Friday, October 15, 2010
Are you ever sitting waiting for happiness to find you? WooHoo, happiness, I'm over here! Come and get me is what I think on occasion. Then I stop and think, this is totally absurd. Intellectually I know that in order to be happy, I have to live, laugh and love. I have to act alive and be involved in life. I have to risk being hurt and put myself out there a little. I also have to stop letting people walk all over me. I have to put myself at the top of the list, own my behavior and take care of my needs. All of that can feel really uncomfortable because I'm not used to it. I need to get over that.
How easy it is to give in to old patterns even when they are detrimental to my own mental and physical health. If I make plans and someone else needs something, I let my plans go right out the window in favor of theirs. I've even caught myself feeling resentful when the reverse was the case and do you think the other people changed their plans? You get three guesses here, and the answer isn't yes. The point I'm trying to make is that the fault isn't with them, it's with me. Unless the house is on fire or someone needs to go to the hospital, why am I always sliding my plans for myself down the list?
Why do I always consider everyone else more important than I ? In my case I decided to do a closer study. I actually tracked the pattern of this behavior back to childhood. It started when I was about 3-4 years old believe it or not!!! Shocking as it may seem, my pattern is a very old and established one. During discussions with several of my friends, some of them (not all but some) could track the same type of "training" early into their childhoods. Now the trick is how to undo it. I think this is easier said than done. Since I'm no spring chicken, we're dealing with long established patterns here.
Spark People says to start with baby steps. That sounds good to me. I consulted some professionals in the field for people who want to make changes and they said pretty much the same thing. Small steps, change a little bit at a time. Small changes add up over time. Be patient, don't rush and practice, practice, practice.
So here I am a few steps closer to my goal. Weekday mornings are reserved for me and my exercise, period. If people need me, I'm available after eleven thirty. And you know what? It didn't hurt a bit!
I feel less resentful and more happy. I'm at the top of my list. I'm living, laughing more (not as much as I'd like but I'm getting there) and I'm more loving towards myself (I've always been loving towards others). I'm making progress!
Monday, October 11, 2010
The beautiful Florida weather
The fall colors - so pretty!
Delicious fruits and veggies
Water aerobics class in 85 degree water
Healthy back exercise class that makes me feel better
My hubby and partner in all things
My local Polk County Team - you folks are the best!
Our two fur babies who entertain us and love us unconditionally
My faith that sustains me and gives me chance after chance because I'm far from perfect
Sunday, October 03, 2010
Yesterday, I was blessed with the opportunity to re-connect with a friend who I hadn't seen for about 16 years. She just moved to my state at the end of July and thought she would be located about 45minutes away but in reality it's closer to about 2 hours.
My friend has always been someone who I could tell anything to and she wouldn't judge me and I wouldn't judge her. She has 4 cats (I'm very allergic so I took precautions and had no problems), an artistic streak, an affinity for numbers and finance, a wicked sense of humor and a mind like a steel trap. She also loves water aerobics, working out at the gym, bowling and just being active. Now I remember why we used to be such good friends!
We met through another friend of mine who I taught with when I was still teaching. My teacher friend and I used to take an aerobics class at the YMCA and she invited this woman to join us in our workouts. Since I was into arts and crafts as well as being a math teacher, our minds worked in a similar way and we just clicked. At the time we met, we were all single parents and we used to have BBQs, go dancing, take classes, do crafts, double date, go to the outlet malls, visit museums and galleries, go to the beach, etc. Then I got married and she got a job in a city very far away and we started only writing at Christmas time. We've been friends for the past 22 years but haven't seen each other for the last 16 years.
Out of the blue, this past May, I got a letter from her telling me that she was moving to my area at the end of July. She was building a new home and would be moving from an area up near Canada all the way south. She was very excited about contacting me again as was I! From May all the way through July we really burned up those phone lines and she talked me through a very rough summer. I looked at her as a gift from God - I really needed an old and trusted friend and poof, there she was! What a blessing.
Fast forward to yesterday......
I recognized the voice but she had changed physically. Of course, I'm sure I've changed drastically too after all 16 years have passed. I used to be very slim and now I'm obese. I have to admire the fact that she has kept herself in great shape by working out, eating right (I was always the fanatic about this!) and she finally quit smoking 15 years ago! Yea!
I was a little afraid of seeing her in person because I knew she'd be shocked by my appearance due to my weight. I decided that I wasn't going to let that keep me from a friendship that I had treasured for so long. I am what I am and what I am is a work in progress. I enjoyed my visit and so did she. I realized that she didn't want us to leave when we said we had to go. A little light went on in my head! She enjoys my company for me. She's not going to say, "I'm not going to be friends with her any more because she's gotten so fat." What a relief. I wonder how many other old friends I let drift away because I was ashamed of how fat I had gotten. That bears some thought.
Thursday, September 09, 2010
I've started a new class called The Healthy Back. I've done three classes now and it's apparent to me that I have a lot of work to do on some of my core muscles (not all of them, just certain ones). The really great thing is that my back is starting to feel a little bit better in some places. That is actually saying a lot because it has hurt me for years. This isn't to say that I'm pain free by any stretch of the imagination. As the supporting muscles get stronger, the pain is somehow different for the moment. I've noticed that my posture is much better too. Since I have a progressive disease, I'm hoping that the support of the muscles will at least help to slow down the degeneration a bit. We shall see.....
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