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A & I blog : February into March

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

A&I Blog February into March

My Feb stunk. I went to doc and found my numbers were all bad (partly because I got a shot that increased my glucose) and my pain level has been horrid and I was pmsing when I went to doc so that didn't do me any good and I realized today that normally I have SAD this time of year which explains why I keep bopping into depression but not staying and feel like I'm hoovering on the edge all the time (which in a way is worse that just getting into it because at least then you can work on getting through it). So, anyways, my inner kiddie threw a month long tantrum and while I kept trying to get back on track she derailed me after a few days every time. Oh, we also had the audit at my job this month which is pretty much ALL on me, which didn't help the stress any as I was working weekends most of Jan and Feb. (I have a M-F 9-5 job)

Now that I know what the challenges are, am having a plan to actually DO IT and "meet" my inner kiddie this weekend and see if we can establish some doable ground rules I hope to be able to GET back on track and STAY back on track.

The toughest day for me is probably going to be the day I get the results (or if I get them that day then) from my neurosurgeon appointment on 3/15 whom I'm seeing for my neck/cervical spine issue which is causing anywhere from constant "hi there!" pain to sharp shooting "KILL ME!!" pain depending on how I turn my neck, cough, sneeze, etc. I'm NOT a vicodin fan and I actually broke down and got some and went through like 10 of them so far in the past 2-3 months which for me is a LOT! especially since I'm taking 1/2 at a time.


Inner kiddie tantrums related to pain, hormones, stress, etc. // "meet" my inner kiddie and work on establishing ground rules and loving on her to reduce anxiety and tantrums. Include acceptable snack "cheats" to allow her to not feel deprived (sugar free and low-carb stuff) (I know this isn't ideal, but if it can allow me to stick to a BETTER diet then it's better than constantly going off and having a bad diet)

Hormones-PMS // keep track and a week before (I was a week early this month) lay in a "PMS SNACK" bag of ON plan goodies (pork rinds, sugar free chocolate)

Stress // work on getting in 5-15 min meditation daily (do my meditation CD's or youtube

Pain // TAKE a pain killer!! I don't like taking them (emotionally/psychologically especially as I work in an environment that deals with a lot of abusers and chronic pain pts who have become addicted) but I know I NEED to rely on them short term

SAD-depression // try to get 10 minutes of sun a day and walk daily.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NICKI109 3/10/2012 4:45PM

    After reading some blogs, I think February was rough on all of us. I for one can't wait for spring to get here and I think we all think the same thing. Glad to hear you are working through it all one day at a time. I certainly hope your pain lessens and goes away. You are holding it together much better than I believe I would.

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CJWORDPLAY 3/7/2012 9:17PM

    Your strategies are all things that will bring you closer to where you want to be. Challenges like yours are exhausting. I'm so glad you are hanging in there and keeping in touch with those of us who are dealing with similar issues. Thanks. emoticon

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AMYBELLES 3/6/2012 11:14PM

    Bah, February! Some love month! It seems like it was a "killer" for many of us. I hope and pray that March brings you planty of success and lots less pain. You made some fine plans/goals to keep that inner kiddie happy and tantrum-free! I'm wishing you all the best! emoticon emoticon

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CATHYGETSFIT 3/6/2012 3:57PM

    Aw, emoticon to you my friend! I'm so sorry you've been going through so much in the past month or two. I know that pain is nobody's friend especially when you're are trying to do everything right to lose weight. Even though you don't feel like you've made any progress, you have! You haven't given up which is an accomplishment in itself!! So give yourself a big pat on the back for that!

In relation to the SAD thing, have you thought about getting one of those lights that put off the full spectrum of light that you would get from the sun?? I have a friend that use to be a Sparker and she had one of the lamps.

I hope that you and your inner child can come to an agreement this month so that you can start to make more progress. I also hope that you get some good news from the neurosurgeon and can find something to help you to get rid of your pain so that you do not have to take pain meds. In addition, I hope that your stress at work will be gone this month.

I really like your goals that you have set for this month and I like that you have set aside some acceptable cheats for your inner child! I think you will have a good month and I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that you will!!

emoticon emoticon

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SHANATAV 3/6/2012 9:16AM

    I like your idea about "acceptable cheats"... I think that's such a great idea... Refusing myself something only makes me want it more so it's great to have a back up plan/replacement at the ready!

Good luck in March! Days are getting longer and warmer!


