Friday, September 09, 2011
I'm heading for my work trial tomorrow, I'm so excited and nervous all at once . I really feel like this is my 'big break' as cliche as that sounds. It feels like everything is falling into to place and I'm finding my place in the world. I'm following my dream, after countless years of wishing and hoping as a young girl and 4 years of uni; I'm actually going for it. I feel ready, and if nothing else this will be an experience, something to learn and grow from.
I'm weighing again tomorrow, I can still see my tummy getting a little slimmer so hopefully I'll see a slightly smaller number on the scale. If not, hey ho, I've been working really hard this week and doing pretty well (although I did have an encounter with a banofee pie - a battle which I lost), on the exercise front I've been going very strong. Regardless of the scale, I'm going to keep going as I am, and this week at the stud farm will give my body quite a shock and I'll definately come away a couple of lbs lighter! And if I'm successful, I'm on the road to success, with a job that involves 9-10 hours physical labour a day, 6 days a week , I'm guaranteed to shift some weight .
My focus of the moment is...
I've actually reached that point were I'm not doing this for anyone but me. I used to want to be slimmer so my boyfriend would be happy, or so my mother wouldn't look me over with that critical look in her eyes, or so my friends wouldn't always assume I'd be the one getting a dessert. Now all I want is for ME to be happy, healthy, and confident. I'll always care what others think, I'm human after all, but from now on I'm focusing on myself and what I think. That's the only way I'll ever truly be happy. And if I'm going to change my life, it's got to be for me.
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Today I really upped my game and exercised for a total of an hour and a half (divided into 2 sessions), the longest I've worked out in one day in quite some time. I really wanna get into jogging again, since I've been home I haven't gone jogging once but have been using the home gym and walking the dogs instead. Wanna add some variety and feel the fresh morning air on my face again while I'm jogging along, feeling almost invincible for some reason still unknown to me. It's just the beauty of jogging/running I guess. It's probably different for everyone.
I've also ate well today AND tracked my food for once, and I'm drinking lotsss of water and some green tea although I'd really like to start trying to get some more green tea into my day for those all-important antioxidants.
I bought a dress for graduation this week and I gotta say, the shopping trip was actually painful. So many beautiful dresses and tops, yet everything I tried looked horrendous on my chunky body. Absolute nightmare. Cannot wait for the day I can go into a store and pick up a few items, try them on, and be pleased with the result! I hate having to try and accommodate my body's flaws. I know I'll never be perfect and I'll always have a certain style or cut that suits me more than others, but having some choice and variety would be amazing. That's what's keeping me going today, the thought of being able to spice up my wardrobe and stop hiding my body underneath over-sized, shapeless garments; but instead embrace different styles, from the pretty, floaty pieces to the smooth, figure-hugging items. I'm sick of having to pass by items that I'd love to wear for something I'm really not liking but is the only thing in the shop that semi-works on my body.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Today has been a good day. I got an offer to go for a week's working trial at a massive yard which could do wonders for me if I impressed them and managed to get the job but it involves moving all other again, most likely next week, by myself this time. I'm terrified. I honestly don't know whether to go or not! I know I'm just nervous and if I push through it, it could turn out to be amazing. If not, at least I'll know I tried.
I also went shopping for my graduation dress and bought some gorgeous make-up with some of the money I received from family for finishing college which does wonders for my complexion and makes me look a lot fresher and healthier as my skin is quite pale and dull. I've always been a girly-girl and feel so much more confident with a good foundation on, and the girl at the cosmetic place actually gave me a little mini makeover with half of their products which was pretty cool.
Second-to-best news of the day (after the job possibility of course) is that I'm down 1.5 lbs and have lost 3.65 cm around my waist. Unfortunately my boobs haven't budged at all and are still the same size and I REALLY want them to get smaller, but hopefully that will come. My upper arms have grown :o (eek!) and my forearms are also identical in size as before. My hips are 9.53 cm smaller and thighs are the same as before. So progress is being made anyway, a little at a time. I'm pretty confident I can keep the ball rolling and lose another 1-2 lbs by this time next week.
