Tuesday, September 08, 2009
I feel like crap. I have gained weight back, feel like a slug. Am depressed and overwhelmed. I don't want to see anyone. I want to go to bed and sleep for a week.
Well, that ain't gonna happen..(.tho I did take a two hour nap today. And felt like I was in a coma.) So what can I do instead.
1. Restock the pantry and fridge....done. LOTS of fresh veggies, fruits and organic goodies.
2. Meal plan at least a day or two ahead of time...done. Have smoothies made for breakfast (watermelon, banana, fresh orange juice and chard) and herb bagels. Lunch will be salad and half sandwich. Dinner ahi tuna, salad, and broccoli planned for dinner tomorrow. I should easily be in my calorie range.
3. Get enough sleep. I am off to bed shortly. I'll be working at home tomorrow so get to sleep in til 7:30
4. Get the exercise in. Took a 4 mile walk yesterday. Felt great...Will start taking after dinner walks with hubby. He needs it too. And by Weds, the weather should have pool warmed up enough again.
5. Get an appointment with my doctor. I have not seen him in a LONG time...at least for labs, etc. I need to make sure things are working internally
6. Pray/meditate more. Although it is an ongoing process, continual throughout each day, I don't make time each day to really set things aside and do it.
7. Oh, yes. TRACK EVERYTHING THAT GOES INTO MY MOUTH....in other words, stop lying to myself, and pretending I don't know better. I see you, self. Quit trying to hide from me....
8. Make my own lunch (and hubby's too) Not only do I then know exactly what goes into my mouth, I save $$$
9 Weigh myself weekly.
That outa do it.
I still want to sleep.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Or if they did, no one commented. Can you see that the background on this page is PUMPKIN? Check out the stringy insides, and the seeds, and does the orange color give you a clue? I guess as we are heading into fall, the autumn colors are coming to mind.
However, I DON'T want summer to end. This is the first time since I left the California coast twenty five years ago, that I have LOVED having hot hot days. To come home from work, solid sweat, and to jump in a pool that has been warmed all day by the sun. Wonderful! I want to enjoy it a little longer.
I have worked myself to a point of exhaustion. I thought I was getting sick a couple of days ago, but a toddy and some Vicks chased it away. However, I am still exhausted, and chill easily. So the pool, even tho the outside temps were close to 100, felt too cold. Did a couple of laps and called it quits. Instead, I saw in a swing and chatted with my hubby while he paddled around. Nice.
Cat is still gone. I am beginning to not miss him. In fact, I am looking at all the positives of his absence. I don't have to deal with his kneading me constantly. His back talk. His bringing catches into the house to eat them, and then barfing on the carpet. His constant picking on the other cat. Just to show his whimpy prowress. So what if he had personality and spunk and could look right into your soul. So what if he came when he was called, curled up next to me any time I sat down, and when I was sick he laid at my feet guarding, protecting and healing me. So what if we'd spent a fortune on him when he was a kitten, and the vet dubbed him the most neurotic cat he'd ever seen. So what if I nursed him as a baby. So what....he was getting older, and this way I have only GOOD memories of him when he was young and healthy.
We'll get a sassy kitten in the spring.
OK. Eating. Can I get enough? Oh, I have been stuffing myself. Reverting back to childhood comfort and poor coping skills. However, today, driving home from work, I did some menu planning. HOW can I cut back to 1500 calories a day. I can eat like I did when I lost 80 pounds. LOTS of fresh fruits, veggies, and tracking everything that goes into my mouth. I am going to do something I have never done...plan all meals at least two days in advance. Use the Jenny Craig method only with fresh, local, organic ingredients. Count the calories as I make the soups and casseroles. TRACK EVERYTHING. Now will I do it this weekend? Nope. But I will soon. Probably by Tuesday.
Next goal? Set a date.
Life is good. I am blessed. Love our house. Love my hubby. Love the rest of my family. Love my friends...and the list goes on.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
So not only is my hubby off on his annual camping trip with the guys (they call it camping, because about 18 years ago they actually did...but as the years have gone by, they have progressed through the tents, the trailers, the RV's, the yurts, and now they "camp" in a cabin with a flat screen tv!) but our cat is missing.
He bolted sometime on Monday night, and hasn't been seen since. I have been fighting tears off and on today. He was the alpha male in the house, and the other whoosie cat, who never gave me the time of day, is lost without him. AND lost without my hubby. So while hubby is doing his male bonding, his cat and I are doing bonding of our own.
It's a little lonely in a new home, especially one that is over twice the size of the apartment we've lived in these past few years. And it is almost too quiet. A part of me is enjoying it, but the other part of me wishes the boys (both of them) were here...to make the house feel full. Although for someone who only lived alone for 9 months in her entire life, I am not feeling scared or nervous. Isn't that something...at my age!
This move has been SO good for me.
I am really facing up to how much excess I live with. Both in my physical being, and in my possessions. Both the abundance of weight on my body and the encumbrance of belongings are restrictive. Time to let go...and why is that so hard? Something to not just think about but to do something about...
Thursday, August 13, 2009
OK. Who the heck does THIS ONE ???? !!!!
We had a low ball offer over the weekend on our house. We countered. They withdrew. We told our realtor we'd accept their price. But, they'd made a decision to build a new home instead. Sigh.
So yesterday, in a moment of desparation, without even discussing it with my hubby, I told our realtor to ask if they would take the house lower than what they originally offered. She did. They were not interested. My hubby, in the sweetest way, reminded me to just let go. It was over. He didn't get mad, or try to embarass me for my nutty behavior. He just reminded me. I thanked him for reeling me in.
So today, I took a nap. Ah....so needed. And the phone woke me up. It was our agent, reporting that the interested party said the deal was too good to pass up, so they want our house after all. They changed their minds, and signed the contract.
Who, now WHO, in their right mind counters an offer on a house, with a price LOWER than what was submitted? WHO? Us...we did. We are laughing our heads off. What the heck did we do? We just sold our house.
We are losing money. We acted out of desperataion. We are ridiculous. But, we sold the house.
It really does feel like we scored for the wrong team! But we made a touchdown, and no one can take that from us! And I shall sleep well tonight. We'll move into our new home this weekend. We'll take a trip up in a couple of weeks to pull the appliances (could not make a decision on them anyway) out of the old one, and in another month or two, we will be the proud owner of ONE house, ONE low house payment, and REALLY be free from some huge stressors.
Life has a way....
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