Wednesday, March 28, 2012
So, I have been being very good here lately. I have been cutting out my artificial sweetners, I have been chosing more foods with ingredients I can pronounce, I am eating less, and I am losing weight, all of which is extremely awesome. But, I have run into another unforseen issue. I didn't know that the way things taste would change. For example: I wanted a Coke Zero really badly, the other day. I bought my Coke Zero to go with my lunch, took a big ol' swig and was like "Ew. This is nasty. " I haven't had anything with aspertame in it for a few weeks and now I am back to not liking it. This morning the same thing happened, only it was with my beloved sweet tea. I have also limited, though not cut out, my white sugar/flour intake. I still drink sweet tea at home, but the amount of sugar I put in it has been reduced. Anyway, I wanted some caffeine and learning from my Coke Zero episode I decided to get plain old sweet tea from my favorite convenience store. I love this sweet tea, it is fabulous. Or it was. Because I got to my desk and took a big ol' swig of my fabulous sweet tea, and y'all, it was like drinking syrup. It is so sweet I can't even drink it. All the healthiness I have been taking in is working its magic I guess, because things I previously thought wonderful don't taste right anymore.
I hadn't expected this. I expected to start craving healthier foods (which has happened), I expected to lose some of my desire for the unhealthy things I used to love (which has happened), but I never expected to find that when I do want those things they would taste completely different. Does this happen to everyone, or am I just a jelly bean of a different flavor? It is a good thing, but at the same time it is a little sad, because there is nothing like anticipating something you really like only to find it isn't as good as you remember. There is some disappointment to be had. I am enjoying to good side of it, but was not expecting the disappointed side.
It is baffling to me, but maybe it shouldn't be. So much of myself has been poured into eating these things, savoring them, finding comfort in them, that I supposed this is somewhat natural. It is sorta like a child giving up their comfort object as they grow and get older. I am relinquishing my "blanky" so to speak, as I put forth effort to be healthier both physically and emotionally, and that is something I have to adjust to, both physically and emotionally...
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Well, today is a new and better day. I am so grateful for the new chances each day brings. I ended up giving in to my sweet tooth yesterday, but, I was careful about my calories and still came out ok. One nice thing about being good has been that I can eat one sweet treat in a day and I don't feel awful. I just get to enjoy my treat and go on, because I am not cramming my face full constantly. Now, I do not have a sweet treat everyday, I don't trust myself to do that because it is all too easy to go from just one, to just two, to just eating the way I ate to get where I am. If I am really truly craving a treat then I can have one, because I refuse to be miserable, but if I can ignore the craving for a little while and it goes away then I don't eat the treat
I also did an unofficial weigh in this morning, just to see if my scale numbers have moved downward and I am happy to say that they have. Hard work is paying off, which is always nice to see.
In other news, a great non scale victory have been added to my list. Yesterday was tough, I was emotionally drained and just aching to give into my emotional eating habit. But, I made it, I actually was good even though I was stressed. I went to wal mart to buy some sweet potatos to go with dinner and I wanted so badly to buy some sugar cookies to devour on the way home. I would have thrown the cartoon away at a gas station before I got to the house so know one would know I'd done it. I even picked the package up and put it in the buggy, telling myself I deserved a treat. However, as I walked through the store and thought about what I was doing, I decided that while I did deserve a treat, I did not deserve to sabotage myself by eating an entire dozen of big ol' sugar cookies. So I put those cookies back, went on to finish my shopping, and walked out the door feeling much better about myself. That was some hard stuff y'all, but it felt so good to succeed.
Here's to another great day, can't wait to see what happens!
Monday, March 19, 2012
I am an emotional eater. I don't think that this is a new catagory for anyone, there are lots of us out there. But since I have been sticking to my plan I have run into an unforseen issue. Because I am not eating my feelings, I am actually feeling them. Positive and negative, they are all assaulting my senses at full force. I am not entirely certain how to handle them all. Things hurt me that I didn't realize hurt, because before I would just pick up a Blizzard from Dairy Queen and it was all OK. I feel sorry for people because I am so emotional right now as I adjust to dealing with things and learn how to do it right. Feeling these things can hurt. I don't like it. My fiance unwittlingly did something that my ex husband used to do that was particularly hurtful, and I just fell apart. My fiance didn't mean it to be hurtful, and he couldn't have known that my exhusband used to do it just for that reason, but I fell apart. My crutch was gone and I had to feel it. I hadn't realized all of the things I had pushed back with food, things I hadn't dealt with that I thought I had gotten past. I understand why I didn't want to deal with it, the pain of the abuse is hard to face, but I didn't do myself any favors by swallowing it so I could feel better. I am determined to really on Christ to move past this and not fall back to food this time. But it hurts. It is overwhelming. It is just plain hard. But, as my grandmother is always telling me, this too shall pass. So forward I go, fighing to keep going in the right direction so that I can reach my destination.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Ever since my days with Weight Watchers I have been told drinking my calories is a no-no. Now that I am actually seriously applying myself to my weight loss journey I am beginning to see why. Drinks with calories are so not worth it, I mean, I think they are at the time, but when it comes down to it, after tracking and looking at these things, they are really not worth it. Because I am trying to get healthier I have been working at kicking my use of aspertame and other artificial sweetners, for me they just aren't what I need right now. That really narrows down my drink choices. I had sweet tea with two different meals yesterday, wracking up over 300 calories and putting me well over my goals. Was the tea good? Yes it was! Was it worth it? No, not really. I have been sticking to mostly water, and I may just have to switch to almost entirely water, and my almond milk, because I loves me some almond milk y'all. Because to see my final calorie tally, and know that foodwise I did ok, but then to see the sweet tea push me over my calorie goals, was a sad thing.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
I haven't slept roperly since the time changed. I hate the time changes, they throw me off my sleep and it feels like it takes forever to get back to where I was. I am not a girl that does well with her beauty rest, so, look out world, Grumpy's non dwarf cousin, Cranky, is about to head to the office....
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