I would normally spend on myself. It is disappointing, embarrassing, and kind of makes me angry at myself and the company that makes the clothes.
My NSV for today is that I did not buy the Dairy Queen Blizzard that I so craved when I went to lunch today. It is an awesome feeling to walk away from junk food that I am craving, so I am clinging to that feeling because I am not yet to the point that I actually feel awesome about not eating the treat, just about being able to say no and walk away, LOL.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Okay, so, I know, everyone has muscles, but, well, over the last couple of years I have lost touch with, and sight of, mine. But today, just now, I was sitting at my desk stretching and being silly so I curled my bicep and and squeezed it. Not only was there visible definition to it, but it was not squishy!!! Lifting the free weights is working, y'all!! I mean, I am no where near being ripped or anything, I can still only use a five pound weight, but I could actually see a bicep muscle, and actual defined muscle, that raises up instead of the usually mass of jiggleyness that all slides down to wave bye-bye. How cool is that? *happy dance* Of course, my arms are sore, and typing is, uncomfortable, right now, but I have a muscle I can see!!!! Total NSV!
I needed this, because I have been so down lately. In other news, I had a serving of pineapple for breakfast and will have some oatmeal when I get hungry again. I brought just enough food to work to make it through the day, not enough to stuff myself, and I brought no money so I can't run and grab fast food.
*happy dance* Good days are ahead
Monday, January 16, 2012
I am frustrated with myself. Do I really want this enough to make the changes I need to make? Today I feel like I don't, and it makes me want to cry because I want to want this enough. I am still doing my strength training, though I didn't last week I am picking up the weights again. But that is about it. My foot started hurting again and it scared me, so I took time off of my cardio, which is not cool. I am traveling in the wrong direction and I know it, and I feel a lot of self loathing because of it, but obviously not enough to take this all seriously. I say it again adn again, the mental battle is the hardest part for me, and that is what is what is doing me in right now, my inability to wrap my mind around any of this. I need to so what I have to do the be healthy, but I am very self-indulgent and don't like sacrificing what makes me feel good for what is good for me. The hilarious (in a sarcastic way) thing is, when I do make those choices to do what is good for me, I feel better, and I start to crave the healthier stuff. I start to crave water, and fruit, and taking a long walk when I am stressed instead of reaching for the mac-n-cheese or chocolate. The good for me does become what makes me feel good. But then I slip and the cycle starts all over again and I just want to cry because I've done it to myself again. So that is what is going on with me right now, why I have been absent from Spark for a few days, because I had to climb out of my pity pool and locate my big girl pants and put them back on. They are a little tighter than they were a week ago but what can I expect?
Here is to another week of fighting the good fight, and traveling in the right direction!
Friday, January 06, 2012
So, I picked back up my free weights this week. You know, I am not really sure when 5 lbs gained weight and became so heavy, but I am thinking I should open my free weights up a Spark account, because they are touting more poundage than I remember.
(To provide a little back ground, I was always in shape and fairly athletic until about 5 years ago. In college I lifted weights, played tennis, walked daily in addition to weekend hiking trips and horse back riding. Even after college, I lifted weights, walked, and hiked. 5 years ago, when I got my first desk job ever and had to put in a ton of over time, but didn't realize that I couldn't eat as much doing that as I did when I was constantly physically active at home and work, I started packing on the pounds and haven't been able to shake them. It is extremely frustrating for me to have been able to do so much and to find I have reduced myself to what I am today)
Back to my free weights. I made it through my workout and felt great, but the next morning I was sore. Not like I hurt myself, but like I was out of shape and just lifted weights for the first itme in forever. So now I am facing another strength training workout today and, dare I say it? I don't wanna do it. BooHoo. I am going to do it, but I really don't want to. It is one of those days when I want so much to say "Do I have to be healthy, can't I just lose weight and be a smaller me?" The answers are of course, Yes, and No. I must be healthy, and excercise is part of that journey.
This brings up another struggle. One I have posted about before, my struggle with the mental side of this quest. This is the mightiest struggle I face on this journey. Everyone will get to hear about it a lot. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around A) The fact that I am obese B) The fact that it is hard to correct this, and C) The fact I got this way to begin with. With that in mind, I have gone searching for help with the mental part of my journey. One step I took was coming here, and that has been a blessing. I have met such supportive, wonderful folks here. Not only do they work to lift you up when you are feeling low, but they are no nonsense too. It is okay to have negative feelings ometimes, but they don't sit and wallow in those feelings with you, they insist you get back up and get going. Another thing I am working on is reading a book called Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. It is about filling your needs with God, not food. As a Christian becoming closer to God and learning to lean on Him, not Death by Chocolate cak,e is important. (These being my goals as a follower of Christ, I understand that others may have other needs depending on their belief system) The book has some challenges for me, as do my Spark Friends, strength training for my mind, heart, and soul, so to speak. It is such a good thing though, and the challenge is welcome.
I feel tired today, like I just don't want to do it. I don't want to try. I want to just be my old self and eat and be miserable and live with it. But I know that isn't the answer, and I need to look the temptation in the eye and tell it to move on... And I am going to pick up those blasted free weights and use them no matter how much weight they have gained....
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