Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Nursing Director became aware of Edna's heroic act,
she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged,
since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis
by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love...
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his
bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry..
How soon can I go home??'
Happy Mental Health Day!
Thursday, May 03, 2012
Volume I - - well worth the wait.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Wife, by text, to husband at work...
"Windows at home frozen - what should I do?"
Husband - "spray some de-icer or pour hot water on them"
Wife a few minutes later - "Done that - now computer won't work at all!"
Monday, April 23, 2012
My personal favorite defense gun has always been a Beretta Jetfire in 22 short. I’ve carried it for many years including while hiking. I never leave without it in my pocket. Of course the first rule when hiking in the wilderness is to use the “BuddySystem.” This it means you NEVER hike alone, you bring a friend, companion, or even a family member because if something happens, there’s someone to go get help.
I remember one time while hiking with my wife in northern Alberta, out of nowhere came this huge brown bear charging us and was she mad! We must have been near one of her cubs. Anyway, if I had not had my little Jetfire, I wouldn’t be here today. Just one quick shot to my wife's knee cap and I was able to escape by just walking at a brisk pace. It’s one of the best pistols in my collection.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing is worse than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Traffic Jams" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
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