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Sunday, September 21, 2008

Life is short.

I read another blog today, about someone who lost two relatives this week. I saw a 75 year old woman fall yesterday, and injure her knee, and end up with a probably concussion. I was reminded...

I really need to take care of this amazing shell that houses my spirit. I am not my body, but I dwell in it. It is like my home, that is in desperate need of repair. It will never be new again, the walls bulge and are not even anymore, and the foundation is a little shakey, but it can still sparkle and be very functional.

I am working on it. Just like I am getting my carpet cleaned here tomorrow, I am cleaning out the toxins in my body. It feels good. Weight loss? Hmmmmph! THAT seems like a joke. Back up two pounds today. It is like cleaning all the shelves, and the interior cabinets in your home. Lots of work, nothing shows. I know eventually the scale will show my efforts. And for now, I have to live with the fact that I am (with rare exception) doing what is right for my body, and cleaning it from the inside out.

After a very busy day yesterday, I watched TV last night. SVU, ER, and Without a Trace. I was so depressed when I went to bed. I am also listening to an audiobook that has transitioned from a young girls' soccer game to violent, brutal, flashbacks of Viet Nam, torture and death....I can no longer do it. I can no longer put these images, or words into my brain.

I've always thought I balanced things like that with prayer, meditation, reading spiritual and uplifting words... And perhaps I have. But now, it feels like I need to become more "off balance" and put this violence and turmoil behind me altogether.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLAYINGDRAGONS 9/26/2008 11:01PM

    I've given up watching the political debates and only watch the news for the weather report; that's it! I can't watch those violent TV shows or movies, it just leaves me feeling worried, depressed (and I already have that tendency without all the added stuff in the world!). An occasional game show and old movie or a comedy that gets me laughing. I actually have too much to deal with without adding more. Yes, life is short and I want mine to count for positive, healthful, and stressless, if at all possible! We do what we can, right?!

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KIMJ01 9/24/2008 9:21PM

    Oh yes, indeed! I have to be careful how much of this stuff I read or watch, because I don't want to become what I am watching. So I am trying to watch more inspirational things.

It is not that I don't know that bad things are out there, but I don't need to be reminded of them all the time. I need to be reminded to pray for those bad things, and to concentrate on doing good in my life & for my body.

As do you. Thanks so much for your comments on my sparkpage. I appreciate you & I hope you know that!

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JOEGIRL6113 9/23/2008 10:41PM

    I think you are absolutely right, AT, you are doing a good job of working on your body from the inside out. I believe for the most part, you eat healthy and you do get good exercise. Keep up the good work. The weight loss will come in time.

Good luck on the job search and interviews.


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LIVELOVELAUGH- 9/22/2008 1:04PM

    Small steps will get you there. Step by by are moving closer and closer to a healthier you!


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TRECECOOKS 9/21/2008 6:12PM

    That's the entire point - GIGO (Garbage In Garbage Out). I cannot stand to have some of that nasty stuff come into my brain - it leaves scars.
"Set your mind on things above. . ."

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CASSIOEPIA 9/21/2008 5:23PM

    I no longer watch the daily news, because of what you described. I find that there are enough people out there talking about what they saw on the news, that I'm not missing out on anything, and I'd rather go to bed with other thoughts on my mind.

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SSUESM 9/21/2008 3:44PM

    You said it: you are doing what is right for your body and cleaning it from the inside out! Everything else - the weight loss - will follow as a result of all that care you're giving yourself now.

Sue from Simplify Your Life emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/21/2008 3:42:40 PM

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DEEANN8 9/21/2008 2:39PM

    I was thinking that just the other day. Who knows how long I will have a husband to help me. We're not getting any younger. I GOT to take care of myself.

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I KNEW it!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

The scales lie!

I was genuinely hungry all day. REALLY hungry. I had a huge salad (with lots of veggies) and whole wheat crackers for breakfast. Had salad and veggie quiche for lunch. An apple. More crackers. And for dinner we went to an Indian buffet. I knew I was well over my calorie range, but it felt SO good. Laughing with friends, eating such a wonderful variety...I woke up feeling really full. I knew I ate WAY too much, but said, ok. I am back eating really light today and tomorrow, because Monday night will be another "occasion" I remembered how WW allowed me to "save points" or "save calories" and I figured that is what I did all week, and will do over the weekend.

So feeling bloated....I got on the scale. You got it. DOWN TWO POUNDS! Never fails. One of the weird things I have learned about my body is that when I am stuck. Really stuck. Doing everything right, and having my body NOT give up a pound, I overindulge for a day or two. Something about shocking the metabolism or something. I rediscovered that last night.

I still feel bloated. But before the day is over, I will be back to normal.

I am having a "phone interview" on Monday. A formality. My old job is waiting for me. More money. Telecommute. Doing what I know. Being with old friends, and lots of other familiar faces. 10 minute commute. But not downtown.

The supervisor of one of the jobs I am interviewing for on Tuesday approached me again on Friday. That one will be mine, if I am interested. Same money. No telecommuniting. Long commute. New (but short) learning curve. Same faces. Nice supervisor. 30 minute commute on light rail and 15 minute walk. 10-15 if I drive and then a solid 15 minute walk (rain or shine). LONGER days. But it is downtown.

Same dilemna I went through a year ago. I have not regretted leaving....I had to....for so many reasons. I feel like I have been on vacation, so to speak. And now that the weather is nicer, I really love walking so much. But when I used to come in looking like a drowned rat....and when my knee hurts....and when I have things to carry....the part about HAVING to walk. Hmmm....sometimes it wears thin.

So. I am waiting. I will see how things go Monday and Tuesday. I already want to cancel the second interview on Tuesday. Not really interested in starting with new people, an unknown job, etc. Not at this point in my career. Too close to retirement.

