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Measuring Success In The Things We Don't (Won't) Do Anymore

Friday, November 04, 2011

I remember watching Biggest Loser (I think it was last season) and during a temptation, they had a room full of the foods that were the biggest triggers for the contestants - when Jenn (I think that was her name) pointed to macaroni and cheese (the boxed kind) and said "I used to eating mixing bowls of that" I remember thinking "uh, yeah, I can relate"

I've come a long way

sometimes, especially in the days when I lived alone, I would make a whole box for dinner with butter and whole milk, sometimes I would add a can of tuna and maybe some peas when I wanted to make it "healthy" - lol!

I have no idea what even one serving of it is now - I know if I even thought of eating it I would look first - I think there are probably 4 servings in a box, and they are between 300-400 a serving - wow

lately for lunch I've been having a little pasta - I cook 1 oz dry, add a cup of mushrooms that have been wilted down in the microwave with a touch of butter (and today, because I was feeling pretty adventurous, I added ham) - then I mix in the pasta, add a little white pepper and melt a piece of cheese on top - it is just over 300 calories (with ham, about 250 without) - and it is more than enough, plus really yummy (way yummier than the boxed cheese and mac)

why only 1 oz of dry pasta? well, pasta has a lot of calories, but I like pasta - so compromise :)

I do still eat it in the mixing bowl, just the tiniest one in the set, because it was my grandmother's and I like to think of her when I use it :)




  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MINERVASPARKING 11/7/2011 11:21AM

    Yay for grandma's mixing bowls! :D I love pasta too, and I'm working on only cooking a few ounces at a time and scale down recipes, rather than a whole one pound package for 2 adults. Not that we would eat that much in one sitting, but I liked to have leftovers so I didn't have to cook it another night, and seriously, I now recognize it was just an excuse to make WAY more that we needed and WAY overeat! :D Yes, eating habits have changed, and that is such a positive! :D

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LADYBUG1107 11/6/2011 12:15PM

    Congratulations on the progress!

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VIBRANTVAL 11/5/2011 9:32AM

    Bahahaha! Yep, I remember boxed mac and cheese! It used to be really cheap, like 4 boxes for a dollar....5 kids=boxed mac and cheese! Which I also ate by the mixing bowl full.
Love your pasta lunch! Yum!

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ONESTUBBORNTART 11/5/2011 5:43AM

    Oh yes, I can relate! For me it was ice cream. It used to come in pint tubs so I figured I could eat the whole thing in one sitting. Well, one of those every night on top of all the other stuff during the day... Oh dear.

I had two small scoops of ice cream last night (the most I've eaten all this year) and can definitely live without it for a long time again. My ice cream replacement is a blended ice/milk/cocoa/raw sugar frappucino and it's awesome.

WTG on finding a healthier choice! emoticon

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EBEAMS 11/4/2011 9:57PM

    How cute is that! I love it! I usually steer clear of pasta these days but really enjoy it when I do eat it! There's lots of stuff I won't/don't do anymore and every time I remember what one of those things are, I glow! Congrats Katie ... sounds like you are doing fabulous!

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KEK_KEISH 11/4/2011 7:43PM

    I can relate to this! Macaroni & Cheese + Me = My whole 3rd trimester, lol!! Thanks for sharing..
emoticon emoticon

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BLH507 11/4/2011 7:34PM

    Sounds like a great lunch! I have all that stuff too!

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AMANDASHRINKING 11/4/2011 6:09PM

    thats sweet about your grandmother

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JONICACALDWELL 11/4/2011 5:53PM

    Sounds good. I love amping up pasta with veggies. I even can do just peeled ribbons of zucchini instead of pasta altogether. ( I use a lean meat homemade marinara sauce and it's amazing!)

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DXTREME45 11/4/2011 5:05PM

    That'g great. I love Mac-n-Cheese. I saw a 3 cheese healthy recipe I'm thinking of trying.

Great blog.

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APIRLRAIN888 11/4/2011 4:39PM

    Lol luv it as. I just cooked a batch for the kids..have sleep over y
Tonight ! 1 box
for 4 ppl ;)

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GERMANIRISHGIRL 11/4/2011 4:15PM

    You have got that right, girlfriend!



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SEANDA 11/4/2011 4:13PM

    That sounds yummy! And a GREAT way to get some pasta and still have a healthy, in range, lunch! Woo hoo!