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BARBIE176 3/5/2012 6:54PM

    emoticon my friend. I am emoticon that February was not your best month, but emoticon emoticon on not giving up. I truly hope that you and your inner child can come to a workable arrangement this month! Plan ahead and stay focused and emoticon. Hopefully the added stress at work will be gone this month and that will help you immensely! emoticon emoticon

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RAENDROPS 3/3/2012 2:47PM

    I too suffer from SAD; I figure the sun and I just have a very deep connection, and he's gone so much this time of year! But I do know how challenging it can be to get through the winter. I think it's great that you've set goals for different areas of your life; I think that will help you get to your goals for sure!

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RFJSJ50 2/29/2012 11:10PM

The pain I've been having is no where as intense as yours but I know how it has affected my progress and mindset for the past month! I can only imagine how much worse you feel than I do.
BUT - I do see one powerful step forward you made in February - YOU NEVER GAVE UP! You stuck with the challenge through all your ups and downs and should be very proud of that.
Stay strong and you're in my prayers for good news relating to your neurosurgeon visit.
Sending healthy vibes your way!

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WOUBBIE 2/29/2012 8:09PM


Stress sucks and depression makes the stress look like fun. :(

Well, I'm always one to look for the amusing side of life. Did you realize you left a pretty funny Freudian slip in your blog? You mentioned that you "feel like I'm hoovering on the edge all the time". I know it wasn't likely intentional but the image of hoovering up forbidden food because of stress and pain is one we're all pretty familiar with.

(((more hugs)))

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A&I Blog Overcoming Obstacles

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Overcoming Obstacles ~ Getting Back On Track

My biggest obstacles are chronic pain and depression. It's very difficult to diet with chronic pain OR depression because both of these conditions present with a decreased level of serotonin in the brain and of course the best source of serotonin (or I should say more readily available source for the body to use) is in simple carbohydrates. Since I'm insulin resistant and hyperinsulinic this is a tripple whammy. I crave the carbs because of the serotonin, my body wants them because of the glucose and my metabolic functions want them because the insulin removes other sources of energy from the blood steam and my cells are starving. I also have hormonal problems which go along with this that makes me crave carbs as well.

The ONLY way I can break this cycle is by sheer will-power. Which is bunk because what is will-power?? It's a nebulous non-existant creature that if you succeed you are said to have lots of and if you don't you are called weak and a failure. However, I know if I can hang on long enough, and not give in to the depression, the chronic pain (self medicating with food) and the PMS the cravings will deminish. This is difficult, however, because every bit of my body is telling me to ignore my desire to be healthy and pay attention to their IMMEDIATE desire for carbs.

So, what do I do? I pick myself up, dust myself off and start over. And over and over and over and over. Am I succeeding? No. But I'm not failing either. I use to weigh 315lbs. I don't anymore and never will. I just keep doing what I can when I can and starting over every time I have to because I don't have any other option but to give up, and if I do that then I will be a failure. And I refuse to be a failure.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOTSLADY 3/1/2012 10:02AM

    I feel your pain. It gets better, trust me. Keep up the good works on yourself.

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48MYYEAR2014 2/29/2012 7:20AM

    great blog Lou you must be strong willed to say no

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CATHYGETSFIT 2/28/2012 11:54PM

    emoticonblog Lou! I don't know what it's like to be you but I understand to a certain degree where you are coming from. Only you know what it's like to be you, know where you've been and where you want to go. I understand the willpower thing. I think you are doing great!! I think it's great that you keep picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and starting over again multiple times! You are succeeding because you are no longer 315 pounds and never will be again, That in itself is a big accomplishment and you should give yourself credit / praise for it. I see even more accomplishments in your future. Not because of willpower but because you are determined to get where you want to go!! emoticon emoticon

emoticon emoticon

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RFJSJ50 2/28/2012 11:17PM

    You inspire me. I've been in a pain/eating cycle for several weeks now and have undone all the progress I made in January. I don't like the word willpower but I do believe in determination!
Your words have helped me become even more determined to turn my lack of progress around in the coming months!
Thank you!

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BARBIE176 2/28/2012 10:57PM

    What a great blog Lou. Chronic pain has to be extremely difficult and trying, but you are doing an amazing job of changing and achieving success. You definitely should give yourself more credit because you are seeing some positive achievements by losing some of your weight and you will be able to continue that if you continue your positive thinking. Will power is not an easy thing to define, but you are doing great in accomplishing some of the things you need to do. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RAENDROPS 2/28/2012 10:06PM

    I like your determination!