I loved the expression on my new supervisors face when she (who has been avoiding me after she dumped a hideous project on me...writing a position statement for an appeal/potential lawsuit, when I have not only never done one, been trained to do on, or even have seen one, due in 24 hours....there was an extension granted...but she failed to tell me. So...she said she will be able to work with me all day Tuesday on it. Right. I told her, gosh, I would love to, but I have an interview in the morning and an interview in the afternoon....What? What? Yup. Out of there.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVELOVELAUGH- 9/22/2008 12:45PM

    Sounds like you have some GREAT options in front of you! A new beginning of sorts! Things are looking up! As far as the job choice, go with your instinct. Only you can know which one would be a better choice long term. Trust your instinct.

The whole calorie thing situation...calorie cycling is what they call it. Tricking your metabolism is often all your body needs to know it can finally let go... YAY! Keep up the good work!


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SAVOY1 9/20/2008 7:43PM

    Way to go AT!!! Woohoo. Keep up the committed effort and the results will keep coming even if it's at their own darn pace. I too have been in the toxic job situation and so I know the hell you speak of, I am so GLAD for you that you're taking the steps and have new options to choose from....go girl!

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COSMIC_ENERGY 9/20/2008 6:42PM

    I'd love to have seen her expression too! You should make sure to do an exit interview with HR and tell them why you are leaving.

the overeating and losing syndrome--yes, I know it!

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HOW can this be???

Friday, September 19, 2008

OK. I have been good. Staying within my calorie range, with the exception of just a few days....and those have only been about 300 calories over. Eating whole foods, LOTS of raw fruits and veggies. Getting my water in. AND walking a minimum of 2 miles a day....and for three weeks, I have weighed, mostly just out of curiousity, on a daily basis.

The first week, I was up 10 pounds. Liar. Liar. Pants on Fire.

The second week I lost the 10 pounds.

Today, I weigh exactly the same as I did 3 weeks ago.

Go figure.

My pants are baggy today tho. Good sign. Pants don't lie.

I have a busy, busy weekend ahead, and it WILL involve several meals out, a gourmet dinner/birthday party, etc. SO it is going to be tough. Even if I am over....and I probably will be....I am not losing focus, or giving up this time.

I remain totally committed, and inspired to get this weight off. First goal is to break the 200 mark. Not sure I will be able to do it by New Years, but I will for sure in 2009....and then some!

I hate my job. I laugh every day, knowing I am so out of here in my mind. I have two interviews on Tuesday, and am stopping by my old job on Monday to see if/when I can go back. This new supervisor is such a trip. I feel like I am back in second grade, having to sit in the front row of the class, listening to Mother Superior tell us how hard she works for all of us, and that we'd better appreciate her, and that while we are appreciating her, we are only allowed to use the bathroom during recess, or she will hit our hands with the ruler....No one here laughs, talks or enjoys coming in anymore. 5 of the six people in the unit are planning on leaving as soon as they find something else. And believe me, each of us is aggressively looking! It is sad, but gosh, humor is a marvelous tool in times like these....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOEGIRL6113 9/19/2008 10:19PM

    You are so right, the baggy pants do not lie! Good for you! That exercise has to be helping a lot. I'm sorry you are not liking your job and wish you luck in finding a new one. That place does not sound like a very good place to work. I too like to laugh and work should allow that to make it a much more pleasant atmosphere. Good luck to you. Rosy

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DEEANN8 9/19/2008 8:48PM

    Yayy! on the baggy pants. Congrats.

Good luck with your job search. It's a shame when one bad apple spoils the whole bunch.


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    You WILL make it with that kind of determination! emoticonI KNOW you will!!

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MISS_VIV 9/19/2008 10:16AM

    You are doing a great job. Hang in there, Will see you soon.
and don't ever stop writing your blogs. They give us hope. emoticon

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Monday, September 15, 2008

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DEEANN8 9/16/2008 3:08PM


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SLAYINGDRAGONS 9/15/2008 11:42PM

    What a beautiful bride! And such a distinguished young man!! How our parents change over-the-years!!! It's so hard to watch their bodies age. Can't we just pick our favorite ages and stay there! I'm wishing on stars, AT! emoticon

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Did they do it?

Monday, September 15, 2008

Did they agree on a budget? After over two months of partisan disagreement, there is a possibility that our shameful legislators finally came to some kind of compromise and have a budget proposal on the books. Now, it is up to Arnie....

No accountability. None. They continue to get their homes, their travel and their meals paid for. Although their salaries are on hold, there is still the per diem rate that equals more than *I* get paid...AND they will all get paid full salary once the budget is passed (retroactively) Pathetic. If I was to not meet a deadline, I woul lose my job. These guys need to be ousted. Everyone of them.

Now, what does this mean for me? It means I will
1. Get will officially earn my full salary, not federal minimum wage (although we did get full checks this past month)
2. Jobs will open up again...meaning, I will be in a position to transfer out of where I am working now, and husband's job may actually come to fruition.
3. Retirement is nearing....

Picture is of my mom and her sister who had the opportunity to visit after not seeing her since Alzheimer's really began to manifest. My mom is wearing the white $2.00 shirt I got on sale. She LOVES it, and the mardi gras beads I got for her last time we were visiting.

The other picture is my mom and dad on their wedding day.

I'm still eating least with the exception of lunch yesterday. (But i did take a hike afterwards to work off some of it)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COSMIC_ENERGY 9/15/2008 7:40PM


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MISS_VIV 9/15/2008 6:24PM

    What a beautiful wedding picture. Very nice looking parents you have there young lady. Also, I just LOVE sisters pictures. Some of my favorite pictures I have of are my sister and I. There are so many fond memories attached to sister pictures. If not for your mom right now, but for her sister. Talk with you soon.

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