It is more than losing a few cm's here and there, I think it is finally taking control of my life and trying new things to discover more about myself, as well as finally taking care of and respecting my body; but I am starting to feel like I'm blossoming into a young woman. All these little tweaks I've made along the way are finally starting to help me feel comfortable with who I am and where I want to go, and I'm actually surprised to find that even before I've lost this weight I need to lose, I'm already feeling happier and more alive. I can only imagine how amazing I'll feel when I finally achieve this long-time goal of mine!
I've taken my before photo today, all I need is the beautiful after :)
Friday, September 02, 2011
I'm actually very pleased with my food choices today, the healthiest day I've had in ages but I'm still really struggling with my pickyness. I've almost got the hang of everything now except I need to track my food more diligently, at best I only ever do half a days food. I'm just so lazy, I honestly can't be bothered, simple as. But now I'm really starting to get into the swing of exercising every day, recording it, reading articles, doing quizzes, etc. and learning loads I just need to get the hang of this one thing and I'm bound to see results. I feel like I'm really getting somewhere.
I recently found this blog (through the blog of another sparker) which posts cute little icons with reasons to lose weight, and I've decided to finish each blog with an icon which I relate to ad which motivates me.
This is particularly relevant to me right now because my life is taking a whole new direction and a fresh start, but I especially feel I've made a new beginning with how I treat my body and the kind of lifestyle I'm leading.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
I woke this morning feeling very groggy, tired, and unimpressed. I'm very thankful to say this turned around!
I did some work on the stationary bike we have here today, then this evening decided to take our two dogs for a walk to make up for my absence the past few years! They were busting to get out to say the least and I nearly ended up jogging most of the time, but managed to get to a power walk pace for the duration. I signed up to mapmywalk.com and I walked 2.37 miles/3.81 km which I guess is pretty good for what was meant to be an evening stroll. We live right by a beach and it's great fun taking the dogs to play there, and something about the ocean always make me feel calm and peaceful, yet refreshed.
I've decided to make these two lovelies my little 'pet project' (get it? =D) as they really do deserve a regular trip to the beach and my mum is far too busy running a business to fit them in, which I appreciate. They need to be fit just as much as I do, for their own health and comfort, particularly as one is heading into his eighties (in doggie years). Their manners are atrocious, it was a little embarrassing on the beach, but it isn't their fault, they haven't been given the handling they need to remember their manners and behave properly so I'm going to need to take some time and train them afresh I think. It's a shame 'cause we did such a good job with them at the start but we haven't kept it up at all.
Being home is wonderful, but I'm finding it hard depending on my mum again after living away from home for the past 4 years and finding independence. It feels like a massive step back and has really hit my confidence but today I started to appreciate how much I need this right now. Now that I have a roof over my head that isn't draining rent from my account every month and a job that pays enough for me to start saving again, I can finally pay off my debt and get myself back on track. It may not be the job I dreamed of, but it is a stepping stone to where I want to be. My debt is minimal so will be quick to pay off now I don't have the pressures of rent, utilities, etc. but as soon as I'm out from under it I'm paying my mother for having me here and buying my own groceries since it really is not her job anymore. Then it's save, save, save so I can afford to move out, follow my dream, AND support myself without ever getting into this problem again. I honestly never thought I'd be back here, I thought I'd flown the nest and that made everyone very proud which I loved, but having my family to fall back on is really saving me right now. It is helping me see a future past my current circumstances and the hope of what I could be now I have college behind me and so many potential doors if I put myself out there and find where I belong in this world. I owe my family, and my partner, everything. I'm finding inner strength every day, and I'm starting to get to know God again. I have always been religious, but I always let life get in the way and go through many phases of being distant from God and feeling very uncertain (which I only ever realize on later reflection) and then phases of drawing really close to Him again and finding that self-confidence and faith in my path in life. Right now I'm moving towards the later which is always a time of great happiness and peace for me, and I hope this time I can make my religion a part of my new PERMANENT lifestyle.
I'm going to leave this blog with a beautiful picture, to which some beautiful words are tied...
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