Will power only lasts for so long. I have heard it compared to a sprint, something no one is ever intended maintain, we have to be able to hold a steady burn. But I never seem to have it when there are donuts sitting on the table at work!

I think you should give yourself more credit; you are definitely succeeding!

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TRYINGHARD1948 2/28/2012 3:49PM

    I have no knowledge of what you are going through but admire your spirit, keep on keeping on. emoticon

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MZZCHIEF 2/28/2012 3:44PM

    Sounds like a vicious cycle...
sorry that you are in so much pain.

Congratulations on doing what you could, breaking the chain and losing the weight thus far.

Will power? Hmm for me, thats simply setting an intention, and making choices from this position of strength that honor that intention.... conditioning my mind to override immediate desires, emotions, mind noise.

Sure, its not an easy thing to do... like anything else it requires practice before it becames easier and finally a habit.o

But you've done it before... or you would not have lost that weight!

My suggestion is to just focus on your wonderful self, ignore those things that are weighing you down.. that don't fit in with your stated intention... and practice.

Have you tried EFT, or tapping before?
This will help you subdue the negative emotions that surround weight and the failure to make choices in line with your intention.

Here's an addy to a youtube. You will need about 20 minutes to yourself in front of the computer. Just like Acupuncture, it utilizes meridians, but there's no needles involved and you don't have to pay or go to an appointment.

If you are willing to try it, please let me know how it works for you.

: )

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SHOYER 2/28/2012 2:20PM

    Lou, I see nothing but good things ahead for you. You understand where you've been , where you are, how to change what needs changing, and why. I understand completely about the willpower. (And every time I read or hear that word, I think of the song, "Willpower, it's now or never...." and then I roll my eyes because that is SO not true when it comes to eating right.

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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Okay, FAT TUESDAY is over and since it is NOT Fat T-M (Tues thru Mon) I am now "giving up for Lent". My hope is that after 47 days I will have built a "habit" of not having these things so I will continue to have these healthy "given ups" for life.

emoticon emoticonFast food (that's burgers, Mcanythings, etc. - I can still get a salad or healthy "meal" at a fast food place but not fast food "food" - if that makes sense! Like today I had a salad from Little Ceasers for lunch... fast food joint but not "fast food".)

emoticonIce Cream (of any kind. sugar free, low carb, yadda - I have zero! portion control with this)

emoticonCarbs (not all carbs, but simple, sugar laden junk)

emoticonLimit “eating out” (ie: Little Ceasers once a week or less ok, every day not so much!)

emoticonsugar/sweeteners (I don't know how successful I'll be but I'm trying to cut out all added sugar and sweetener. The sweetener more because I think some of my pain and issues may stem from them. Also, if I don't do sugar or sweetener I can't do ice cream so it kind of helps build on and reinforce that.)

emoticoncoffee (I can NOT drink coffee without sugar or sweetener. I originally was going to say caffeine but this allows me the luxury of drinking non-sweet tea still!)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIOBHANKNITS 2/24/2012 7:15PM

    I've thought about whether sugar substitutes (even natural ones like stevia) make me crave sweets more. I'm not sure.I should research those studies. I should also blog my Lenten food choices, too. I know you can do this, Lou!

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LIVINGFREE19 2/22/2012 4:27PM

    This is easily possible.
I know that since my tastebuds have changed, I don't want this type of food.
As I am seeing my weight loss, I also realize how much I don't want to eat this food all the more.

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TRYINGHARD1948 2/22/2012 3:43PM


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MERRYWON 2/22/2012 2:10PM

    I so agree with you about sweeteners. Think about it, with the introduction of sweeteners came the increase in obesity. Dr. Oz says it is because they are 200 to 600 times sweeter than sugar and they make us crave. I am giving up soda for Lent and trying to eat healthier. I am trying to make this six week change a permanent one. Good luck to both of us!

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A&I What Spark has Taught Me blog

Friday, February 17, 2012

“THINGS SPARK HAS TAUGHT ME” - What are five important things you have learned about health, nutrition, fitness, or yourself since joining Spark?

I haven't learned a lot about health, nutrition or fitness from Spark people I knew a LOT about it before I joined and also I use a lot of resources for information. I have learned quite a lot about MYSELF.

1, I HAVE STRESS. I knew I had a somewhat stressful life and a very small stress threshhold - partly due to illnesses that causes stress both physically and mentally. I did NOT realize how much daily living stressed me out and how much it affects my eating habits. I totally started mindlessly eating last week because 1) I was pmsing and didn't realize it cause I was early and 2) my baby neice is teething and kept screaming at me. I can't tolerate loud noises and between my bi-polar issues (where I'm ultra sensative to noise) and my fibromyalgia (that causes the same supersensativity) and my herniated discs/nerve issues are definitely lowering my stamina for stress.