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POOKASLUAGH 11/4/2011 3:48PM

    It's funny, because I look at this an entirely different way. My mom would make a box of that stuff and split it as a side dish between six of us. I look back at that and think, what? We got like three spoonfuls of the stuff? How is that a side dish? Was it worth the calories? I can't imagine it was filling. Then again, I look back at most of the meals my mother made in my childhood and wonder how she thought we'd survive on as little food as she gave us. I was always sneaking food just to stay healthy, because I swear as growing teenagers we probably ate 1000 calories a day, and that only because she made meals out of junk...

These days, she's pretty appalled that my three boys (ages 7 to 11) can put away five times as much food as she fed us when we were teenagers, and she wonders how they stay really thin. Well, exercise, and the fact that they're putting away healthy food, not boxed mac & cheese...

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CHANGING-TURTLE 11/4/2011 3:16PM

    emoticon I CAN RELATE. I USE TO SIT AND EAT THE WHOLE BOX WITH ADDED CHEESE. That's FOR THE RECIPE, SOUNDS GOOD. ONE CUP OF PASTA FILLS ME UP.

emoticon

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HOTPINKCAMARO49 11/4/2011 3:08PM

  emoticon You go, girl! emoticon

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Love What You Have

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

today I found myself staring longingly at another Sparker's progress pictures - she had a tiny waist - a very tiny waist - I envied that waist

I carry most of my weight in my middle, that along with my girls is why my tops are always a size or so bigger than my bottoms

I have beautiful, slender legs, barely any hips, and a flat butt - and I love this about myself, now

the other day I tried pulling on a pair of my husband's pants and they actually fit over the thighs and pretty much the butt - it is the waist alone that makes them impossible

I then found myself thinking about the fellow Sparker with that adorable waist, and I wonder if she rejoices at how beautiful it is, or if she is fixated on some other part of herself that she finds flaw with - would she look at my pictures and envy my legs?

very likely

on this journey, we need to remember in kindness to love ourselves for who we are and how we are built - there are things about us (like height, or where our weight is distributed) that we can't change - and there are those things we can (like what we have for breakfast, or whether or not we work out today)

awareness of that difference may just be the key to happiness

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAKAPES 11/2/2011 7:06PM

    Very inspirational!

Well, I thought the fat would never leave from my belly (far away to call abs). It just didn't change since January. And then, when I started to reach my goal, and almost everything has gone from elsewhere, magically, it started to melt away, too. I still have a little, so I'll drop in another week of perfection in calorie deficit to let it go.


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MICHSTATE 11/2/2011 3:01PM

    So true!!!!:-)

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GERMANIRISHGIRL 11/2/2011 11:11AM

    Great blog! emoticon

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MINERVASPARKING 11/2/2011 10:48AM

    so true. I'm always envious of other Sparker's body shapes, I wish I had their tiny waist or their tiny legs :D You are absolutely right! I've gotta be proud of the things I do have control over, and the body that I have...it's the only one I've got ;D
Thank you!!!

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VIBRANTVAL 11/2/2011 10:47AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon LOVE THIS POST!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KALIGIRL 11/2/2011 8:49AM

    Here's to loving ourselves - 'warts' and all!

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APRIL_IN_MN 11/1/2011 10:33PM

    I so agree. This is so true, and I know I do the same thing. It's that green-eyed monster rearing its ugly head. We are each made so uniquely. We need to see the beauty in that!

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JONICACALDWELL 11/1/2011 6:27PM

    emoticon

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APIRLRAIN888 11/1/2011 5:51PM

    Love this blog! Grass is always greener! But love ourselves right! Working on it

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LISAINMS 11/1/2011 5:45PM

    Great blog!

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EBEAMS 11/1/2011 5:31PM

    Yep, yep, yep ... being kind to ourselves it the most basic kind of respect we can extend to ourselves. I've blogged before that if we talked to others the way we talk to ourselves ... if we judged other's bodies the way we judge our own, well, I believe there would be some folks getting a big ol' poke in the nose! We need to respect the perfection in which we were created!

And I'm one of those people with a tiny waist. I'm not bragging, just saying ... and YES I fixate on other things, like how big my hips look in comparison to my waist, that my behind will always have an upper and lower compartment area and how big the tops of my thighs are. We can't choose how we are built but we can love ourselves no matter what!

