Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Well, I went to the doctor today. I've been dealing with a "bad" right knee ever since I fell on it three weeks ago. (I also had an old injury to this same knee) I had to go get x-rays, and I will be starting Physical Therapy sometime soon. The doctor thinks I most likely did something to my meniscus - which was what I thought. She said we have to do all that first, for my insurance - before I can get an MRI.
It's going to be rough going back to work tomorrow after being off for quite a while due to two surgeries that I had in the last few months. I stand all day, except for my 10 min. break and half four lunch, so my knee will be hollering at me, I'm sure.
She doesn't want me even walking for exercise, because of the impact on my knee, so that makes it really rough.
On top of all that - and maybe because of all that, and more things/stresses in my life - I have been terribly depressed. So - I bit the bullet, and told the doctor about that too. She wants me to start taking an anti-depressant. She gave me enough samples for 6 weeks of medication. I will be seeing her again in December to see how I'm doing. It's a very difficult decision to make - but I have decided to take the meds. and see how if it helps me.
Monday, October 25, 2010
1 Unto thee, O LORD, do I lift up my soul.
2 O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.
3 Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause.
4 Shew me thy ways, O LORD; teach me thy paths.
5 Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.
6 Remember, O LORD, thy tender mercies and thy lovingkindnesses; for they have been ever of old.
7 Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O LORD.
8 Good and upright is the LORD: therefore will he teach sinners in the way.
9 The meek will he guide in judgment: and the meek will he teach his way.
10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
11 For thy name's sake, O LORD, pardon mine iniquity; for it is great.
12 What man is he that feareth the LORD? him shall he teach in the way that he shall choose.
13 His soul shall dwell at ease; and his seed shall inherit the earth.
14 The secret of the LORD is with them that fear him; and he will shew them his covenant.
15 Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD; for he shall pluck my feet out of the net.
16 Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses.
18 Look upon mine affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins.
19 Consider mine enemies; for they are many; and they hate me with cruel hatred.
20 O keep my soul, and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee.
21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee.
22 Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
I will be having surgery again - on Tuesday. I have been having unexplained pain in my abdomen, at the site of my incision, since I had my gallbladder removed at the end of July.
Well, the doctor is thinking that there may be an area of my intestinal wall that has attached itself to the back of my navel. He said it is either that, or I may have a small hernia. So, on Tuesday, he will do a laproscopic exploratory surgery to see if he can find the problem. Depending on what he finds, I may end up waking up to a large incision on my abdomen.
I'm kind of thinking I will end up having a large incision...so I have to prepare myself for that. If it means that the pain will go away - and I can function normally again - I will be very joyous!!!
On a side note - I must confess to some measure of "vanity" - You know, I think we all have something about our bodies that we do like...you know - your "favorite part" of you??
And well, you guessed it - my favorite body part has always been my belly! LOL! It has always been my one spot that no matter what I weighed in my life - that was the "thinnest" part of me. I know, silly - I guess. But my waist was always thin, and my abdomen always flat - except of course, when I was pregnant! (I didn't even get many stretch marks from my two pregnancies) You really can't see them.
Even now, one indicator that something isn't right - my waist measures 3" inches bigger than it did before my surgery. My waist is usually only 1 1/2" bigger than my 23 yr. old daughter who weighs like 115. (It drives her crazy)
But anyway, I thought I would expose myself at the risk of sounding very shallow... And I'm seriously doing some "soul-searching"
Am I taking too much pride in that area? After all, this is a temporary body.
So - if I have a big scar - I shall wear it! After all - do I have a choice? LOL!
I hope I do not offend anyone - for writing this - because I know this blog is probably just silly! But, it is "where I'm at" at the moment, and I need to deal with it.....
Dealing with it...that is something "new" for me since being on Spark - so much of my life, I have always just "shoved down" the emotions I was feeling. And the way I dealt with that ....
Was to EAT --- A LOT!! Yes - the Binge!! So, I have learned that writing down what I feel, no matter how trivial, or insignificant - or GULP - vain....
I want, and NEED to deal with it - I will not, and cannot "smother" it with food!
Because - to be honest - right now - it is what I would have done in the past!!!!
Especially as I sit here, at this moment with an ice pack on my right knee - I fell squarely on my right knee cap today. The same knee that has a slight tear of the meniscus. It is swollen - and I pray it will go down, and get better without any further problems.
As I am trying NOT to despair about this - because I NEED to get back to work.
So, I cling to this one small (but huge) victory - that I have chosen to write - instead of eat!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Lately, it seems there is a "cloud" over me, and my family.. so I write these verses to remind me....
"Why am I discouraged?Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again - my Savior and my God" Psalm 42:11
"He will cover you with His feathers. He will shelter you with His wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday." Psalm 91:4-6
"Surely Your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever." Psalm 23:6
"I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for You have seen my troubles, and You care about the anguish of my soul." Psalm 31:7
Saturday, September 25, 2010
This was my first week back to work after my surgery. The outcome hasn't been a good thing - but, I was already kind of thinking that...
I have an appointment with my surgeon again. I see him on Wednesday morning. He is in surgery Monday and Tuesday, so I can't see him until then.
My normal work schedule has me off until Wednesday, so I have all weekend, and Monday and Tuesday to rest. But at this point, I don't even think I should have returned to work until they had found the source of my abdominal pain. I shouldn't be having ANY pain at this point in my recovery.
The nurse at the surgeon's office told me that I should go to the ER, since I can't get in until Wednesday - especially if the pain gets worse.
I'm still undecided about that one - the last time I went to the ER a few weeks ago, the ER doctor treated me like I was just there for the "drugs" (pain killers). He told me that I shouldn't have been having pain that long after my surgery that would require the need for pain med.
The nurse told me to rest. That is what I'm doing - I probably won't even be on here much, as it feels much better when I'm lying on my back.
Get An Email Alert Each Time ARTNSOUL Posts