2, I EAT EMOTIONALLY. I did not know that I did, but having actually kept track (due to doing the Spark Mind Over Body Challenge. I knew I ate during PMS but I wasn't aware of how much my emotions affect my ability to stay on track.

3, I have a LOT of negative talk in my head. I thought I was really good about staying mentally positive (especially being that I have clinical depression, bi-polar, and chronic pain) but I do not. The worst thing is, and how stupid is this?, I berate myself for having negative thoughts!! Talk about cyclic stinky thinkin.

4, I have a LOT bigger support network than I ever thought. The folks on SP really ARE wonderful support. I do not have much (read any) real face to face support (my friends are all about telling me what to do and my family is all about either ignoring me or telling me what I shouldn't be doing and should be doing and lecturing) and the folks, especially on the A&I site, are great support.

5, Okay, I didn't learn this on Spark but it certainly reinforced it... PEOPLE KNOW A LOT MORE THAN DOCTORS. It was from this site that I learned I have fibromyalgia. It was this site that got me on the right meds for it. It was this site that told me that no I wasn't crazy when I said my cramps were not made up and they HAD to be physically induced (come to find out it's from fibro - I have asked everyone from my massage therapists to my pain management doc and they all had a different reason that made no sense and my rheumotologist (who diagnosed the FM) said yes the cramps ARE from fibro).

The 6th thing I learned is SP is a LOT cheaper (and better) that therapy!! :)

I emoticon my emoticons

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVINGFREE19 2/22/2012 4:42PM

    Sparkpeople has taught everybody a lot I believe.
While we might think we really know about how to lose weight and all, we probably really don't once we get looking through this site!

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NICKI109 2/21/2012 7:56PM

    This is definitely the place to be. I too have much better support here than anywhere else. There is so much I can never say, but on here, everyone is so supportive!

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CJWORDPLAY 2/19/2012 10:55PM

    Thank you for sharing what you have learned with us. That's what is so special about this site - we are able to help each other identify what we need and learn from each other that there are other people who are dealing with the same issues. I'm so glad you are here and I'm happy to be your Spark Friend. emoticon

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MISSA9 2/19/2012 8:48PM

    HA! Love your last comment!! It is surely cheaper to loose weight with spark!

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RFJSJ50 2/18/2012 12:50PM

    I've always believed that being a successful Sparker requires that we embark upon two journeys. One is physical and includes nutrition and exercise and the other is a mental journey to learn who we are and why we are the person we are. Of the two, I think that is the most important journey.
I'm happy to be one of your Spark supporters. Like you, I have very little support from family and friends. In their minds all I need to do is stop feeling sorry for myself and stop eating and then my world will be a wonderful place. You and I both know that it doesn't work that way!
Stay strong and determined.
Sheila emoticon emoticon

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QUEEN_REINA 2/18/2012 9:33AM

    Cool, you've learned a lot! I have too. When I started I THOUGHT I knew all about nutrition and fitness but I didn't know as much as I thought. It's taken a long time for me to realize I didn't know much though.

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    emoticon blog, Lou! I think we all have learned different things by being on SP. Not just the usual assortment.


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BARBIE176 2/17/2012 7:45PM

    Isn't it amazing how much knowledge you can learn on your own and how powerful that knowledge can be. Whether you've learned about yourself from Spark or someplace else, you are doing amazing seeking out the knowledge. And, the best part is, you are now on your way to using that knowledge to better yourself. Don't ever give up because emoticon and you are making progress. Keep it up! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MJREIMERS 2/17/2012 4:47PM

    Knowledge is power and it sounds like you've gained a lot of that! It's great how wonderful SparkPeople is and how supportive it is! The best part is now that you know more about yourself you can do something about those "bad habits." I'm right there with you on many of your points!
Hang in there because emoticon

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Monday, February 06, 2012

Play the first clip. It just says it all!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VICIOUS421 2/12/2012 2:17AM

    Loved It!!!!!!!

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AMYBELLES 2/7/2012 6:05AM

    I love that dog! He/she's my hero!!!! emoticon

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SUNNYDAZE9 2/6/2012 7:48PM

    thanks for sharing.

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RFJSJ50 2/6/2012 11:58AM

    Loved the dog!
Thanks for sharing!

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