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What I Want to Be

Thursday, September 20, 2012

I was taking my son to his soccer pictures yesterday when I saw a fabulous looking woman rolling down the road in her electric wheel chair. She was dressed nicely, had a big smile on her face, and waved to everyone. Her smile was the contagious kind, you had to smile and wave back.
The thing was, she was so morbidly obese she couldn't walk. That is what the wheel chair was for. I was not being sarcastic when I said she looked fabulous, she did, she obviously had made an effort to look nice, and be nice. But, the sight of her unable to walk down the road, trapped by her own body, reminded me of why I am struggling with my obesity today. Because I don't want to be in that place.

I don't want my body to be a prison. I want to be able to walk, play soccer with my son, have a normal adult sized blood pressure cuff fit my arm like it is supposed to. I want to fit on amusement park rides and yes, wear regular "misses" sized clothes from a department store, instead of a plus sized store. I want to be able to run again with out aggravating my plantar fasciitis, which my podiatrist said won't happen until I get back to being merely overweight. I want to be able to hike all day like I used to, not get tired after a couple of miles. I want to walk up a flight or two of stairs without getting winded.

I want to take care of myself, be who I was made to be, not trapped and watching life pass me by.


Derail the Negativity Train

Monday, September 17, 2012

I have negativity issues. That is why I have not been as into my blogging here lately, no one wanta to read about my pity pool parties or things like that, especually when it is me whining about first world problems like not wanting to stop over eating.

So, I decided to post about ways to derail that nasty negativity train and get on with life in a more positive mind set.

The number one thing for me is my prayer journeling time, when I read my Bible and write out all of my thoughts to the Lord. For me this really puts all of my first world stressors in perapective and puts my mind in the place it needs to be. This quiet time can be good for anyone, believer or not, to spend time ordering thoughts and mediatating on what is actually important can really help anyone's outlook.

My second negativity killing act is actually getting out and getting in my physical activity. I find that my mindset on this journey is so much better, the vision clearer, and my moods so much more stable when I get my activity in. I feel better about myself, sleep better, and am able to move through my days better. It is so worth it.

Third on my list today is making a gratitude list. Writing down everything I am grateful for helps me to keeps perspective as well. Believe me, somedays I make a pretty pathetic list. I have days when my list is just, "Still breathing" and that is as far as it goes, but it is still

Does anyone have their own tips to keep looking forward and moving in the right sirection?


Crazy Weekend, still successful!

Monday, September 10, 2012

This weekend was a bit tense, full of potential pitfalls.

We had baby mama drama, my DH and I had a disagreement caused by being newly married and learning to live together, my step-son had a mental break down because his father and I expected him to listen and do as he was told, my son had a complete fit because I had the audacity to tell him to stop being mean to his step brother, and through all of it I didn't over eat. It was great, really it was. Instead of over eating, DH and I loaded everyone up and we went hiking. I thought this was an awesome way to relieve the stress of the day.

I fell behind on my water frinking goals on Sunday, but Saturday I did well. I didn't lose weight, but I did maintain. I got in my strength training today, did some studying on how obesity affects hormones, and got in my time with God to round out my Strength Training : Mind, Body, and Soul routine. I will outline that some other time.

All in all I feel really good about everything today and what happened on the weekend. It has been refreshing to feel successful. Hope everyone else is feeling the same right now!


What the Doctor had to say

Friday, September 07, 2012

You know how it is to know something, but hearing someone else say it is just no fun?

Well, I had a convo with my OB/GYN yesterday that was like that. She has always been really big on healthiness, and she has been on my back about my lack thereof for quite some time. But, yesterday I went to see her to talk about some female irregularities I was having and what impact those may be having on my fertility and such. Well, naturally, the first thing she brought up was my weight, and how my obesity is affecting my hormones and causing these problems.

I hadn't until recently understood that my weight could affect these things, but had seen it in some of the literature I have been reading recently. I know I am obese. There is no denying it. I am working on that, though honestly not as hard as I could be. I have used every excuse in the book not to work hard on it. But to hear it come out of someone elses mouth, to hear that I may not be able to have the baby I want so much because of my lack of dedication to healthiness, it hurt. Oh, I suppose I had it coming, but it still hurt. It hurts that I can do this to myself, that I can think so little of myself that I would treat my body this way and not even think twice about it.

I think of it as something like a hoarder. I watch the show Hoarders while I clean house, it inspires me to get things cleaned up so I don't end up with a house like that. But, at the same time, I am allowing my body to become like those houses. Cluttered, filled with trash, unable to function properly due to all the unnecessary items piling up. I am hoarding, just in a different way.

This is not a declaration post, I am not going to say "This is it" "No Turning back" "I am serious now" But I am going to keep up with my baby steps and keep changing and losing, because I need to clear out the hoard in body and in my mind so that I can live like I am meant to live, not as a prisoner in a cell of my own creating.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LAINYC 9/7/2012 2:29PM


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LADYJ6942 9/7/2012 1:18PM

    As harsh as it may have been I'm glad for you that your Dr was frank. And yes like hoarders we do do terrible things to our body and it takes some time to undo it but with patience, self dedication and commitment, along with a dose or two of forgiveness you can do this.

Good luck on your journey!

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CYNTHIAAJ 9/7/2012 10:09AM

    I just joined Sparkpeople yesterday and have been so amazed at the many different ways people articulate a similar problem. This analogy really struck home with me. I also liked a comment I read -Losing weight is hard, being fat is hard-choose your hard. I hope you have a fabulous day full of choices that keep your body clutter free.
CynthiaAJ emoticon

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It's a Texture Thing

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

How do you experience food? For me, it has been a long term love affair that involves most of my senses. As important to me as taste, sight, and smell are, the part of the equation that really brings it all together for me is the texture. If the food doesn't "feel" right then it isn't very good.

Example, I love my breakfast tacos. Potatos, bacon, cheese, tons of hot sauce, and a homemade tortilla is my absolute favorite. The thing is, I HAVE to have a soda with it. A diet soda now, but still, an artificial bubbly beverage is a must. It's the way it feels, slightly greasy taco followed by a bubbly rush. It is awesome. Without the soda, the taco isn't as good.

So, how can I utilize this for good and not evil? It is a lot easier to give up things I shouldn't have by messing up the texture, for one thing. Without the soda, things like pizza and breakfast tacos aren't as appealing So, by altering the texture of unhealthy food choices I can help myself make healthier choices. At least in theory. What does texture mean to you when you are eating?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NCSUE0514 9/5/2012 8:45AM

    Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt

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AJB121299 9/5/2012 8:42AM


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