Thursday, November 29, 2012
Well, how am I doing right now? Not as great as I wanted to be. I am not gaining, which is my vicgtory right now, but I am also not trying, which leaves me feeling unhappy with myself.
I am super stressed right now, I was downsized from my jobs on 11/8/12, and I am having a much harder time with that than than I thought I would. I have had a lot of anxiety since my last day that I was a bit blindsided with.
My husband and I are also dealing with some severe behavioral issues with his son. My stepson is having a very hard time with his dad and I getting married, he harbors every childs wish that his parents will get back together, however, the level of esculation of his behavior is totally unexceptable. He becomes very violent towards me, and his father and I are at wits end trying t o find out what to do. I am actually afraid to do something as simple as tell a six year old to put his toys away, for fear he will fly into a rage and scraqtch and bite me. (Yes, it happens) The doctors have been no help so far, just saying we need to give him time to see if the violent behavior abates, remains the same, or gets worse. Meanwhile I feel like I have to walk around on eggshells in my own home and can't do anything but drop off and pick up my step son from school. I am feeling some depression over this issue and am having to seek help for myself as well as my stepson.
That is about it for now. God willing all will work itself out in time.
Friday, October 05, 2012
I have done more cardio this week than I did last week, by two walking sessions.
I have been taking my vitamins
Played soccer with my kiddo
Have not played Sims 3 for more than 30 minutes!
That's all I've got for now. I need to get busy working on my celebrations for next week.
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
A few weeks ago I went to my doctor to discuss irregularities on my cycle. She feels that my obesity are affecting my hormones and that exercise and proper diet, and the resulting weight loss, should help get things back to normal.
Well, I must be honest and say that I have not followed her advice to the letter, but am following it and praying, I have had some loss, and, even better, as much as I hate this time of the month, it appears to be the first normal cycle I have had in six months. I am thrilled (Never thought I would EVER say I was happy about cramps, cravings, and all that comes with them) because God willing this means my hormones are getting back in line like my OB/GYN said they would.
I am pretty excited, and grateful to God, that things are going well this month.
Monday, October 01, 2012
Well, we had a big meeting last week and discussed some details of our work lay off.
We found out that the first 50% of us will be gone as of 11/12/12, and then they will slowly cut more people until 2/12/2013 and the last of us is finally free, um, I mean, fired.
We still don't know about severance packages yet, they haven't finished ironing out the details, but we do know we will be getting a package when we are let go.
This is helping m stress level a lot, knowing more about what is going on. It is stressful enough to know your job is on the line, but when that is all you know and you are sitting around in the dark waiting for the axe to fall the stress is worlds higher.
Now, thank God, my husband has a good job and we aren't stressed out about losing my income. In fact, we are having serious discussions about me becoming a stay at home mom.
But me, I am another story. I have been working my backside off for years, and the thought of not having a job is scary to me, just because. Because the idea of not working is so strange to me. And I hate to admit it, but I find baggage from my first marriage rising up, and I find myself scared to be in a position to trust my husband to take care of me financially.
On the other hand, I would love to stay at home. it has been a dream of mine for sometime. I know, there are plenty of women who see being a stay at home mom as being unproductive, not doing her part contributing to the household financially, being lazy, not having anything to do, setting women back after all the feminists have fought for. I have had all of these things presented to me as reasons I shouldn't stay home. Heck, I have presented them to myself.
But, the thing is, I don't really feel that any of those things are true. I feel a woman at home contributes just as much in something more important than money, she gives her time to her family. I have stayed at home before, briefly while my son was an infant, and I never lacked for things to keep me busy, and now that my son and stepson are in school I can volunteer my time if I find myself with extra time in my day.
As far as setting women back, I think that is nonsense. I understand that women have fought hard to get where we are today, to be able to work, receive the wages we deserve, the benefits we deserve, and to not be mistreated in the workplace. We have worked hard to be able to be who we WANT to be, not to be pushed into a mold and expected to pop out behaving and looking the way we are expected to by male society. But the thing is, I feel that it is wrong, very wrong, to judge a woman on what she wants, or to insinuate that because what she wants isn't what you would choose, that she is somehow wrong or less intelligent. We have fought for opportunity, for the right to choose in all areas of our lives, and then we, women, snarl and nash our teeth at any fellow female who dares to choose something we wouldn't. Doesn't matter who you are, working woman or stay at home, mother or childfree, we all rip each other to shreds like sharks in a frenzy because the other person is doing something differently than we are. I am not innocent of this, but I have been feeling a lot of conviction for judging my fellow woman. So, that is that. I will come down off my soapbox now, LOL
But that is what is going on, and I am stressed to the max, so emotional eating is creeping up on me and has been hard for me to control lately. I am working on that, but it is still frustrating to catch myself falling back on old habits.
Friday, September 28, 2012
A. Are you at all artistic? Not really
B. What are your favorite burger toppings? Lettuce, pickles, mayo
C. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Cerulean
D. Diamond or pearls? Diamonds
E. What exotic pet would you like to have? Zebra
F. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Hunger Games
G. What is the worst gift you have ever received? Fuchia jeans and a white button up shirt with a HUGE shawl type collar that was embroiderd in a paisley pattern in the same awful fuchia color. (sorry grandma, I was very grateful for the thought)
H. What habit would you like to be able to break? My emotional eating
I. If you could be invisible for one day, what would you do? Go somewhere to be alone with Jesus ...
J. What do you like about your job? Nothing. Absolutely nothing
K. Did you ever learn to knit? Nope
L. Would your friends describe you as 'ladylike'? Probably not
M. What is your middle name?Michelle
N. Are you a night owl or an early bird? early bird, it is a miracle if you find me out of bed after 9pm or in bed after 6:30 am
O. Do you like okra? No, it is nastiness in every form
P. When was the last time you cleaned out your purse? ummmmm, well, it tipped over and spilled the other day and I didn't put everything back in it, does that count?
Q. What is one of your favorite quotes. "Do, or do not, there is no try" and "Direction, not intention, determines destination"
R. What do you have on the outside of your refrigerator? Magnets, any of my son's papers that he got 100% on, various classroom calendars
S. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? I have it Jesus !
T. Do you prefer a truck or car? Truck!
U. What is under your bed? Too much to list
V. Did you wear a veil when you got married? No
W. Can you whistle? Nope
X. Do you know what a Xenopus is? Not a clue
Y. Do you eat yogurt? Sometimes
Z. Do you enjoy zombie movies? NO
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