Friday, December 18, 2009
As a follow up, the baby's auntie is handling her just fine. She is behaving and may some day be allowed back in my life...
I cannot type so to know what is going on, please go to my 12/17 post on the Thanksgiving Community's DECEMBER 2009 thread.
It is pretty darn funny. And like I said, there is always something positive in the worst of situations.
1. I'll get to preboard for my Christmas travels
2. We had a party here LAST weekend
3. My hubby loves to go out to eat.
4. We have the Entertainment book, so we eat at half price
5. I am truly slowed down for the holidays. Nice.
6. I am only buying gifts for the children in the family and I got them all last week!
I'll blog again in a month or so, or when I have use of more than two fingers...
Where would I be without a sense of humor and the ability to laugh at myself!!!
Friday, November 20, 2009
OK. I have decided to farm "the baby" out....ha ha ha ha. "Giving it up for adoption" Anyone interested?
I've received comments, emails and questions about "the baby" so I think I need to clarify. I REFUSE to use the words "inner child". I WILL however use the words, immature personality traits. I really get frustrated when that part of me becomes dominant and decides to emerge without warning. I know it happens when I stop taking care of me. When I don't get enough sleep, eat crap and basically succumb to life stressors. So, adult me? Stay conscious and alert...and the baby? Would you go stay with your auntie?
I've been going through a time of deep introspection, and have had some new awareness's, yes, even at my age...learning and progress need not cease, ever! I am so aware of my lack of self discipline and how it affects so many areas of my life. I am really facing the areas of my life I absolutely need to fix. Areas that affect my relationships, and my own sense of peace.
I am starting to stress about all the people who are coming for dinner next week, and how much I have to do to get ready, so to keep that under control, I am implementing a system that has worked in the past. Setting the clock. I am breaking chores out by time....setting the timer for 1/2 hour. During one segment, I will clean the kitchen. Then putz if I want. Then a 1/2 hour segment in the bathrooms. And so on...So I should be able to have everything SPOTLESS over the weekend, and then can begin decorating and cooking for the big occasion!
Ate well yesterday. And am on track again today. Weight is up (no surprise) and I changed my ticker, and goal is to maintain through the holidays...maybe even lose a little....while I enjoy friends, family and settling into one place. NOT pushing myself in any way these next few months.
And the party? I am definitely passing...
Taking care of me.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
And the adult me, the responsible one, is back in business.
Got up this morning. Found the rose colored glasses (Fortunately they didn't break when they were shoved into my back pocket) had two glasses of water, an apple, and I am now sipping on good, organic, fair trade, BAT MAGIC coffee (my absolute favorite from Thanksgiving Coffee Company)
I am working off site (at home) so I am out of the drama, and am getting ready for a conference call....big decision. Do I commit to spend $40-50 to attend a Christmas party with people who have never been welcoming or friendly in any way? Do I want to be an outsider at the party as well as in the work environment? (Now, my own office DOES have some folks that I like a lot, but we are all like ships in the night...most of the folks in our "unit" work in offices elsewhere in the state) I have to make a firm decision today. Hmmmm....the adult is me is thinking she will not go. Telling me I need to baby sit that night....
OK. No more junk food. No more alcohol (and by that I mean a half beer in the evening....ha ha...the discovery of specialy beers, since I can no longer tolerate the sulfites in red wines, has been really fun!) Cook at home. Portion control. Stay organic as possible, and cut back on the sodium. More raw. And again. Portion control.
Get a grip, in other words.
My body was traumatized on our return flight. A horrific allergic reaction threw not only adrenaline into my system, but the resultant emotional melt down from all my attempts to keep control during the travel day. Each time I get epinephrine to prevent anaphylaxis, I've had the same response a few days later. Didn't need the epi this time, but the physiological response was still there...Get used to it, lady. Get a grip.
Thank you all for your responses. By the time I vented, and ranted, and cried, I felt SO much better...And then I put the baby to bed. Am being accountable for not parenting (or grandparenting as the case may be) as well as I should, and now I have a grip. And the baby is taking a LONG nap!
While I continue to sip on my yummy coffee!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
OK. I had such a LOUSY trip home from Chicago. Horrible allergic reaction to a gaggy perfume on the plane. Involved reseating, embarrassment and a squishy nauseating four hours...first leg of the flight. Second leg? Ever see the Seinfeld episode of Elaine on the plane? T'was I...a HUGE man (made hubby and I look like the transformed biggest losers) sat between us, and immediately fell asleep. Snoring like crazy, and twitching like all get out. Hubby and I kept giving each 0ther forelorn looks like...help, get me off this plane...but wait, we're in the air, and I am strapped in!
What a way to end a delightful trip. 10 1/2 hours...good old Southwest airlines. I am NOT complaining. Flights were free...and it got us where we wanted to go. Safely and on time. Gotta love SWA.
OK. Reality check.
* I ate too much. And loved every moment of it.
* I don't like my job. I really did jump from the frying pan into the fire last January.
* My house is a mess. Already.
* I want to run away again.
SO, is this the post vacation crash? I believe so. Well, I am HOPING so....Seems I am spending most of my energy fighting off internal struggles and depression. And I keep saying to myself "I know it'll pass". But WHEN? When I escape again? Like I did last week? I wasn't depressed when I was spending money and entertaining myself.
Where are my coping skills? They are SO poorly developed. I am really seeing the manifestation of my two year old mentality and the adaptive skills that go along with it. Tantrum anyone? Whine awhile? Will I EVER grow up? Do I even WANT to? I am thinking not. I want to play. I don't want to work. I want to have MY way, not make compromises. I want to be spoon fed, coddled and babied. And although my hubby is supportive, it is NOT (nor would I really want it to be) his job to enable me...I'm on my own. This is my journey. These are my struggles. This is me rambling. Not who I WANT to be. But if/when I get the gumption, I'll make the changes.
I am going to get a good night's sleep and hope that in the a.m. I'll find those rose colored lens' for my glasses.
Oh. I did post a few pics of the trip. Just as a reminder. It was great. And tomorrow will be, also.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Yes, we are finally getting away. We LOVE Chicago over Veteran's day. The Christmas tree at Marshall Fields (Now Macy's) is lit, the city is ablaze with holiday lights, and the weather is usually tolerable. So we had a tradition of going each year...but haven't since we bought our "retirement house" five years ago...the one we just sold. The day before the first escrow was to close I booked a trip to celebrate...and the next day it fell through. That was long before the second sale, two moves, a dead car, a lost cat, a broken arm, shingles, and the latest - the worst sinus infection I have had in over 20 years! Oh, and did I mention we are up to 21 people here for Thanksgiving???
We are exhausted, and someone said to me yesterday...Are you a glutten for punishment? In the middle of all this? GOING TO CHICAGO???
We have opera tickets, symphony tickets, make your own priceline rates at the Hyatt, and we are on our way.
We're hooking up one day with a delightful spark friend, and am ready to laugh a lot with her...the rest of the time? We may just sleep in a hotel....ha ha ha ha.....NOT! But we will have flights to sleep on, and cozy clothes to snuggle in...and a great change of scenery from CA.
I'll be off line til next week....all of you hold down the fort for me!
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