Comment edited on: 11/1/2011 5:33:02 PM

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POOKASLUAGH 11/1/2011 4:03PM

    I am built like you, with trouble spots in my waist and chest, and very slender legs. I totally agree - we need to focus on what we have!

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SWEETTOOTH712 11/1/2011 3:59PM

    Excellent blog! You put it beautifully. Thank you.

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MISSFORTE 11/1/2011 3:49PM

    omg WHAT A WONDERFUL BLOG AND THESE ARE THINGS I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THANK YOU FOR SHARING!

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A Picture Worth A Thousand Words (but I'll give you a few of those too)

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Last weekend we went to a harvest festival at a local goat dairy - while we were talking to our CSA farmer, this picture was snapped without my knowledge and appeared in another vendor's blog about the event:

my very first thought when I saw this today was "I look normal" - and then I kinda teared up

On a side note, I noticed my mother-in-law liked a picture of me and the kids that my husband had posted to Facebook - he talked to her last night when I was at Bollywood class - we haven't seen her in person since last October, and she said told my husband how good I looked, and how happy I looked too - that made me smile (ps, I have a good relationship with my mother-in-law, so her comment wasn't coming from a malicious place, but was very genuine)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOSIEISHEALTHY 11/2/2011 5:46PM

    I'm so happy for you :) :) :) :):) you look amazing. Doesn't it feel good when someone you know compliments you :)

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MSILVER94 11/2/2011 5:18PM

    Isn't that a great feeling!! Yep you look like a very normal looking person in that picture!!

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APRIL_IN_MN 11/1/2011 2:21AM

    YAY! What a wonderful thing--to see yourself in a picture and LIKE it! You look great! I've noticed that in the last few years I have very few pictures of me. And the ones I've seen I hated. Liking what I see in pictures is definitely a motivation for me to keep sparking.

And that was a totally sweet thing your MIL said! Yay again!!! :-)

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TEASCHERTZ 10/30/2011 8:07PM

    You do look great. You are an inspiration!

emoticon

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EBEAMS 10/29/2011 7:44AM

    You don't look "normal" ... You look FABULOUS and from the BACK, to boot! Nice job, Katie! You are on a roll! emoticon

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AKATUJE 10/29/2011 4:08AM

    Great job!! You look great!!!

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AMANDASHRINKING 10/28/2011 4:28PM

    emoticonawesome emoticon

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HEALTHIER_K 10/28/2011 10:01AM

    That's great! emoticon

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MINERVASPARKING 10/28/2011 9:37AM

    emoticon YAY!

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VIBRANTVAL 10/28/2011 7:53AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Wheeeeehaaaaaaw!!!!!!!

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SHAVOUNA 10/27/2011 10:29PM

    You look great! I was just looking at your home page and wowing about the big difference you have made since March. Look good Feel Good.

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MICHSTATE 10/27/2011 8:31PM

    That is awesome!!!!!!:-)

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GERMANIRISHGIRL 10/27/2011 3:42PM

    emoticon emoticon

Spark on!

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LISAINMS 10/27/2011 2:42PM

    Comments like that really help when you are struggling with the scale. You know you are making progress. It's just a matter of time before the scale reflects it!

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ONESTUBBORNTART 10/27/2011 2:21PM

    Aww, that is awesome. So happy for you x emoticon

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POOKASLUAGH 10/27/2011 1:54PM

    That is THE BEST feeling. Not "I look good" but "I look normal." That's so great!

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CAPTHAMMER 10/27/2011 1:41PM

    There's nothing like a photo of your backside that doesn't make you go running for cover to really make you see the progress you've made.

I know you're a bit frustrated the pounds aren't dropping like they were but you could be to a point where you're reshaping rather than losing. Are you wearing smaller sizes? Have you measured lately? Remember what they preach here on SparkPeople: the scale is not the only way to judge improvement.

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KATIEANN59 10/27/2011 1:13PM

    emoticon you sure do look normal. You have alot to be proud of hon, And I know you will make it to your ideal weight and keep it off. I am so proud of you!!!!!! Love, Katie

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SEANDA 10/27/2011 1:04PM

    Oh YAY!!! You look GREAT! And you should be happy.. your life is full of rich blessings and you are doing great on your journey to health. You are SOARING!

