Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Today when I got back home from one of my jobs as a soccer coach, I did not want to do what I had planned to do; that being go for a run. I don't hardly ever go for runs to begin with, being the sort that believes in interval training of walking and running. However, I wanted to just go out and do it, even though it was cold and windy and getting late; I just thought that I had better go for it because if I didn't, I would wish that I had.
So, after doing a 5 minute walk warmup and reminding myself that I just had to run for a little while, then I could walk and then run again or whatever. Just half an hour: that was my limit. But you know what? I found out that I didn't even need a limit. I started running, with no real expectations, and I kept going until I wanted to stop... which didn't happen until 34 minutes later, when I encountered a muddy patch. I ran for 34 minutes!! I was surprised and happy and, when I mapped it on SparkPeople, found that I had run a 10 min/mile 5K! That's pretty good for me and I felt really good afterward; I felt like I could have kept going.
What a great feeling to do better than you thought you could or would. I am so glad that I went out and did that even though there were so many reasons to say No. Man, I recommend it; go out and do something with an open mind and you might surprise yourself!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
I went and got out the photo albums that my mom made for me when I graduated from high school. They span from my baby pictures to the seventh grade. I wanted to look through my pictures and see if there was a time when I really started to look more overweight like I do now. I was fortunate enough to have a very healthy childhood and I wanted to know why that changed.
I'm not sure why it changed, but I do remember first being conscious of my weight in the fifth grade. Looking back on those pictures, I still looked like a healthy normal weight kid. I could see the changes started when I was in the seventh grade. This was a time when I was involved in volleyball and soccer. I developed these larger than average muscular thighs that have stayed with me until this day. Over the next five years of eighth and high school, I gained about ten pounds a year, even though I was playing lots of sports and even though the rest of my family was slender. That's still the case; my family is slender and I deal with, well... not being slender. I think fifth grade was the turning point; it started to matter what I weighed; we paid attention to each others' changing bodies. Oh dear, This American Life should have talked about that in their recent episode about the horrors of middle school.
I think the truth of it is that I need to stop this awkward feeling I have about my body. I can change by losing weight and working out; I can change for the better. I don't have to be the same as my family or the other girls from middle school. I can stop comparing myself and start simply SEEING what is going on with my body, as its own entity. When I was in middle school my mother used to always say that I would have an advantage over these other girls when I grew up because I was already having to deal with weight issues in middle school; I was ahead of the learning curve. But really, I think what I was really learning was how to judge myself into a state of emotional distress based on the bodies of other people. I was learning that not every body is beautiful, and honestly, that was something I wouldn't have minded NEVER learning. Hopefully, by recognizing this unhealthy thinking in myself, I slowly (I know it won't happen over night) can see myself in my own way and, if I want, change things because they are good for ME.
I wish the same confidences in all of YOU too, spark people! Thanks for your support!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
i drew a picture of what i want sometime in the near future.
wow. it has been more than a year since i have blogged. in that year, i have lost 5 pounds and gained it all back, gained 4 more pounds, and then went to spain and lost 10 pounds, which i am currently trying to stave off moving back in the other direction! i don't like to show a year in pounds, but it is an important part of my life. when i weigh a lot i don't feel good and it affects other things in my life. sure, the numbers don't matter, but they can sure be motivating.
there was a message post a couple of years ago on sparkpeople that i have never forgotten. it was titled "the cookies just jumped into my mouth!" and that is exactly what happened to me today. i was doing really well on my calorie intake and my water and everything, until after dinner when the double oatmeal cookies were begging me to eat them. it was my tummy against my reasoning, and you know what? my tummy won. oh my tummy! i wish we were more on the same page sometimes... so now that i am sitting here, unmotivated, trying to write some essays, you are hanging over my pants and my whole body is saying "help me, i'm being weighed down my tummy!" but the damage has been done; damage that can only be fixed by starting again tomorrow and learning from my mistakes today.
i want to be healthier! i want to feel the way i felt a month ago and not the way i do now, six pounds heavier! i want to see what it's like to not be the fattest person in my family and to want to like my body enough to actually trust another person to think i'm attractive. mostly, i want to be free. i try not to look at things negatively. i can deal with being the way i am now; i've been doing it my whole adult life. but i want to love my body, not deal with it. i can do this; i will do this; and my tummy will be a lot smaller by the end of this journey, without sucking in!
anyway, tomorrow is a new day everyone and it's beautiful.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
i saw the movie Avatar last night. although the concept of "seeing" someone meaning that you accept them is not new, i still like the idea of how seeing with our minds can lead to understanding. hence the picture of my eye.
my mom and i are training for a half marathon in august. it is really good to get out there with her and have added motivation for setting the time aside to do that. i am doing a lot of manual labor and so feel tires, but going for a walk/run is awesome. it is especially great when you have recently finished reading Galloway's Book of Running because you know all it does for you and the amazing ways in which you can run and not feel pressured to do more than you can handle. seriously, i recommend this book for anyone who has ever thought about maybe doing a little walking/jogging/running because there is a lot in there besides running. he has a great writing style too so you will entertained, at least i was, and although i am easily entertained, believe me and read it.
well, summer is odd because i was just in school two weeks ago, taking finals, and now i am sitting on the couch typing this after a full day of habitual work. i wish i could have a balance between the two but it is pretty interesting going from one to the other quickly and thoroughly. well, i am thinking of all of you and your brave pursuits toward the challenging goal of becoming fitter, healthier, and more pleased with your lives. until next time!
Friday, April 02, 2010
here i am snowboarding over christmas break in tahoe.
i did something very irresponsible yesterday. instead of going to class and finishing a paper that was due at 930 in the morning, i went snowboarding. i hitched a ride with some boys i do not know very well and was gone all day. after renting gear and getting a map, i spent the whole day by myself being free. it was so wonderful to go where i had never gone before and feel totally comfortable in that. i read a quote once that said something on the lines of how real courage and living fully is like starting a race when there is no end in sight or knowing whether their is an end at all. i jumped into these irresponsible actions with the full intention of just breaking free and living beautifully. i recommend this for everyone, although i would try to do it without jeopardizing other things like i did.
the beauty of breaking free is that it is your own. sure, there is peer-pressure, requesting that we do things we are unsure about, making a leap because others have assured us it's safe at the landing pad. still, breaking free can include breaking away from peer-pressure and just doing things because we love to, because the act itself might make our lives better.
another instance of this in my life has been recently with regard to going to religious events. it's such a personal thing that i have decided if people want to judge me for not taking the eucharist then they can go ahead and do it. i will take the host when i want to and i will go to church because it makes me feel good to have organized time to think about god. there are too many important things to think about for us to stay stuck in little boxes. if i want to start running even though my butt is going to be jumping around unattractively, then i can.
not peer-pressure but support is a great thing. a friend of mine and i started running on monday and thursday mornings at 630. we both struggle but it is so beautiful to see the sun rise in the morning and know that WE DID IT. it is so liberating to be out there doing what we need and want to do even though we might not have slept that well the night before or we have so much to do or whatever. i don't do this in all aspects of my life, but it is really cool to stop making excuses and take the plunge. make a schedule if need be, but get going and experience the beauty!
good luck to all of you in breaking free of what is holding you back from doing what is best for you. life is your deal and you can get help or do it alone but either way know who you can be.
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