Wednesday, February 29, 2012
A&I Blog February into March
My Feb stunk. I went to doc and found my numbers were all bad (partly because I got a shot that increased my glucose) and my pain level has been horrid and I was pmsing when I went to doc so that didn't do me any good and I realized today that normally I have SAD this time of year which explains why I keep bopping into depression but not staying and feel like I'm hoovering on the edge all the time (which in a way is worse that just getting into it because at least then you can work on getting through it). So, anyways, my inner kiddie threw a month long tantrum and while I kept trying to get back on track she derailed me after a few days every time. Oh, we also had the audit at my job this month which is pretty much ALL on me, which didn't help the stress any as I was working weekends most of Jan and Feb. (I have a M-F 9-5 job)
Now that I know what the challenges are, am having a plan to actually DO IT and "meet" my inner kiddie this weekend and see if we can establish some doable ground rules I hope to be able to GET back on track and STAY back on track.
The toughest day for me is probably going to be the day I get the results (or if I get them that day then) from my neurosurgeon appointment on 3/15 whom I'm seeing for my neck/cervical spine issue which is causing anywhere from constant "hi there!" pain to sharp shooting "KILL ME!!" pain depending on how I turn my neck, cough, sneeze, etc. I'm NOT a vicodin fan and I actually broke down and got some and went through like 10 of them so far in the past 2-3 months which for me is a LOT! especially since I'm taking 1/2 at a time.
Inner kiddie tantrums related to pain, hormones, stress, etc. // "meet" my inner kiddie and work on establishing ground rules and loving on her to reduce anxiety and tantrums. Include acceptable snack "cheats" to allow her to not feel deprived (sugar free and low-carb stuff) (I know this isn't ideal, but if it can allow me to stick to a BETTER diet then it's better than constantly going off and having a bad diet)
Hormones-PMS // keep track and a week before (I was a week early this month) lay in a "PMS SNACK" bag of ON plan goodies (pork rinds, sugar free chocolate)
Stress // work on getting in 5-15 min meditation daily (do my meditation CD's or youtube
Pain // TAKE a pain killer!! I don't like taking them (emotionally/psychologically especially as I work in an environment that deals with a lot of abusers and chronic pain pts who have become addicted) but I know I NEED to rely on them short term
SAD-depression // try to get 10 minutes of sun a day and walk daily.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Overcoming Obstacles ~ Getting Back On Track
My biggest obstacles are chronic pain and depression. It's very difficult to diet with chronic pain OR depression because both of these conditions present with a decreased level of serotonin in the brain and of course the best source of serotonin (or I should say more readily available source for the body to use) is in simple carbohydrates. Since I'm insulin resistant and hyperinsulinic this is a tripple whammy. I crave the carbs because of the serotonin, my body wants them because of the glucose and my metabolic functions want them because the insulin removes other sources of energy from the blood steam and my cells are starving. I also have hormonal problems which go along with this that makes me crave carbs as well.
The ONLY way I can break this cycle is by sheer will-power. Which is bunk because what is will-power?? It's a nebulous non-existant creature that if you succeed you are said to have lots of and if you don't you are called weak and a failure. However, I know if I can hang on long enough, and not give in to the depression, the chronic pain (self medicating with food) and the PMS the cravings will deminish. This is difficult, however, because every bit of my body is telling me to ignore my desire to be healthy and pay attention to their IMMEDIATE desire for carbs.
So, what do I do? I pick myself up, dust myself off and start over. And over and over and over and over. Am I succeeding? No. But I'm not failing either. I use to weigh 315lbs. I don't anymore and never will. I just keep doing what I can when I can and starting over every time I have to because I don't have any other option but to give up, and if I do that then I will be a failure. And I refuse to be a failure.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Okay, FAT TUESDAY is over and since it is NOT Fat T-M (Tues thru Mon) I am now "giving up for Lent". My hope is that after 47 days I will have built a "habit" of not having these things so I will continue to have these healthy "given ups" for life.
Fast food (that's burgers, Mcanythings, etc. - I can still get a salad or healthy "meal" at a fast food place but not fast food "food" - if that makes sense! Like today I had a salad from Little Ceasers for lunch... fast food joint but not "fast food".)
Ice Cream (of any kind. sugar free, low carb, yadda - I have zero! portion control with this)
Carbs (not all carbs, but simple, sugar laden junk)
Limit “eating out” (ie: Little Ceasers once a week or less ok, every day not so much!)
sugar/sweeteners (I don't know how successful I'll be but I'm trying to cut out all added sugar and sweetener. The sweetener more because I think some of my pain and issues may stem from them. Also, if I don't do sugar or sweetener I can't do ice cream so it kind of helps build on and reinforce that.)
coffee (I can NOT drink coffee without sugar or sweetener. I originally was going to say caffeine but this allows me the luxury of drinking non-sweet tea still!)
Friday, February 17, 2012
“THINGS SPARK HAS TAUGHT ME” - What are five important things you have learned about health, nutrition, fitness, or yourself since joining Spark?
I haven't learned a lot about health, nutrition or fitness from Spark people I knew a LOT about it before I joined and also I use a lot of resources for information. I have learned quite a lot about MYSELF.
1, I HAVE STRESS. I knew I had a somewhat stressful life and a very small stress threshhold - partly due to illnesses that causes stress both physically and mentally. I did NOT realize how much daily living stressed me out and how much it affects my eating habits. I totally started mindlessly eating last week because 1) I was pmsing and didn't realize it cause I was early and 2) my baby neice is teething and kept screaming at me. I can't tolerate loud noises and between my bi-polar issues (where I'm ultra sensative to noise) and my fibromyalgia (that causes the same supersensativity) and my herniated discs/nerve issues are definitely lowering my stamina for stress.
2, I EAT EMOTIONALLY. I did not know that I did, but having actually kept track (due to doing the Spark Mind Over Body Challenge. I knew I ate during PMS but I wasn't aware of how much my emotions affect my ability to stay on track.
3, I have a LOT of negative talk in my head. I thought I was really good about staying mentally positive (especially being that I have clinical depression, bi-polar, and chronic pain) but I do not. The worst thing is, and how stupid is this?, I berate myself for having negative thoughts!! Talk about cyclic stinky thinkin.
4, I have a LOT bigger support network than I ever thought. The folks on SP really ARE wonderful support. I do not have much (read any) real face to face support (my friends are all about telling me what to do and my family is all about either ignoring me or telling me what I shouldn't be doing and should be doing and lecturing) and the folks, especially on the A&I site, are great support.
5, Okay, I didn't learn this on Spark but it certainly reinforced it... PEOPLE KNOW A LOT MORE THAN DOCTORS. It was from this site that I learned I have fibromyalgia. It was this site that got me on the right meds for it. It was this site that told me that no I wasn't crazy when I said my cramps were not made up and they HAD to be physically induced (come to find out it's from fibro - I have asked everyone from my massage therapists to my pain management doc and they all had a different reason that made no sense and my rheumotologist (who diagnosed the FM) said yes the cramps ARE from fibro).
The 6th thing I learned is SP is a LOT cheaper (and better) that therapy!! :)
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