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APIRLRAIN888 10/27/2011 1:03PM

    Love it! Yes u look normal and woohoo for compliments

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Journal: 5 Things I Do/Don't Have Control Over

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

(I have started journalling again daily, privately, in a paper journal - as part of my process of breaking through this mental place I am right now, I'm going to share the best insights from my journal and title them "Journal:" - these are mainly things I am coming up with on my own, if I get the idea from somewhere else, I will credit it)

5 Things I Have Control Over:

emoticonwhat I eat
emoticonwhat I drink
emoticonhow I move my body
emoticonhow much sleep I get
emoticonhow I react (to people, situations, things)


5 Things I Don't Have Control Over:

emoticonmy genetics
emoticonwhere I lose weight from
emoticonhow others react
emoticonthe passage of time
emoticonweather


I found it much harder to come up with "5 Things I Don't Have Control Over" - the "5 Things" that I do were easy and I could have just as easily come up with 5 more - hmm...interesting...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSILVER94 10/27/2011 9:40AM

    That is interesting...so moral of the story is MOST of this IS in our control!!!

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KALIGIRL 10/27/2011 8:57AM

    So glad you're journaling!
Great '5 Things'

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PEGTIGER 10/26/2011 8:18PM

    I love your lists! I find it very interesting that you could list the ones you have control over easier than the ones you don't. I'm sure it would be the same for me, but you did all the thinking for me! Thanks for sharing.

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MINERVASPARKING 10/26/2011 2:03PM

    Love the lists!!! All the time I wonder what life would be like if I could control the weather, and then my imagination takes it too far and my perfect weather causes the zombiepocalypse, and then I'm thankful that I don't actually control the weather (even though I really, REALLY want to!) :D

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POOKASLUAGH 10/25/2011 10:07PM

    It's good that you feel more in control than out of control!

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APIRLRAIN888 10/25/2011 8:55PM

    Interesting!!! Woohoo

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VIBRANTVAL 10/25/2011 7:57PM

    Most excellent blog post! emoticon

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ELIZINJAPAN 10/25/2011 7:21PM

    This is great!

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SEANDA 10/25/2011 7:02PM

    You are amazing! And I love when I see you have a new blog! Very very true. I did not have control over who would be in my team.. and I am so thankful you were placed with us. :) Oh and love the background :)

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GERMANIRISHGIRL 10/25/2011 6:31PM

    That's great!

Spark on!


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EBEAMS 10/25/2011 6:03PM

    You're on the right track ... Keep going! But start it with the fact that you are beautiful just the way you are right now and you are only going to improve!

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Getting It Right In The Head: An Answer To APIRLRAIN888

Monday, October 24, 2011

If you read my last Watch Me Shrink blog entry, you may know that I have been feeling "stuck" lately and that I identified that I might be afraid

So then I read this inspiring blog from APIRLRAIN888 www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=4547598
and here is my personal journey answer to it:

Like Apirlrain888, when I started this journey, I just wanted to lose weight

But in a short time after joining and going through those starter exercises on the emails they send initially, I quickly came to understand that it wasn't going to be just about losing weight for me

It was going to be about taking my life back

Okay - that sounds dramatic

But it is true - when you are overweight through your teens and your entire adulthood - you kind of miss some things - or you let yourself miss some things because you become mired in your weight as identity

Time for a new identity

In comes the scared

I can't tell you exactly what I weighed in high school - I do remember that the smallest pants I ever wore in high school were a 13/14 and I adored those pants because they were so small - I mostly wore 16s and 18s - so I'm going to take a wild guess that in high school I was probably no lower than 215

Guess where I am stuck - scared - at this very moment - 215

Every time I put on my 12s, I stare at that tag - really? - maybe the numbers got reversed - no, they don't make 21s - but they do make 22s - I used to own a few pairs - and I wore out a few pairs

215 feels safe, because I know I've been here before - I had to have been on my way up to 280

Moving past 215 means going into uncharted territory - but didn't I do that when I took a chance on opening myself emotionally to the person I eventually married? didn't I do that too when I had kids? or when I went to college?

Maybe my weight is more a security issue for me because it has been with me all along - maybe I am afraid of losing myself if I lose the weight

But maybe I'll gain the real me, or better yet, the now me

I made a little side by side comparison picture of me at the start of this journey on March 8, 2011, and me earlier this month on October 17, 2011 - I realized that in those 7 months, my little boy has really changed - but I also realized that to thrive, he must grow, and so too, must I :)


Spark On My Lovlies!

