Thursday, November 10, 2011
(Warning, this is a rant)
Ahh, to be a woman. There are many wonderful things about being a woman. But, the trade off is that there are certain times when being a woman is, shall we say, trying? Today is one of those days for me. My hormones are behaving like a microscopic band of natives, beating their drums in a war rythm and sharpening their spears. Their uprising makes me easily angrered and frustrated. I don't know if I want to shout, cry, or both, all I know is that if you hand me the chocolate and other simple carbs no one is going to get hurt. Except for me when I come out of this hormone driven haze and realized that my insanity earned me 3 more lbs.
My Thursday seems to be having an identity crisis. It feels more like a Monday. I started off the day with my fiance letting the dogs run out the front door, and he had to leave for work right away so I was the one walking down the street in the cold and the dark tracking down the dogs. Have you ever tried to find a black dog in the dark? It is not the way I like to start the morning. Gypsy the German Shepherd always comes when called, but Star Dog, the Kangaroo/Labrador mix has a terrible recall and so I have to look for her. Then I, genius that I am, try to carry to much into work and end up scalding my arm with my hot chocolate. And, for the icing on the cake, my mother, who aggravates me already, decided to be the straw that broke the camels back and went back, for the fourth time in as many weeks, on the promise she made to walk the dogs for me twice a week. I wouldn't mind if she just said "Hey, I really don't want to do this" That wouldn't bother me, but instead she calls every week with a new reason she can't make it to the house. She is the one who told me she would do it. I didn't ask her to, could she at least, for once in her life, do what she tells me she is going to do?
But, these are such first world problems, they are not real important problems. I feel guilty that I am even so upset over them because there are people with real problems who would probably read this and want to smack me. LOL, it isn't even ten o'clock and I am already letting my temper go like a bull in Spain. So, here's to me reigning in my temper and controling my hormonal impulses. LOL
Monday, November 07, 2011
I am over weight. My health stats are still in normal ranges, but barely, not real sexy as far as health stats go. I am not what most in the America would consider sexy (though my fiance disagrees, bless the man). Butm regardless of all of this, of the well meant but the hurtful things my family feels the need to say about my weight, I refuse to believe that I have to think ill of myself just because of my weight. Do I like my current weight ? No! Am I less of a person because of it? No!! For me, my journey is about healthiness, not the size jeans I wear or what people say about me.
I have found in my numerous attempts at weight loss that this is as much a project of the mind as it is of the physical body. If you can't get your mind wrapped around what needs to be done, it will be nearly impossible to get your body where it needs to be. At least for me. My body is able, but my mind is another story. Over the last few years I discovered that being down on myself about my weight was not helpful, so I determined to pick one thing about myself a day that I liked, one thing about my body to be positive about. There were days that the best I can do is really love the way my lungs inhale air, or the way my eyes open when I wake, but if that is all I can muster, then I hang onto those positive thoughts as hard as I can and use them to plow through my negatives as best I can. As time goes on it has become easier to pick out positives, to feel better about myself, to feel I am worth it and worth better. Because if I don't feel like I am worth it, if I don't feel like I deserve to feel pretty now, why would being a smaller size be any different, and why wuold I bother trying to be a smaller size? I am worth it. I do deserve it. I deserve normal health stats, I deserve to shop in the misses section at department stores full of cute clothes. This is not something I realized quickly, but I am now really grasping the ideal that I deserve better than this. Today, I really love how my ankles and calves look, and I think my posture after using my giant exercise ball is amazing. My skin is having a good day too. Not only that, if I look good now, just think how smokin' I will be when I reach goal! The world won't be ready for me in my new smaller body and sexy health stats. Can anyone else pick out one thing that makes them feel "I am sexy and I know it?"
Saturday, November 05, 2011
My pastor preached a sermon a while back, the subject was on raising children, but he gave us a quote that applies beautifully to all areas of life. He said in this sermon "Direction, not intention, determines your destination." I fell in love with this quote, simply because it is so very true, no matter what journey you are taking, if you want to reach your destination you must be traveling in the right direction, all of the good intention in the world won't get you to where you want to be. (And I believe we have all heard what road is paved with good intentions. Yikes!)
So it is with weight loss. This is a journey, a long one, with twists and turns and roadblocks. I have every intention of losing weight, but if I don't travel in the right direction that is not going to happen. I must go down the path of fewer calories, healthier food choices, and more exercise to reach my goal of a smaller body and a healthier lifestyle. If I don't I will either stay where I am or become even more unhealthy. I can't afford to look back. So, I have written out my quote on some sticky notes and have put it everywhere I eat, as a reminder that I am walking down a path now, not sitting around and intending to do it.
Friday, November 04, 2011
Have you seen those commercials? The ones where people are arriving at their honeymoon, or some other fabulous vacation, when they get word that a particular fast food sandwhich has returned for a limited time? Well ladies and gentlement, I feel like on of these commercials. I happen to love McRibs and have since I was about 10 or 11, but, since I am on a healthiness journey, I really shouldn't eat them, right? So, I started laughing when I saw the commercial yesterday because I felt the way the actor looked, just so down hearted because I too, will be missing the McRib. Silly, isn't it?
There are more important things than a sandwich. Like being able to keep up with my son, and not developing diabetes or high blood pressure. So, instead of a sad face, I have a smile, because for once I was able to realize that there are better things in store for me than a sandwich, and that is awesome.
Thursday, November 03, 2011
Well, my eating hasn't been what it should, and when you make more bad choices than good the scale does let you know about it. So I am disappointed with myself, but I have to keep in mind that I did make some good choices, and so today I need to make more of those.
I am also stressed at home, emotional eating being one of my main "healthy living" blocks, I gave in and tried to eat my emotions yesterday. Rather than analyzing myself and trying to find another way to deal with the stress, I scarfed it down with two Nestle Drumstick ice cream cones. So, yeah, I am disappointed with myself over that.
I started off this morning with a healthier breakfast, cooked at home not picked up at the convenience store on my way to work. I had egg whites scrambled with one piece of bacon and some onion. I try to eat a piece of fruit or some yogurt or something like that with my breakfast, but today is payday and I desperately need to get to the grocery store, so this morning that didn't happen. I also chose to exercise even though I felt unwell both yesterday and today. So those are positives. All I can do is learn from yesterday and work to improve on today.
I can also work to deal with my frustration and disappointment in a positive way, rather than eating to deal with it. My emotional eating has been a huge form of self-sabotage, and I know I must deal with it to help my weight loss efforts.
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