Thursday, May 21, 2009
So I went out to lunch today with a couple of friends from my old job. They are begging me to come back. There is a position open, and it would involve state wide travel (which I love) with my good old buddies...AND rumor has it the wicked witch got a layoff notice. So, temptation lurks her head around the corner once again.
I just love this life of mine.
Sitting back, living in a place of acceptance, I am able to thoroughly enjoy watching this saga play itself out. I can't wait to see what happens!
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
So I got the call this morning.
Our state is in such a crunch that there are LOTS of folks that got lay off notices this week. AND as a result, the position that has been floating out there for me is once again on hold. So I am where I am for now. What a surprise.
It was quite a weekend with my folks. Great family gathering, but I am so glad to be home....
Thursday, May 14, 2009
The governor is taking drastic steps to prevent our state from bankruptcy. I am afraid my tentative new position will once again fall through...then I will definitely need a serious attitude adjustment. Or maybe just a week's sleep...
So this morning as I was reading the "thought for the day" I began to ponder on my frustration and wonder why I seem to react to situations and feel like rather than changing, I have the need to change the environment around me. Am I always setting up unrealistic expections, desires? Do I have a stronger need to be loved?
Lord, grant that I may not so much seek to be loved as to love.
– Saint Francis of Assisi
Millions of people today suffer from loneliness. Here Saint Francis is saying, “I know the cause of the malady and I know the secret of its complete cure.” No matter what the relationship may be, when you look on another person as someone who can give you love, you are really faking love. That is the simplest word for it. If you are interested in making love, in making it grow without end, try looking on that person as someone you can give your love to – someone to whom you can go on giving always.
Learning to love is like swimming against the current of a powerful river; most of our past conditioning is pushing us in the other direction. So it is a question of developing your muscles: the more you use them, the stronger they get. When you put the other person’s welfare foremost every day, no matter how strong the opposing tide inside, you discover after a while that you can love a little more today than you did yesterday. Tomorrow you will be able to love a little more.
It helped me get through a grueling day, sitting in a room with what I percieve to be group of prima dona Bi---es. OK. I need to remember to love THEM, not expect or desire them to love ME. I can do it. At least for now.
I am not waivering in my eating plan. I was down another pound this morning. AND I am so relieved I made a decision
AND, we are going to see Yo Yo Ma in a couple of hours....ah....
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Today was it. I went to an offsite meeting...45 minute commute. AND it appears that will be the new training site. I am the only one of 12 who doesn't get reimbursed for travel, since I live in the city where the trainings are held. The rest of the group goes out to dinner each night, gets free meals at the hotel, has a place to retreat during the day, and gets airline and hotel points...I am constantly reminded of the scriptures that refer to the man that hired on for one salary, and those that came on later were hired at the same salary, but only worked partial days....however, I feel that the position I was hired to was misrepresented. Although there are parts of it I love, I am truly disappointed in what I thought was going to be my dream job. Truly disappointed.
When I am in the office, there is no one around...except for a few people who refuse to leave their cubies. No one wants to walk, go to the exercise classes or even farmers' market a few blocks away. So I live on an island when I am in the office, and am isolated when I am away from the office. But the final clincher....
It was a birthday celebration today. One of the gals thought it would be nice to order a fruit arrangement in lieu of a cake...we all agreed, but when the bill came to $171, divided up 10 ways....whew! And that was on top of paying for the restaurant tonight. To celebrate a birthday of someone I barely know would have cost me about $60. No way. I don't spend that much money to celebrate good friends! And not by being surprised by a note being passed to me to tell me how much I owe. I bowed out of dinner tonight...gladly. AND when I got home I made the call.
The position that fell through last fall is open again, and I finally got ahold of the supervisor who contacted me about it. I will be transferring soon...Better now, than later. When more money and time has been spent on me.
I've really had to come to grips with the fact that I am no longer "superwoman" The medical problems that I've experienced these past few years (multiple surgeries, injuries) have taken a toll. Although I still have lots of energy, and am able to hold my own under most circumstances, I no longer can work 50+ hours in a week without feeling it. I don't bounce back as fast. AND it is hard to stay attentive and "on" all the time like I am required to. I feel old.
If all goes well, I'll retire in two years. I don't need to push myself to the point of burn out after only 3 months on this job...I cannot keep up this pace for another 2 years. So....change again is in the wind. AND this will be it. Come H--- or high water.
It will be nice to work with a group of folks who walk every day, shop at farmers market on their lunch hour, have pot lucks, and whose supervisor takes them out periodically for team building...I recognize I am a social being, and since I spend 9 hours a day on the job, I need to have some of my social needs met. So on I go...
Still eating well. Back at 249. And on a roll.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I think this goes down as one of the busiest weeks in my life. Filling in on a moments notice to facilitate a week long training...and to teach a module I knew nothing about. Scary. Lots of overtime, lots of stress, lots of laughter, and lots of reconsidering this new job...
The weekend started out with a lovely performance of the opera La Boheme on Friday night. Oh, how it soothed my soul....and then Saturday morning, the Susan G Komen walk. It was a lovely experience again this year. The gal holding the sign was cancer free for a year, but her check up in March showed it was back...so in the midst of chemo, fighting fatigue and nausea, leaving the house for the first time in two weeks, our hero did the walk again this year. We did a mile, in lieu of the 5K and there were six of us walking across that finish line, arm in arm with her. Awesome. Next year? With a full head of hair, she, and the rest of us will do a 5K! (And by the way...SMASHY1 is on the opposite end from me)
Yesterday morning, we had a lovely brunch with friends, and last night dinner at my son's. Today...ah, today....planted and pruned and basked in the beauty of the new flowers in our little yard.
I got on the scale this morning, and despite eating out a few times last week, and despite two meals prepared by others yesterday, I was only up .2 pounds. I walked about 5 miles on Saturday (not all at once) did the eliptical for 30 minutes yesterday, and worked outside for about 3 hours today...am holding at 1400 cals and back on track after a very stressful week of partial relapse (not all days were bad....)
Off to bed...clean sheets await!
Get An Email Alert Each Time ATRANSFORMATION Posts