And thanks Apirlrain888 - you are amazing!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MINDY502 10/26/2011 9:07AM

    You look great and the changes are wonderful. I think we all can identify with where you are at. I think we all go through this process when losing weight. Last time I lost weight I got to 200 and not below that so kind of struggled there myself. I hung on for a bit then failed and gained weight back. When I came to spark and started losing weight did not think I would ever surpass that 200 mark and like you felt comfortable there. But i realized I wanted more and knew I could get past that mark and I did. Sometimes takes getting out of your comfort zone but you can do it and we will be cheering you on.

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EBEAMS 10/25/2011 5:46AM

    I think we all come face to face with the fear of failure that is cloaked as many things. What if .... I can't do it? What if ... somebody starts to watch me and I fall off the wagon? What if ... I can't keep my commitments that I blog about and that I talk about? What if ... the holidays are too hard, too much? What if ... I can't keep up with my exercise? What if .... It's hard to overcome the "what if" portion of this journey mostly, I believe, because it is way easier to stay in the "what I already know" versus continuing to grow and develop, particularly as a runner! There is a certain amount of "safety" in staying here .... but it won't feed the soul like the experience of seeing your size continue to shrink (take those measurements! Trust me, it's THAT important!), feeling your confidence soar and finding out that dealing with "the microscope" is a little intimidating as people start to watch YOU and YOUR LIFE because you are a success story!

I love to see YOUR profile picture, Katie! Every single time I see it, it makes me smile. Your "healthy" person inside is shining in your smile! The example you are setting for your children will literally change their lives and only for the better! Think about this ... someday you might be running a 5k, a 10k or a 1/2 marathon with one of your children ... and because of the example YOU are setting for them right now!

Don't let fear hold you back ... If I had to guess, you would tell me before you completed your first 5K you were scared you couldn't do it but look at you! You are already a winner! Keep going .... you can do it! emoticon

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HAKAPES 10/25/2011 2:29AM

    You boy looks so handsome!

Oh, I can really identify myself with your ideas. This is for me also not just loosing weight, but also getting into a new life, a new me. And it takes time. And actually, my body changes faster then my self image. I am just learning how to live in this body.

But how exciting this change is!

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MINERVASPARKING 10/24/2011 9:42PM

    This was a terrific post! You are amazing :D That little boy is amazing. And SUPER cute! You look great, and what's more, I can tell that you feel great too, when you're not freaked out about the number. :) I think with your new outlook through argyle glasses(socks?!) you'll find what you need to get past the block. I'm here to help too! Just let me know what you need!!! :D

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APIRLRAIN888 10/24/2011 8:41PM

    oh my goodness you look so much younger! and wow I loved this blog! I can relate to everything you said. my number is 160.... I have been stuck forever... but it's really 150... but that is no muscle.
I totally understand... b.c i always say, oh them skinny ppl! lol!! I kinda want but don't want to be them...

but you are right, we are US... we can do this!!!! 15 lbs to onderland! I'll help you get there!!!!! and we will see have kind of hell breaks loose! me.... i am not looking at scale.. unless it says 140 hahahaha that is my normal bmi! seems impossible right now

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MICHSTATE 10/24/2011 8:31PM

    I can't believe how much younger you look in the current picture!!!!! Good job!!!!!

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GERMANIRISHGIRL 10/24/2011 7:21PM

    Great blog! You can do this!

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POOKASLUAGH 10/24/2011 6:12PM

    Wow, he has grown! :D And you have shrunk. :D

I know how you feel about that number. I know I"m getting close to my own personal nemesis number and it's starting to freak me out too.

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GYMRAT_AT44 10/24/2011 5:47PM

    You are NOT a number! Kick that fear in the teeth and move past it... you have so much more living you can do at a healthier weight and you know it, so go for it!

I pushed myself passed a fear - alot of folks would never dream of doing this and I am asked everyday about it, but Saturday October 29th I am competing in my first figure competition at age 44! WHY? Because I feared doing it... today, I am prepared and ready to conquer it!

So, with that little lesson, make a small goal to get past 215 to 200 and set out the steps to take to get you there!

THEN CELEBRATE

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